The Hands are Gone, The Hours No More
I'm really sad tonight. He's gone again. I wish I could rewind a week or fast foreward a month. Make that a few months so school's out. I think it's almost worse this time. It's impossibly hard to say goodbye to someone that you know you won't get to talk to for a while. It literally breaks your heart. Things are so complicated now. I make them that way. It's my fault, but it's just hard. I made a wish on Thanksgiving with the whole wishbone and everything, and amazingly it sort of came true, but, like the wishbone, I only got half of it. I fell in love for Christmas. It's just not really a physical type of love. It's purely mental. I don't even know if that's possible. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. There are so many things I want to do. I want to travel, and explore, and start a bakery. What time zone is Utah on? I should probably know that. This summer may get very interesting. What do you do when things get like that? I suppose you just figure it out. I don't really care anymore anyways. Today was my uncle's birthday, and we went over to his house and I couldn't help but wonder where I would be when I turned 47, or who I would be with. It's so strange not knowing things like that. I just hope that I don't get there and think wow this isn't at all what I wanted or expected. Ugh there's that word again.... expected. I hate that word with a passion, because expectations are worthless and over rated. The sad thing is that most expectations aren't met, so why have them at all? I should add that to my long list of new years resolutions. I don't really like resolutions though. It's like we have to evaluate ourselves at this one time of the year when I think it should just be an all year thing. I suppose it's good for some, if not most, people, so I won't complain. He's probably asleep right now. God 5 months had really helped me to sort of get over him, because I don't think I felt as strongly about him as I do now. Maybe time and the absence of someone makes you love them more. It seems so odd though, but that's pretty much how love is, so what can I say. I'm tired of talking for tonight and hopefully I'll be able to get the mail this month... lol