(no subject)
So i'm slightly terrified now. I asked the agent for some specifics on a hair style. She actually said "blunt bob". Now, all i know about blunt bobs is that it's a style frequently messed up, many seem to think it's a great style, but i don't really like it, and i'm afraid i'll look like susie derkins from Calvin & Hobbes. So, i will go to my trusty hair dresser, tell her what the agent said, tell her my fears, and i know she'll make it work. So, either way, i'm getting my hair chopped off. And anyone who has ever seen my college id (where i have the really short, shapeless haircut, big, dark circles under my eyes and i look about 12?) yeah, you'd understand my qualms.
For fashion advice, she said Pastel twin sweater sets and khakis. I guess they're overshooting the 25-27 year old look a little just to make sure i get there! Yikes!
So, i'm gonna go shopping. Hopefully find some "young mom" outfits that aren't completely shapeless and, well, like how my mom dresses. My mom's clothes are shapeless and drab. I vowed i'd never dress that way. But if that's how i need to look to get work here... Oi. I've got a niec body. I'm not hiding it under frumpy clothes. So there.
Had another snowfall. Cleared our walk last night, but it's a little slick out there. Wonder if the mailman left any notes?
Mom's still being stubborn as ever. She was starting to lean towards a separation, and now she's back on full divorce. She's being so selfish. She makes problems for herself, she makes herself a victim and then expects us all to fall all over her and help her. But then she creates burdens for herself, and when we try to relieve those burdens, she says "no, no, i'm fine! i can handle it!" but she never stops bitching about them! She's just a malcontent. She's never happy unless she has something to whine about. The grass is always gonna be greener on the other side. She sees herself as a martyr and she's not. She's got everything she could ever want, but where's the fun in that? If you have the perfect life, what's there to complain about? Who's gonna feel sorry for you if you have everything?
No wonder i'm screwed up. Meanwhile, dad hasn't slept in a month. He's doing everything to win her back, and she just chooses to see it as he's trying to control her. What the fuck is he supposed to do?
I know what's going to happen. She's going to leave, she's gonna live all on her own. She'll love it at first, but after a while, she'll hate it and she'll be too proud and stubborn to come back. She'll think we don't want her to come back (and feel sorry for herself) even though dad would take her back in a heartbeat (which she chooses to ignore) and she'll find someone new who will not respect her or treat her half as well as dad would, and she'll be back in her regular pattern, except with someone else. Karen will never speak to her again, i have no idea how the boys will react, and i don't think i'll ever talk to her again either. She's insane. And i can't say any of this or she'll think dad's manipulating me. Like i can't think on my own.
All i can say is be careful what you wish for.
When i was little, mom & dad were arguing about something. Probably money. And i prayed so hard, i prayed "dear God, make them stop fighting" And he did. They stopped fighting. In fact, they stopped talking all together. And as i got older, i got sick of everyone treating me like a kid. I prayed again, "please God, why don't they treat me like an adult? I wish they'd treat me like an adult!" And now mom says "You're an adult. You're mature enough to handle this." What infuriates me most of all is how much she expects me to take her side! She just expects me to blandly sit back and say "okay, whatever you want!" And when i resist her, she says "i thought you were open minded!" I'm open-minded, i'm not a hippie! I still think for myself and form opinions based on all the facts, not just the facts that support my own preconceived notions. (At least, i try to)
Insanity does come from your parents, but it's not inherited at birth. It comes along much later.
I wonder if i can form another personality to deal with this crap? Her name will be Julie and she'll come out to deal with all the pain and mental crap, keeping the real me from having to deal with it.
Ah, who am i kidding. I have enough trouble keeping up one personality, much less two.
For fashion advice, she said Pastel twin sweater sets and khakis. I guess they're overshooting the 25-27 year old look a little just to make sure i get there! Yikes!
So, i'm gonna go shopping. Hopefully find some "young mom" outfits that aren't completely shapeless and, well, like how my mom dresses. My mom's clothes are shapeless and drab. I vowed i'd never dress that way. But if that's how i need to look to get work here... Oi. I've got a niec body. I'm not hiding it under frumpy clothes. So there.
Had another snowfall. Cleared our walk last night, but it's a little slick out there. Wonder if the mailman left any notes?
Mom's still being stubborn as ever. She was starting to lean towards a separation, and now she's back on full divorce. She's being so selfish. She makes problems for herself, she makes herself a victim and then expects us all to fall all over her and help her. But then she creates burdens for herself, and when we try to relieve those burdens, she says "no, no, i'm fine! i can handle it!" but she never stops bitching about them! She's just a malcontent. She's never happy unless she has something to whine about. The grass is always gonna be greener on the other side. She sees herself as a martyr and she's not. She's got everything she could ever want, but where's the fun in that? If you have the perfect life, what's there to complain about? Who's gonna feel sorry for you if you have everything?
No wonder i'm screwed up. Meanwhile, dad hasn't slept in a month. He's doing everything to win her back, and she just chooses to see it as he's trying to control her. What the fuck is he supposed to do?
I know what's going to happen. She's going to leave, she's gonna live all on her own. She'll love it at first, but after a while, she'll hate it and she'll be too proud and stubborn to come back. She'll think we don't want her to come back (and feel sorry for herself) even though dad would take her back in a heartbeat (which she chooses to ignore) and she'll find someone new who will not respect her or treat her half as well as dad would, and she'll be back in her regular pattern, except with someone else. Karen will never speak to her again, i have no idea how the boys will react, and i don't think i'll ever talk to her again either. She's insane. And i can't say any of this or she'll think dad's manipulating me. Like i can't think on my own.
All i can say is be careful what you wish for.
When i was little, mom & dad were arguing about something. Probably money. And i prayed so hard, i prayed "dear God, make them stop fighting" And he did. They stopped fighting. In fact, they stopped talking all together. And as i got older, i got sick of everyone treating me like a kid. I prayed again, "please God, why don't they treat me like an adult? I wish they'd treat me like an adult!" And now mom says "You're an adult. You're mature enough to handle this." What infuriates me most of all is how much she expects me to take her side! She just expects me to blandly sit back and say "okay, whatever you want!" And when i resist her, she says "i thought you were open minded!" I'm open-minded, i'm not a hippie! I still think for myself and form opinions based on all the facts, not just the facts that support my own preconceived notions. (At least, i try to)
Insanity does come from your parents, but it's not inherited at birth. It comes along much later.
I wonder if i can form another personality to deal with this crap? Her name will be Julie and she'll come out to deal with all the pain and mental crap, keeping the real me from having to deal with it.
Ah, who am i kidding. I have enough trouble keeping up one personality, much less two.