I need to be two people. Like, yesterday. Can we arrange that, please?
I don't even know where to start. Maybe I need to be three people--one to go to work, one to do all the at-home, kid-and-house-and-family stuff, and one to be able to post to my journal and let everyone know why I've disappeared off the face of the planet. I'm gonna go with bullet points, because as much as I'd rather do more than the 30 second version, I don't have the spare hour right now for the 3 or 4 separate posts it would take. So here we go.
The State of the Jay:
Last week, aka, my life is a country song.
- I worked 6 days straight, training the world's slowest trainee on night audit who I hope to GOD will eventually get it, but at the moment is so slow that sometimes I think we're moving backward. I'm also trying very hard not to take it personally that I am being replaced on night audit by someone who is so much less good at their job than I am. This is, of course, ridiculous because I wanted to be replaced by October, but I'm taking it personally because my boss hired a night auditor to replace me on that position BEFORE I told him I'd be officially tapering down massively come October. Maybe he's just a mind reader, but it gives me an uncomfortableness in my stomach. Yes, even though I'd be happy to be able to quite this job altogether. I never said I was wildly sane about these things. This was 6 days straight after 2 days off, which was preceded by 8 days straight. Yeah. I know.
- I finally got a call from the Principal at the elementary school I'll be working at in the fall (this is my day job--the one I can't leave because it pays twice as much as I get paid at the hotel, even though it's only 20 hours a week, and it has benefits), and he outlined the schedule they've decided at for my four hours a day that I work. I'll be working M-F, from 9-2, with a one hour unpaid break in the middle. This sucks for OH so many reasons, but among them:
a) this means that I have two hours to kill between finishing a night audit shift, and having to go to work. That's two hours I could be sleeping, but can't, because it's not enough time, or two hours in which I could be working, and getting home sooner so that I could be sleeping
b) it means that I can't pick up extra hours in my afternoons in the school district to make up for the fact that I only get 4 hours in a day. I can work up to 35 hours a week without going into overtime, and if I was done at noon, I'd be available to go and work elsewhere, and pick up more hours/make more money/not need to work two complete jobs. Which means that for at least a month, maybe more, I need to keep working at the hotel, because I'm not making enough money at my primary job to quit. Which means I never see my kids.
c) did I mention the part where it means more time that I can't go home and sleep?
d) a one hour unpaid lunch in the middle of a four hour shift. This? Is bullshit. But that's the coverage they need in the school, and there's nothing I can do about it.
e) the school is in the middle of the fucking boondocks, so by the time I tried to leave on my one hour lunch, I'd have to come back. Which means I piss around the school and do nothing.
f) on a day where I work an afternoon shift at the hotel, I have one hour to get from the school to the hotel. Not enough time to do anything, not enough time to see my kids. In either of these scenarios, my children cease to remember who Mummy is. I am so not pleased about this that I could spit
- The babies started daycare. This is, in and of itself, not a bad thing, because as it turns out? They love it. They think it's awesome, they think that the daycare people are awesome, they think the kids are awesome, they think that the toys are awesome. We can barely get them to give us a goodbye hug as we head out the door. But there's this thing, this mom-guilt thing, where I feel like I should be the one looking after my kids, where I have to justify the cost of daycare and the cost of being away from my children, with the money that I have coming in from my job, and the seniority I'm building up, leading to a better job, and not having to work so much in the future. But it still feels wrong some days, walking down that hallway and letting someone else do a large portion of the raising of my kids. No matter how nice the school, how amazing the daycare workers... I just wish that it didn't have to be that way. It's not fair.
- My dad had stomach surgery a week or two ago to correct a problem between his stomach and esophagus. That means he is on a liquid only diet for about six weeks, and can't work. This means that (and bear in mind while saying this that we are glad he's recovering and we love him up one side and down the other) that he is driving every single one of us within range completely batshit, because he is so bored. So we are sending him off to various relatives to make them crazy for awhile, and let them mother duck him for a bit. Two weeks ago, it was his sister. This week, it was my sister.
She doesn't have a car anymore, so she rented one to go pick him up at the airport. On the way back from the airport, traveling in Vancouver traffic, the brakes on the car failed, and she got into a 3 car accident. With my dad, who just had stomach surgery. Oh, did I mention that my sister is currently six months pregnant? GAH. Everyone is fine. Everyone is completely fine, and wasn't hurt--it was a minor accident--but hello worry, hello stress, hello something that they didn't need to experience.
- My niece had eye surgery, her second surgery on her little head since she had brain surgery when she was less than 24 hours old. She is doing really well, recovering nicely, making her mother crazy, but it's too much for someone that wee to have to deal with.
- One of my best friends from high school has been in hospital for two weeks, and will be in the hospital for the rest of her pregnancy, however long it lasts. She's only 25 weeks right now. I don't know what her technical medical complication is, but I know that she's bleeding, and they're not able to get it to stop. She's on IV antibiotics, strict hospital bedrest, and they're starting to prepare her for the idea of delivering in the next 1-4 weeks, if they can't get her and the baby more stable.
She's devastated, her husband is coming unglued he's so worried about her and the baby, and she's trying not to kill all the 'stiff upper lip, it'll all be worth it in the end' people who are nattering at her. I just recently told her that if she needs to bitch, vent, holler at the world, she should contact me. Because she's going to need that. I'll be updating more about her as things progress, and if you can add her to your prayers/white light/good thoughts list? That'd be awesome, thank you. Her name is Kay.
If you got through all of that, do you want to know what the sick thing is? I'm missing about a half-dozen things on there, one of which is that my house is a complete disaster, and while doing all of the above, I'm also trying to complete an accounting course, so that I can be considered for some of the higher level jobs in the district. I'm tired, I'm brain fried, and I'm just trying to hold my breath so I can make it through September to October when we start getting paid for the school district jobs, and I can look at reducing my hours/quitting my hotel job. But in the meantime? This is where I am.
The State of the Jay:
Last week, aka, my life is a country song.
- I worked 6 days straight, training the world's slowest trainee on night audit who I hope to GOD will eventually get it, but at the moment is so slow that sometimes I think we're moving backward. I'm also trying very hard not to take it personally that I am being replaced on night audit by someone who is so much less good at their job than I am. This is, of course, ridiculous because I wanted to be replaced by October, but I'm taking it personally because my boss hired a night auditor to replace me on that position BEFORE I told him I'd be officially tapering down massively come October. Maybe he's just a mind reader, but it gives me an uncomfortableness in my stomach. Yes, even though I'd be happy to be able to quite this job altogether. I never said I was wildly sane about these things. This was 6 days straight after 2 days off, which was preceded by 8 days straight. Yeah. I know.
- I finally got a call from the Principal at the elementary school I'll be working at in the fall (this is my day job--the one I can't leave because it pays twice as much as I get paid at the hotel, even though it's only 20 hours a week, and it has benefits), and he outlined the schedule they've decided at for my four hours a day that I work. I'll be working M-F, from 9-2, with a one hour unpaid break in the middle. This sucks for OH so many reasons, but among them:
a) this means that I have two hours to kill between finishing a night audit shift, and having to go to work. That's two hours I could be sleeping, but can't, because it's not enough time, or two hours in which I could be working, and getting home sooner so that I could be sleeping
b) it means that I can't pick up extra hours in my afternoons in the school district to make up for the fact that I only get 4 hours in a day. I can work up to 35 hours a week without going into overtime, and if I was done at noon, I'd be available to go and work elsewhere, and pick up more hours/make more money/not need to work two complete jobs. Which means that for at least a month, maybe more, I need to keep working at the hotel, because I'm not making enough money at my primary job to quit. Which means I never see my kids.
c) did I mention the part where it means more time that I can't go home and sleep?
d) a one hour unpaid lunch in the middle of a four hour shift. This? Is bullshit. But that's the coverage they need in the school, and there's nothing I can do about it.
e) the school is in the middle of the fucking boondocks, so by the time I tried to leave on my one hour lunch, I'd have to come back. Which means I piss around the school and do nothing.
f) on a day where I work an afternoon shift at the hotel, I have one hour to get from the school to the hotel. Not enough time to do anything, not enough time to see my kids. In either of these scenarios, my children cease to remember who Mummy is. I am so not pleased about this that I could spit
- The babies started daycare. This is, in and of itself, not a bad thing, because as it turns out? They love it. They think it's awesome, they think that the daycare people are awesome, they think the kids are awesome, they think that the toys are awesome. We can barely get them to give us a goodbye hug as we head out the door. But there's this thing, this mom-guilt thing, where I feel like I should be the one looking after my kids, where I have to justify the cost of daycare and the cost of being away from my children, with the money that I have coming in from my job, and the seniority I'm building up, leading to a better job, and not having to work so much in the future. But it still feels wrong some days, walking down that hallway and letting someone else do a large portion of the raising of my kids. No matter how nice the school, how amazing the daycare workers... I just wish that it didn't have to be that way. It's not fair.
- My dad had stomach surgery a week or two ago to correct a problem between his stomach and esophagus. That means he is on a liquid only diet for about six weeks, and can't work. This means that (and bear in mind while saying this that we are glad he's recovering and we love him up one side and down the other) that he is driving every single one of us within range completely batshit, because he is so bored. So we are sending him off to various relatives to make them crazy for awhile, and let them mother duck him for a bit. Two weeks ago, it was his sister. This week, it was my sister.
She doesn't have a car anymore, so she rented one to go pick him up at the airport. On the way back from the airport, traveling in Vancouver traffic, the brakes on the car failed, and she got into a 3 car accident. With my dad, who just had stomach surgery. Oh, did I mention that my sister is currently six months pregnant? GAH. Everyone is fine. Everyone is completely fine, and wasn't hurt--it was a minor accident--but hello worry, hello stress, hello something that they didn't need to experience.
- My niece had eye surgery, her second surgery on her little head since she had brain surgery when she was less than 24 hours old. She is doing really well, recovering nicely, making her mother crazy, but it's too much for someone that wee to have to deal with.
- One of my best friends from high school has been in hospital for two weeks, and will be in the hospital for the rest of her pregnancy, however long it lasts. She's only 25 weeks right now. I don't know what her technical medical complication is, but I know that she's bleeding, and they're not able to get it to stop. She's on IV antibiotics, strict hospital bedrest, and they're starting to prepare her for the idea of delivering in the next 1-4 weeks, if they can't get her and the baby more stable.
She's devastated, her husband is coming unglued he's so worried about her and the baby, and she's trying not to kill all the 'stiff upper lip, it'll all be worth it in the end' people who are nattering at her. I just recently told her that if she needs to bitch, vent, holler at the world, she should contact me. Because she's going to need that. I'll be updating more about her as things progress, and if you can add her to your prayers/white light/good thoughts list? That'd be awesome, thank you. Her name is Kay.
If you got through all of that, do you want to know what the sick thing is? I'm missing about a half-dozen things on there, one of which is that my house is a complete disaster, and while doing all of the above, I'm also trying to complete an accounting course, so that I can be considered for some of the higher level jobs in the district. I'm tired, I'm brain fried, and I'm just trying to hold my breath so I can make it through September to October when we start getting paid for the school district jobs, and I can look at reducing my hours/quitting my hotel job. But in the meantime? This is where I am.