baccalaureate begins in about 15 and a half hours..
baccalaureate is tomorrow, i wont survive.. i've anticipated the day i got out of this school for the entire year because i was taken for granted by EVERYONE.. and now that i've finally been appreciated by a few people, i realize how much i will truly miss that school.. mrs. kane became a second mother to me after i left her class sophomore year.. i'd do anything for her, hence the reason i sat in her room every tuesday and thursday morning to tutor for her for the past two years.. she tells my mom how im her baby, and she honestly believes that im a smart kid, not too many people do, but she was the one who always had faith in me.. ive realized that i have the greatest group of friends, and im scared of us all separating next year.. jenn [1], lauren, and cayleen are headed to lasalle, which will only be a short distance from me, michelle, joe and gab at temple.. krissy will be at neumann which is a short drive, quick to get to if i ever get my license this summer.. alicia on the other hand will be at rider, jenn [2] at st joes.. stephanies leaving to go to scranton, dom to st johns in new york, matt to pittsburgh, flynn to kings, and billys headed to maryland.. and of course there will be the juniors such as jimmy, ashley, stephanie, and sean, as well as the rest of the neighborhood girls, who will still be at neumann-goretti.. these people are the ones who i entrusted with knowing every aspect of my life over the past year, and they'll be gone, maybe never to be seen again, come august.. it scares me i guess.. im gonna miss the shelter of neumann goretti, and my safe haven of the yearbook room to hang out in whenever i didnt feel like going home.. i'll miss kalinger on my back to make up monthly agendas and handing in quarterly service papers, and mr. gildea up our asses to make yearbook deadlines and always correcting my terrible grammar.. i'd love to be proud and thankful for everything that has happened to me over the past 4 years in that building but that doesnt seem to be possible because as usual people ruin it for me.. im tired of being the stuck up nerd who thinks shes better than everyone, and im mostly tired of it because that's not me.. im not a nerd, i go out every weekend, i have friends of my own, i drink, and i have fun!, just the same as every other senior.. and im definitly not stuck up, everyone knows how critical i am of myself and how i never think im good enough for anything, ive never degraded anyone, nor have i put myself ahead of anyone.. i dont believe im smarter than any person in that class, not even the last ranked person, i study and i know that's the only reason i do well, so for everyone who believes that i THINK im so smart, shove it up your asses because i dont think im smart at all.. im more than thankful to be in the position i am on and ive told a million people that i'd rather see them be ahead of me because i know who is deserving of it.. but i guess more than anything im thankful for everyone who has pushed me to this point; everyone who has helped me come out of my shell since my shy days of freshman year, and everyone who convinced me to look behind all of the immature bullshit and ignore the labels everyone placed upon me.. i'm not as vulnerable as i was last year, people wont make me cry no more because i dont care, but more because i have people who do care, about me that is..
every school year for as long as i can remember, i couldn't wait for june to roll around, but now i dread it.. after friday i'll be an 18 year old adult out in the real world straight out of high school, and i know i can't make it.. i'll cry hysterically, i know it, and rich will be sitting next to me on stage yelling at me for it.. but i think itll hit me more after the last graduation party where we'll all be together for one last time.. i can't wait to get away from all of the bullshit but i know a lot of it will be following me to college since about half of the kids from the school are going to temple too.. so part of me does want to graduate, but losing the 10% of people i actually can stand in that class is what holds me back.. my yearbook has been stained with tears on pages where the most heartfelt things have been written, and there are no better people that i would have chosen to grow close to over my years of high school..
every school year for as long as i can remember, i couldn't wait for june to roll around, but now i dread it.. after friday i'll be an 18 year old adult out in the real world straight out of high school, and i know i can't make it.. i'll cry hysterically, i know it, and rich will be sitting next to me on stage yelling at me for it.. but i think itll hit me more after the last graduation party where we'll all be together for one last time.. i can't wait to get away from all of the bullshit but i know a lot of it will be following me to college since about half of the kids from the school are going to temple too.. so part of me does want to graduate, but losing the 10% of people i actually can stand in that class is what holds me back.. my yearbook has been stained with tears on pages where the most heartfelt things have been written, and there are no better people that i would have chosen to grow close to over my years of high school..