Hiatus Re-Watch, Season 1 - 1x03 - Acafellas
Welcome to “Acafellas,” which is apparently an episode about finding your balls guts to be true to your dreams.
Cold open on dinner at the Schuester home, complete with Will's parents. Will is bursting at the seams to say something and announces to his folks (without checking with Terri, obviously) that they're having a baby. YAY! Or, oh god, no. She should just murder him in his sleep and put us all out of our misery.
Will's dad has no particular words of wisdom for his son. Mostly he never lived up to his own dream of going to law school but was stuck in a shitty insurance job forever. Being a man is all about one thing, he says: "guts." Um… I could think of a few other ideas for what it means to be “a man,” but I rather doubt the Schuesters have any interest in my thoughts on the matter.
At Glee rehearsal, Will leads the kids through some grapevines before Rachel stops him and says the choreography sucks. Quinn and Santana have been whispering in her ear about how they need some high-priced choreographer named Dakota Stanley to come and get them some moves or they have no chance at winning.
This leads into more Schuester-confidence destroying, since he never actually performed post-high school. It was his dream, he tells Emma, while she says being a star takes "more guts than talent. Just look at John Stamos." BURN your future husband, Emma. BURN. And by the way, she's just so happy dating Ken, did you know? (Ugh.)
Sandy's back at the school, which seems grossly inappropriate, but he's there to welcome back Henri, the shop teacher who had a problem with cough syrup and table saws. Howard from Sheets N Things arrives with a cake with two thumbs up and Jesus this show is crazy.
Anyways, Will says it's ever so nice to hang with the guys (Ken, Sandy, Howard, and Henri - that’s quite a selection of bros you’ve picked, Schue), and they start talking about how shitty their lives are. But somehow they end up with some spontaneous barbershop quartet action singing to the dude with no thumbs, and Will has an idea.
God help us, they're rehearsing acapella hip hop and coming up with band names. Though when Sandy arrives, Will informs him that they've all voted, and when Sandy is there? It's creepy. Sorry, dudes, you're all creepy. Sandy is just the icing on the cake.
Terri comes out of the bedroom to kick all of their asses out of the apartment, though, and gives Will the come-hither look. He thinks all of this newfound confidence, now that he's formed his own boy band, has made him irresistible to his wife. Or, maybe, she's just desperately trying to become *actually* pregnant. (I want to bleach my brain.)
At school, Rachel tried to apologize to Will for calling him a shitty choreographer, but he's been WAY too busy with Acafellas and has missed six New Directions rehearsals recently. He says she should go ahead and hire the fancy choreographer guy, and he'll just vaguely be around for supervision. Nice.
Most of the Glee kids are disgruntled and going along with Quinn and Santana's suggestion that it's all about winning, so they have to hire this Dakota Stanley guy. Finn is the only one saying that Rachel killed Schuester's confidence and that's why he's not around. OH POOR SCHUESTER. His entire self-confidence is based on what a snooty sixteen-year-old girl thinks of him? Hrmph.
Finn chases Rachel out of the room, wanting to know why she just keeps yelling at him all the time. She says she’s focusing on her career (classic Rachel Berry) and they need to do anything they can to win, end of story. Except also? That kiss in the auditorium? It was real and she can admit it, why can't he?
Quinn and Santana as spies are making Sue mighty happy, sowing the seeds of discontent. Their ploy is to introduce this Dakota guy is because he's insane and will eat those kids for breakfast. Quinn gives it 15 minutes before they start to crack. But now that Schue is sort of out of the way, Sue wants them to start picking off the members one at a time.
Cue Mercedes looking wistful as various couples hold hands and canoodle while walking past her in the hall. Poor lonely diva. Everyone has someone special except her. Kurt is there at his locker, and she asks if he's ever kissed someone. "Just the tender crook of my elbow," he says as he pulls a face, and good lord how many drag queens are actually on his locker collage? Anyways, while he acknowledges that their collective social standing is the bottom of the barrel, he consoles himself with the knowledge that they are better than all of those idiots.
Anyways, he's a doll and takes her arm and offers to go shopping with her after school for a good outfit. As he walks off, Quinn and Santana come to try to make poor Mercedes think she should go out with Kurt, and that he's totally into her. Oh, lord. This is just a painful reminder of my own adventures with underdeveloped gaydar in high school.
Acafellas performance at some kind of dive bar is "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe, and it's so wrong that it cannot stop making me laugh. Sorry, this was my jam in middle school. Anyways, the Acafellas are even selling CDs, how lovely. Schuester Senior is so proud, isn't that nice. And Figgins wants them to perform at a PTA meeting. Big gigs, man. I also think they might have paid a hefty sum for a strangely positive review in the local paper. Sandy wants in, by the way, and he claims that Josh Groban is coming to the PTA meeting at his invitation.
Kurt rolls up in the fanfic-famous Lincoln Navigator, and I want to just pause and be grateful at how everyone's style has evolved. Mercedes is wearing incredibly unflattering sorta-overalls and Kurt is wearing a long, lumpy red cardigan. Of course, the joke being that his dad got him the car when he promised to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stopped at the knee - haha. (The one time they besmirched the good will of one Burt Hummel... hrmph.)
My beloved Kurt is a doll, but I can't get over all of the faces he keeps pulling, even as he compliments Mercedes. Season 1 Kurt is working SO HARD to be superior and aloof and to set himself apart, because he’s clearly terrified underneath it all.
The Unholy Trinity keeps giving Mercedes looks, like "aww yeah, he's so into you!" and encouraging her to flirt a little, while Rachel and Tina look on from behind, knowing perfectly well how badly this is going to end.
They're at Carmel High to spy on Vocal Adrenaline and Dakota Stanley, and two of the girls are already outside puking from heat exhaustion. Vocal Adrenaline performs "Mercy" flawlessly, but the horrible Dakota yells at them anyways. The New Directions kids corner him after rehearsal to ask him to choreograph for them, but FYI it's going to cost THOUSANDS of dollars per number.
Back at McKinley, Will tries to teach Ken to dance while they wait for the rest of the Acafellas. Yeah, turns out Howard is quitting, and Henri couldn't handle the pressure and has to go to rehab after overdosing on cough syrup. While Will tries to post an ad for new singers, Finn comes in to say he wants to quit Glee because it just isn't fun anymore. Plus, all of the guys in football keep calling him gay, so that's not cool. NO HOMO, BRO. Hmm, maybe he can join up with Acafellas.
And in the locker room, Puck offers his services to the group, because not only does he have star power, but he figures there'll be plenty of cougars at the shows. Good call, Puckerman.
Schue tries to teach Finn and Puck to dance, which is mildly amusing, and at least they're all finally smiling.
Rachel and Tina try to stage a mini intervention with Mercedes, before she really starts chasing after Kurt. They're quite clear that he's gay, but Mercedes isn't so sure. ("He wore a CORSET to second period today," Rachel presents as evidence.) Anyways, it's not like there are boys knocking her door down for dates, and she likes Kurt. He's sweet to her, he likes who she is, he understands what it is to be at the bottom of the social pyramid just like her. Oh, darling Mercedes. I want to hug you.
There's a joint Glee Club/Cheerios car wash fundraiser, and god help me, the Cheerios in their bikini tops are actually more appropriately-dressed for washing cars than the Glee kids (Kurt is in a white jacket and bow tie, Mercedes is in red leather). They also appear to mostly be washing their *own* cars, which I'm not sure quite furthers the point of the fundraiser. Whatever.
Anyways, Kurt and Mercedes have plans to go to the sing-along "Sound of Music" when this is all done, and Mercedes wonders if they're just going to make their boyfriend-girlfriend status official. Kurt is momentarily speechless until he says he's in love with someone else. He's gazing towards Finn, but Mercedes sees and assumes Rachel, and Kurt quickly tries to cover it up and say, yes, he's TOTALLY got a thing for Rachel. THAT’S IT EXACTLY.
This leads Mercedes to throw a ROCK through his windshield, which, you know, might be overreacting just a touch, but is an excellent segue for "Bust Your Windows" by Mercedes with backup cheerios in high-heeled sneakers and bikini tops. Is this the first full-on, music-video-esque, crazy-ass dream sequence song we get? Why yes, I believe this is the start of a proud tradition on this show. Regardless, I do love Mercedes, even if this is a little ridiculous.
Back in the choir room, insanely-awful Dakota Stanley is there to tell them they're mostly fat and ugly and that Artie isn't trying hard enough to walk, and so at least half of them are cut. Frankenteen Finn and most of the rest are ready to quit over this nonsense, until Rachel finds her brain and invokes the name of Barbra and the fact that she never caved to pressure and got a nose job. They're always going to be a band of misfits, dammit, but that's what makes them special. (Also, Rachel is *actually* taller than Dakota. That's impressive.)
PTA performance time for the Acafellas, and Sandy comes rushing in to say that Josh Groban, "big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit" is here. He barfed. SPEAKING OF BARF, I forgot they actually sing "I Wanna Sex You Up." Oh my god the grossly inappropriate middle school memories of Color Me Badd, I don't even know where to begin.
But at least Josh Groban is there with his bodyguard to hand a restraining order to Sandy. I love Josh Groban. (He also hits on Will's mom while referring to himself in the third person, GOD BLESS.)
There's actually half a moment of sweetness between Will and Terri after the show, but I'm so not into it I barely have the words... Will has another little chat with his dad, and while performing was fun, teaching is his dream. Yay for that.
Kurt is fiddling with a scarf in his locker when Mercedes comes up to apologize for what she did to his car. Kurt says his dad took it away after discovering his collection of tiaras, and I'm going to do my best to refrain from screaming BURT HUMMEL WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I'll have to get over it. Anyways, Mercedes also wishes Kurt the best with Rachel, but Kurt looks like he's either going to cry or throw up.
"Mercedes, I lied to you. I don't like Rachel. I'm gay." Kurt's voice is shaking and he can barely even finish the entire syllable on "gay."
"Why didn't you just tell me?" she wants to know.
"Because I've never told anyone before."
Mercedes says he shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to be himself, and should totally tell their friends in Glee Club, at least. But for now, even telling the other Glee kids sounds like the scariest thing he could possibly do. "I can't," he says. "I'm just not that confident, I guess."
Oh, sweet, scared, wee baby Kurt. I want to hug you and wipe those tears off of your face. You have no idea just how brave you are, and how amazing you are going to become.
Sue, meanwhile, is highly disappointed in her spies, since the attempts to shred the club into pieces have been quite the opposite of successful. Quinn, for her part, shows the first signs of realizing how horrible Sue is, and the fact that these Glee kids might actually be onto something.
My fondness for this episode is limited by the amount of Schuester-focus. That said, I can remember back before I knew any better and was actually interested in him, and liked this quite a bit. “Standing up for yourself and your dreams” is one of Glee’s biggest ongoing themes, but I guess you can argue that this is the first time it’s explicitly stated.
Other than that, we get a relative minimum of Rachel/Finchel, and mostly focus on Schuester, Sue’s (latest) ploy to undermine and destroy the club, and the ill-fated Kurt/Mercedes would-be one-sided romance. I’ll give you one guess as to which one I liked the most.
Seriously, though, I like Mercedes’s reasoning behind liking Kurt and being blind to the fact that he’s almost definitely gay even if not yet “out.” She’s lonely, yes, and here is a boy who is kind and funny and likes her exactly the way she is. If there was any actual non-platonic chemistry, he’d be a dream date. Poor Mercedes.
And Kurt, I have known you as out-and-proud for so long now, I forgot how terrified you were. Oh, that sweet boy, my heart breaks for him. And great set-up for what happens next time in “Preggers.”
I’m not sure I have much else to say. I’m so very NOT invested in the Will/Terri(/Emma) story this time around, I can barely bring myself not to fast-forward through it all. Alas.
Back soon with “Preggers,” in which we get to meet my favorite TV dad of all time. Yay for Burt Hummel!
Cold open on dinner at the Schuester home, complete with Will's parents. Will is bursting at the seams to say something and announces to his folks (without checking with Terri, obviously) that they're having a baby. YAY! Or, oh god, no. She should just murder him in his sleep and put us all out of our misery.
Will's dad has no particular words of wisdom for his son. Mostly he never lived up to his own dream of going to law school but was stuck in a shitty insurance job forever. Being a man is all about one thing, he says: "guts." Um… I could think of a few other ideas for what it means to be “a man,” but I rather doubt the Schuesters have any interest in my thoughts on the matter.
At Glee rehearsal, Will leads the kids through some grapevines before Rachel stops him and says the choreography sucks. Quinn and Santana have been whispering in her ear about how they need some high-priced choreographer named Dakota Stanley to come and get them some moves or they have no chance at winning.
This leads into more Schuester-confidence destroying, since he never actually performed post-high school. It was his dream, he tells Emma, while she says being a star takes "more guts than talent. Just look at John Stamos." BURN your future husband, Emma. BURN. And by the way, she's just so happy dating Ken, did you know? (Ugh.)
Sandy's back at the school, which seems grossly inappropriate, but he's there to welcome back Henri, the shop teacher who had a problem with cough syrup and table saws. Howard from Sheets N Things arrives with a cake with two thumbs up and Jesus this show is crazy.
Anyways, Will says it's ever so nice to hang with the guys (Ken, Sandy, Howard, and Henri - that’s quite a selection of bros you’ve picked, Schue), and they start talking about how shitty their lives are. But somehow they end up with some spontaneous barbershop quartet action singing to the dude with no thumbs, and Will has an idea.
God help us, they're rehearsing acapella hip hop and coming up with band names. Though when Sandy arrives, Will informs him that they've all voted, and when Sandy is there? It's creepy. Sorry, dudes, you're all creepy. Sandy is just the icing on the cake.
Terri comes out of the bedroom to kick all of their asses out of the apartment, though, and gives Will the come-hither look. He thinks all of this newfound confidence, now that he's formed his own boy band, has made him irresistible to his wife. Or, maybe, she's just desperately trying to become *actually* pregnant. (I want to bleach my brain.)
At school, Rachel tried to apologize to Will for calling him a shitty choreographer, but he's been WAY too busy with Acafellas and has missed six New Directions rehearsals recently. He says she should go ahead and hire the fancy choreographer guy, and he'll just vaguely be around for supervision. Nice.
Most of the Glee kids are disgruntled and going along with Quinn and Santana's suggestion that it's all about winning, so they have to hire this Dakota Stanley guy. Finn is the only one saying that Rachel killed Schuester's confidence and that's why he's not around. OH POOR SCHUESTER. His entire self-confidence is based on what a snooty sixteen-year-old girl thinks of him? Hrmph.
Finn chases Rachel out of the room, wanting to know why she just keeps yelling at him all the time. She says she’s focusing on her career (classic Rachel Berry) and they need to do anything they can to win, end of story. Except also? That kiss in the auditorium? It was real and she can admit it, why can't he?
Quinn and Santana as spies are making Sue mighty happy, sowing the seeds of discontent. Their ploy is to introduce this Dakota guy is because he's insane and will eat those kids for breakfast. Quinn gives it 15 minutes before they start to crack. But now that Schue is sort of out of the way, Sue wants them to start picking off the members one at a time.
Cue Mercedes looking wistful as various couples hold hands and canoodle while walking past her in the hall. Poor lonely diva. Everyone has someone special except her. Kurt is there at his locker, and she asks if he's ever kissed someone. "Just the tender crook of my elbow," he says as he pulls a face, and good lord how many drag queens are actually on his locker collage? Anyways, while he acknowledges that their collective social standing is the bottom of the barrel, he consoles himself with the knowledge that they are better than all of those idiots.
Anyways, he's a doll and takes her arm and offers to go shopping with her after school for a good outfit. As he walks off, Quinn and Santana come to try to make poor Mercedes think she should go out with Kurt, and that he's totally into her. Oh, lord. This is just a painful reminder of my own adventures with underdeveloped gaydar in high school.
Acafellas performance at some kind of dive bar is "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe, and it's so wrong that it cannot stop making me laugh. Sorry, this was my jam in middle school. Anyways, the Acafellas are even selling CDs, how lovely. Schuester Senior is so proud, isn't that nice. And Figgins wants them to perform at a PTA meeting. Big gigs, man. I also think they might have paid a hefty sum for a strangely positive review in the local paper. Sandy wants in, by the way, and he claims that Josh Groban is coming to the PTA meeting at his invitation.
Kurt rolls up in the fanfic-famous Lincoln Navigator, and I want to just pause and be grateful at how everyone's style has evolved. Mercedes is wearing incredibly unflattering sorta-overalls and Kurt is wearing a long, lumpy red cardigan. Of course, the joke being that his dad got him the car when he promised to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stopped at the knee - haha. (The one time they besmirched the good will of one Burt Hummel... hrmph.)
My beloved Kurt is a doll, but I can't get over all of the faces he keeps pulling, even as he compliments Mercedes. Season 1 Kurt is working SO HARD to be superior and aloof and to set himself apart, because he’s clearly terrified underneath it all.
The Unholy Trinity keeps giving Mercedes looks, like "aww yeah, he's so into you!" and encouraging her to flirt a little, while Rachel and Tina look on from behind, knowing perfectly well how badly this is going to end.
They're at Carmel High to spy on Vocal Adrenaline and Dakota Stanley, and two of the girls are already outside puking from heat exhaustion. Vocal Adrenaline performs "Mercy" flawlessly, but the horrible Dakota yells at them anyways. The New Directions kids corner him after rehearsal to ask him to choreograph for them, but FYI it's going to cost THOUSANDS of dollars per number.
Back at McKinley, Will tries to teach Ken to dance while they wait for the rest of the Acafellas. Yeah, turns out Howard is quitting, and Henri couldn't handle the pressure and has to go to rehab after overdosing on cough syrup. While Will tries to post an ad for new singers, Finn comes in to say he wants to quit Glee because it just isn't fun anymore. Plus, all of the guys in football keep calling him gay, so that's not cool. NO HOMO, BRO. Hmm, maybe he can join up with Acafellas.
And in the locker room, Puck offers his services to the group, because not only does he have star power, but he figures there'll be plenty of cougars at the shows. Good call, Puckerman.
Schue tries to teach Finn and Puck to dance, which is mildly amusing, and at least they're all finally smiling.
Rachel and Tina try to stage a mini intervention with Mercedes, before she really starts chasing after Kurt. They're quite clear that he's gay, but Mercedes isn't so sure. ("He wore a CORSET to second period today," Rachel presents as evidence.) Anyways, it's not like there are boys knocking her door down for dates, and she likes Kurt. He's sweet to her, he likes who she is, he understands what it is to be at the bottom of the social pyramid just like her. Oh, darling Mercedes. I want to hug you.
There's a joint Glee Club/Cheerios car wash fundraiser, and god help me, the Cheerios in their bikini tops are actually more appropriately-dressed for washing cars than the Glee kids (Kurt is in a white jacket and bow tie, Mercedes is in red leather). They also appear to mostly be washing their *own* cars, which I'm not sure quite furthers the point of the fundraiser. Whatever.
Anyways, Kurt and Mercedes have plans to go to the sing-along "Sound of Music" when this is all done, and Mercedes wonders if they're just going to make their boyfriend-girlfriend status official. Kurt is momentarily speechless until he says he's in love with someone else. He's gazing towards Finn, but Mercedes sees and assumes Rachel, and Kurt quickly tries to cover it up and say, yes, he's TOTALLY got a thing for Rachel. THAT’S IT EXACTLY.
This leads Mercedes to throw a ROCK through his windshield, which, you know, might be overreacting just a touch, but is an excellent segue for "Bust Your Windows" by Mercedes with backup cheerios in high-heeled sneakers and bikini tops. Is this the first full-on, music-video-esque, crazy-ass dream sequence song we get? Why yes, I believe this is the start of a proud tradition on this show. Regardless, I do love Mercedes, even if this is a little ridiculous.
Back in the choir room, insanely-awful Dakota Stanley is there to tell them they're mostly fat and ugly and that Artie isn't trying hard enough to walk, and so at least half of them are cut. Frankenteen Finn and most of the rest are ready to quit over this nonsense, until Rachel finds her brain and invokes the name of Barbra and the fact that she never caved to pressure and got a nose job. They're always going to be a band of misfits, dammit, but that's what makes them special. (Also, Rachel is *actually* taller than Dakota. That's impressive.)
PTA performance time for the Acafellas, and Sandy comes rushing in to say that Josh Groban, "big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit" is here. He barfed. SPEAKING OF BARF, I forgot they actually sing "I Wanna Sex You Up." Oh my god the grossly inappropriate middle school memories of Color Me Badd, I don't even know where to begin.
But at least Josh Groban is there with his bodyguard to hand a restraining order to Sandy. I love Josh Groban. (He also hits on Will's mom while referring to himself in the third person, GOD BLESS.)
There's actually half a moment of sweetness between Will and Terri after the show, but I'm so not into it I barely have the words... Will has another little chat with his dad, and while performing was fun, teaching is his dream. Yay for that.
Kurt is fiddling with a scarf in his locker when Mercedes comes up to apologize for what she did to his car. Kurt says his dad took it away after discovering his collection of tiaras, and I'm going to do my best to refrain from screaming BURT HUMMEL WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I'll have to get over it. Anyways, Mercedes also wishes Kurt the best with Rachel, but Kurt looks like he's either going to cry or throw up.
"Mercedes, I lied to you. I don't like Rachel. I'm gay." Kurt's voice is shaking and he can barely even finish the entire syllable on "gay."
"Why didn't you just tell me?" she wants to know.
"Because I've never told anyone before."
Mercedes says he shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to be himself, and should totally tell their friends in Glee Club, at least. But for now, even telling the other Glee kids sounds like the scariest thing he could possibly do. "I can't," he says. "I'm just not that confident, I guess."
Oh, sweet, scared, wee baby Kurt. I want to hug you and wipe those tears off of your face. You have no idea just how brave you are, and how amazing you are going to become.
Sue, meanwhile, is highly disappointed in her spies, since the attempts to shred the club into pieces have been quite the opposite of successful. Quinn, for her part, shows the first signs of realizing how horrible Sue is, and the fact that these Glee kids might actually be onto something.
My fondness for this episode is limited by the amount of Schuester-focus. That said, I can remember back before I knew any better and was actually interested in him, and liked this quite a bit. “Standing up for yourself and your dreams” is one of Glee’s biggest ongoing themes, but I guess you can argue that this is the first time it’s explicitly stated.
Other than that, we get a relative minimum of Rachel/Finchel, and mostly focus on Schuester, Sue’s (latest) ploy to undermine and destroy the club, and the ill-fated Kurt/Mercedes would-be one-sided romance. I’ll give you one guess as to which one I liked the most.
Seriously, though, I like Mercedes’s reasoning behind liking Kurt and being blind to the fact that he’s almost definitely gay even if not yet “out.” She’s lonely, yes, and here is a boy who is kind and funny and likes her exactly the way she is. If there was any actual non-platonic chemistry, he’d be a dream date. Poor Mercedes.
And Kurt, I have known you as out-and-proud for so long now, I forgot how terrified you were. Oh, that sweet boy, my heart breaks for him. And great set-up for what happens next time in “Preggers.”
I’m not sure I have much else to say. I’m so very NOT invested in the Will/Terri(/Emma) story this time around, I can barely bring myself not to fast-forward through it all. Alas.
Back soon with “Preggers,” in which we get to meet my favorite TV dad of all time. Yay for Burt Hummel!