[Oneshot] MatsuJun and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
I went to bed without washing my face and now there’s make up in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped over Aiba and by mistake I dropped my tiara in the trash compactor while the thing was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast Aiba found a decoder ring in his cereal and Sho found a super ball in his cereal and Ohno found Nino in his cereal, but all that was in my cereal was cereal.
I think I’ll transfer to Morning Musume.
On the way to practice Ohno told Nino to take the passenger’s seat. Aiba was told to sit by the right window. Sho was told to sit by the left window. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smooshed. I said if I don’t get a place by a window I am going to be homicidal. Ohno and Nino didn’t even stop making out long enough to listen.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At practice Ohno liked Nino’s hair better than my hair. At break time Nino said I needed to stop hogging all the coffee. After the break was over, Sho said my nail polish didn’t match my outfit, so I threw my coffee in his face. Who needs Sho anyway? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because Aiba said he wasn’t my best dance partner anymore. He said that Sho was his best dance partner and Nino was his second best dance partner and that Ohno was his third best dance partner and that I was sixth.
There aren’t even six members in the band, I said to Aiba. I hope next time you try an experiment you burn off your eyebrows and you have to draw them on for group photos.
For our new song Ohno got a dance solo and Nino and Aiba got to sing all the stanzas by themselves and Sho even got to rap. Guess who got stuck only singing background vocals?
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
That’s what it was, because after practice we played suguroku and no one had to play a batsu game but me. I had to play all of them. You’ll do better next time, Aiba said.
Next time I’m not playing, I muttered while trying to cover my exposed nipples.
Then on the way to the HanaDan set the door to the taxi shut on my fingers and while I was getting out of the car I tripped and fell where it was muddy and when I started to cry because of the mud Oguri Shun said I was like a member of Kat-Tun, and while I was beating Shun up for saying I was a member of Kat-Tun the director came by and yelled at me for starting a fight when he couldn’t film it and use the footage later.
I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even listened.
So then we went to the dressing room to clean off all the blood and change our clothes. Shun got a nice pair of jeans and a white turtleneck. Shota got a jacket and a pair of slacks. I wanted something rainbowed and sparkly, but they couldn’t find anything. They said that someone had already taken everything rainbowed and sparkly for the next Arashi video. They made me wear a fur coat and gold lame pants instead, but they can’t make me like them. I told them they weren’t gay enough. I have an image to uphold, I said.
When we were filming a kiss scene the director said I couldn’t kiss Shun, but I forgot. He said that this wasn’t that kind of drama and I remembered as best I could, except for when I accidentally grabbed Shun’s butt in the next scene. He said don’t fool around with your co-stars, but I think he just meant the male ones. The director said please put your pants back on and stop looking so surly.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
There was gorgonzola pasta for dinner, and I hate cheese.
There was lots of TV without me on, and I hate anything that doesn’t have me in it.
My bath was too cold, I got shampoo in my eyes, my back-up tiara fell in the toilet and I had to take Tohma to bed because everyone else was busy. I hate taking Tohma to bed. All he does is talk.
When I got into bed Tohma hogged all the covers and when I tried to take them back I fell out of bed and hit my head.
Now Tohma wants to sleep with Yamapi, not me.
It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
But Ohno says some days are like that.
Even in Morning Musume.