(Untitled)

[lime_gl0wstix]

I hate being on the computer and typing all the time. I want to be with people. I want to hear their voices from their lips straight to my ears, no digital middleman. I'd like to go hiking, to get back to nature, and to go camping again. Maybe the forest this time.

I hope going to June Lake again this year will do me some good. The problem

Comments

[reivena]

>I feel like my spatial knowledge is dwindling because I've spent the last five years in front of a two dimensional screen, touching no one, feeling no one, speaking to no one except those who call on me

[lime_gl0wstix]

Cutting oneself off from others has the potential to do wonders for self-improvement, but I had no fulfilled that potential. It is a selfish and solitary pursuit indeed, and it is in this mindset that I feel no need to create art. I don't want to be selfish and alone; I want to be with people and affect people. This near-narcissism is what prevents me from making art. I feel guilty about being that involved in myself, stroking my own ego. I would rather make art and have it be appreciated because at least then I reach out to people.

I don't know what I would create even if I could do it all (well, you know, aside from him. I would like to make a life-size sculpture of him indeed). That's my current major setback. I don't know what I'd want my art to look like, what I'd want it to say, or even what medium it would be. I have nothing to say. My art has no purpose and I have nothing to express. If I limit myself to freelance, at least then my art would have a purpose in that my skills were useful for someone

[reivena]

I personally do not care at all how my art is interpreted, if it brings joy (or any other emotion) to anyone else, how its existence may affect others in some way, or how someone's view or opinion of me may change upon viewing my art. I realize I am the most selfish type of artist for the fact that I create my art only to please myself, which is generally connected to me releasing a certain emotional state or obsessive image I can't get out of my mind. I have to be narcissistic in this or else I would cease creating art. In doing freelance, I typically have zero emotional attachment to whatever it is I'm creating; with freelance illustrations, it quickly becomes a chore and ultimately angers or depresses me. This is why my freelance has become web development, as it's difficult to become emotionally bothered over lines of code (save for something not loading right, but this sparks a different part of my brain). It is rare that an idea for an illustration is presented before me that I think is innovative, intriguing and

[reivena]

[Exceeded the limit, part 2

[reivena]

Lastly, art doesn't even need to have a subject matter or specific intent. You CAN create art with the sole purpose of examining how mediums combine or change on the canvas. For example, Jackson Pollock made paintings that people can't distinguish apart from bird shit and that guy became a hojillionaire whose works are widely enjoyed. http://reverent.org/pollock_or_birds.html

[lime_gl0wstix]

I want to let you know I read all of this and I really appreciate your input :> I need a while to think of a response, however. There are a lot of feelings in me right now and I'm not sure how to convey them other than I feel that I am sick of myself. It's true that I love raving and him and monsters and all of that but I feel like a one-trick pony. If I made a bunch of pieces on raves, to me it would feel like copping out, like I can't think of anything so I just default to some bullshit. Even though I enjoyed the Beauty and the Beast pieces I was pretty embarrassed to show them because, to me, it was like turning in fan art as an assignment. I felt the same way about my midterm oil painting of the skulls, Crack, etc. Nobody knew what to think of it and everyone thought it was just weird, and I felt like it was stupid that I couldn't paint something of artistic integrity or whatnot. Like some other people painted their anime figurines and I thought that was stupid. "Oooh, look how much I like animu!" Sure it's fine that

[reivena]

Perhaps the turmoil you feel is greater than the artwork itself. You say you feel embarrassment over your works, are ashamed to display it (here you say over people perceiving it having 'fan art'-like qualities, not the skill level or technical merits of it), afraid of what others think of the symbolism involved, etc. From what you described, while you say blank slates are bothersome and drive you towards a desire to fill them/to have a tactile experience with materials, it otherwise largely sounds as if you have pursued art largely for non-creative expression, but rather:
>I was a little bit better at drawing than my peers and they praised me for it, so I did what I thought people liked me for
>I got pleasure from drawing because it was validated and because I liked making things that people liked.
Check spelling during preview
>people liked me for doing it
>I feel guilty about being that involved in myself, stroking my own ego
>I would rather make art and have it be appreciatedPerhaps the issue is that you are too consumed over

[reivena]

also fuk off livechornal for throwan in incorrect spelchek informations into my posts ok

[lime_gl0wstix]

that's what I mean. I don't care about my own inner world enough to make anything of it. There isn't much going on in there anyway. I would rather be able to affect and be around other people than needlessly seal myself away to masturbate on a canvas.
I know I have an ego but I try my best to keep it to myself. No one has to see that shit. There just isn't anything that I can do that thousands of people can't already do better, so there's really no point in me attempting art any longer except that it's the only thing I'm kind of good at, at least enough to scrape away with a degree.

[reivena]

Can you still achieve that degree, and get a second major that would enable you to find work in something helping people?

Example, Jesi is going into human services/social work, which requires only an associate's.

[reivena]

>There just isn't anything that I can do that thousands of people can't already do better
That can be applied to literally anything and everything. Like, you may as well just stay awake forever and not go to bed ever again because I sleep more efficiently than you.
wat
The development of any skill/knowledge takes effort. Honestly, I feel a strange comfort in knowing there are people better than I am at any aspect of my skills.

[lime_gl0wstix]

David Hadlock had said that art is a mixture of engineering and masturbation. I am too stupid for the first and don't care for the second.

[reivena]

I would say art is 95% marketing and 5% art - if you want to make a living doing it, anyway. Unfortunately, college courses barely touch on this (if at all) which is why so many people with these degrees end up being the "starving artists." Colleges often don't approach how one exactly goes about marketing themselves, the business end of art, how a person has to commercialize themselves in a way to actually make a living doing this, let alone the entire change in mindset one has to make to harden themselves to live this type of life.

Statistically, I've seen that it's more probable for a person to become a neurosurgeon than to become successful as an artist, which makes it all the more imperative that as much effort and commitment is placed into honing this craft as is possible.

The masturbation part could come in for when you make works for yourself, sure.

[lime_gl0wstix]

I don't make works for myself. If I do, they're journalistic, and I rarely show them. That's my main reasoning behind wanting to make works for other people. But I figure I should devote my time to something better, I guess, since art doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere or bringing me any happiness.

[reivena]

Also, that was my retarded ass not being logged in.