Thank the stars it's not my birthday
Your Birthday Today
Although many wrestle with latent homosexual urges, you're the only one the stars know who likes to oil up beforehand.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
The presence of Mercury in your sign can only mean one thing: The stars have officially run out of euphemisms for discussing your monthly menstruation.
[Okay, now I'm just confused...]
[Here's the best horoscope ever]:
Aries March 21 - April 19
Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping.
Although many wrestle with latent homosexual urges, you're the only one the stars know who likes to oil up beforehand.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
The presence of Mercury in your sign can only mean one thing: The stars have officially run out of euphemisms for discussing your monthly menstruation.
[Okay, now I'm just confused...]
[Here's the best horoscope ever]:
Aries March 21 - April 19
Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping.