Stay [2/2]
Title: Stay (sequel to Suppress)
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: R
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: He would wait for as long as it took until Yunho loved him again.
Jaejoong loved the mornings in Yunho’s apartment.
He’d stopped living in his hotel room after the first night, and moved into Yunho’s apartment immediately after. It wasn’t like he had much of anything, so the transition was easy. If Yunho had any complaint though, it was of all the tourist items that Jaejoong cluttered his apartment with.
Jaejoong hummed a tone quietly as he untangled himself from Yunho’s limbs. A smile graced his lips as he heard Yunho’s soft snores disturb the quiet of the room. He went back to the bed and placed a soft kiss at the corner of Yunho’s lips, but as he tried to pull away, Yunho held onto his wrist.
“Come back.” Yunho murmured as he rolled over to the side so that he could look at Jaejoong better. “It’s Sunday.” Yunho opened his eyes and raked his eyes over the t-shirt, his shirt that covered Jaejoong’s body. “You should take that off and join me.”
Jaejoong laughed, impulsively covering his mouth as he did so. He pulled his wrist away from Yunho and walked over to the bathroom, “You promised me that we’d go to Kyoto. You have to take me.”
Yunho’s reply was muffled as he rolled over and lied face down on one of the pillows on the bed.
“After we go, maybe I’ll let you fulfil some dirty fantasy old man fantasy of yours by dressing myself up in a kimono and allowing you to have your way with me.” Jaejoong teased as he prepared to close the door.
Yunho sat up and glared at him, drowsily rubbing sleep off his eyes. “First, I am not a dirty old man, and I never had that fantasy...until now.” He mumbled, “Hurry up or I’ll join you in the shower, and we’ll never leave here.”
Jaejoong laughed and shut the door, locking it just in case Yunho felt particularly mischievous so early in the morning.
He finished his shower quickly, dressed even faster, and happily walked out of the shower. Yunho tried to trap him against a wall, but Jaejoong pushed him away and ignored the advance.
“Go shower!” he chided as he walked out of their bedroom to prepare breakfast.
Jaejoong hummed a tune he’d heard the night before as he cooked, and he smiled at Yunho as he walked out of the bedroom and seated himself on a kitchen stool. He frowned at Jaejoong, but accepted the coffee and kiss Jaejoong gave him.
“Good morning.” Jaejoong greeted as he placed a plate of food down in front of Yunho and made his way back to their bedroom.
“Where are you going?” Yunho called as Jaejoong entered their bedroom once more to look for something.
Jaejoong didn’t turn his head, “I’m looking for my phone. I want a new number.” He replied as he looked through his bag in an effort to find the gadget that he’d left turned off ever since he’d left Seoul.
It took a few minutes, but he found it buried underneath a few souvenirs he’d bought on impulse a few days earlier. Jaejoong hesitated, but turned it on anyway. He had missed calls and texts, but he ignored them as he checked his email.
There were several from his father, but he didn’t open them. The most striking one was the most recent one, dated from the previous day. Jaejoong felt his breath catch in his throat as he read the sender’s name.
It was from Seol.
Overcoming his fear, he checked the message anyway. It was short, yet it sent chills up his spine as he read it.
I’m in Japan. You and I have to meet.
Jaejoong swallowed hard, how did she know where he was? He hadn’t touched the bank account his parents had set up for him, no one knew of the bank account he was using, and he was fairly sure that no one had known of how deep his connection with Yunho been during the time of the interview.
Had he been followed?
It was the only option he could think of because he knew there was no way Yunho would’ve told his parents or Seol where he was. The other man had made it clear that he wanted nothing more to do with the lives of the elite - all he wanted to do was live his own.
Jaejoong gripped his phone tightly and shut it off. He took out the SIM card and considered crushing it, but he instead chose to toss it back inside his bag. Yunho was calling for him, so he pocketed his phone and stood up unsteadily.
His heart was pounding in his chest, and all his previous excitement was lost completely. The idea of his current life being ruined sent chills down his spine and his heart racing.
He felt Yunho’s concerned gaze and realized that he was rooted at the spot outside of the bedroom door. Jaejoong smiled weakly and walked up to Yunho, the movement more of instinct rather than thought.
As soon as he was inches within Yunho’s reach, the other man wrapped his arms around him mutely. Jaejoong rested his head against Yunho’s shoulder, and although the embrace was awkward because he was standing and Yunho was seated, it still brought comfort to his worried heart.
Jaejoong hadn’t said a single word, yet Yunho had somehow understood how he’d felt despite the silence.
It brought ease to his soul, and he wrapped his arms back around Yunho, bringing the other man close to his chest. Jaejoong murmured a lie, a terrible excuse, and he knew Yunho didn’t believe it at all.
It was one of Yunho’s many talents - his ability to see through Jaejoong’s lies and attempts to hide who he really was.
“Baby.”
The word made Jaejoong’s heart flutter, as was the typical reaction when Yunho did anything sweet and romantic. Yunho gently pried Jaejoong off him and cupped his face softly.
Jaejoong hesitantly met Yunho’s gaze, “Can we just go to Kyoto now?” he breathed out, hoping Yunho would let things drop because he didn’t want to ruin everything when everything was just so fucking perfect.
But no, Yunho was always so direct, so unfazed, and he completely ignored the poor attempt at a distraction from Jaejoong.
“She knows I’m in Japan.” Jaejoong breathed out.
Yunho was silent, and Jaejoong continued. “If she knows, it probably means my parents know as well. She asked me to meet her -“
“You won’t meet her.” Yunho said softly before he pressed a kiss against Jaejoong’s lips and pulled away. He left the stool, “You have to eat and as soon as you’re done, we’ll leave for the station.”
Jaejoong felt like he’d ruined their day and he found it difficult to eat, yet he did so anyway. Yunho came back out of the bedroom, and Jaejoong knew that they now shared the burden of knowing that Jaejoong’s past was back to haunt him.
“Yunho -“
Yunho shushed him with another kiss, his hands once more returning to gently cup Jaejoong’s cheeks. “You’re not meeting her...” he said softly, “At least not today.” He muttered before he pulled away.
Jaejoong said nothing and stared down at the food, the guilt and fear he felt completely taking over and erasing the excitement he had felt earlier. He watched as Yunho picked up his apartment key and smiled at him.
Despite the smile, he knew Yunho was worried as well. As Yunho’s hands had rested upon his face, they had been shaking.
o-o-o
As soon as they were in Kyoto, Jaejooong felt like both of their moods improved. Yunho refused to stop touching him and constantly kept their fingers intertwined as they wandered around the city.
The weather was perfect in Jaejoong’s opinion, even though it constantly looked like the sky was on the brink on unleashing a heavy downpour. There was a breeze, and although it was cold, it relaxed him.
They walked together, and Jaejoong made sure to talk enough for the two of them. He commented about everything, laughed at insignificant things, and smiled at Yunho every single moment.
“Look.” Yunho said in a hushed tone as he pulled Jaejoong’s hand to distract him from a man who was selling intricate fans on the street.
Jaejoong frowned at Yunho but turned his attention to where Yunho was pointing.
His eyes were immediately drawn to the woman on the street who stood out amongst the modernized look of the people around her. Her black hair was twisted in a complicated bun, her face was coated in makeup, and her kimono jostled with every one of her small steps.
Jaejoong didn’t realize how awed he was by her until Yunho laughed and placed a kiss behind his ear.
“And you accused me of having a dirty old man fantasy.” Yunho joked before he led Jaejoong back into a slow walk, “You should watch your words next time.”
“She was beautiful.” Jaejoong murmured as they continued to wander around. He looked up at Yunho and laughed, “I’m sorry. Do you want me to call you beautiful too?” he asked as they entered the train together.
“I’m not beautiful.” Yunho replied with a small smile. “I can’t say the same for you though.”
“Don’t be lame.” Jaejoong commented as he laughed, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks anyway. “Where are we going next?” he asked as he once more returned to his excited tourist behaviour.
“You’ll see.”
Jaejoong accepted Yunho’s answer and kept silent throughout the entire duration of the trip to the next place. He knew Yunho was worried as well, so he tried not to show his own fears as they walked around.
All he wanted was to enjoy the day.
He followed Yunho through the shrine they were visiting, and he accepted the paper Yunho handed him. Jaejoong looked down at it and back at Yunho, “What do I do with this?” he asked.
“Write a wish.” Yunho said as he produced pen from his pocket which he handed to Jaejoong.
“Oh.”
Jaejoong turned away from Yunho and wrote his wish down quickly. He handed the wish back to Yunho, and he watched as Yunho wrote whatever it was that he wanted to wish for.
He had a feeling they were wishing for the same thing.
Let us stay together.
They walked over to the closest tree decorated with numerous white knots of paper. Other people went to the tree as well, and Jaejoong glanced at Yunho as Yunho looked for a branch to tie their wishes onto.
“Here.” Yunho pointed to a relatively bare strip of bark, and he quickly tied his wish around it while making sure to leave space for Jaejoong’s wish. Jaejoong followed and tied his next to Yunho.
They stared at the knots of paper for awhile until Jaejoong held Yunho’s hand again and looked up at him.
“Let’s go.”
Yunho glanced back at their wishes, a wistful look falling over his handsome features as he watched the paper get blown by the wind. Jaejoong let out a small sigh and wrapped Yunho in a warm embrace, his face buried into Yunho’s chest.
As expected, Yunho’s arms automatically brought Jaejoong closer.
“I told you I wouldn’t leave unless I left with you.”
“I know.”
Jaejoong looked up at Yunho, “I still mean it.”
“I know.” Yet despite Yunho’s words, Jaejoong could hear the apprehension in Yunho’s voice which matched the fear he felt as well. And he knew nothing he could say could dispel either of their fears, so he only clung tighter and prayed their wishes came true.
It would be much too painful to let go for a second time.
o-o-o
“I just have to drop by quickly, and then we can go back home.” Yunho explained as he handed Jaejoong the SIM card they’d just bought. “I just have to make sure I have the correct article in my computer, and then we’ll be back on our way home.”
Jaejoong nodded as he placed the SIM inside his phone. He looked up at Yunho was looking at him expectantly. “What?”
“Nothing.” Yunho said with a small smile as he brushed aside a few strands of Jaejoong’s hair off his forehead. “You should get a haircut. Your hair’s so long now.”
“I was thinking of dying it actually.” Jaejoong replied as they entered the building where Yunho worked.
Yunho looked back at him and chuckled as he directed Jaejoong to the waiting area for visitors. “What color?” he asked as soon as Jaejoong was seated on one of the toffee colored sofas.
“Blonde.” Jaejoong replied nonchalantly with a smile, “Do you think it’d suit me?”
“I don’t know, but it probably would.” Yunho replied before his phone began to ring loudly. Yunho pulled his phone out of his pocket, “I’m pretty sure that’s my editor. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Jaejoong nodded, and Yunho walked away to where the elevators were. He waited idly for a few minutes before he began to play with his phone. He removed and inserted his SIM card repeatedly for awhile until he grew tired of doing that.
He leaned back into the sofa and shut his eyes for awhile, wondering faintly if Yunho would be done anytime soon.
“Jaejoong.”
He jerked upright and his eyes opened immediately. Jaejoong took in the sight of the woman before him, her beige coat wrapped tightly around her slim frame. His eyes trailed upward, and despite the large black frames that covered most of her face, he knew immediately who it was.
Seol.
“How did you find me?” Jaejoong asked, his voice cold and indifferent as he tried to hide his surprise on his face.
“It wasn’t that hard.” Seol replied as she looked around the lobby. “I’m not leaving until you meet with me privately. It’s best you do so now before your...” she trailed off, but picked up the conversation after a few seconds, “Before Yunho comes back.”
Jaejoong nodded and stood up. He texted Yunho, shut his phone off, and followed Seol out of the building. She led him to a car, and he slid in after her.
She told her driver where to take him and didn’t meet his eyes as the car began to navigate through traffic. There was hardly a sound in the car aside from the faint sound of the air conditioner and the classical music playing in the car.
“What do you want from me?” Jaejoong asked as soon as the car stopped.
“I’ll explain in a few minutes.” Seol answered before she opened her door and left the vehicle.
Jaejoong followed suit and let her lead him to a hotel he vaguely remembered as the one he’d been staying in before he’d met Yunho. He followed her through the lobby and remained silent as they took the elevator. He let her lead him to the bar and sat down with her at one of the tables.
Seol took off her sunglasses and placed them down on the table. She met Jaejoong’s cold gaze and didn’t flinch slightly. “Do you know how hard it was for me to deal with the knowledge that you left me for a man?”
“I’m sorry.” Jaejoong replied, “But I had to -“
“Stay true to yourself?” she asked, her voice clear and sharp. It was not mocking though, so he took it as a serious question and replied as honestly as possible.
“Yes.”
“I see.” She folded her hands daintily atop the bar table and looked at him. “You look healthy I suppose - much happier than when I saw you last.”
“Thank you.” Jaejoong replied, although he hardly felt any effect from her compliment. There was a nagging thought in his mind that she was mocking him, and it wouldn’t go away at all, so he decided to move things on a bit quicker - an effect of Yunho always being so direct all the time.
“How did you find me?”
“Hours after you left me, Jinyoung called.” Seol explained as she met his gaze and held it. “He told me about the photograph you wanted to purchase, and so I asked about it because after all, it was supposed to be placed in the home you and I would live in.”
“And he told you it was Yunho’s?”
“Yes.”
“I assume it was from that point that you realized I wasn’t coming back and that there was something suspicious about my relationship with Yunho.”
“Yes.” Seol signalled a waitress for a glass of champagne before she continued to answer Jaejoong. “It wasn’t that hard to find you after I knew who you were with. I made a call, and I had a private investigator follow Yunho. Days later, he came back with a report that you were seeing Yunho romantically.”
“And did you tell my parents?” Jaejoong asked.
“Of course - you have to understand, I was hurt. You humiliated me. Although your parents were able to shush up the media with money, it still didn’t stop word from spreading amongst our peers. Although you’re free of them at the moment, I am not.” She sighed and shook her head, “I have something to ask...while we were together, did you -“
“No.” Jaejoong replied, “Yunho refused to do anything with me unless I broke off my engagement with you.”
“I see.” Seol fiddled with her hands, “Then it seems like I have less to be hurt over.”
“I’m sorry to have hurt you.”
“Well, your apology cannot do much for me.” Seol commented before she took a sip of her champagne. “I’m here not to scold you for leaving me, but instead, I’m here because I have to return a message as well as something to give back.”
She placed her engagement ring on the table and slid it over to Jaejoong.
“I can’t keep it.”
“I threw mine out of the window of Yunho’s apartment. You can keep it. Do what you want with it.” Jaejoong replied as he eyed the expensive piece of jewellery that rested on the table’s surface.
Seol hardly reacted to his words and placed it back inside her purse, “Your parents are upset with you.”
“I had a feeling.”
“You should consider yourself lucky that they did not ask someone else to bring you back to Seoul.” She said as she placed her hands back onto the table. “You can’t just run away from them - they won’t let you.”
Jaejoong tensed in his seat, “I think I know what the message is. They’re ordering for me to go back home, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
“And if I don’t, they’ll find some way to ruin Yunho’s life.” He clenched his fists tightly on his lap, “Because they’re rich, they have connections, and they want their perfect image to be restored.”
“You need to go back.”
Jaejoong was silent for a few seconds before he stared down at his clenched fists in defeat.
“I know.”
Seol slid something across the table, “This is for you. Your parents bought it.”
Jaejoong stared down at the plane ticket.
“Your flight is scheduled for tomorrow morning.”
o-o-o
The moment Jaejoong stepped inside Yunho’s apartment, he could feel the unease that filled the entire room. He looked around, and he found Yunho smoking in the balcony, freezing in the cold weather.
Jaejoong placed his jacket over Yunho’s shoulders and took the cigarette out of Yunho’s hand. “You don’t smoke, remember?”
“You can’t leave again.” Yunho breathed out as he glanced at Jaejoong, “I’m absolutely certain that you won’t be coming back.”
“You don’t know that.”
Yunho shook his head and looked at Jaejoong properly, “I don’t? They’ll never accept us Jaejoong, and I’m sure they won’t let you come back to me. Don’t disregard their wealth, their influence - you of all people should know what they can do.”
Jaejoong sighed, “Yunho, don’t.” He reached out, and Yunho backed away. “I’m telling you, I’ll be back. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s so hard to.” Yunho replied, “It’s so hard to when everything in my brain is telling me to just let you go while my heart is tearing in two at the thought of you being away from me again.”
Jaejoong was at a loss - once again, he didn’t know how to make things better. He knew Yunho so well from the time they’d spent together. He knew Yunho was a rational person. Yunho accepted facts, and he was less of a dreamer than Jaejoong was.
He accepted reality much easier than Jaejoong ever could. It was with a pained and bitter heart that Jaejoong realized that Yunho had once more accepted that society didn’t approve of them - that just no matter how much they loved each other, things couldn’t work out.
There was no maybe for Yunho - just yes or no, and they both knew that Jaejoong’s parents were most likely going to disapprove of the relationship. While Jaejoong still allowed himself to hope, to think that maybe his parents would give him the approval he so desired - Yunho didn’t feel the same.
“I’m yours.” Jaejoong murmured brokenly as he clung to Yunho in the frigid night air, his hands gripping him tightly, “Please, I won’t ever forget that. No matter what, I’ll find my way back here.”
Yunho gave in to the plea in his voice and kissed Jaejoong passionately, his hands roaming all over Jaejoong’s body and memorizing every contour, every muscle, every single detail that might’ve been considered insignificant back when they were naive and thought they would have the rest of their lives together.
“Don’t forget me.” Yunho murmured against Jaejoong’s skin as he led Jaejoong to the bedroom, “I won’t ever forget you.” He said as his desperation began to show and he began to leave his marks all over Jaejoong’s pale skin.
Jaejoong’s replies were desperate as well, and as Yunho ravaged and ravished his body, he selfishly clung tighter and let out a litany of promises, “I’m yours, and no one else’s, I won’t forget you,” he rambled as Yunho held him closer.
They were so frantic, and so pained as they released their passion through desperate and rushed attempts to remember everything of the other. Jaejoong refused to let go of Yunho as he tried to ingrain every single detail of their actions in his memory so that he would never ever forget.
If this was to be their last time, they were desperate to make sure that it lasted for the rest of their lifetimes and more - that everything would remain a vivid image that would constantly remind them that their time together had been real and was more than just a very realistic dream.
It would remain embedded in their hearts and souls, a reminder that for a moment in their lives, they had truly experienced what it was like to love and be loved.
o-o-o
With unshed tears and a heavy heart, Jaejoong walked out of the elevator and into his parents’ penthouse. Although he was intolerably tired and extremely sore all over, the physical pain was secondary to the emptiness that had returned to his soul.
He’d slipped out of Yunho’s apartment before the latter had woken up in order to prevent an even more painful goodbye. The flight had been smooth, and as he had landed in Seoul, he had only his memories of Yunho to remind himself that it had not been just a dream.
Jaejoong quietly waited for his parents to arrive. He sat down on the sofa and ignored the curious glances from all the household staff - he didn’t even bother to snap at them to leave him alone, all he wanted was for everything to be over.
Time passed, and he stood as soon as he heard two pairs of footsteps approaching.
He turned around and saw his parents at the doorway. Hardly any warm gesture of welcome was made by both parties, and Jaejoong sat back down onto the sofa as soon as his parents were seated in the sofa across from him.
His father studied him, “You’re shameful.” He spat, no love lost between them. “I always thought better of you, but to know that you ran off and abandoned your duty to your family for a man.” He shook his head, “You’re disgusting.”
Jaejoong had expected those words from his father, so he continued to sit mutely and directed his gaze towards her mother, waiting for her reaction. She was silent, but he could feel the disappointment and disgust from her as well - if there was one thing he knew his mother was concerned about, it was image.
The fact that her son had run off to be with a man reviled her, and Jaejoong could see that underneath the impassive facial expression she had on her face.
He knew both of his parents so well that he hadn’t been surprised by their reactions at all.
“I have only one thing to say to you both.” Jaejoong started, “And it’s nothing that will surprise you - I want you to disown me.”
Both his parents glanced at each other, and it was his father that replied.
“And why would we do that? You’re here now, why would we allow you to go back to Japan and continue with your sinful lifestyle? I will not allow you to return to that man and continue to humiliate-“
“If you don’t, I’ll come out publicly. I’ll do an interview with every magazine, with every broadcasting station until everyone knows that your son is a homosexual. And no matter how much money you try to force on them to be quiet, I’m sure they’d rather profit off the humiliation of one of the richest families in South Korea.”
“You wouldn’t -“
Jaejoong replied in a confident tone, although on the inside, he hardly was. “I would. I don’t care if I get rejected in society, if people look at me in disgust - I’d do it for what I have with him. Disown me and leave us alone, and I won’t ever bother you again.”
The older Kim got up and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Jaejoong was left with his mother, and his heart thudded in his chest as he began to hope that maybe, he would be able to go back to Yunho.
Had he won the battle?
His mother stared at him and shook her head, “You disgust me. Leave us. If you want so badly to live in sin and away from our family, do so. I never want to see you again for as long as I live.”
Had those words said in a more normal environment, between family members that had actually loved each other, they would’ve been a devastating blow to any child’s heart.
Instead, Jaejoong found his heart soaring in joy as he left the place that he’d never considered as home.
Home wasn’t anywhere in Seoul.
o-o-o
It was a little more than twelve hours since he’d last seen Yunho, and he was already back in front of the other man’s apartment. Jaejoong’s heart threatened to pound out of his chest as he rang the doorbell and waited for Yunho to open the door.
Impatient, he knocked and rang the doorbell at the same time.
He could hear Yunho cursing on the other side of the door, and as soon as the door opened, Jaejoong felt like he was so happy his heart could burst. His smile was so wide that his cheeks hurt, and tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes.
“I’m home.” Jaejoong whispered.
Yunho quickly embraced him and held him so tightly that Jaejoong couldn’t bring himself to pull away from him at all. He wrapped his arms back around Yunho and as Yunho began to kiss away his tears and murmured continuously about how much he loved Jaejoong, Jaejoong could only choke out his replies, too consumed with emotion.
He was so sure that he could not be happier with anyone else, anywhere else. Jaejoong laughed happily as he managed to rein back his tears so that he could kiss Yunho back and lose himself in the passion of their reunion.
They were finally free to be together, and Jaejoong could not find it within himself to ask for anything more than for the fates to allow him to just be with Yunho, blissfully in love and happy with each other’s company.
All his life he’d looked for something more the one thing that would complete him and bring him the happiness that had always seemed been so elusive. And he’d finally found his happiness. He and Yunho were finally free to be each other’s, and he was finally free to live his life the way he wanted to.
As they kissed once more, Jaejoong smiled - the decision to allow himself to love Yunho had been the right one to make.
And nothing in the world could convince him otherwise.
Author’s Note: This is one of the longest things I have ever written, and I am also really attached to it. I didn’t get as much sleep as I should have lately because I was too busy writing this, and I swear, I’ve never been so dedicated to something I’ve written before. It’s pretty much the product of my love for the movie Lost in Translation and other things, and I made a sort of soundtrack to get myself into the mood for writing this all. Hahaha. If you want to find out what the songs are, feel free to ask. XD I really hope this pleases you all, and I really, really, really hope you all like it. I’m also sorry if the somewhat smut was terrible, it’s the first time I’ve written something like that, so yeah, I’m sorry if it sucks. OTL I’ll be kind of inactive for awhile (in terms of updating, but I’ll still be lurking around LJ!), so I suppose this is a small sort of farewell present? I’ve made a twitter account, so if you want to talk to me or deal with my odd behavior, please do follow me! My name over there is pretty much the same, little_passions. ;) Please do a leave a comment and thank you for reading! ♥
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: R
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: He would wait for as long as it took until Yunho loved him again.
Jaejoong loved the mornings in Yunho’s apartment.
He’d stopped living in his hotel room after the first night, and moved into Yunho’s apartment immediately after. It wasn’t like he had much of anything, so the transition was easy. If Yunho had any complaint though, it was of all the tourist items that Jaejoong cluttered his apartment with.
Jaejoong hummed a tone quietly as he untangled himself from Yunho’s limbs. A smile graced his lips as he heard Yunho’s soft snores disturb the quiet of the room. He went back to the bed and placed a soft kiss at the corner of Yunho’s lips, but as he tried to pull away, Yunho held onto his wrist.
“Come back.” Yunho murmured as he rolled over to the side so that he could look at Jaejoong better. “It’s Sunday.” Yunho opened his eyes and raked his eyes over the t-shirt, his shirt that covered Jaejoong’s body. “You should take that off and join me.”
Jaejoong laughed, impulsively covering his mouth as he did so. He pulled his wrist away from Yunho and walked over to the bathroom, “You promised me that we’d go to Kyoto. You have to take me.”
Yunho’s reply was muffled as he rolled over and lied face down on one of the pillows on the bed.
“After we go, maybe I’ll let you fulfil some dirty fantasy old man fantasy of yours by dressing myself up in a kimono and allowing you to have your way with me.” Jaejoong teased as he prepared to close the door.
Yunho sat up and glared at him, drowsily rubbing sleep off his eyes. “First, I am not a dirty old man, and I never had that fantasy...until now.” He mumbled, “Hurry up or I’ll join you in the shower, and we’ll never leave here.”
Jaejoong laughed and shut the door, locking it just in case Yunho felt particularly mischievous so early in the morning.
He finished his shower quickly, dressed even faster, and happily walked out of the shower. Yunho tried to trap him against a wall, but Jaejoong pushed him away and ignored the advance.
“Go shower!” he chided as he walked out of their bedroom to prepare breakfast.
Jaejoong hummed a tune he’d heard the night before as he cooked, and he smiled at Yunho as he walked out of the bedroom and seated himself on a kitchen stool. He frowned at Jaejoong, but accepted the coffee and kiss Jaejoong gave him.
“Good morning.” Jaejoong greeted as he placed a plate of food down in front of Yunho and made his way back to their bedroom.
“Where are you going?” Yunho called as Jaejoong entered their bedroom once more to look for something.
Jaejoong didn’t turn his head, “I’m looking for my phone. I want a new number.” He replied as he looked through his bag in an effort to find the gadget that he’d left turned off ever since he’d left Seoul.
It took a few minutes, but he found it buried underneath a few souvenirs he’d bought on impulse a few days earlier. Jaejoong hesitated, but turned it on anyway. He had missed calls and texts, but he ignored them as he checked his email.
There were several from his father, but he didn’t open them. The most striking one was the most recent one, dated from the previous day. Jaejoong felt his breath catch in his throat as he read the sender’s name.
It was from Seol.
Overcoming his fear, he checked the message anyway. It was short, yet it sent chills up his spine as he read it.
I’m in Japan. You and I have to meet.
Jaejoong swallowed hard, how did she know where he was? He hadn’t touched the bank account his parents had set up for him, no one knew of the bank account he was using, and he was fairly sure that no one had known of how deep his connection with Yunho been during the time of the interview.
Had he been followed?
It was the only option he could think of because he knew there was no way Yunho would’ve told his parents or Seol where he was. The other man had made it clear that he wanted nothing more to do with the lives of the elite - all he wanted to do was live his own.
Jaejoong gripped his phone tightly and shut it off. He took out the SIM card and considered crushing it, but he instead chose to toss it back inside his bag. Yunho was calling for him, so he pocketed his phone and stood up unsteadily.
His heart was pounding in his chest, and all his previous excitement was lost completely. The idea of his current life being ruined sent chills down his spine and his heart racing.
He felt Yunho’s concerned gaze and realized that he was rooted at the spot outside of the bedroom door. Jaejoong smiled weakly and walked up to Yunho, the movement more of instinct rather than thought.
As soon as he was inches within Yunho’s reach, the other man wrapped his arms around him mutely. Jaejoong rested his head against Yunho’s shoulder, and although the embrace was awkward because he was standing and Yunho was seated, it still brought comfort to his worried heart.
Jaejoong hadn’t said a single word, yet Yunho had somehow understood how he’d felt despite the silence.
It brought ease to his soul, and he wrapped his arms back around Yunho, bringing the other man close to his chest. Jaejoong murmured a lie, a terrible excuse, and he knew Yunho didn’t believe it at all.
It was one of Yunho’s many talents - his ability to see through Jaejoong’s lies and attempts to hide who he really was.
“Baby.”
The word made Jaejoong’s heart flutter, as was the typical reaction when Yunho did anything sweet and romantic. Yunho gently pried Jaejoong off him and cupped his face softly.
Jaejoong hesitantly met Yunho’s gaze, “Can we just go to Kyoto now?” he breathed out, hoping Yunho would let things drop because he didn’t want to ruin everything when everything was just so fucking perfect.
But no, Yunho was always so direct, so unfazed, and he completely ignored the poor attempt at a distraction from Jaejoong.
“She knows I’m in Japan.” Jaejoong breathed out.
Yunho was silent, and Jaejoong continued. “If she knows, it probably means my parents know as well. She asked me to meet her -“
“You won’t meet her.” Yunho said softly before he pressed a kiss against Jaejoong’s lips and pulled away. He left the stool, “You have to eat and as soon as you’re done, we’ll leave for the station.”
Jaejoong felt like he’d ruined their day and he found it difficult to eat, yet he did so anyway. Yunho came back out of the bedroom, and Jaejoong knew that they now shared the burden of knowing that Jaejoong’s past was back to haunt him.
“Yunho -“
Yunho shushed him with another kiss, his hands once more returning to gently cup Jaejoong’s cheeks. “You’re not meeting her...” he said softly, “At least not today.” He muttered before he pulled away.
Jaejoong said nothing and stared down at the food, the guilt and fear he felt completely taking over and erasing the excitement he had felt earlier. He watched as Yunho picked up his apartment key and smiled at him.
Despite the smile, he knew Yunho was worried as well. As Yunho’s hands had rested upon his face, they had been shaking.
o-o-o
As soon as they were in Kyoto, Jaejooong felt like both of their moods improved. Yunho refused to stop touching him and constantly kept their fingers intertwined as they wandered around the city.
The weather was perfect in Jaejoong’s opinion, even though it constantly looked like the sky was on the brink on unleashing a heavy downpour. There was a breeze, and although it was cold, it relaxed him.
They walked together, and Jaejoong made sure to talk enough for the two of them. He commented about everything, laughed at insignificant things, and smiled at Yunho every single moment.
“Look.” Yunho said in a hushed tone as he pulled Jaejoong’s hand to distract him from a man who was selling intricate fans on the street.
Jaejoong frowned at Yunho but turned his attention to where Yunho was pointing.
His eyes were immediately drawn to the woman on the street who stood out amongst the modernized look of the people around her. Her black hair was twisted in a complicated bun, her face was coated in makeup, and her kimono jostled with every one of her small steps.
Jaejoong didn’t realize how awed he was by her until Yunho laughed and placed a kiss behind his ear.
“And you accused me of having a dirty old man fantasy.” Yunho joked before he led Jaejoong back into a slow walk, “You should watch your words next time.”
“She was beautiful.” Jaejoong murmured as they continued to wander around. He looked up at Yunho and laughed, “I’m sorry. Do you want me to call you beautiful too?” he asked as they entered the train together.
“I’m not beautiful.” Yunho replied with a small smile. “I can’t say the same for you though.”
“Don’t be lame.” Jaejoong commented as he laughed, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks anyway. “Where are we going next?” he asked as he once more returned to his excited tourist behaviour.
“You’ll see.”
Jaejoong accepted Yunho’s answer and kept silent throughout the entire duration of the trip to the next place. He knew Yunho was worried as well, so he tried not to show his own fears as they walked around.
All he wanted was to enjoy the day.
He followed Yunho through the shrine they were visiting, and he accepted the paper Yunho handed him. Jaejoong looked down at it and back at Yunho, “What do I do with this?” he asked.
“Write a wish.” Yunho said as he produced pen from his pocket which he handed to Jaejoong.
“Oh.”
Jaejoong turned away from Yunho and wrote his wish down quickly. He handed the wish back to Yunho, and he watched as Yunho wrote whatever it was that he wanted to wish for.
He had a feeling they were wishing for the same thing.
Let us stay together.
They walked over to the closest tree decorated with numerous white knots of paper. Other people went to the tree as well, and Jaejoong glanced at Yunho as Yunho looked for a branch to tie their wishes onto.
“Here.” Yunho pointed to a relatively bare strip of bark, and he quickly tied his wish around it while making sure to leave space for Jaejoong’s wish. Jaejoong followed and tied his next to Yunho.
They stared at the knots of paper for awhile until Jaejoong held Yunho’s hand again and looked up at him.
“Let’s go.”
Yunho glanced back at their wishes, a wistful look falling over his handsome features as he watched the paper get blown by the wind. Jaejoong let out a small sigh and wrapped Yunho in a warm embrace, his face buried into Yunho’s chest.
As expected, Yunho’s arms automatically brought Jaejoong closer.
“I told you I wouldn’t leave unless I left with you.”
“I know.”
Jaejoong looked up at Yunho, “I still mean it.”
“I know.” Yet despite Yunho’s words, Jaejoong could hear the apprehension in Yunho’s voice which matched the fear he felt as well. And he knew nothing he could say could dispel either of their fears, so he only clung tighter and prayed their wishes came true.
It would be much too painful to let go for a second time.
o-o-o
“I just have to drop by quickly, and then we can go back home.” Yunho explained as he handed Jaejoong the SIM card they’d just bought. “I just have to make sure I have the correct article in my computer, and then we’ll be back on our way home.”
Jaejoong nodded as he placed the SIM inside his phone. He looked up at Yunho was looking at him expectantly. “What?”
“Nothing.” Yunho said with a small smile as he brushed aside a few strands of Jaejoong’s hair off his forehead. “You should get a haircut. Your hair’s so long now.”
“I was thinking of dying it actually.” Jaejoong replied as they entered the building where Yunho worked.
Yunho looked back at him and chuckled as he directed Jaejoong to the waiting area for visitors. “What color?” he asked as soon as Jaejoong was seated on one of the toffee colored sofas.
“Blonde.” Jaejoong replied nonchalantly with a smile, “Do you think it’d suit me?”
“I don’t know, but it probably would.” Yunho replied before his phone began to ring loudly. Yunho pulled his phone out of his pocket, “I’m pretty sure that’s my editor. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Jaejoong nodded, and Yunho walked away to where the elevators were. He waited idly for a few minutes before he began to play with his phone. He removed and inserted his SIM card repeatedly for awhile until he grew tired of doing that.
He leaned back into the sofa and shut his eyes for awhile, wondering faintly if Yunho would be done anytime soon.
“Jaejoong.”
He jerked upright and his eyes opened immediately. Jaejoong took in the sight of the woman before him, her beige coat wrapped tightly around her slim frame. His eyes trailed upward, and despite the large black frames that covered most of her face, he knew immediately who it was.
Seol.
“How did you find me?” Jaejoong asked, his voice cold and indifferent as he tried to hide his surprise on his face.
“It wasn’t that hard.” Seol replied as she looked around the lobby. “I’m not leaving until you meet with me privately. It’s best you do so now before your...” she trailed off, but picked up the conversation after a few seconds, “Before Yunho comes back.”
Jaejoong nodded and stood up. He texted Yunho, shut his phone off, and followed Seol out of the building. She led him to a car, and he slid in after her.
She told her driver where to take him and didn’t meet his eyes as the car began to navigate through traffic. There was hardly a sound in the car aside from the faint sound of the air conditioner and the classical music playing in the car.
“What do you want from me?” Jaejoong asked as soon as the car stopped.
“I’ll explain in a few minutes.” Seol answered before she opened her door and left the vehicle.
Jaejoong followed suit and let her lead him to a hotel he vaguely remembered as the one he’d been staying in before he’d met Yunho. He followed her through the lobby and remained silent as they took the elevator. He let her lead him to the bar and sat down with her at one of the tables.
Seol took off her sunglasses and placed them down on the table. She met Jaejoong’s cold gaze and didn’t flinch slightly. “Do you know how hard it was for me to deal with the knowledge that you left me for a man?”
“I’m sorry.” Jaejoong replied, “But I had to -“
“Stay true to yourself?” she asked, her voice clear and sharp. It was not mocking though, so he took it as a serious question and replied as honestly as possible.
“Yes.”
“I see.” She folded her hands daintily atop the bar table and looked at him. “You look healthy I suppose - much happier than when I saw you last.”
“Thank you.” Jaejoong replied, although he hardly felt any effect from her compliment. There was a nagging thought in his mind that she was mocking him, and it wouldn’t go away at all, so he decided to move things on a bit quicker - an effect of Yunho always being so direct all the time.
“How did you find me?”
“Hours after you left me, Jinyoung called.” Seol explained as she met his gaze and held it. “He told me about the photograph you wanted to purchase, and so I asked about it because after all, it was supposed to be placed in the home you and I would live in.”
“And he told you it was Yunho’s?”
“Yes.”
“I assume it was from that point that you realized I wasn’t coming back and that there was something suspicious about my relationship with Yunho.”
“Yes.” Seol signalled a waitress for a glass of champagne before she continued to answer Jaejoong. “It wasn’t that hard to find you after I knew who you were with. I made a call, and I had a private investigator follow Yunho. Days later, he came back with a report that you were seeing Yunho romantically.”
“And did you tell my parents?” Jaejoong asked.
“Of course - you have to understand, I was hurt. You humiliated me. Although your parents were able to shush up the media with money, it still didn’t stop word from spreading amongst our peers. Although you’re free of them at the moment, I am not.” She sighed and shook her head, “I have something to ask...while we were together, did you -“
“No.” Jaejoong replied, “Yunho refused to do anything with me unless I broke off my engagement with you.”
“I see.” Seol fiddled with her hands, “Then it seems like I have less to be hurt over.”
“I’m sorry to have hurt you.”
“Well, your apology cannot do much for me.” Seol commented before she took a sip of her champagne. “I’m here not to scold you for leaving me, but instead, I’m here because I have to return a message as well as something to give back.”
She placed her engagement ring on the table and slid it over to Jaejoong.
“I can’t keep it.”
“I threw mine out of the window of Yunho’s apartment. You can keep it. Do what you want with it.” Jaejoong replied as he eyed the expensive piece of jewellery that rested on the table’s surface.
Seol hardly reacted to his words and placed it back inside her purse, “Your parents are upset with you.”
“I had a feeling.”
“You should consider yourself lucky that they did not ask someone else to bring you back to Seoul.” She said as she placed her hands back onto the table. “You can’t just run away from them - they won’t let you.”
Jaejoong tensed in his seat, “I think I know what the message is. They’re ordering for me to go back home, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
“And if I don’t, they’ll find some way to ruin Yunho’s life.” He clenched his fists tightly on his lap, “Because they’re rich, they have connections, and they want their perfect image to be restored.”
“You need to go back.”
Jaejoong was silent for a few seconds before he stared down at his clenched fists in defeat.
“I know.”
Seol slid something across the table, “This is for you. Your parents bought it.”
Jaejoong stared down at the plane ticket.
“Your flight is scheduled for tomorrow morning.”
o-o-o
The moment Jaejoong stepped inside Yunho’s apartment, he could feel the unease that filled the entire room. He looked around, and he found Yunho smoking in the balcony, freezing in the cold weather.
Jaejoong placed his jacket over Yunho’s shoulders and took the cigarette out of Yunho’s hand. “You don’t smoke, remember?”
“You can’t leave again.” Yunho breathed out as he glanced at Jaejoong, “I’m absolutely certain that you won’t be coming back.”
“You don’t know that.”
Yunho shook his head and looked at Jaejoong properly, “I don’t? They’ll never accept us Jaejoong, and I’m sure they won’t let you come back to me. Don’t disregard their wealth, their influence - you of all people should know what they can do.”
Jaejoong sighed, “Yunho, don’t.” He reached out, and Yunho backed away. “I’m telling you, I’ll be back. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s so hard to.” Yunho replied, “It’s so hard to when everything in my brain is telling me to just let you go while my heart is tearing in two at the thought of you being away from me again.”
Jaejoong was at a loss - once again, he didn’t know how to make things better. He knew Yunho so well from the time they’d spent together. He knew Yunho was a rational person. Yunho accepted facts, and he was less of a dreamer than Jaejoong was.
He accepted reality much easier than Jaejoong ever could. It was with a pained and bitter heart that Jaejoong realized that Yunho had once more accepted that society didn’t approve of them - that just no matter how much they loved each other, things couldn’t work out.
There was no maybe for Yunho - just yes or no, and they both knew that Jaejoong’s parents were most likely going to disapprove of the relationship. While Jaejoong still allowed himself to hope, to think that maybe his parents would give him the approval he so desired - Yunho didn’t feel the same.
“I’m yours.” Jaejoong murmured brokenly as he clung to Yunho in the frigid night air, his hands gripping him tightly, “Please, I won’t ever forget that. No matter what, I’ll find my way back here.”
Yunho gave in to the plea in his voice and kissed Jaejoong passionately, his hands roaming all over Jaejoong’s body and memorizing every contour, every muscle, every single detail that might’ve been considered insignificant back when they were naive and thought they would have the rest of their lives together.
“Don’t forget me.” Yunho murmured against Jaejoong’s skin as he led Jaejoong to the bedroom, “I won’t ever forget you.” He said as his desperation began to show and he began to leave his marks all over Jaejoong’s pale skin.
Jaejoong’s replies were desperate as well, and as Yunho ravaged and ravished his body, he selfishly clung tighter and let out a litany of promises, “I’m yours, and no one else’s, I won’t forget you,” he rambled as Yunho held him closer.
They were so frantic, and so pained as they released their passion through desperate and rushed attempts to remember everything of the other. Jaejoong refused to let go of Yunho as he tried to ingrain every single detail of their actions in his memory so that he would never ever forget.
If this was to be their last time, they were desperate to make sure that it lasted for the rest of their lifetimes and more - that everything would remain a vivid image that would constantly remind them that their time together had been real and was more than just a very realistic dream.
It would remain embedded in their hearts and souls, a reminder that for a moment in their lives, they had truly experienced what it was like to love and be loved.
o-o-o
With unshed tears and a heavy heart, Jaejoong walked out of the elevator and into his parents’ penthouse. Although he was intolerably tired and extremely sore all over, the physical pain was secondary to the emptiness that had returned to his soul.
He’d slipped out of Yunho’s apartment before the latter had woken up in order to prevent an even more painful goodbye. The flight had been smooth, and as he had landed in Seoul, he had only his memories of Yunho to remind himself that it had not been just a dream.
Jaejoong quietly waited for his parents to arrive. He sat down on the sofa and ignored the curious glances from all the household staff - he didn’t even bother to snap at them to leave him alone, all he wanted was for everything to be over.
Time passed, and he stood as soon as he heard two pairs of footsteps approaching.
He turned around and saw his parents at the doorway. Hardly any warm gesture of welcome was made by both parties, and Jaejoong sat back down onto the sofa as soon as his parents were seated in the sofa across from him.
His father studied him, “You’re shameful.” He spat, no love lost between them. “I always thought better of you, but to know that you ran off and abandoned your duty to your family for a man.” He shook his head, “You’re disgusting.”
Jaejoong had expected those words from his father, so he continued to sit mutely and directed his gaze towards her mother, waiting for her reaction. She was silent, but he could feel the disappointment and disgust from her as well - if there was one thing he knew his mother was concerned about, it was image.
The fact that her son had run off to be with a man reviled her, and Jaejoong could see that underneath the impassive facial expression she had on her face.
He knew both of his parents so well that he hadn’t been surprised by their reactions at all.
“I have only one thing to say to you both.” Jaejoong started, “And it’s nothing that will surprise you - I want you to disown me.”
Both his parents glanced at each other, and it was his father that replied.
“And why would we do that? You’re here now, why would we allow you to go back to Japan and continue with your sinful lifestyle? I will not allow you to return to that man and continue to humiliate-“
“If you don’t, I’ll come out publicly. I’ll do an interview with every magazine, with every broadcasting station until everyone knows that your son is a homosexual. And no matter how much money you try to force on them to be quiet, I’m sure they’d rather profit off the humiliation of one of the richest families in South Korea.”
“You wouldn’t -“
Jaejoong replied in a confident tone, although on the inside, he hardly was. “I would. I don’t care if I get rejected in society, if people look at me in disgust - I’d do it for what I have with him. Disown me and leave us alone, and I won’t ever bother you again.”
The older Kim got up and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Jaejoong was left with his mother, and his heart thudded in his chest as he began to hope that maybe, he would be able to go back to Yunho.
Had he won the battle?
His mother stared at him and shook her head, “You disgust me. Leave us. If you want so badly to live in sin and away from our family, do so. I never want to see you again for as long as I live.”
Had those words said in a more normal environment, between family members that had actually loved each other, they would’ve been a devastating blow to any child’s heart.
Instead, Jaejoong found his heart soaring in joy as he left the place that he’d never considered as home.
Home wasn’t anywhere in Seoul.
o-o-o
It was a little more than twelve hours since he’d last seen Yunho, and he was already back in front of the other man’s apartment. Jaejoong’s heart threatened to pound out of his chest as he rang the doorbell and waited for Yunho to open the door.
Impatient, he knocked and rang the doorbell at the same time.
He could hear Yunho cursing on the other side of the door, and as soon as the door opened, Jaejoong felt like he was so happy his heart could burst. His smile was so wide that his cheeks hurt, and tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes.
“I’m home.” Jaejoong whispered.
Yunho quickly embraced him and held him so tightly that Jaejoong couldn’t bring himself to pull away from him at all. He wrapped his arms back around Yunho and as Yunho began to kiss away his tears and murmured continuously about how much he loved Jaejoong, Jaejoong could only choke out his replies, too consumed with emotion.
He was so sure that he could not be happier with anyone else, anywhere else. Jaejoong laughed happily as he managed to rein back his tears so that he could kiss Yunho back and lose himself in the passion of their reunion.
They were finally free to be together, and Jaejoong could not find it within himself to ask for anything more than for the fates to allow him to just be with Yunho, blissfully in love and happy with each other’s company.
All his life he’d looked for something more the one thing that would complete him and bring him the happiness that had always seemed been so elusive. And he’d finally found his happiness. He and Yunho were finally free to be each other’s, and he was finally free to live his life the way he wanted to.
As they kissed once more, Jaejoong smiled - the decision to allow himself to love Yunho had been the right one to make.
And nothing in the world could convince him otherwise.
Author’s Note: This is one of the longest things I have ever written, and I am also really attached to it. I didn’t get as much sleep as I should have lately because I was too busy writing this, and I swear, I’ve never been so dedicated to something I’ve written before. It’s pretty much the product of my love for the movie Lost in Translation and other things, and I made a sort of soundtrack to get myself into the mood for writing this all. Hahaha. If you want to find out what the songs are, feel free to ask. XD I really hope this pleases you all, and I really, really, really hope you all like it. I’m also sorry if the somewhat smut was terrible, it’s the first time I’ve written something like that, so yeah, I’m sorry if it sucks. OTL I’ll be kind of inactive for awhile (in terms of updating, but I’ll still be lurking around LJ!), so I suppose this is a small sort of farewell present? I’ve made a twitter account, so if you want to talk to me or deal with my odd behavior, please do follow me! My name over there is pretty much the same, little_passions. ;) Please do a leave a comment and thank you for reading! ♥