Suppress
Title: Suppress
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: Although controlling his initial dislike for Kim Jaejoong had been hard, denying his new feelings for him was even harder.
“I promise, after you do this article for me, I’ll make sure that you’ll get a better assignment in the future.”
Yunho frowned and flipped through the contents of the folder idly, “You know that I hate these fluff pieces, right? I really don’t want to be asking those stupid questions that have to do with anyone’s romantic life. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s -“
“You won’t have to ask, he’s engaged.” Yoochun replied, “It’s there in the folder. I included the articles about it.”
“What am I supposed to be asking then?” Yunho asked as he picked up the article cut outs and glanced at them, “He’s supposedly media shy, and now he’s going on some sort of publicity junket?”
“It’s just one interview, with us. Come on Yunho, you know this magazine needs to sell issues! I don’t even know how he heard of us, what matters is that he did. It’s a guarantee that people will buy the issue if he’s within the contents.”
“I want to do pieces that’ll mean something - not these high society articles that will only mean something to gossip hungry readers, bored heiresses looking for potential husbands, rich widows looking for someone to latch their claws into. Depth. I want to write something with depth and not a flatter piece on some rich asshole with nothing better to do but to -“
Yoochun held up one hand and used the other to massage his forehead, “Jesus Yunho, I hate it when you get worked up like this.” He chuckled, “I’ll ask someone else to write it then - probably Junsu.”
Yunho leaned back into the chair, the folder in his hands. “He contacted you? It wasn’t the other way around?”
“Yeah. Surprising isn’t it?” Yoochun replied enthusiastically, completely forgetting about Yunho’s initial rejection of the offer. There was just something about the change in the latter’s tone of voice that made him feel like Yunho was considering the offer.
And God damn it, Yunho was a fantastic writer, and there was no way in hell he’d let anyone else write the article about the reclusive rich boy aside from him.
“He looks like someone with an ulterior motive.” Yunho commented as he lifted a picture of the man and placed the rest of the contents back onto the table. “I don’t like him.”
“You don’t even know him Yunho. For someone who likes prattling on and on about depth and the pursuit of the meaning of well...everything, you’re being terribly judgmental about his looks.”
Yunho sighed and placed the photo down. “I really don’t want to write this article Yoochun.” He muttered grudgingly as he ran a hand through his hair irritably. He glanced out the window of Yoochun’s office and admired the view.
“I thought you weren’t going to write the article.” Yoochun replied innocently as he tried to hide the triumphant smile that was forming on his lips. He could feel it - Yunho was giving in.
“You asshole - you know this article’s going to get a lot of publicity, and you know I’ve been looking for some way to break into a level of popularity that will give me better opportunities. Fuck you.”
A triumphant smile spread across Yoochun’s smug face.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t hear what you just said. Did you say yes to my offer?” he asked, milking the opportunity to have Yunho give into him for a change.
Yunho tossed the photograph onto the desk, and it slid across the mahogany of the table before falling onto Yoochun’s lap. “Fuck you.”
Yoochun chuckled and placed the photograph back onto the desk, “Was that a yes in Jung language?”
Yunho groaned and covered his face with his hands. He muttered a muffled answer childishly and refused to look at his best friend of ten years.
“What did you -“
“Fuck you, I said yes okay? I’ll interview him for you and write an article that will catapult me into the greatest heights of journalistic heaven, and as soon as I’m there, I’ll forget about this piece of crap you call a magazine and our friendship.”
“Oh Yunho baby, I love you too. There’s no need to thank me.” Yoochun replied nonchalantly as he fixed the portfolio of information on the interviewee. He placed everything inside the folder and handed it to Yunho, “Study hard, ask the right questions, and make me proud.”
Yunho snatched the folder and strode out of Yoochun’s office, not even bothering to say goodbye to the other man properly.
He needed the publicity that would be sure to follow the article. It would help propel him out of uninteresting articles that barely paid his bills, and he would be then on the straight path to better and more meaningful things.
He would just have to make sure that the person who was absolutely fundamental to his future goals would help him get there.
And that person was Kim Jaejoong.
o-o-o
“He’s late.” Yunho muttered irritably as he checked his watch for the fourteenth time. He was sitting alone in the designated meeting place - a relatively unknown café that he was surprised Kim Jaejoong knew about. He’d been expecting a pricey restaurant or an exclusive hotel bar.
He sighed and called Yoochun, but the other failed to answer. Yunho placed his phone down onto the table and tried to ignore the fact that the girl at the counter had been staring at him for the past hour.
Yunho ran a hand through his hair - this was definitely going how he’d expected it to, and he was not pleased at all. He’d expected a rich asshole that didn’t care for other people’s time, and it seemed like that was what he was getting.
No, things were not going well at all. “I give up, I’ve been -“ Yunho was halfway out of his seat when the café door opened, revealing the newest customer. He immediately sat back down - he was sure that the man was Kim Jaejoong.
There was no mistaking the aura of elegance and luxury that exuded from the man’s choice of clothing - minimalistic and not brand name touting, but Yunho was fairly sure that everything the man wore was indeed brand labelled and collectively more expensive than his usual pay per article.
The man looked around, eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, but he didn’t have to search the rather empty café for long. His gaze immediately found Yunho, and he approached him with casual and unhurried steps that sent Yunho the message that he was not in any way apologetic for his tardiness.
Kim Jaejoong pulled the chair across Yunho and sat down. “I assume you’re the writer.” He spoke, his voice sounding a bit higher and airier than Yunho had expected.
“You assumed correctly.” Yunho replied professionally as he pushed aside his frustration with the other man’s tardiness - there was no point in forcing the man into a meaningless apology. “I’m Jung Yunho.”
He held out his hand for Jaejoong to shake, and the other shook it lightly, dropping his hand after barely five seconds.
“Well, you already know who I am.”
Yunho clenched his teeth in irritation but hid the action behind his coffee mug. He resisted the urge to let out a heavy sigh, and instead placed the mug down as soon as he’d calmed himself down.
“So, how would you like the interviewing process to go?” Yunho asked as he gestured onto the objects on the table. “Would you like for me to ask questions, or would you prefer to start the interview on your own?”
“I don’t know. I don’t do interviews often.” Jaejoong replied as he leaned back into his chair and drummed his fingers on the table idly, “What do you think I should do?”
“I prefer for my interviewee to have more control over the interviewing process. It tends to help him or her in opening up.”
“Is that so?” Jaejoong leaned forward and rested his palm on his hand, “I’d prefer if you took the reins on this one. Ask me questions, and if I’m okay with them, then I’ll open my mouth and answer them.”
“Fine.”
Yunho flipped open his notebook and skimmed the pages for a basic question that would help get things going and ease away the preliminary awkwardness that was present in the beginning of any interview.
“Well?”
“It was said that -“
“I have a question first.”
Yunho tore his eyes off the paper and tried his best to look patient. He unclenched his fist and leaned back into his seat, hoping that he looked more poker faced and less irritated. “What is it?”
“How long is this interview?” Jaejoong asked as he glanced down at his watch, “I think I have to be somewhere in an hour or two, and I want to know around how much time I’ll have to allot for this little activity.”
“It depends on you. If you open up quickly enough, and I manage to extract useful, poignant, and striking material that’s worthy of publishing, then I really don’t think that this will take long at all.” Yunho flipped a page of his notebook, “We could be done within an hour if you’re feeling talkative.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Then it’ll take as long as Yoochun or you allows.” Yunho answered, “If Yoochun’s determined to get the article published soon then I think he’d allow an article filled with trivial and uninteresting information. If you feel like you have nothing more to say, than I would comply with that and create an article out of what you’d already given.”
“What about the photo shoot, are you in charge of that as well?”
Yunho shrugged, “I suppose. It depends if Yoochun’s feeling cheap.”
“I’d prefer if you were the photographer.” Jaejoong commented as he leaned forward and rested his face on his palm. His eyes studied Yunho’s face, “The less people I deal with for this project, the better. I know you do photography. I’ve been at an exhibit that showcased some of your work.”
Yunho tried not to let his surprise show, so he instead cleared his throat and averted his eyes quickly. “Well, I’m surprised. How did you like it?”
“The exhibit was boring, but your work was fine. Good enough.”
Yunho wondered if a thank you was necessary. He watched the other man carefully before he shook his head and reached out to flip open his notebook, “Well, we could proceed with the interview now -“
“I have to leave now -“
“You just got here -“
Jaejoong stood up, “I’m sorry, it’s important.”
Before Yunho could get a word out in protest, Jaejoong had already turned his back and left. He glared at the other man’s back before he slammed his notebook shut and put his things away.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair irritably.
Things were not looking good for him.
o-o-o
Their next location was in the studio.
Yunho crossed his arms as he watched raindrops roll down the large glass windows, and he sighed. He glanced back, where Jaejoong was having make up put on his face and slowly walked over to where the other was.
The makeup artist looked up at him, tearing her eyes away from the beautiful canvas that was Kim Jaejoong’s face. She tilted her head, “Is there something wrong?” she asked, curiously and not at all irritably.
Yunho stared at Jaejoong’s reflection in the mirror, and his breath caught in his throat when the latter’s eyes fluttered open and their gazes connected through their mirrored reflections.
“Is there something wrong?” Jaejoong repeated, his dark eyes remaining focused on their reflections.
Yunho shook his head, “No, nothing’s wrong.” He turned his head to look down at the makeup artist, “I think that’s all you need to put on his face. I’m happy with how he looks.” He studied Jaejoong’s reflection, “You can go as well, no need for any touch ups later on.”
“None?” the woman asked as she put away her brushes and her large quantities of cosmetic products.
“Yes, none.” Yunho replied, “Also, I prefer privacy on set. It helps in the -“
“Interviewing process.” Jaejoong finished as he closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair, “Thank you for doing your job well.”
The woman bowed and left, taking her make up with her.
They were now alone in the studio, and Yunho didn’t know where to start. It was unnerving to have such privacy, and the tension between him and Jaejoong was clearly evident to them both. They didn’t get along, and he had more than a feeling that the other man was mentally judging his every action.
“You think too much.” Jaejoong whispered as his arm brushed against Yunho’s. “Shall we start?”
Yunho turned his head and was surprised by their closeness. He nodded and gestured to the set splayed out before the two of them, “Where do you want to start?”
“You can take the lead.” Jaejoong replied as he walked up to a chair and nudged it with his foot, “I’ll listen to your direction.”
“Sit down, pretend to look disinterested.”
“Don’t I always look that way?” Jaejoong asked, and as the other man chuckled, Yunho couldn’t help but sense a bitterness that was buried underneath the joking tone.
Instead of commenting on it, he chose to say nothing. It was best to let the other man’s personality come out on its own - to comment, to react, to suggest anything would only lead to shutting away aspects of his interviewee’s personality.
If he wanted something good, he needed to let Kim Jaejoong be himself.
“I’ll ask you questions as we do this,” Yunho answered after he’d taken a few test shots of the other man slumped onto a chair, his legs propped up on a wooden table that looked like it’d gone through several years of usage.
Jaejoong tore his eyes away from the outside world and nodded, “Feel free.”
“Your fiancée,” Yunho said carefully after he’d decided that love was one of the best pathways into further revelations. “How did you two meet?”
“She’s the daughter of one of my father’s business partners.” Jaejoong replied, his voice hardly picking up in pace or excitement - it was almost like he was reciting something from a textbook. “We met at a joint business function.”
“Love at first sight?” Yunho asked while he looked at Jaejoong through his camera lens.
“Is that ever true?”
“For some people, yes.”
“Well then, I’m not one of those people. So I’m sorry to say, but no, it wasn’t love at first sight.” Jaejoong replied as he turned around and faced Yunho. “Would you like to take pictures of me from this angle?”
“Just of you sitting down?” Yunho asked as he stepped back from his camera so that he could talk to the other man properly, “If you want -“
“What do you want?”
Yunho sighed, “I want for us to be productive.” He glanced back up at the other man, “I told you before, pose how you want. I don’t care if you end up in some crazy position, but right now, all I’m getting is stiffness from you. It won’t look good on the magazine.”
“I’m like this naturally.” Jaejoong replied as he stretched out his legs and leaned back into the chair, “I wasn’t raised to be loose and free flowing. I’m naturally prickly, stiff and indifferent.”
“Then I suppose the articles about you partying out late during your high school and university years weren’t true then?” Yunho asked as he picked up the tripod and moved it away, “All those pictures of you stumbling drunk out of exclusive clubs were photoshopped?”
A wide smile stretched slowly across the other man’s face, and Yunho couldn’t help but think that it looked quite feral.
“You know about those?” he asked.
“I’m one of the few that remember.” Yunho replied as he took his camera off the tripod so that he could adjust its settings, “I have a good memory. I’m one of the few that remember the Kim Jaejoong that wasn’t publicity shy.”
“Bad publicity always found me back then.”
“Or did you go out looking for it?”
“It went both ways.” Jaejoong laughed, genuinely for a change. He got up off the chair and sat down on the dusty floor of the studio. “I’m surprised you brought it up, that’s rather bold of you. I could stop the interview right here if I wanted.”
Yunho watched him, “Are you going to?”
“No, I won’t. You’re interesting and you’re much better than the others. Let’s keep going.” Jaejoong replied coolly, “Do you want me to talk about those times? I’m sure it’d be nice to remind people of the old me.”
“Go ahead - talk about what you were like then, and it’d be nice if you explained why you acted in such a way.”
Jaejoon nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “I think I was more fun then. I was less restrained, and the only thing on my mind was to experiment with everything before I got locked up in business. I wanted to try everything.”
“And what do you think of yourself now?” Yunho asked as he stopped fiddling with his camera so that he would look at the other man properly. “How do you view yourself now?”
“I think I’m...” Jaejoong bit his lip and looked upward, his eyes focusing on the high ceiling above them. He leaned back and brought his gaze back to Yunho, “I think I’m matured. I don’t know if I’m any nicer, but I know that I’m more controlled now.”
“By others, or by yourself?”
“Both.”
The studio fell into silence as Yunho approached Jaejoong and stopped in front of him. He leaned down, and he vaguely felt like the other man flinched slightly when his fingers brushed against his neck so that he could fix the collar of his shirt.
Their faces were centimetres apart, and Yunho tried to take his mind off the fact that he could feel Jaejoong’s intense gaze on his face. As soon as he pulled away, he ran his eyes over the man’s body to make sure that everything was in order.
“Like what you see?” Jaejoong asked with a smirk, “It wasn’t only drugs and drinks that I experimented with back in the day.” He added in a flirtatious tone.
“Such scandalous things won’t make it into print.” Yunho replied indifferently as he returned to his position. “Although quoting that would be sure to make the issue sell faster, I’d rather not deal with any backlash that may come from your family.”
“It wouldn’t be news to them anyway.” Jaejoong replied with a careless shrug, “I’m sure they’ve thought of every possible sin I could’ve committed during that time. I hardly think anything you publish would faze them.”
There was a lull in conversation after, as Yunho took pictures of Jaejoong. The only sounds that echoed in the room was that of Jaejoong shifting and moving around the studio, his steps reverberating through the room, and the noise of the camera clicking with every shot.
Jaejoong was leaning next to the window when Yunho decided to ask him another question.
“Why did you choose to have your interview with our magazine?” he asked as he moved forward in order to help Jaejoong move into a better position.
The other man was silent for a few seconds before he replied, “Why? Your magazine’s relatively well known isn’t it? It’s just starting out, true, but it has some standing to it. It’s not too unknown.”
“I’m just saying, you’re Kim Jaejoong, you could’ve had an interview with a better known publication with more resources and more connections.”
“More isn’t always better.” Jaejoong replied as he shifted into the new position. He turned his head and locked eyes with Yunho, “Besides, this is going quite well, isn’t it? You don’t seem as angry as you did two days ago.”
“I wasn’t angry.” Yunho muttered as he walked back to his camera, “I don’t think your behaviour during that time was excusable either, you were late, and you left early.”
“I had somewhere to be. I am getting married aren’t I? I have commitments to my wife to be - the future mother of my children. It’s not my fault she thinks I need to be involved in the wedding process.”
“If you had a matter to attend to, you could’ve been specific about it instead of just running off you like you did.” Yunho replied as he took a few shots of Jaejoong in the new position, “I would’ve understood.”
Jaejoong suddenly turned his head, his look captured by Yunho’s camera. He stared at Yunho before he spoke, “I’m sorry then.”
Yunho was taken aback by the surprising apology, and he blinked twice. He shook his head and returned to his camera, “It’s fine.”
Once more, silence returned. It is only after an hour that Yunho decided to speak again. They’ve been at it for three hours, and he had a feeling that Jaejoong wanted the session to just end already.
“We’re done.” He said as he took his camera off the tripod and moved to pack it away. He crossed the room, returned it inside its respective case, and when he turned back around, he was surprised to see Jaejoong still seated on the floor.
His eyes were shut and the way the rainy day light bathed his skin gave him an otherworldly afterglow. He looked like an image of perfection and peace, and Yunho wished he hadn’t packed away his camera so that he could take a picture of him.
Yet, deep down he could feel a certain joy to know that only he had been able to witness such a rare moment - to see Kim Jaejoong so innocent, so unaware, and so unguarded, free of the walls he consistently maintained.
The moment Jaejoong stood up, the look disappeared. He brushed dust off his pants, and when he looked up, he caught Yunho staring.
Instead of smiling, teasing, or smirking, instead he simply stared back.
Yunho averted his gaze first, “When are you next free?” he asked, his eyes downcast onto the floor. When Jaejoong didn’t reply immediately, he looked back up.
“Tomorrow evening.”
“Are you sure?” Yunho asked, “It’s Saturday tomorrow. Are you sure you don’t want to spend that time with your -“
“She’s out of town.”
“Where do you want to meet then?”
“I’ll call you.” Jaejoong replied as his phone began to ring loudly. He walked to one of the tables and picked it up, “I’ll see you tomorrow night.” He said before he answered his call and walked out of the studio.
It was a few minutes later when Yunho returned back to fixing his things. He packed away the materials, fixed the set, and cleaned a little.
An hour later, when the text came, he read through the details - the name of the meeting place, the address, and the time they would meet. He scrolled through the message until he reached the end.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Yunho stared at the last line for minute before he pocketed his phone and made his way to leave the studio, unsure of his feelings toward Kim Jaejoong.
o-o-o
He wasn’t surprised by the extravagance. In fact, he’d been waiting for the moment that Jaejoong would meet him in such a place. Crystalline chandeliers that lit the room aglow, sparkling countertops, expensive liquor - the hotel bar was nothing unusual or splendid to the eyes of the rich and privileged, but to Yunho it was still a beautiful sight.
What was the most beautiful thing however, was the view of Seoul’s skyline.
As he stared through the window, he caught sight of Jaejoong sitting alone at one of the tables closest to the windows, nursing a glass of wine. He tore his gaze away from the view and walked up to him.
“You’re late.” Jaejoong noted playfully with a small quirk of his lips.
Yunho checked his watch, wondering if his long appreciation of the view had been the cause of his tardiness. “I was held up by traffic.” He replied before he took the seat across Jaejoong.
“I see. Do you want anything?” Jaejoong asked, “I’ll pay.”
Yunho shook his head, “I’d prefer to keep a clear mind during -“
“The interview.” Jaejoong drawled before he took a sip of his wine. He placed the glass down and tilted his head, “Any wonderful questions for me this fine evening?” he asked, his fingers idly drumming on the table top.
“Where’s your fiancée?”
“Paris, London, Milan, or New York - one of the four...I think. I can’t remember to be honest. She called me a few minutes ago, but I forgot anyway. As long as she comes back, that’s what matters.”
Yunho raised an eyebrow, “You don’t miss her?” he asked, instead of asking the question which was truly on his mind - why don’t you care?
“I have a bad memory.” Jaejoong replied, “Don’t think I don’t miss her because I do. She’s my other half - I can’t live without her.” He continued, and Yunho was fairly sure that he heard sarcasm.
Jaejoong brought out a pack of cigarettes, “Do you mind if I smoke?”
Yunho shook his head.
He watched as Jaejoong pulled out one of the white sticks and lit it carefully with his lighter. The tip glowed, and after a few deep breaths, Jaejoong offered the box of cigarettes to Yunho, “Do you want one?”
Once again, he shook his head.
“I don’t smoke.”
“Oh.”
Jaejoong pocketed the cigarettes and Yunho waited until the other was ready for him to ask another question. As soon as Jaejoong settled himself, he spoke.
“Do you want to share any of your plans for the future?”
“I’d like to travel.” Jaejoong replied as he toyed with the cigarette in his hand, “Not for business ventures, but for pleasure. I enjoy travelling. It’s like one steps into another world - a feeling akin to what I imagine Alice felt like when she came out of that rabbit hole of hers.”
“I would’ve thought you’ve been everywhere.” Yunho replied as he wrote down what Jaejoong had said, “You have all the resources to go anywhere you want, anytime you want.”
“There are always places still to be discovered.” Jaejoong answered. “The last time I left Korea was for a business trip - I want to go because I want to, not because I have to. Business has taken up a lot of my time lately.”
“Learning the ropes from your father?”
“No, I’m trying to get away from him.” Jaejoong replied, “I’ve been trying to do things on my own. Explore things my father hasn’t thought of - I’m leaning into more creative ventures, and my dad has never been a patron of the arts.”
“I see. Is there any venture that you want to talk about in particular?”
“Well, I’m into art dealing lately.”
“Who are the local artists that you’ve been dealing with?”
“This is boring - may we change topic?” Jaejoong asked before he returned his cigarette to his lips. After he’d exhaled smoke, he shrugged, “I just don’t think your readers would like to hear about my business side.”
“Okay then. We were talking about travelling earlier - where would you like to go, and why?”
“I’d like to discover Japan better because I’ve always only been there for business, I want to see the sights and appreciate it better.” Jaejoong thought for a few seconds before he continued, “Next, I’d like to go to Paris. I’ve never been there before, and I’ve always been enchanted by the idea of going there. I want to see the sights, feel the love in the air, and to fulfil every Parisian tourist cliché.”
“Would you bring your fiancée with you to Paris then?” Yunho asked, seeing it as only a natural question in relation to their current topic of the city of love.
When he looked up, he noticed that Jaejoong was frowning.
“No, I wouldn’t bring her.” He replied curtly.
Yunho didn’t press any further, and he took a mental note to avoid bringing up Jaejoong’s fiancée in the future.
o-o-o
Jaejoong was smoking in Yunho’s apartment a week later, a cigarette in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. He hadn’t said a thing about the chaotic state of Yunho’s apartment from the numerous uncapped bottles, dirty dishes, carelessly strewn about papers, the worn out furniture to the odd art hanging on the walls.
Yunho pretended like he wasn’t nervous, wasn’t feeling the butterflies in his stomach, and wasn’t charmed by the other man. It was stupid - he wasn’t the kind of person to be attracted to the indifference and extravagance that the other man exuded.
Yet here he was, staring at Kim Jaejoong like he was the only thing that mattered in the entire world.
Yunho was fairly sure he could finish the interview from what he had - he’d make a more than decent article from what Jaejoong had already given him. In fact, he’d already sent a part of it to Yoochun, and the other man had been more than pleased with how it sounded so far.
Yunho seemed to be the only one who wasn’t pleased.
He didn’t want things to end - he didn’t want the other man to depart from his life and return back to where he belonged, his life of luxury, glamour and wealth where it wasn’t normal to laze around in front of a television when there were expensive holidays to experience and piles of cash to be spent.
“Yunho?”
Yunho looked up from his notes, “Yes?” he asked.
“I have to go now.”
He nodded and set his notes down onto the coffee table, “I’ll show you the way out.” Yunho replied as he got off his spot on the couch and Jaejoong left his spot on the window sill.
It was unusual for Jaejoong to be so casually dressed, but Yunho didn’t bother to comment on it. The two of them had grown so comfortable around each other, meeting for reasons that weren’t for the interview, in places that were part of their respective lives as they opened up to one another in such a short span of time.
As Yunho walked Jaejoong to the elevator, he realized how badly he didn’t want it all to end. He pressed the down button before he looked at Jaejoong again.
The other man had been staring at him, and it was probably because Yunho had caught him staring that a flustered smile appeared on his face. Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, “I’m sorry.”
Yunho chuckled, “It’s nothing to be sorry about.” He looked away and glanced down the hall, making sure no one else was present.
Jaejoong walked up to him, “We should do this again sometime.”
“We should.” Yunho replied as he turned his head to look at Jaejoong. He smiled as he wondered if the blush that appeared on Jaejoong’s cheeks was real or just imagined by his desperate mind. “I think we made progress today.”
“That’s good.” Jaejoong replied, his gaze concentrated on Yunho’s lips more than on his eyes, but the other man didn’t notice because he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts and miseries.
The bell dinged, signalling the arrival of the elevator.
Yunho reached his arm out and placed it in front of one of the door’s sides in order to ensure the doors wouldn’t shut. He smiled at Jaejoong, “I’ll see you again sometime.”
Jaejoong walked up to him, closer than necessary - or at least, that was what Yunho believed. His cologne flooded Yunho’s senses, and it became so much harder to breathe, to concentrate, to think.
It was like the other man was waiting for something.
Yunho allowed his eyes to trail down to Jaejoong’s lips, tempting and so close but absolutely sinful for him to touch with his own. He tore his eyes away and met Jaejoong’s dark eyes once more.
Was there want there, or was it just his imagination?
“Yunho...”
“What?” Yunho replied, his voice hoarse and strained. He swallowed hard and placed his arms back at his side, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around the shorter man’s figure.
“I -“
Jaejoong’s phone rang, and the moment was over. Yunho was once more reminded of the boundaries, the differences, the wedding - and he took a step back.
“You should go.” He muttered as he withdrew even further.
Don’t look at me, don’t make me feel this way - not when it’s because of you that I’m in this mess in the first place.
Yunho walked away.
o-o-o
The next meeting was dinner in an upscale restaurant that one of Jaejoong’s siblings owned. Yunho was late - his meeting with Yoochun had run on longer than expected, and traffic had been intolerably slow. He’d ditched the taxi and ended up at the restaurant on foot.
After he uttered the name Kim - despite the numerous Kims in South Korea, he was ushered to a private room at the back, far away from the respectable and notable faces from of the Seoul elite.
As soon as he entered the room, his heart clenched so painfully in his chest that he worried that he’d drop down to the floor unconscious.
She was there, with her beautiful smile and beautiful everything - from the designer dress and private school tuition equivalent bag, to the shoes Yunho was sure were worth more than thrice his own.
His gaze shifted over to Jaejoong, accusing and most of all, hurt.
“It’s nice to meet you.” The woman greeted, her voice drifting to him a melodious fashion.
Yunho found himself walking up to them in a daze, and after he’d sat down, she began to speak again.
She held out her hand, “I’m Jaejoong’s fiancée, Seol.”
Yunho reached out and shook her hand politely, “I’m the writer in charge of the interview, Jung -“
His eyes drifted away from her face, to her hand that was daintily draped over Jaejoong’s. He stared at the large diamond on her finger - a reminder of his stupidity and his foolishness.
He felt the couple’s eyes on his face, and he smiled apologetically, “Jung Yunho.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Seol turned to Jaejoong and smiled brightly, “You didn’t tell me such a handsome man was interviewing you. I would’ve shown up to all the past interviews if you’d told me before.”
Yunho forced himself to laugh despite the pain in his chest. He took a sip of his water and once more, he found his eyes drifting over to Jaejoong.
Why did I fall in love with you?
Jaejoong’s eyes met his, and Yunho couldn’t bring himself to avert his eyes. They stared at each other, and it was like everything else diminished - like they were the only ones in the room, and it was just the two of them having dinner together.
Unfortunately, Yunho knew better than to allow himself to hold Jaejoong’s gaze for much longer.
He averted his eyes and smiled apologetically, but Seol didn’t notice that since she was too enraptured with her conversation with a person Yunho assumed was most likely her wedding planner.
Yunho took another sip of his water.
“I’m sorry.”
He glanced in Jaejoong’s direction, and the man’s focus was entirely on him. Jaejoong’s face was serious and his gaze was unwavering.
Seol put her hand over the receiver of her phone, “What did you say honey?” she asked curiously, a slight furrow on her delicate brow.
“Nothing.” Jaejoong replied as he took his glass of wine off the table and brought it to his lips, his eyes focused on Yunho the entire time. “Nothing, nothing at all.”
Realization hit Yunho, and he gripped the stem of his glass tightly, barely registering the fact that it felt like it would crack at any second due to his tight grip.
Nothing. They would amount to nothing, and for that, Kim Jaejoong was sorry.
As dinner continued, and Jaejoong’s fiancée remained completely unaware of the tension between the two men in the room. She chattered on, and Yunho responded with every appropriate and expected reaction.
She was polite, slightly airheaded, but nice. She carried most of the conversation, handling the dinner well on her own despite Jaejoong’s silence. In fact, she was so nice that he could’ve befriended her had the situation been different.
So out of respect for her, for the rest of the evening he pretended like he wasn’t in love with her fiancé.
o-o-o
Yunho called Jaejoong the next evening, and the other man answered after three rings.
“Yunho, I’m -“
“I don’t need to see you anymore.” Yunho interrupted quickly as he leaned back into his sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I finished the article.”
“I see.” Jaejoong said quietly, “I won’t be seeing you again then?” he asked, “Not even to talk about the article? There might be something I need to -“
“It can be done over the phone.”
“I want to see you.”
“You can’t.” Yunho replied, “We shouldn’t see each other.”
“I’m coming over.”
“Don’t -“
Jaejoong hung up on him.
o-o-o
The doorbell rang, and Yunho answered the door quickly. He swung the door open and let Jaejoong enter. As soon as the other man was inside, he shut the door and leaned against it.
“What do you want from me?” he asked, “I think you were clear last night.”
“This is fucked up.”
“I know it is.” Yunho replied as he crossed his arms and watched Jaejoong carefully from his spot by the door, unmoving and absolutely still. “You’re getting married, yet here you are in the middle of the night.”
“Yunho -“ Jaejoong’s face looked pained, and he took a step closer. His walls were down, and he stared at Yunho with his fear displayed on his face. “Please, don’t...don’t talk about her.”
“I think we’ve not talked about her for too long.” Yunho left the door and walked up to Jaejoong. He shook his head, “Jaejoong, go home.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” Yunho replied as he shut his eyes and turned away from Jaejoong so that he could hide his pain. “But get out. We’re not doing this.”
“Yunho -“
Yunho turned around and he faced Jaejoong. His eyes met Jaejoong’s before he eventually lowered his gaze to Jaejoong’s lips. He shook his head and smiled bitterly at the handsome man, “What are you waiting for?”
“What?”
“Why are you always waiting for me to do something?”
“I don’t understand.”
Yunho took hold of Jaejoong’s cheeks, his thumbs slowly brushing against the other man’s defined cheekbones. He brought his face close to Jaejoong’s face, so close that their noses brushed against each other and their lips were barely a centimetre apart.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and Yunho waited.
A tense minute passed, and he pulled away. “You don’t want this.” Yunho muttered as he walked away. He turned his head to see Jaejoong blinking in confusion, his brow furrowed. “You’re just scared, and I’m too desperate.”
“How do you know what I want?” Jaejoong asked as he walked up to Yunho and grabbed the fabric of his shirt, his voice was shaking, “How do you know that I don’t love you too?”
Love? Yunho took hold of Jaejoong’s quivering fists, “Because you’re still wearing your wedding ring.” He replied as he pulled Jaejoong’s hands off his shirt, “You don’t know what you want, and you think I’m going to give you the answer.”
Their bodies fit so well together, melding perfectly together in their pained embrace.
Yunho stepped back as his heart clenched tightly in his chest, “You’re so used to routine, and the idea of me exhilarates you because I don’t fit in with your world. Please, Jaejoong, if you...if you like me at all, you’ll leave.”
“We could...”
Yunho shook his head, “What? Run away?” he smiled bitterly, “Jaejoong, no. I won’t allow you to run away from what you’ve set for yourself and what others have set for you. You need to go.”
Jaejoong took a step closer, and once again, Yunho took a step back. He shook his head and turned away from Jaejoong, “I won’t do this. I have morals, and you have a fiancée Jaejoong. If you won’t...” he shut his eyes, “Just go.”
He didn’t want to ask Jaejoong to leave his fiancée, he didn’t want to ask him to stay, despite how much he wanted to plead with Jaejoong for them to run away together and leave everything behind.
He couldn’t do that because it wasn’t right. Their lives were not some romance novel where everything would turn out fine - too many lives were entangled in their chaotic web of affairs.
He had to let Jaejoong go.
Yunho waited, and as the door shut quietly, he began to look for his phone. He found it on a coffee table, next to notes from his interview with Jaejoong, and immediately dialled a number.
He sat down on his couch, his face falling into his hands as he waited for the other person to answer.
“Yunho, you do know what time it is right?”
“I know, but I have something important to talk to you about.” Yunho explained as he glanced at his clock, “I’ve been offered a position at another publication, some magazine in Tokyo heard about me apparently.”
“Oh, so are you taking it?”
Yunho’s eyes landed onto the notes on his table.
“Yes, I’m taking it.”
o-o-o
As far as Yunho was concerned, his departure to Tokyo couldn’t be considered as running away from whatever he’d had with Jaejoong.
They were over - whatever they had, it was done.
He’d waited a week and allowed his inner optimist to hope that Jaejoong would return to his door, free of his engagement ring and ready for them to leave Seoul together. Unfortunately, that hope had gone to waste.
Jaejoong wasn’t going to end his wedding - in fact, the television screen in front of Yunho reminded him of it. A news station was covering the upcoming nuptials, and it rubbed salt on his fresh wounds.
A clear voice resounded over the intercom, telling passengers that boarding for the rest of passengers was now starting.
Yunho got up from his seat and began to make his way to the long line that had already started. He walked slowly as he imagined the idea of Jaejoong running all the way to airport just to stop him from leaving.
He risked a glance back and only gained disappointment.
Jaejoong wasn’t coming.
Yunho passed the pretty stewardesses who were overly accommodating to him and found his way to his seat easily without their help. He put his luggage in the overhead compartment and sat down next to the window.
His seatmate, an elderly woman, smiled at him and sat down. She put down her tray and placed her magazine on top of it.
Yunho glanced at the magazine and after reading the title of the magazine article, he smiled bitterly.
A Stolen Moment with Kim Jaejoong
The past month had been a stolen moment that had allowed their lives to intertwine despite their numerous differences, and it would be a moment he would remember forever.
Author’s Note: So...angst. This is the angst I’d been talking about in my last author’s note - I was working on this before I finished the most recent chapter of A Learning Process. It took me forever to write the summary for this story, more than an hour. Summary writing is so hard for me, and I really don’t know why. I have to improve on that. Also, I don’t know if Jaejoong’s that likable here, so please tell me if he is? I wanted to end this on a happier note, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I ended it here. If enough people ask for a sequel though, I’d be willing to write one since I really hate leaving things on such an unhappy note. If I ever write a sequel, it’s most likely going to be in Jaejoong’s POV. Also, I’m going to get started on writing the next chapters for Distance and A Learning Process, as well as finish editing the next chapter of For You. If I’m inspired enough, then all three will be updated this week. If not, only one. Anyway, please do leave a comment for this story. They’re greatly appreciated and loved, and I really want to know about what you all think of this. Thank you for reading! ♥
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: Although controlling his initial dislike for Kim Jaejoong had been hard, denying his new feelings for him was even harder.
“I promise, after you do this article for me, I’ll make sure that you’ll get a better assignment in the future.”
Yunho frowned and flipped through the contents of the folder idly, “You know that I hate these fluff pieces, right? I really don’t want to be asking those stupid questions that have to do with anyone’s romantic life. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s -“
“You won’t have to ask, he’s engaged.” Yoochun replied, “It’s there in the folder. I included the articles about it.”
“What am I supposed to be asking then?” Yunho asked as he picked up the article cut outs and glanced at them, “He’s supposedly media shy, and now he’s going on some sort of publicity junket?”
“It’s just one interview, with us. Come on Yunho, you know this magazine needs to sell issues! I don’t even know how he heard of us, what matters is that he did. It’s a guarantee that people will buy the issue if he’s within the contents.”
“I want to do pieces that’ll mean something - not these high society articles that will only mean something to gossip hungry readers, bored heiresses looking for potential husbands, rich widows looking for someone to latch their claws into. Depth. I want to write something with depth and not a flatter piece on some rich asshole with nothing better to do but to -“
Yoochun held up one hand and used the other to massage his forehead, “Jesus Yunho, I hate it when you get worked up like this.” He chuckled, “I’ll ask someone else to write it then - probably Junsu.”
Yunho leaned back into the chair, the folder in his hands. “He contacted you? It wasn’t the other way around?”
“Yeah. Surprising isn’t it?” Yoochun replied enthusiastically, completely forgetting about Yunho’s initial rejection of the offer. There was just something about the change in the latter’s tone of voice that made him feel like Yunho was considering the offer.
And God damn it, Yunho was a fantastic writer, and there was no way in hell he’d let anyone else write the article about the reclusive rich boy aside from him.
“He looks like someone with an ulterior motive.” Yunho commented as he lifted a picture of the man and placed the rest of the contents back onto the table. “I don’t like him.”
“You don’t even know him Yunho. For someone who likes prattling on and on about depth and the pursuit of the meaning of well...everything, you’re being terribly judgmental about his looks.”
Yunho sighed and placed the photo down. “I really don’t want to write this article Yoochun.” He muttered grudgingly as he ran a hand through his hair irritably. He glanced out the window of Yoochun’s office and admired the view.
“I thought you weren’t going to write the article.” Yoochun replied innocently as he tried to hide the triumphant smile that was forming on his lips. He could feel it - Yunho was giving in.
“You asshole - you know this article’s going to get a lot of publicity, and you know I’ve been looking for some way to break into a level of popularity that will give me better opportunities. Fuck you.”
A triumphant smile spread across Yoochun’s smug face.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t hear what you just said. Did you say yes to my offer?” he asked, milking the opportunity to have Yunho give into him for a change.
Yunho tossed the photograph onto the desk, and it slid across the mahogany of the table before falling onto Yoochun’s lap. “Fuck you.”
Yoochun chuckled and placed the photograph back onto the desk, “Was that a yes in Jung language?”
Yunho groaned and covered his face with his hands. He muttered a muffled answer childishly and refused to look at his best friend of ten years.
“What did you -“
“Fuck you, I said yes okay? I’ll interview him for you and write an article that will catapult me into the greatest heights of journalistic heaven, and as soon as I’m there, I’ll forget about this piece of crap you call a magazine and our friendship.”
“Oh Yunho baby, I love you too. There’s no need to thank me.” Yoochun replied nonchalantly as he fixed the portfolio of information on the interviewee. He placed everything inside the folder and handed it to Yunho, “Study hard, ask the right questions, and make me proud.”
Yunho snatched the folder and strode out of Yoochun’s office, not even bothering to say goodbye to the other man properly.
He needed the publicity that would be sure to follow the article. It would help propel him out of uninteresting articles that barely paid his bills, and he would be then on the straight path to better and more meaningful things.
He would just have to make sure that the person who was absolutely fundamental to his future goals would help him get there.
And that person was Kim Jaejoong.
o-o-o
“He’s late.” Yunho muttered irritably as he checked his watch for the fourteenth time. He was sitting alone in the designated meeting place - a relatively unknown café that he was surprised Kim Jaejoong knew about. He’d been expecting a pricey restaurant or an exclusive hotel bar.
He sighed and called Yoochun, but the other failed to answer. Yunho placed his phone down onto the table and tried to ignore the fact that the girl at the counter had been staring at him for the past hour.
Yunho ran a hand through his hair - this was definitely going how he’d expected it to, and he was not pleased at all. He’d expected a rich asshole that didn’t care for other people’s time, and it seemed like that was what he was getting.
No, things were not going well at all. “I give up, I’ve been -“ Yunho was halfway out of his seat when the café door opened, revealing the newest customer. He immediately sat back down - he was sure that the man was Kim Jaejoong.
There was no mistaking the aura of elegance and luxury that exuded from the man’s choice of clothing - minimalistic and not brand name touting, but Yunho was fairly sure that everything the man wore was indeed brand labelled and collectively more expensive than his usual pay per article.
The man looked around, eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, but he didn’t have to search the rather empty café for long. His gaze immediately found Yunho, and he approached him with casual and unhurried steps that sent Yunho the message that he was not in any way apologetic for his tardiness.
Kim Jaejoong pulled the chair across Yunho and sat down. “I assume you’re the writer.” He spoke, his voice sounding a bit higher and airier than Yunho had expected.
“You assumed correctly.” Yunho replied professionally as he pushed aside his frustration with the other man’s tardiness - there was no point in forcing the man into a meaningless apology. “I’m Jung Yunho.”
He held out his hand for Jaejoong to shake, and the other shook it lightly, dropping his hand after barely five seconds.
“Well, you already know who I am.”
Yunho clenched his teeth in irritation but hid the action behind his coffee mug. He resisted the urge to let out a heavy sigh, and instead placed the mug down as soon as he’d calmed himself down.
“So, how would you like the interviewing process to go?” Yunho asked as he gestured onto the objects on the table. “Would you like for me to ask questions, or would you prefer to start the interview on your own?”
“I don’t know. I don’t do interviews often.” Jaejoong replied as he leaned back into his chair and drummed his fingers on the table idly, “What do you think I should do?”
“I prefer for my interviewee to have more control over the interviewing process. It tends to help him or her in opening up.”
“Is that so?” Jaejoong leaned forward and rested his palm on his hand, “I’d prefer if you took the reins on this one. Ask me questions, and if I’m okay with them, then I’ll open my mouth and answer them.”
“Fine.”
Yunho flipped open his notebook and skimmed the pages for a basic question that would help get things going and ease away the preliminary awkwardness that was present in the beginning of any interview.
“Well?”
“It was said that -“
“I have a question first.”
Yunho tore his eyes off the paper and tried his best to look patient. He unclenched his fist and leaned back into his seat, hoping that he looked more poker faced and less irritated. “What is it?”
“How long is this interview?” Jaejoong asked as he glanced down at his watch, “I think I have to be somewhere in an hour or two, and I want to know around how much time I’ll have to allot for this little activity.”
“It depends on you. If you open up quickly enough, and I manage to extract useful, poignant, and striking material that’s worthy of publishing, then I really don’t think that this will take long at all.” Yunho flipped a page of his notebook, “We could be done within an hour if you’re feeling talkative.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Then it’ll take as long as Yoochun or you allows.” Yunho answered, “If Yoochun’s determined to get the article published soon then I think he’d allow an article filled with trivial and uninteresting information. If you feel like you have nothing more to say, than I would comply with that and create an article out of what you’d already given.”
“What about the photo shoot, are you in charge of that as well?”
Yunho shrugged, “I suppose. It depends if Yoochun’s feeling cheap.”
“I’d prefer if you were the photographer.” Jaejoong commented as he leaned forward and rested his face on his palm. His eyes studied Yunho’s face, “The less people I deal with for this project, the better. I know you do photography. I’ve been at an exhibit that showcased some of your work.”
Yunho tried not to let his surprise show, so he instead cleared his throat and averted his eyes quickly. “Well, I’m surprised. How did you like it?”
“The exhibit was boring, but your work was fine. Good enough.”
Yunho wondered if a thank you was necessary. He watched the other man carefully before he shook his head and reached out to flip open his notebook, “Well, we could proceed with the interview now -“
“I have to leave now -“
“You just got here -“
Jaejoong stood up, “I’m sorry, it’s important.”
Before Yunho could get a word out in protest, Jaejoong had already turned his back and left. He glared at the other man’s back before he slammed his notebook shut and put his things away.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair irritably.
Things were not looking good for him.
o-o-o
Their next location was in the studio.
Yunho crossed his arms as he watched raindrops roll down the large glass windows, and he sighed. He glanced back, where Jaejoong was having make up put on his face and slowly walked over to where the other was.
The makeup artist looked up at him, tearing her eyes away from the beautiful canvas that was Kim Jaejoong’s face. She tilted her head, “Is there something wrong?” she asked, curiously and not at all irritably.
Yunho stared at Jaejoong’s reflection in the mirror, and his breath caught in his throat when the latter’s eyes fluttered open and their gazes connected through their mirrored reflections.
“Is there something wrong?” Jaejoong repeated, his dark eyes remaining focused on their reflections.
Yunho shook his head, “No, nothing’s wrong.” He turned his head to look down at the makeup artist, “I think that’s all you need to put on his face. I’m happy with how he looks.” He studied Jaejoong’s reflection, “You can go as well, no need for any touch ups later on.”
“None?” the woman asked as she put away her brushes and her large quantities of cosmetic products.
“Yes, none.” Yunho replied, “Also, I prefer privacy on set. It helps in the -“
“Interviewing process.” Jaejoong finished as he closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair, “Thank you for doing your job well.”
The woman bowed and left, taking her make up with her.
They were now alone in the studio, and Yunho didn’t know where to start. It was unnerving to have such privacy, and the tension between him and Jaejoong was clearly evident to them both. They didn’t get along, and he had more than a feeling that the other man was mentally judging his every action.
“You think too much.” Jaejoong whispered as his arm brushed against Yunho’s. “Shall we start?”
Yunho turned his head and was surprised by their closeness. He nodded and gestured to the set splayed out before the two of them, “Where do you want to start?”
“You can take the lead.” Jaejoong replied as he walked up to a chair and nudged it with his foot, “I’ll listen to your direction.”
“Sit down, pretend to look disinterested.”
“Don’t I always look that way?” Jaejoong asked, and as the other man chuckled, Yunho couldn’t help but sense a bitterness that was buried underneath the joking tone.
Instead of commenting on it, he chose to say nothing. It was best to let the other man’s personality come out on its own - to comment, to react, to suggest anything would only lead to shutting away aspects of his interviewee’s personality.
If he wanted something good, he needed to let Kim Jaejoong be himself.
“I’ll ask you questions as we do this,” Yunho answered after he’d taken a few test shots of the other man slumped onto a chair, his legs propped up on a wooden table that looked like it’d gone through several years of usage.
Jaejoong tore his eyes away from the outside world and nodded, “Feel free.”
“Your fiancée,” Yunho said carefully after he’d decided that love was one of the best pathways into further revelations. “How did you two meet?”
“She’s the daughter of one of my father’s business partners.” Jaejoong replied, his voice hardly picking up in pace or excitement - it was almost like he was reciting something from a textbook. “We met at a joint business function.”
“Love at first sight?” Yunho asked while he looked at Jaejoong through his camera lens.
“Is that ever true?”
“For some people, yes.”
“Well then, I’m not one of those people. So I’m sorry to say, but no, it wasn’t love at first sight.” Jaejoong replied as he turned around and faced Yunho. “Would you like to take pictures of me from this angle?”
“Just of you sitting down?” Yunho asked as he stepped back from his camera so that he could talk to the other man properly, “If you want -“
“What do you want?”
Yunho sighed, “I want for us to be productive.” He glanced back up at the other man, “I told you before, pose how you want. I don’t care if you end up in some crazy position, but right now, all I’m getting is stiffness from you. It won’t look good on the magazine.”
“I’m like this naturally.” Jaejoong replied as he stretched out his legs and leaned back into the chair, “I wasn’t raised to be loose and free flowing. I’m naturally prickly, stiff and indifferent.”
“Then I suppose the articles about you partying out late during your high school and university years weren’t true then?” Yunho asked as he picked up the tripod and moved it away, “All those pictures of you stumbling drunk out of exclusive clubs were photoshopped?”
A wide smile stretched slowly across the other man’s face, and Yunho couldn’t help but think that it looked quite feral.
“You know about those?” he asked.
“I’m one of the few that remember.” Yunho replied as he took his camera off the tripod so that he could adjust its settings, “I have a good memory. I’m one of the few that remember the Kim Jaejoong that wasn’t publicity shy.”
“Bad publicity always found me back then.”
“Or did you go out looking for it?”
“It went both ways.” Jaejoong laughed, genuinely for a change. He got up off the chair and sat down on the dusty floor of the studio. “I’m surprised you brought it up, that’s rather bold of you. I could stop the interview right here if I wanted.”
Yunho watched him, “Are you going to?”
“No, I won’t. You’re interesting and you’re much better than the others. Let’s keep going.” Jaejoong replied coolly, “Do you want me to talk about those times? I’m sure it’d be nice to remind people of the old me.”
“Go ahead - talk about what you were like then, and it’d be nice if you explained why you acted in such a way.”
Jaejoon nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “I think I was more fun then. I was less restrained, and the only thing on my mind was to experiment with everything before I got locked up in business. I wanted to try everything.”
“And what do you think of yourself now?” Yunho asked as he stopped fiddling with his camera so that he would look at the other man properly. “How do you view yourself now?”
“I think I’m...” Jaejoong bit his lip and looked upward, his eyes focusing on the high ceiling above them. He leaned back and brought his gaze back to Yunho, “I think I’m matured. I don’t know if I’m any nicer, but I know that I’m more controlled now.”
“By others, or by yourself?”
“Both.”
The studio fell into silence as Yunho approached Jaejoong and stopped in front of him. He leaned down, and he vaguely felt like the other man flinched slightly when his fingers brushed against his neck so that he could fix the collar of his shirt.
Their faces were centimetres apart, and Yunho tried to take his mind off the fact that he could feel Jaejoong’s intense gaze on his face. As soon as he pulled away, he ran his eyes over the man’s body to make sure that everything was in order.
“Like what you see?” Jaejoong asked with a smirk, “It wasn’t only drugs and drinks that I experimented with back in the day.” He added in a flirtatious tone.
“Such scandalous things won’t make it into print.” Yunho replied indifferently as he returned to his position. “Although quoting that would be sure to make the issue sell faster, I’d rather not deal with any backlash that may come from your family.”
“It wouldn’t be news to them anyway.” Jaejoong replied with a careless shrug, “I’m sure they’ve thought of every possible sin I could’ve committed during that time. I hardly think anything you publish would faze them.”
There was a lull in conversation after, as Yunho took pictures of Jaejoong. The only sounds that echoed in the room was that of Jaejoong shifting and moving around the studio, his steps reverberating through the room, and the noise of the camera clicking with every shot.
Jaejoong was leaning next to the window when Yunho decided to ask him another question.
“Why did you choose to have your interview with our magazine?” he asked as he moved forward in order to help Jaejoong move into a better position.
The other man was silent for a few seconds before he replied, “Why? Your magazine’s relatively well known isn’t it? It’s just starting out, true, but it has some standing to it. It’s not too unknown.”
“I’m just saying, you’re Kim Jaejoong, you could’ve had an interview with a better known publication with more resources and more connections.”
“More isn’t always better.” Jaejoong replied as he shifted into the new position. He turned his head and locked eyes with Yunho, “Besides, this is going quite well, isn’t it? You don’t seem as angry as you did two days ago.”
“I wasn’t angry.” Yunho muttered as he walked back to his camera, “I don’t think your behaviour during that time was excusable either, you were late, and you left early.”
“I had somewhere to be. I am getting married aren’t I? I have commitments to my wife to be - the future mother of my children. It’s not my fault she thinks I need to be involved in the wedding process.”
“If you had a matter to attend to, you could’ve been specific about it instead of just running off you like you did.” Yunho replied as he took a few shots of Jaejoong in the new position, “I would’ve understood.”
Jaejoong suddenly turned his head, his look captured by Yunho’s camera. He stared at Yunho before he spoke, “I’m sorry then.”
Yunho was taken aback by the surprising apology, and he blinked twice. He shook his head and returned to his camera, “It’s fine.”
Once more, silence returned. It is only after an hour that Yunho decided to speak again. They’ve been at it for three hours, and he had a feeling that Jaejoong wanted the session to just end already.
“We’re done.” He said as he took his camera off the tripod and moved to pack it away. He crossed the room, returned it inside its respective case, and when he turned back around, he was surprised to see Jaejoong still seated on the floor.
His eyes were shut and the way the rainy day light bathed his skin gave him an otherworldly afterglow. He looked like an image of perfection and peace, and Yunho wished he hadn’t packed away his camera so that he could take a picture of him.
Yet, deep down he could feel a certain joy to know that only he had been able to witness such a rare moment - to see Kim Jaejoong so innocent, so unaware, and so unguarded, free of the walls he consistently maintained.
The moment Jaejoong stood up, the look disappeared. He brushed dust off his pants, and when he looked up, he caught Yunho staring.
Instead of smiling, teasing, or smirking, instead he simply stared back.
Yunho averted his gaze first, “When are you next free?” he asked, his eyes downcast onto the floor. When Jaejoong didn’t reply immediately, he looked back up.
“Tomorrow evening.”
“Are you sure?” Yunho asked, “It’s Saturday tomorrow. Are you sure you don’t want to spend that time with your -“
“She’s out of town.”
“Where do you want to meet then?”
“I’ll call you.” Jaejoong replied as his phone began to ring loudly. He walked to one of the tables and picked it up, “I’ll see you tomorrow night.” He said before he answered his call and walked out of the studio.
It was a few minutes later when Yunho returned back to fixing his things. He packed away the materials, fixed the set, and cleaned a little.
An hour later, when the text came, he read through the details - the name of the meeting place, the address, and the time they would meet. He scrolled through the message until he reached the end.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Yunho stared at the last line for minute before he pocketed his phone and made his way to leave the studio, unsure of his feelings toward Kim Jaejoong.
o-o-o
He wasn’t surprised by the extravagance. In fact, he’d been waiting for the moment that Jaejoong would meet him in such a place. Crystalline chandeliers that lit the room aglow, sparkling countertops, expensive liquor - the hotel bar was nothing unusual or splendid to the eyes of the rich and privileged, but to Yunho it was still a beautiful sight.
What was the most beautiful thing however, was the view of Seoul’s skyline.
As he stared through the window, he caught sight of Jaejoong sitting alone at one of the tables closest to the windows, nursing a glass of wine. He tore his gaze away from the view and walked up to him.
“You’re late.” Jaejoong noted playfully with a small quirk of his lips.
Yunho checked his watch, wondering if his long appreciation of the view had been the cause of his tardiness. “I was held up by traffic.” He replied before he took the seat across Jaejoong.
“I see. Do you want anything?” Jaejoong asked, “I’ll pay.”
Yunho shook his head, “I’d prefer to keep a clear mind during -“
“The interview.” Jaejoong drawled before he took a sip of his wine. He placed the glass down and tilted his head, “Any wonderful questions for me this fine evening?” he asked, his fingers idly drumming on the table top.
“Where’s your fiancée?”
“Paris, London, Milan, or New York - one of the four...I think. I can’t remember to be honest. She called me a few minutes ago, but I forgot anyway. As long as she comes back, that’s what matters.”
Yunho raised an eyebrow, “You don’t miss her?” he asked, instead of asking the question which was truly on his mind - why don’t you care?
“I have a bad memory.” Jaejoong replied, “Don’t think I don’t miss her because I do. She’s my other half - I can’t live without her.” He continued, and Yunho was fairly sure that he heard sarcasm.
Jaejoong brought out a pack of cigarettes, “Do you mind if I smoke?”
Yunho shook his head.
He watched as Jaejoong pulled out one of the white sticks and lit it carefully with his lighter. The tip glowed, and after a few deep breaths, Jaejoong offered the box of cigarettes to Yunho, “Do you want one?”
Once again, he shook his head.
“I don’t smoke.”
“Oh.”
Jaejoong pocketed the cigarettes and Yunho waited until the other was ready for him to ask another question. As soon as Jaejoong settled himself, he spoke.
“Do you want to share any of your plans for the future?”
“I’d like to travel.” Jaejoong replied as he toyed with the cigarette in his hand, “Not for business ventures, but for pleasure. I enjoy travelling. It’s like one steps into another world - a feeling akin to what I imagine Alice felt like when she came out of that rabbit hole of hers.”
“I would’ve thought you’ve been everywhere.” Yunho replied as he wrote down what Jaejoong had said, “You have all the resources to go anywhere you want, anytime you want.”
“There are always places still to be discovered.” Jaejoong answered. “The last time I left Korea was for a business trip - I want to go because I want to, not because I have to. Business has taken up a lot of my time lately.”
“Learning the ropes from your father?”
“No, I’m trying to get away from him.” Jaejoong replied, “I’ve been trying to do things on my own. Explore things my father hasn’t thought of - I’m leaning into more creative ventures, and my dad has never been a patron of the arts.”
“I see. Is there any venture that you want to talk about in particular?”
“Well, I’m into art dealing lately.”
“Who are the local artists that you’ve been dealing with?”
“This is boring - may we change topic?” Jaejoong asked before he returned his cigarette to his lips. After he’d exhaled smoke, he shrugged, “I just don’t think your readers would like to hear about my business side.”
“Okay then. We were talking about travelling earlier - where would you like to go, and why?”
“I’d like to discover Japan better because I’ve always only been there for business, I want to see the sights and appreciate it better.” Jaejoong thought for a few seconds before he continued, “Next, I’d like to go to Paris. I’ve never been there before, and I’ve always been enchanted by the idea of going there. I want to see the sights, feel the love in the air, and to fulfil every Parisian tourist cliché.”
“Would you bring your fiancée with you to Paris then?” Yunho asked, seeing it as only a natural question in relation to their current topic of the city of love.
When he looked up, he noticed that Jaejoong was frowning.
“No, I wouldn’t bring her.” He replied curtly.
Yunho didn’t press any further, and he took a mental note to avoid bringing up Jaejoong’s fiancée in the future.
o-o-o
Jaejoong was smoking in Yunho’s apartment a week later, a cigarette in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. He hadn’t said a thing about the chaotic state of Yunho’s apartment from the numerous uncapped bottles, dirty dishes, carelessly strewn about papers, the worn out furniture to the odd art hanging on the walls.
Yunho pretended like he wasn’t nervous, wasn’t feeling the butterflies in his stomach, and wasn’t charmed by the other man. It was stupid - he wasn’t the kind of person to be attracted to the indifference and extravagance that the other man exuded.
Yet here he was, staring at Kim Jaejoong like he was the only thing that mattered in the entire world.
Yunho was fairly sure he could finish the interview from what he had - he’d make a more than decent article from what Jaejoong had already given him. In fact, he’d already sent a part of it to Yoochun, and the other man had been more than pleased with how it sounded so far.
Yunho seemed to be the only one who wasn’t pleased.
He didn’t want things to end - he didn’t want the other man to depart from his life and return back to where he belonged, his life of luxury, glamour and wealth where it wasn’t normal to laze around in front of a television when there were expensive holidays to experience and piles of cash to be spent.
“Yunho?”
Yunho looked up from his notes, “Yes?” he asked.
“I have to go now.”
He nodded and set his notes down onto the coffee table, “I’ll show you the way out.” Yunho replied as he got off his spot on the couch and Jaejoong left his spot on the window sill.
It was unusual for Jaejoong to be so casually dressed, but Yunho didn’t bother to comment on it. The two of them had grown so comfortable around each other, meeting for reasons that weren’t for the interview, in places that were part of their respective lives as they opened up to one another in such a short span of time.
As Yunho walked Jaejoong to the elevator, he realized how badly he didn’t want it all to end. He pressed the down button before he looked at Jaejoong again.
The other man had been staring at him, and it was probably because Yunho had caught him staring that a flustered smile appeared on his face. Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, “I’m sorry.”
Yunho chuckled, “It’s nothing to be sorry about.” He looked away and glanced down the hall, making sure no one else was present.
Jaejoong walked up to him, “We should do this again sometime.”
“We should.” Yunho replied as he turned his head to look at Jaejoong. He smiled as he wondered if the blush that appeared on Jaejoong’s cheeks was real or just imagined by his desperate mind. “I think we made progress today.”
“That’s good.” Jaejoong replied, his gaze concentrated on Yunho’s lips more than on his eyes, but the other man didn’t notice because he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts and miseries.
The bell dinged, signalling the arrival of the elevator.
Yunho reached his arm out and placed it in front of one of the door’s sides in order to ensure the doors wouldn’t shut. He smiled at Jaejoong, “I’ll see you again sometime.”
Jaejoong walked up to him, closer than necessary - or at least, that was what Yunho believed. His cologne flooded Yunho’s senses, and it became so much harder to breathe, to concentrate, to think.
It was like the other man was waiting for something.
Yunho allowed his eyes to trail down to Jaejoong’s lips, tempting and so close but absolutely sinful for him to touch with his own. He tore his eyes away and met Jaejoong’s dark eyes once more.
Was there want there, or was it just his imagination?
“Yunho...”
“What?” Yunho replied, his voice hoarse and strained. He swallowed hard and placed his arms back at his side, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around the shorter man’s figure.
“I -“
Jaejoong’s phone rang, and the moment was over. Yunho was once more reminded of the boundaries, the differences, the wedding - and he took a step back.
“You should go.” He muttered as he withdrew even further.
Don’t look at me, don’t make me feel this way - not when it’s because of you that I’m in this mess in the first place.
Yunho walked away.
o-o-o
The next meeting was dinner in an upscale restaurant that one of Jaejoong’s siblings owned. Yunho was late - his meeting with Yoochun had run on longer than expected, and traffic had been intolerably slow. He’d ditched the taxi and ended up at the restaurant on foot.
After he uttered the name Kim - despite the numerous Kims in South Korea, he was ushered to a private room at the back, far away from the respectable and notable faces from of the Seoul elite.
As soon as he entered the room, his heart clenched so painfully in his chest that he worried that he’d drop down to the floor unconscious.
She was there, with her beautiful smile and beautiful everything - from the designer dress and private school tuition equivalent bag, to the shoes Yunho was sure were worth more than thrice his own.
His gaze shifted over to Jaejoong, accusing and most of all, hurt.
“It’s nice to meet you.” The woman greeted, her voice drifting to him a melodious fashion.
Yunho found himself walking up to them in a daze, and after he’d sat down, she began to speak again.
She held out her hand, “I’m Jaejoong’s fiancée, Seol.”
Yunho reached out and shook her hand politely, “I’m the writer in charge of the interview, Jung -“
His eyes drifted away from her face, to her hand that was daintily draped over Jaejoong’s. He stared at the large diamond on her finger - a reminder of his stupidity and his foolishness.
He felt the couple’s eyes on his face, and he smiled apologetically, “Jung Yunho.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Seol turned to Jaejoong and smiled brightly, “You didn’t tell me such a handsome man was interviewing you. I would’ve shown up to all the past interviews if you’d told me before.”
Yunho forced himself to laugh despite the pain in his chest. He took a sip of his water and once more, he found his eyes drifting over to Jaejoong.
Why did I fall in love with you?
Jaejoong’s eyes met his, and Yunho couldn’t bring himself to avert his eyes. They stared at each other, and it was like everything else diminished - like they were the only ones in the room, and it was just the two of them having dinner together.
Unfortunately, Yunho knew better than to allow himself to hold Jaejoong’s gaze for much longer.
He averted his eyes and smiled apologetically, but Seol didn’t notice that since she was too enraptured with her conversation with a person Yunho assumed was most likely her wedding planner.
Yunho took another sip of his water.
“I’m sorry.”
He glanced in Jaejoong’s direction, and the man’s focus was entirely on him. Jaejoong’s face was serious and his gaze was unwavering.
Seol put her hand over the receiver of her phone, “What did you say honey?” she asked curiously, a slight furrow on her delicate brow.
“Nothing.” Jaejoong replied as he took his glass of wine off the table and brought it to his lips, his eyes focused on Yunho the entire time. “Nothing, nothing at all.”
Realization hit Yunho, and he gripped the stem of his glass tightly, barely registering the fact that it felt like it would crack at any second due to his tight grip.
Nothing. They would amount to nothing, and for that, Kim Jaejoong was sorry.
As dinner continued, and Jaejoong’s fiancée remained completely unaware of the tension between the two men in the room. She chattered on, and Yunho responded with every appropriate and expected reaction.
She was polite, slightly airheaded, but nice. She carried most of the conversation, handling the dinner well on her own despite Jaejoong’s silence. In fact, she was so nice that he could’ve befriended her had the situation been different.
So out of respect for her, for the rest of the evening he pretended like he wasn’t in love with her fiancé.
o-o-o
Yunho called Jaejoong the next evening, and the other man answered after three rings.
“Yunho, I’m -“
“I don’t need to see you anymore.” Yunho interrupted quickly as he leaned back into his sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I finished the article.”
“I see.” Jaejoong said quietly, “I won’t be seeing you again then?” he asked, “Not even to talk about the article? There might be something I need to -“
“It can be done over the phone.”
“I want to see you.”
“You can’t.” Yunho replied, “We shouldn’t see each other.”
“I’m coming over.”
“Don’t -“
Jaejoong hung up on him.
o-o-o
The doorbell rang, and Yunho answered the door quickly. He swung the door open and let Jaejoong enter. As soon as the other man was inside, he shut the door and leaned against it.
“What do you want from me?” he asked, “I think you were clear last night.”
“This is fucked up.”
“I know it is.” Yunho replied as he crossed his arms and watched Jaejoong carefully from his spot by the door, unmoving and absolutely still. “You’re getting married, yet here you are in the middle of the night.”
“Yunho -“ Jaejoong’s face looked pained, and he took a step closer. His walls were down, and he stared at Yunho with his fear displayed on his face. “Please, don’t...don’t talk about her.”
“I think we’ve not talked about her for too long.” Yunho left the door and walked up to Jaejoong. He shook his head, “Jaejoong, go home.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” Yunho replied as he shut his eyes and turned away from Jaejoong so that he could hide his pain. “But get out. We’re not doing this.”
“Yunho -“
Yunho turned around and he faced Jaejoong. His eyes met Jaejoong’s before he eventually lowered his gaze to Jaejoong’s lips. He shook his head and smiled bitterly at the handsome man, “What are you waiting for?”
“What?”
“Why are you always waiting for me to do something?”
“I don’t understand.”
Yunho took hold of Jaejoong’s cheeks, his thumbs slowly brushing against the other man’s defined cheekbones. He brought his face close to Jaejoong’s face, so close that their noses brushed against each other and their lips were barely a centimetre apart.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and Yunho waited.
A tense minute passed, and he pulled away. “You don’t want this.” Yunho muttered as he walked away. He turned his head to see Jaejoong blinking in confusion, his brow furrowed. “You’re just scared, and I’m too desperate.”
“How do you know what I want?” Jaejoong asked as he walked up to Yunho and grabbed the fabric of his shirt, his voice was shaking, “How do you know that I don’t love you too?”
Love? Yunho took hold of Jaejoong’s quivering fists, “Because you’re still wearing your wedding ring.” He replied as he pulled Jaejoong’s hands off his shirt, “You don’t know what you want, and you think I’m going to give you the answer.”
Their bodies fit so well together, melding perfectly together in their pained embrace.
Yunho stepped back as his heart clenched tightly in his chest, “You’re so used to routine, and the idea of me exhilarates you because I don’t fit in with your world. Please, Jaejoong, if you...if you like me at all, you’ll leave.”
“We could...”
Yunho shook his head, “What? Run away?” he smiled bitterly, “Jaejoong, no. I won’t allow you to run away from what you’ve set for yourself and what others have set for you. You need to go.”
Jaejoong took a step closer, and once again, Yunho took a step back. He shook his head and turned away from Jaejoong, “I won’t do this. I have morals, and you have a fiancée Jaejoong. If you won’t...” he shut his eyes, “Just go.”
He didn’t want to ask Jaejoong to leave his fiancée, he didn’t want to ask him to stay, despite how much he wanted to plead with Jaejoong for them to run away together and leave everything behind.
He couldn’t do that because it wasn’t right. Their lives were not some romance novel where everything would turn out fine - too many lives were entangled in their chaotic web of affairs.
He had to let Jaejoong go.
Yunho waited, and as the door shut quietly, he began to look for his phone. He found it on a coffee table, next to notes from his interview with Jaejoong, and immediately dialled a number.
He sat down on his couch, his face falling into his hands as he waited for the other person to answer.
“Yunho, you do know what time it is right?”
“I know, but I have something important to talk to you about.” Yunho explained as he glanced at his clock, “I’ve been offered a position at another publication, some magazine in Tokyo heard about me apparently.”
“Oh, so are you taking it?”
Yunho’s eyes landed onto the notes on his table.
“Yes, I’m taking it.”
o-o-o
As far as Yunho was concerned, his departure to Tokyo couldn’t be considered as running away from whatever he’d had with Jaejoong.
They were over - whatever they had, it was done.
He’d waited a week and allowed his inner optimist to hope that Jaejoong would return to his door, free of his engagement ring and ready for them to leave Seoul together. Unfortunately, that hope had gone to waste.
Jaejoong wasn’t going to end his wedding - in fact, the television screen in front of Yunho reminded him of it. A news station was covering the upcoming nuptials, and it rubbed salt on his fresh wounds.
A clear voice resounded over the intercom, telling passengers that boarding for the rest of passengers was now starting.
Yunho got up from his seat and began to make his way to the long line that had already started. He walked slowly as he imagined the idea of Jaejoong running all the way to airport just to stop him from leaving.
He risked a glance back and only gained disappointment.
Jaejoong wasn’t coming.
Yunho passed the pretty stewardesses who were overly accommodating to him and found his way to his seat easily without their help. He put his luggage in the overhead compartment and sat down next to the window.
His seatmate, an elderly woman, smiled at him and sat down. She put down her tray and placed her magazine on top of it.
Yunho glanced at the magazine and after reading the title of the magazine article, he smiled bitterly.
A Stolen Moment with Kim Jaejoong
The past month had been a stolen moment that had allowed their lives to intertwine despite their numerous differences, and it would be a moment he would remember forever.
Author’s Note: So...angst. This is the angst I’d been talking about in my last author’s note - I was working on this before I finished the most recent chapter of A Learning Process. It took me forever to write the summary for this story, more than an hour. Summary writing is so hard for me, and I really don’t know why. I have to improve on that. Also, I don’t know if Jaejoong’s that likable here, so please tell me if he is? I wanted to end this on a happier note, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I ended it here. If enough people ask for a sequel though, I’d be willing to write one since I really hate leaving things on such an unhappy note. If I ever write a sequel, it’s most likely going to be in Jaejoong’s POV. Also, I’m going to get started on writing the next chapters for Distance and A Learning Process, as well as finish editing the next chapter of For You. If I’m inspired enough, then all three will be updated this week. If not, only one. Anyway, please do leave a comment for this story. They’re greatly appreciated and loved, and I really want to know about what you all think of this. Thank you for reading! ♥