(no subject)
it is difficult for me to respond to your letter. in a way, i am relieved to know and have your feelings confirmed. i want to acknowledge your frustration, anger, sadness, shame, and regret at the state of our relationship. it means a lot to me to have you name those feelings and recognize that things were not right. your admissions validate a lot of the feelings that I experienced from that time right up until very recently.
unfortunately, i think it may have only been by chance that our emotional difficulties coincided. i have never seen our falling out as one-sided, and you are correct in saying that i lacked the ability to express the intense emotions i was experiencing. i am still focusing on how to interpret and manage my own sensitivity.
on the other hand, i cannot believe you when you say that, “nothing you can say or do will hurt my feelings.” as you may or may not have figured out, i am very afraid to hurt you further in this process, and i think that the above statement is too generous of you to be true. this, however, may be a projection of my own fears onto you, and i suppose it is not fair of me to assume that you are not telling the truth. perhaps it comes from a disappointment that I cannot say the same for myself. at this point, i think i am still expecting to be hurt in the end. i cannot promise to be invulnerable to emotion.
i have been and will continue to work on changing those thoughts and the fears that they produce. your willingness to work with me on rebuilding our relationship means so much to me, and helps me believe that i can change for the better.
with love,
lindsay