Anniversary!
Today, one year ago, I made a very shaky, very frightened, and very hurt step. I broke off my relationship with J. I worked forward from there, changing the name of this blog, gradually cutting out everyone else in my life, locally, because none of them were good for me. All the people I knew were tied up in J and the drama he insists on maintaining in his life by lying, misleading, and pretending to be several people he is not... and of course the addictions to alcohol and pot as well.
It was a very hard day for me. In the immediate weeks following, I wanted to give up. I wanted to move far away and never come back. I wanted to do a lot of things that wouldn't have been healthy for me. I gave up on stabilizing myself on my own and went to see a counselor.
I met A and her lovely wife E.
I met Cw and Nw.
I started teaching again.
I kept my job instead of falling apart and throwing everything to the wind.
I have a new home and an entirely different life now.
I still miss J sometimes, and still think of him pretty often. I've kind of gotten used to the space where he was though, and I don't regret that he isn't there. The peace and ability to move forward with life is just worth more than the chaos and pain he continually dropped in my life.
I don't miss the false friends at all. Every one of them, from T to J's aunt, to his guy friends, just leeched the strength and clarity from my mind. Every one of them took, and gave nothing in return but bad treatment, backstabbing, and more drama.
I'm proud of myself. I haven't made contact or tried to make contact with J. I think, once in a while, I'd like to, but I don't. I know what chaos would follow and I do not choose to invite that back into my life again.
I'm proud of myself. I've replaced destructive relationships with abusive tendencies, with loving, caring, supportive relationships.
I'm proud of myself. I've found and kept people in my life who have accepted me for who I am, instead of trying to tell me who I should be.
I'm proud of myself on many counts.
Happy anniversary, me. It's a day that has been well-earned.
It was a very hard day for me. In the immediate weeks following, I wanted to give up. I wanted to move far away and never come back. I wanted to do a lot of things that wouldn't have been healthy for me. I gave up on stabilizing myself on my own and went to see a counselor.
I met A and her lovely wife E.
I met Cw and Nw.
I started teaching again.
I kept my job instead of falling apart and throwing everything to the wind.
I have a new home and an entirely different life now.
I still miss J sometimes, and still think of him pretty often. I've kind of gotten used to the space where he was though, and I don't regret that he isn't there. The peace and ability to move forward with life is just worth more than the chaos and pain he continually dropped in my life.
I don't miss the false friends at all. Every one of them, from T to J's aunt, to his guy friends, just leeched the strength and clarity from my mind. Every one of them took, and gave nothing in return but bad treatment, backstabbing, and more drama.
I'm proud of myself. I haven't made contact or tried to make contact with J. I think, once in a while, I'd like to, but I don't. I know what chaos would follow and I do not choose to invite that back into my life again.
I'm proud of myself. I've replaced destructive relationships with abusive tendencies, with loving, caring, supportive relationships.
I'm proud of myself. I've found and kept people in my life who have accepted me for who I am, instead of trying to tell me who I should be.
I'm proud of myself on many counts.
Happy anniversary, me. It's a day that has been well-earned.