Great white sharks nibbling at my ear
I went garage-sale'ing today with my mom. We were looking for furniture for my apartment. I ended up buying a kitschy end table for 5 dollars. I'm going to decopauge it with paperback Harlequin romance novel covers.
In addition to the end table, I purchased a new board game which might be more fun than Heartthrob. I am now the proud owner of...Are You Afraid of the Dark. When I peeked inside the box, the first thing I saw was a Tools card that said "Night vision goggles". That made the game worth 50 cents.
One thing I did pass up was a lovely scaled down model of Death Star and a Star Wars space ship. It would have been the perfect centerpiece.
I asked my therapist the other day how long it would be, given my current rate of progress, before I would be "functional" again- my definition of function varies drastically from that of any qualified professional, but I define it as "walking normally". With or without full muscle recovery. She told me 2 months.
I thought about it for a minute and then told her my opinion: two weeks. I explained that my response differed from hers only because a.) i am still improving daily, exponentially in terms of strength and range of motion and b.) i won't let myself not walk normally by then. It's not an option. I made up my mind. Besides, I have a plane ticket back to Ohio. Endurance and fluid walking is a necessity in an airport. I refuse to use a wheelchair ever again.
I walk normally about 20% of the time as it is right now. Obstacles at this point of the journey are joint related- both my hips burn and pop each time I'm up and walking because i think they're literally dislocated, and my left knee cracks because i think I've hyper extended it so much it's stopped working, too. I'm pretty sure I've fucked my left knee for good. Another problem is that when I am upright for too long, as in relying solely on my back muscles for support and posture, the incision site starts aching like a fucking demon. It has limited my range of motion considerably. Can't wait until that goes away.
Something strange: Already memories of the surgery and rehab are painful for me. Thinking back to the things I went through, the pain, the paralyzation, the fatigue, the desperate thoughts of am I ever going to walk again, it all leaves a sick taste in my mouth. I am so glad that horrible phase is over. It seems like not all that long ago I was bedridden and wondering what it felt like to walk as I stared at two lifeless legs in front of me. Wishing that I could just sit up and walk over to the bathroom. Waiting for something to move. DAMN. The Amorphous Being And/Or Force That Dwells In The Magnetosphere And Prevails Infrequently Over My Well Being (aka....God?) has been good to me. PRAISE 'IM. Celestial Baby.
I am so excited. This is the least amount of pain I have been in for years. I CAN'T WAIT TO RUN AROUND AND FLOP IN THE GRASS AND MAYBE EVEN CARTWHEEL, even though I couldn't do that before the body-deterioration happened. And you know what else? I'm sick of my body. I am so sick of it, and I'm changing it. I've altered my diet, it's been altered for some time (except for that stint in the hospital when I only consumed Mr. Goodbar's and Pepsi), but that wasn't enough because my mobility was so limited before the surgery and now after. Once I get back to a functional, normal level of walking and moving around, I can't wait to see what I will look like.
Hopefully not like Renee Zellweger, because she looks frightfully bad.
In addition to the end table, I purchased a new board game which might be more fun than Heartthrob. I am now the proud owner of...Are You Afraid of the Dark. When I peeked inside the box, the first thing I saw was a Tools card that said "Night vision goggles". That made the game worth 50 cents.
One thing I did pass up was a lovely scaled down model of Death Star and a Star Wars space ship. It would have been the perfect centerpiece.
I asked my therapist the other day how long it would be, given my current rate of progress, before I would be "functional" again- my definition of function varies drastically from that of any qualified professional, but I define it as "walking normally". With or without full muscle recovery. She told me 2 months.
I thought about it for a minute and then told her my opinion: two weeks. I explained that my response differed from hers only because a.) i am still improving daily, exponentially in terms of strength and range of motion and b.) i won't let myself not walk normally by then. It's not an option. I made up my mind. Besides, I have a plane ticket back to Ohio. Endurance and fluid walking is a necessity in an airport. I refuse to use a wheelchair ever again.
I walk normally about 20% of the time as it is right now. Obstacles at this point of the journey are joint related- both my hips burn and pop each time I'm up and walking because i think they're literally dislocated, and my left knee cracks because i think I've hyper extended it so much it's stopped working, too. I'm pretty sure I've fucked my left knee for good. Another problem is that when I am upright for too long, as in relying solely on my back muscles for support and posture, the incision site starts aching like a fucking demon. It has limited my range of motion considerably. Can't wait until that goes away.
Something strange: Already memories of the surgery and rehab are painful for me. Thinking back to the things I went through, the pain, the paralyzation, the fatigue, the desperate thoughts of am I ever going to walk again, it all leaves a sick taste in my mouth. I am so glad that horrible phase is over. It seems like not all that long ago I was bedridden and wondering what it felt like to walk as I stared at two lifeless legs in front of me. Wishing that I could just sit up and walk over to the bathroom. Waiting for something to move. DAMN. The Amorphous Being And/Or Force That Dwells In The Magnetosphere And Prevails Infrequently Over My Well Being (aka....God?) has been good to me. PRAISE 'IM. Celestial Baby.
I am so excited. This is the least amount of pain I have been in for years. I CAN'T WAIT TO RUN AROUND AND FLOP IN THE GRASS AND MAYBE EVEN CARTWHEEL, even though I couldn't do that before the body-deterioration happened. And you know what else? I'm sick of my body. I am so sick of it, and I'm changing it. I've altered my diet, it's been altered for some time (except for that stint in the hospital when I only consumed Mr. Goodbar's and Pepsi), but that wasn't enough because my mobility was so limited before the surgery and now after. Once I get back to a functional, normal level of walking and moving around, I can't wait to see what I will look like.
Hopefully not like Renee Zellweger, because she looks frightfully bad.