Messed up head day!!
Feeling mixed up in my head today. Talked with an old G/F and it made me do some thinking. I am in this relationship with LH. He is a good man in many many ways. I love him I do, but deep down I am not happy. He is not daring or fun loving and just a very routine kind of guy. Kind of total opposite of me. I would love some passion in my life. I don't want to have that as a side thing although it is an option. I want someone who is full of life and love and passion. I am so tired of watching TV and eating snacks. That is all he does anymore. I realize things change once you get comfortable, and I am not asking for the world. Maybe a walk in the evenings. Maybe going to the pool on our days off..........I don't know I guess I should be happy he treats me well, but there is so much that is missing. I am so fucked up when it comes to relationships I guess I really have no idea what a good one is supposed to look like! All I know is that when I am totally and brutally honest with my own self, I am not 100% invested in this relationship for the reasons I have stated. There is very little passion. No deep lingering kisses....God I miss kissing...........lot's of cuddling.......some sex, but not enough and not passionate take your breath away sex. Just nice simple satisfying sex.
What is wrong with me? I have even thought of an affair, but it goes against my core to do that...........................
What is wrong with me? I have even thought of an affair, but it goes against my core to do that...........................