Leaving
I'm leaving for Hanover tomorrow afternoon. This is the last night in quite a while I'll be sleeping in my bed, in my room. The whole thing is so strange to think about. I've lived in my room for the last fourteen years, and now it just looks so bare, like I don't live there at all. Every time I go back in and look around, it feels more and more like I don't live there anymore.
My mom gave me a letter today and made me cry.
This afternoon I visited LC because my brother was ordering his class ring, and I wanted to take the opportunity to say goodbye. Seriously, people, it was like the stars smiled upon me. We got there around 2:45 and I didn't really expect anybody to be there, but I walked by the stagetech room and, low and behold, there were Marten and Larry and Katy. And Katy had a Star Wars magazine! I was afraid I was going to leave without seeing Marten again, so I'm glad he was there. And the other Thespian officers were there too, having a read-through for the rookie show they're doing this year. So I got to see Sam and Mel and Mindie. I thought I was going to have to do a little happy dance right there in the Studio Theater. Then I found Ms. Fischer and said goodbye to her. She had a student teacher there with her who reads Discworld (!), and so we chatted about that in a very nerdy conversation that made Fisch laugh. She was really excited for me. Then when I left, I heard her talking about me to the student teacher. She said nice things, that I was a special, great kid, and everything, and she didn't even know I could still hear her. Between that and the way Marten and Katy followed me around the school just because they were happy I was there, I felt all warm and fuzzy. Like the Queen of Everything. Everybody, I love you guys so much!
Well, to sum up, this is a poem by Alfred, Lord Tennyson that sort of sums up my idea of life, my quest, sort of. It's called "Merlin and the Gleam."
I.
O YOUNG Mariner,
You from the haven
Under the sea-cliff,
You that are watching
The gray Magician
With eyes of wonder,
I am Merlin,
And I am dying,
I am Merlin
Who follow The Gleam.
II.
Mighty the Wizard
Who found me at sunrise
Sleeping, and woke me
And learn'd me Magic!
Great the Master,
And sweet the Magic,
When over the valley,
In early summers,
Over the mountain,
On human faces,
And all around me,
Moving to melody,
Floated The Gleam.
III.
Once at the croak of a Raven who crost it,
A barbarous people,
Blind to the magic,
And deaf to the melody,
Snarl'd at and cursed me.
A demon vext me,
The light retreated,
The landskip darken'd,
The melody deaden'd,
The Master whisper'd
"Follow The Gleam."
IV.
Then to the melody,
Over a wilderness
Gliding, and glancing at
Elf of the woodland,
Gnome of the cavern,
Griffin and Giant,
And dancing of Fairies
In desolate hollows,
And wraiths of the mountain,
And rolling of dragons
By warble of water,
Or cataract music
Of falling torrents,
Flitted The Gleam.
V.
Down from the mountain
And over the level,
And streaming and shining on
Silent river,
Silvery willow,
Pasture and plowland,
Horses and oxen,
Innocent maidens,
Garrulous children,
Homestead and harvest,
Reaper and gleaner,
And rough-ruddy faces
Of lowly labour,
Slided The Gleam.--
VI.
Then, with a melody
Stronger and statelier,
Led me at length
To the city and palace
Of Arthur the king;
Touch'd at the golden
Cross of the churches,
Flash'd on the Tournament,
Flicker'd and bicker'd
From helmet to helmet,
And last on the forehead
Of Arthur the blameless
Rested The Gleam.
VII.
Clouds and darkness
Closed upon Camelot;
Arthur had vanish'd
I knew not whither,
The king who loved me,
And cannot die;
For out of the darkness
Silent and slowly
The Gleam, that had waned to a wintry glimmer
On icy fallow
And faded forest,
Drew to the valley
Named of the shadow,
And slowly brightening
Out of the glimmer,
And slowly moving again to a melody
Yearningly tender,
Fell on the shadow,
No longer a shadow,
But clothed with The Gleam.
VIII.
And broader and brighter
The Gleam flying onward,
Wed to the melody,
Sang thro' the world;
And slower and fainter,
Old and weary,
But eager to follow,
I saw, whenever
In passing it glanced upon
Hamlet or city,
That under the Crosses
The dead man's garden,
The mortal hillock,
Would break into blossom;
And so to the land's
Last limit I came--
And can no longer,
But die rejoicing,
For thro' the Magic
Of Him the Mighty,
Who taught me in childhood,
There on the border
Of boundless Ocean,
And all but in Heaven
Hovers The Gleam.
IX.
Not of the sunlight,
Not of the moonlight,
Not of the starlight!
O young Mariner,
Down to the haven,
Call your companions,
Launch your vessel,
And crowd your canvas,
And, ere it vanishes
Over the margin,
After it, follow it,
Follow The Gleam.
"Ere it vanishes over the margin, after it! Follow it! Follow the Gleam!" That's all it is. And that's where I'm going tomorrow. I'm following the Gleam. Wish me luck.
I'll probably post from Hanover tomorrow or the day after, and I'll still have nerdy things to say about Anakin and Padmé, about Carrot and Angua, and about Arthur and Guenevere. Trust me on that. :)