(no subject)
I wish I could give you a good update. I wish I could say things are going well. I wish I could say I am doing better. I wish I could say I don't cry anymore. I wish I could say I'm not in pain anymore. I wish I could say things are starting to go my way. But I would be lying if I said those things.
I had to have my first blood transfusion. Counts were too low Monday so I had to hang around the hospital for about 4 hours before they decided if they could do it. Then I got 2 units of blood.
I guess I needed it. I am unable to walk. Not even 10 feet without needing to sit. It takes me about 3 resting stops to get to where I need to go in the hospital. Thus why I don't walk anymore. That's right. Melanie must be pushed in a wheelchair now. I hate this. All of it. I am now that typical cancer patient. Pale skin. DARK circles under the eyes. Drooping face. Looking like death. Unable to hold head up. In a wheelchair. Sitting right at 100 pounds. Unable to eat. Unable to drink. Always crying. Always in some new pain. Never any way to get rid of the pain. Carrying 20 different meds around in her purse. Depressed. Bald. Bruises covering every inch of skin. Avoiding those "she's so young" stares in the hospital. Pleading eyes. Wishful smile. Hopeful soul.