I feel the earth move under my feet
Why must I torture myself like this? It's over. "It's over, it's over, it's all coming apart." We know this. Nothing new. I've done a good job the past few weeks of distracting my mind, but then I give in and the thoughts and emotions flood in. There's nothing I can do, since self-control isn't my best option. I've never been good at staying away when I should.
He looks gaunt. I'm genuinely curious about what's going on in his life. Is it natural curiosity or caring? At this point, it could go either way. I shouldn't care. I should be logical and do everything he always told me to do- walk away, get away while I can. While he will let me is more like it. His eyes look sad, empty. I wonder if he misses me- would it be because he's fallen so far, or because he can care about another human being? Something in me aches at a sadness that he's feeling. Something in me can't bear to look at his eyes.
Nearly worse is that I am on the rebound. And my new man knows it. I don't know why he's bothering, really. I appreciate him immensely. We're definitely still in the honeymoon-trial period, but it's all going well. I do like him. But I have skeletons that aren't even firmly behind closet doors yet. I have nothing to hide, but I also don't want to lead him on in any way. I worry for this. I don't want to be an idiot girl who is rebounding and hurts him because I can't be adult with my emotions. Then again, is that really my tradition?
I'm afloat in the ocean, trying not to sink.
He looks gaunt. I'm genuinely curious about what's going on in his life. Is it natural curiosity or caring? At this point, it could go either way. I shouldn't care. I should be logical and do everything he always told me to do- walk away, get away while I can. While he will let me is more like it. His eyes look sad, empty. I wonder if he misses me- would it be because he's fallen so far, or because he can care about another human being? Something in me aches at a sadness that he's feeling. Something in me can't bear to look at his eyes.
Nearly worse is that I am on the rebound. And my new man knows it. I don't know why he's bothering, really. I appreciate him immensely. We're definitely still in the honeymoon-trial period, but it's all going well. I do like him. But I have skeletons that aren't even firmly behind closet doors yet. I have nothing to hide, but I also don't want to lead him on in any way. I worry for this. I don't want to be an idiot girl who is rebounding and hurts him because I can't be adult with my emotions. Then again, is that really my tradition?
I'm afloat in the ocean, trying not to sink.