Getting Older
I couldn't imagine what 30 was like, then I was, and moving through my 30's. I couldn't comprehend being in my 40's and now I'm 47 and only three years from being 50! Half a century!
I'm not handling aging well. Getting fatter, getting those dark spots on my arms. Some call them liver spots I think, no idea why.
And now I'm getting a saggy neck. I've noticed that in the last week or so. I'm horrified. Soon, I won't be able to look in a mirror. See? Not aging well.
I have a strong feeling that I'm going to be an ornery old fart. But I'm not there yet.
I think if I could tell my young self something I would say that she's not fat, wear a bikini, she's got the body for it, and take pictures of herself wearing it for posterity's sake, though I'm not sure what posterity is, it just seems like the right fit. I would tell her to take pictures of grandma and grandpa Ober's house. I would tell her to take pictures of grandma and grandpa rabbege's house and my house because before I know it all I will have are the memories. Grandma Rabbege's house has been torn down. I still miss that flowered rug she had in the living room. I used to pretend the bunches of flowers on it were stepping stones in a pond filled with crocodiles. I wish I'd realized how much it meant to me and kept a piece, even framed it. I don't know why it bothers me so much that the house and the rug are completely gone. It's just that I never thought of something as solid and large as a house just being gone one day. I thought it was always going to be there as I remembered it. I just did.
I felt that way about me and mom and everybody else. I couldn't comprehend things changing so much. The change still hurts. Teta Maryanne has passed away and Uncle Hank before her. Grandpa Rabbege is gone. Grandma Rabbege is soon to be 97 and in a nursing home. The old neighborhood now a ghetto with most of the houses torn down. Mom is 70. Uncle Dick looks old, tired, worn. My cousin that I held as a baby is in his 20's and married. Those my age in the family now have children some adults, and some are even grandparents.
Oh, and the music I loved from the 80's is now played on the oldies station. I've kind of been getting used to that a little but I had a thought the other day that I really didn't like. Eventually the music I like from the 80's will not be played on the oldies station because it's too old. And that as time goes by there will be fewer and fewer songs I recognize. That's souring. Enough to make anyone cranky. See? Ornery old fart.
I'm not handling aging well. Getting fatter, getting those dark spots on my arms. Some call them liver spots I think, no idea why.
And now I'm getting a saggy neck. I've noticed that in the last week or so. I'm horrified. Soon, I won't be able to look in a mirror. See? Not aging well.
I have a strong feeling that I'm going to be an ornery old fart. But I'm not there yet.
I think if I could tell my young self something I would say that she's not fat, wear a bikini, she's got the body for it, and take pictures of herself wearing it for posterity's sake, though I'm not sure what posterity is, it just seems like the right fit. I would tell her to take pictures of grandma and grandpa Ober's house. I would tell her to take pictures of grandma and grandpa rabbege's house and my house because before I know it all I will have are the memories. Grandma Rabbege's house has been torn down. I still miss that flowered rug she had in the living room. I used to pretend the bunches of flowers on it were stepping stones in a pond filled with crocodiles. I wish I'd realized how much it meant to me and kept a piece, even framed it. I don't know why it bothers me so much that the house and the rug are completely gone. It's just that I never thought of something as solid and large as a house just being gone one day. I thought it was always going to be there as I remembered it. I just did.
I felt that way about me and mom and everybody else. I couldn't comprehend things changing so much. The change still hurts. Teta Maryanne has passed away and Uncle Hank before her. Grandpa Rabbege is gone. Grandma Rabbege is soon to be 97 and in a nursing home. The old neighborhood now a ghetto with most of the houses torn down. Mom is 70. Uncle Dick looks old, tired, worn. My cousin that I held as a baby is in his 20's and married. Those my age in the family now have children some adults, and some are even grandparents.
Oh, and the music I loved from the 80's is now played on the oldies station. I've kind of been getting used to that a little but I had a thought the other day that I really didn't like. Eventually the music I like from the 80's will not be played on the oldies station because it's too old. And that as time goes by there will be fewer and fewer songs I recognize. That's souring. Enough to make anyone cranky. See? Ornery old fart.