I Hate Being Fucked With . . .
So now boy has written and apologized. He feels he was "mistaken" and would like to talk about it when he returns from Paris. He regrets if he has "caused me any pain" and would like to try to "make it up to me." I don't know what this means. I never responded to his last e-mail where he categorically dumped me. I have not done that much that might indicate I was interested unless you count e-mailing some one and calling them in the same weekend as showing a lot of interest (okay, in my book that's like excessive interest, but when I ran this by my friends this is apparently the bare minimum of interest an average human being might show). So with little to no prompting on my part he has gone from being extremely interested to not sure if he has time for all of this to flagellating himself. It’s like he’s working out all these issues with a nonexistent me. This is something I simply don’t understand. Is he trying to make things more dramatic than they really are? Is he trying to goad a reaction from me? Now I consider myself a relatively intelligent human being and the fact that I can not discern motivation for any of this has left me really frustrated. I don’t like being frustrated. Should I meet with him and hear what he has to say?
I know it could be worse. I went out with some guy who gave me his number at a party a few weeks ago just to do it. He spent almost the whole time lecturing me about my smoking. Since my whole personal revelation thing, I can pretty honestly say that I’m a rather easy going person when you first meet me--I used to be incredibly abrasive--but this continual harping on a single issue made me feel really attacked which in turn made me caustic. In an effort to show what a generally delightful and amicable person I can be, when the boy was in the bathroom I turned to a group of boys at the next table over and started joshing with them. They loved me. Bought me a drink. Begged me to stay when the boy I was with came back from the bathroom and quickly announced he was leaving (actually nothing was better than having these English blokes calling the guy I was with a wanker and begging me to stay on at the bar with them all in front of him). In this instance I found myself sort of missing the previous boy, but that could have been because he dumped me and I was just regretting things in that light. Blah, this is all so stupid. It's not like I'm ever really going to trust this guy again, so what is the point?
I know it could be worse. I went out with some guy who gave me his number at a party a few weeks ago just to do it. He spent almost the whole time lecturing me about my smoking. Since my whole personal revelation thing, I can pretty honestly say that I’m a rather easy going person when you first meet me--I used to be incredibly abrasive--but this continual harping on a single issue made me feel really attacked which in turn made me caustic. In an effort to show what a generally delightful and amicable person I can be, when the boy was in the bathroom I turned to a group of boys at the next table over and started joshing with them. They loved me. Bought me a drink. Begged me to stay when the boy I was with came back from the bathroom and quickly announced he was leaving (actually nothing was better than having these English blokes calling the guy I was with a wanker and begging me to stay on at the bar with them all in front of him). In this instance I found myself sort of missing the previous boy, but that could have been because he dumped me and I was just regretting things in that light. Blah, this is all so stupid. It's not like I'm ever really going to trust this guy again, so what is the point?