Living together, yeah, about that...
No, we're not splitting up the household, but it was a very close thing.
A couple of weeks ago there was an eruption. I'll spare the details, but Nw basically went off on Cw and said things like how she has to "share" him, how I "allow" her time with him, and so on. Now, to be fair, her being upset was warranted based on the conversation they had immediately prior to that explosion. Her reaction was completely over the top though. Cw came to me and said that he figures we should move separately and he doesn't believe that he and Nw would be poly in two yrs.
He and I have both watched while she became increasingly insecure, and increasingly threatened by me and my presence in their lives over this past year. It's been frustrating because she'll say everything is fine and then just explode about it, to him, never to me. To me, it's always that everything is fine, she's fine, no worries.
Well, that particular explosion was the straw that broke the poly camel's back. I broke up with Cw. I sobbed myself stupid for three days. I hated it, didn't want to do it, and just felt so miserable. I hated hurting him, I hated that I was hurting. I was angry with Nw for not being honest with me about how she felt. I was angry that she always thought I was a threat to her. I was angry at having to keep my word that if my presence made trouble in their relationship, I'd walk away.
Well, apparently that left Nw feeling like she was the only reason we broke up. (Well, ok, she was.) She was overrun with guilt and was crying and being upset as well. She's dealing with some changes in her body chemistry and right now, no, there isn't insurance to cover the cost of resolving those issues. She swears that it's all tied to that and the increasing anxiety she faces.
Anyway, we all had a big talk. At the end of it, Cw and I were back together, Nw is certain that with medical attention she'll be stabilized again, and wants us to all find a house together still, and she at least knows that I know how deep her insecurities go. I wasn't mean, but I did lay out that I know far more than she suspected and I gave concrete examples that couldn't be disregarded or brushed aside by her.
Since then, she's been a lot different towards me. We actually talk. Not deep conversation, but we speak. It wasn't uncommon for us to go days or a week without any conversation beyond what to get for dinner, no matter how I tried. We're looking at houses together, too. We both seem to have a LOT of similar tastes and wishes on that front. We even had a similar idea of what we were looking for in a house. That was nice to find out, and the house hunting has been a bit of a bonding thing. Both of us, together, looking for the place we will call home as a unit.
I don't know what will happen going forward. Maybe this all worked out like unintended shock therapy to make everyone wake up to the reality of what we've built and the value of it to the people involved, and what the loss of it would be. Maybe things will fall apart in the future anyway.
I'm sure some will think I'm a little unhinged for going forward, but I have been happier, and life has been better since I met Cw and became involved with him than ever before. Even as much as I love J, and as much as I miss him, things are still just that much better now, on all counts. I'm not willing to just throw in the towel, not if there's a hope of resolution and a chance to live out my life this way, with this family.
A couple of weeks ago there was an eruption. I'll spare the details, but Nw basically went off on Cw and said things like how she has to "share" him, how I "allow" her time with him, and so on. Now, to be fair, her being upset was warranted based on the conversation they had immediately prior to that explosion. Her reaction was completely over the top though. Cw came to me and said that he figures we should move separately and he doesn't believe that he and Nw would be poly in two yrs.
He and I have both watched while she became increasingly insecure, and increasingly threatened by me and my presence in their lives over this past year. It's been frustrating because she'll say everything is fine and then just explode about it, to him, never to me. To me, it's always that everything is fine, she's fine, no worries.
Well, that particular explosion was the straw that broke the poly camel's back. I broke up with Cw. I sobbed myself stupid for three days. I hated it, didn't want to do it, and just felt so miserable. I hated hurting him, I hated that I was hurting. I was angry with Nw for not being honest with me about how she felt. I was angry that she always thought I was a threat to her. I was angry at having to keep my word that if my presence made trouble in their relationship, I'd walk away.
Well, apparently that left Nw feeling like she was the only reason we broke up. (Well, ok, she was.) She was overrun with guilt and was crying and being upset as well. She's dealing with some changes in her body chemistry and right now, no, there isn't insurance to cover the cost of resolving those issues. She swears that it's all tied to that and the increasing anxiety she faces.
Anyway, we all had a big talk. At the end of it, Cw and I were back together, Nw is certain that with medical attention she'll be stabilized again, and wants us to all find a house together still, and she at least knows that I know how deep her insecurities go. I wasn't mean, but I did lay out that I know far more than she suspected and I gave concrete examples that couldn't be disregarded or brushed aside by her.
Since then, she's been a lot different towards me. We actually talk. Not deep conversation, but we speak. It wasn't uncommon for us to go days or a week without any conversation beyond what to get for dinner, no matter how I tried. We're looking at houses together, too. We both seem to have a LOT of similar tastes and wishes on that front. We even had a similar idea of what we were looking for in a house. That was nice to find out, and the house hunting has been a bit of a bonding thing. Both of us, together, looking for the place we will call home as a unit.
I don't know what will happen going forward. Maybe this all worked out like unintended shock therapy to make everyone wake up to the reality of what we've built and the value of it to the people involved, and what the loss of it would be. Maybe things will fall apart in the future anyway.
I'm sure some will think I'm a little unhinged for going forward, but I have been happier, and life has been better since I met Cw and became involved with him than ever before. Even as much as I love J, and as much as I miss him, things are still just that much better now, on all counts. I'm not willing to just throw in the towel, not if there's a hope of resolution and a chance to live out my life this way, with this family.