(no subject)
Geez!!!! I am way far behind in updating. I update more on Xanga but that is because I know more people on there and people on there comment on my entries. You LiveJournalers though.....you disappoint me. So I will make this short by looking back through my old Xanga entries...
Ummm....about back at the beginning of September I was back in CoMO during my 2 weeks off between treatments and got a fever...aka an infection so I went to the ER like I am supposed to they admitted me and I was there for 5 days with every antiobiotic running through my little body. I got out the day before classes started.
So there is the next update. School has started and it's hard. I am taking classes because I want live a normal life as best I can and take my mind off things. Plus too continue to be under my parents insurance I have to stay a full-time student and well, insurance is something I really need right now. I am experiencing something called 'chemo brain.' (Real term...they use it in all the books) But anyway chemo brain thing is a pain in the butt. I can't concentrate for the life of me. Sitting in class it's hard to keep my attention on what professors are saying. And when I can concentrate and am writing notes, I forget what they say before I write it down. When reading, I have to read something 4 or 5 times before I actually take it in and comprehend what it says. It's so frustrating considering I am back in school. A month ago it didn't matter but now I'm trying to do well. I'm also very forgetful. I will get a text from someone or a voicemail. And then an hour later, for the life of me I can't remember what their message was about. It gets me pretty down. Just because school is something I enjoy and wanna do but it's so hard now. As if I don't have enough to stress and worry about with ya know, cancer, I have the stress and worry of failing in school because I can't concentrate. I mean, I know I won't fail but I won't do as well as I normally do. And what sucks is even when chemo is finished I will still experience chemo brain. They say you experience it for about a year after treatments are finished. Ugh!
And school is stressful because when exams or research papers fall on a chemo week, my professors are asking me to take them the week before I leave. Which is probably a good idea since the week after chemo I feel like hell and wouldn't want to study during chemo week or after. But the last two treatments I have had 4 exams on Thursday and Friday the week before chemo. That's hella studying...especially for someone who has a major problem with things.
But on a good note...I am in my very last week of chemo!!!!!!! I am super excited to be done but that makes me extremely nervous for my first scan which will be in 4 months. I hope it's all gone and am just so scared to get it done and hear the results. I was excited to get back to my normal life but I have heard from others my age who experienced this, that you never do. And that it's depressing. That after this, for some reason they feel lonely and like there is a void. I don't want that. I want to be happy and live my old life. Maybe that's why. Maybe the others, and I am doing this too, are expecting things to be how they were. And obviously they can't. They never will be. I guess I should just not expect anything? But how? Ever since February I have just been longing for my old life..... Life is bunk!!!!!!!
So in general I am doing okay. Not good but not horrible. It's very hard to balance work (yes I am working), classes, and cancer. I am pushing my body too much in my weeks off. I wake at about 8am, go to classes, grab lunch, go to work, grab dinner, and head to the library every night to study from about 6pm to 2am when they kick my ass out to close.
My fingers hurt.
Peace!
Ummm....about back at the beginning of September I was back in CoMO during my 2 weeks off between treatments and got a fever...aka an infection so I went to the ER like I am supposed to they admitted me and I was there for 5 days with every antiobiotic running through my little body. I got out the day before classes started.
So there is the next update. School has started and it's hard. I am taking classes because I want live a normal life as best I can and take my mind off things. Plus too continue to be under my parents insurance I have to stay a full-time student and well, insurance is something I really need right now. I am experiencing something called 'chemo brain.' (Real term...they use it in all the books) But anyway chemo brain thing is a pain in the butt. I can't concentrate for the life of me. Sitting in class it's hard to keep my attention on what professors are saying. And when I can concentrate and am writing notes, I forget what they say before I write it down. When reading, I have to read something 4 or 5 times before I actually take it in and comprehend what it says. It's so frustrating considering I am back in school. A month ago it didn't matter but now I'm trying to do well. I'm also very forgetful. I will get a text from someone or a voicemail. And then an hour later, for the life of me I can't remember what their message was about. It gets me pretty down. Just because school is something I enjoy and wanna do but it's so hard now. As if I don't have enough to stress and worry about with ya know, cancer, I have the stress and worry of failing in school because I can't concentrate. I mean, I know I won't fail but I won't do as well as I normally do. And what sucks is even when chemo is finished I will still experience chemo brain. They say you experience it for about a year after treatments are finished. Ugh!
And school is stressful because when exams or research papers fall on a chemo week, my professors are asking me to take them the week before I leave. Which is probably a good idea since the week after chemo I feel like hell and wouldn't want to study during chemo week or after. But the last two treatments I have had 4 exams on Thursday and Friday the week before chemo. That's hella studying...especially for someone who has a major problem with things.
But on a good note...I am in my very last week of chemo!!!!!!! I am super excited to be done but that makes me extremely nervous for my first scan which will be in 4 months. I hope it's all gone and am just so scared to get it done and hear the results. I was excited to get back to my normal life but I have heard from others my age who experienced this, that you never do. And that it's depressing. That after this, for some reason they feel lonely and like there is a void. I don't want that. I want to be happy and live my old life. Maybe that's why. Maybe the others, and I am doing this too, are expecting things to be how they were. And obviously they can't. They never will be. I guess I should just not expect anything? But how? Ever since February I have just been longing for my old life..... Life is bunk!!!!!!!
So in general I am doing okay. Not good but not horrible. It's very hard to balance work (yes I am working), classes, and cancer. I am pushing my body too much in my weeks off. I wake at about 8am, go to classes, grab lunch, go to work, grab dinner, and head to the library every night to study from about 6pm to 2am when they kick my ass out to close.
My fingers hurt.
Peace!