"this time when kindness falls like rain, it washes her away. and anna begins to change her mind..."
as frightening and daunting as it sounds and seems, starting over is so refreshing and liberating. for the past few years i feel like i've lost myself a little bit. i would do things for other people, not thinking of myself, in a selfish way. i turned myself into someone i wasn't and i think because of that, i am where i am today.
a year ago i almost had it all. i was living in a great condo, had a giant engagement ring on my finger, a man whom i loved dearly and loved me. i was on my way to finishing school and starting a great career, friends and family i loved and i lost it. i'm not sure where i lost it, but somewhere along the way, i kept losing a little sparkle about myself. i stopped taking care of myself, mentally, physically and emotionally.
so now here i am. in a brand new big city, apartment hunting, single. the world is my oyster and while my immediate reaction is "omg wtf i need to be in a relationship right NOW NOW NOW!!" i need to take it slowly. i need to build myself back up and ultimately learn to love myself first.
in the past i would be drowning myself in alcohol and mindless, meaningless sex, but it isn't going to get me anywhere. i can't try and compete with jeff, and i just need to push the thought that he is probably having meanless sex right now out of my mind. it's going to happen. i need to get over it.
i'm only 25. i need to focus on the good in my life and myself. i need to get my shit together and realize that i make my own happiness. it is completely up to me... and that thought scares me more than anything.
a year ago i almost had it all. i was living in a great condo, had a giant engagement ring on my finger, a man whom i loved dearly and loved me. i was on my way to finishing school and starting a great career, friends and family i loved and i lost it. i'm not sure where i lost it, but somewhere along the way, i kept losing a little sparkle about myself. i stopped taking care of myself, mentally, physically and emotionally.
so now here i am. in a brand new big city, apartment hunting, single. the world is my oyster and while my immediate reaction is "omg wtf i need to be in a relationship right NOW NOW NOW!!" i need to take it slowly. i need to build myself back up and ultimately learn to love myself first.
in the past i would be drowning myself in alcohol and mindless, meaningless sex, but it isn't going to get me anywhere. i can't try and compete with jeff, and i just need to push the thought that he is probably having meanless sex right now out of my mind. it's going to happen. i need to get over it.
i'm only 25. i need to focus on the good in my life and myself. i need to get my shit together and realize that i make my own happiness. it is completely up to me... and that thought scares me more than anything.