"Coffee Black and Egg White, Pull Me out from Inside"
Well my first day of working from home is over. It was a hectic day and my brain is tired. I am a good writer, though. I'm realizing that. And I'm realizing I'm pretty damn lucky to have what I have.
Yesterday was my first day at Smart Tan. It was just as busy. I'm hoping it's not always so crazy, not that I couldn't handle it. But it will make me frazzled pretty quickly to jump in at this pace with such a small learning curve.
After work I met Aaron for dinner and coffee. I was excited until I started driving. Then I was more confused. What the hell am I doing? Is this real? How the hell did this happen? I felt absolutely psychotic. Then I pulled into the parking lot and I just felt sick for a minute. I didn't think I could do it. I was really there.
The truth is that the whole night was a big release. Sure, we've been talking for a couple months, but we had so much to say. Saying it in person was definitely different. At moments, surreal. Everything would be fine and then all the sudden I'd look over and think...Jesus Christ I'm sitting across from Aaron! For most of the night it just felt like it was 5 years ago except we'd had lobotomies. It was calm and funny and real.
As I say that, "The Greatest" by Cat Power comes on. Makes sense.
It was interesting to talk about how we used to make music a substitute for conversation. We would just say...maybe I would just say...this song is everything that's going on. It was usually depressing. Maybe that's why we didn't talk about it. It was never easy.
Anyway, hanging out with Aaron is good. It's laughing about who we were. It's shaking our heads at what we did. It's just talking. The nice part is that eventually it wasn't about us anymore. It was just about whatever. That felt good.
More than anything I just feel relieved. We built things up a lot but I really don't feel like it was weird at all. I feel like I let go of a lot. I actually feel like I don't have much left to say about it. I feel like it will make writing the Aaron entry that much harder since we've had a ridiculous amount of closure.
It's like I'm done writing. Shit. That sucks. I guess I've done a lot of talking and writing in the past couple days.
The end?
Yesterday was my first day at Smart Tan. It was just as busy. I'm hoping it's not always so crazy, not that I couldn't handle it. But it will make me frazzled pretty quickly to jump in at this pace with such a small learning curve.
After work I met Aaron for dinner and coffee. I was excited until I started driving. Then I was more confused. What the hell am I doing? Is this real? How the hell did this happen? I felt absolutely psychotic. Then I pulled into the parking lot and I just felt sick for a minute. I didn't think I could do it. I was really there.
The truth is that the whole night was a big release. Sure, we've been talking for a couple months, but we had so much to say. Saying it in person was definitely different. At moments, surreal. Everything would be fine and then all the sudden I'd look over and think...Jesus Christ I'm sitting across from Aaron! For most of the night it just felt like it was 5 years ago except we'd had lobotomies. It was calm and funny and real.
As I say that, "The Greatest" by Cat Power comes on. Makes sense.
It was interesting to talk about how we used to make music a substitute for conversation. We would just say...maybe I would just say...this song is everything that's going on. It was usually depressing. Maybe that's why we didn't talk about it. It was never easy.
Anyway, hanging out with Aaron is good. It's laughing about who we were. It's shaking our heads at what we did. It's just talking. The nice part is that eventually it wasn't about us anymore. It was just about whatever. That felt good.
More than anything I just feel relieved. We built things up a lot but I really don't feel like it was weird at all. I feel like I let go of a lot. I actually feel like I don't have much left to say about it. I feel like it will make writing the Aaron entry that much harder since we've had a ridiculous amount of closure.
It's like I'm done writing. Shit. That sucks. I guess I've done a lot of talking and writing in the past couple days.
The end?