"i'm just gonna take a minute and let it ride. i'm just gonna take a minute and let it breeze..."
i think i've made a decision about the living situation. i've been super stressed about this since jeff and i broke up since i'm alone in this crazy city. i started apartment hunting, but i couldn't find anything i liked that was in my price range, then i was going to live with a roommate that didn't work out, so it was back to looking for one bedrooms.
I've looked at all of the websites for renters etc, but everything was super sketchy. toronto has a really bad pest problem right now too, especially with bedbugs and holy shit. i think i'd jump off my balcony if i ended up with bedbugs on top of all the stress in my life. I kept finding things that weren't really any cheaper than where jeff and i are now and they had less amenities. LIke right now all utilities are included in our rent, there is a washer and dryer in the unit along with a dishwasher. the building is quiet and secure, it is near the subway and i feel safe walking around at night. plus there is lots of visitors parking around if people want to come and visit me etc.
after talking about it with my parents, i've decided to stay here. it will be tight. very tight, but I'll make it work, it just means I'll have to do with less entertainmenty things and little luxuries. i'm fortunate enough to have a solid job, in addition to my parents who bless their hearts are willing to play bank of mom and dad for a bit until i get my stuff together.
its almost as if one stress is gone about finding a place to live, but its another now trying to deal with the fact that i need to buy a bed, tv and couch. fortunately, the rest of the things I already have/are staying here with me like all of my kitchen stuff etc. then there is cable and internet to deal with and ugh.
it is going to be a long, long time before i live with someone again. if i ever decide to live with someone before i'm married. which isn't likely. i just don't want to end up in this situation again, because quite frankly it sucks. on the upside i will save money on a gym membership since we have a gym and a pool in the building which is nice. i foresee myself spending a lot of upcoming time there.
i think the first night i spend here alone after jeff has moved out will be spent with a box of wine and another of kleenex. it wont seem real until he is actually moved out and i'm here alone. and i come home alone every night. thats when it is going to hit me. i don't know how to live alone. i've never lived alone before, ever.
i dont have a lot of friends in the city and quite frankly, i'm terrified of being a hermit. i don't make friends easily. i don't know how to even start going about making friends in this big scary city. i just don't want to sit alone at home and wallow. especially on weekends. i'm young. i should be going out and having an amazing time. not worried about being socially isolated and awkward.
sometimes, i guess i just don't want to admit how hard this really is for me. i've done so well and been so brave and put on such a happy face while my life has crumbled around me this past month. its hard to believe its been less than a month. it feels like forever already. my heart just feels really heavy today with the reality setting in.
toronto friends - in the next few upcoming months i'm probably going to be exceptionally needy and everyone should probably buy shares in kleenex and the lcbo because i feel like they may get a spending boost from me. also other friends... i will have a lovely comfy futon... please feel free to visit me. seriously.
i know it can't be, but i just wish it was easier.
I've looked at all of the websites for renters etc, but everything was super sketchy. toronto has a really bad pest problem right now too, especially with bedbugs and holy shit. i think i'd jump off my balcony if i ended up with bedbugs on top of all the stress in my life. I kept finding things that weren't really any cheaper than where jeff and i are now and they had less amenities. LIke right now all utilities are included in our rent, there is a washer and dryer in the unit along with a dishwasher. the building is quiet and secure, it is near the subway and i feel safe walking around at night. plus there is lots of visitors parking around if people want to come and visit me etc.
after talking about it with my parents, i've decided to stay here. it will be tight. very tight, but I'll make it work, it just means I'll have to do with less entertainmenty things and little luxuries. i'm fortunate enough to have a solid job, in addition to my parents who bless their hearts are willing to play bank of mom and dad for a bit until i get my stuff together.
its almost as if one stress is gone about finding a place to live, but its another now trying to deal with the fact that i need to buy a bed, tv and couch. fortunately, the rest of the things I already have/are staying here with me like all of my kitchen stuff etc. then there is cable and internet to deal with and ugh.
it is going to be a long, long time before i live with someone again. if i ever decide to live with someone before i'm married. which isn't likely. i just don't want to end up in this situation again, because quite frankly it sucks. on the upside i will save money on a gym membership since we have a gym and a pool in the building which is nice. i foresee myself spending a lot of upcoming time there.
i think the first night i spend here alone after jeff has moved out will be spent with a box of wine and another of kleenex. it wont seem real until he is actually moved out and i'm here alone. and i come home alone every night. thats when it is going to hit me. i don't know how to live alone. i've never lived alone before, ever.
i dont have a lot of friends in the city and quite frankly, i'm terrified of being a hermit. i don't make friends easily. i don't know how to even start going about making friends in this big scary city. i just don't want to sit alone at home and wallow. especially on weekends. i'm young. i should be going out and having an amazing time. not worried about being socially isolated and awkward.
sometimes, i guess i just don't want to admit how hard this really is for me. i've done so well and been so brave and put on such a happy face while my life has crumbled around me this past month. its hard to believe its been less than a month. it feels like forever already. my heart just feels really heavy today with the reality setting in.
toronto friends - in the next few upcoming months i'm probably going to be exceptionally needy and everyone should probably buy shares in kleenex and the lcbo because i feel like they may get a spending boost from me. also other friends... i will have a lovely comfy futon... please feel free to visit me. seriously.
i know it can't be, but i just wish it was easier.