It's that time of year again!
I'm currently at crazyjoyfulgirl's house and woke up at 10:30am for some reason cuz I was hot and the fan kinda overheated I guess, and I couldn't go back to sleep. Sadness. But I'm sure I'll tire out soon. And then wake up again and we can continue watching baby!paddy and orgasming over all his hott melty goodness. For now, I'll post what's running around in my head.
So guess what? It's that time of year again when I get all stressed out, depressed, and doubtful and end up dropping all my classes and considering dropping out of college! Woohoo!
This year, there's a new twist. I'm actually not so guilty about it this time because I had promised myself after last semester that I was going to take this one to re-evaluate my life and figure things out, and taking a full course load with challenging classes doesn't really enable me to do that. Plus I realized that being out of school, I'll use the same amount of money a semester (maybe less) than if I was actually in school, so there's not much money guilt issue.
My mom was pissed but I'm to the point where I need to start worrying about what I want instead of what my mom wants, and though I value her opinion greatly, there's a time where I have to sit and decide for myself.
The biggest problem I have is my foreign language requirement. I need 14 hours worth of classtime to fulfill it, which means I need to take a total of 4 classes. Beginning 1 and 2, and then Intermediate 1 and 2. I managed to take and pass Beginning Latin 1 with a B in Fall of 2005, but instead of continuing with it the next semester, I dropped it. I tried taking Beginning Latin 2 this semester and I started off so far behind that I failed 2 quizzes, getting less than 50% on both, and went to a Tutor for help. She helped me on a homework assignment that when I turned it in and got it back graded, I only got a B on it. So with the help of a tutor, I got a B. Without the help of a tutor, I got less than an F. And we're just reviewing! So I've come to the ultimate conclusion that I'm no good in Latin and there's not much hope of me being able to catch up.
It makes me sad though because I LOVE the language. It's just the memorization that I can't do. I can translate and read pretty accurately, it just takes me a while and I need a dictionary. So when she only gives us 2 minutes on our quizzes, I fail because 1) I don't know the vocab and 2) I don't have enough time to search my brain and really think about it.
So I've come to an impass. Do I continue striving for my requirement with another language that probably won't be much different in the memorization area, or do I change my major?
This is something that I've been thinking long and hard about, mostly because I don't know what I want to do with my major if I get it. I love history, but I don't want to teach, I don't want to go into politics or law, and I don't really want to go into archiving. I've been considering museum work but it doesn't REALLY appeal all that much, just a little more than the other things.
So I've been thinking about other things I like doing, am interested in, and could possibly make a career of, and I keep coming back to theatre. Though I love acting, I'm not very good at it, so I'm not thinking of going that route. Instead I've been revisiting my love of making things and thinking maybe I should go into Technology and Design. I enjoy setting stages and setting things up, I've worked on stage crews for a very long time, I've always loved creating things with my own hands, and I love theatre, plus I'm sure there has to be a demand for theatre grunts somewhere. And I even have an ultimate goal of going to Hollywood and working for high budget movies or television. A little far off, sure, but it's good to have ultimate goals.
Now there's just trying to decide how feasible this plan is, and whether it's something I really want to do, or if it's just a passing fancy, like the rest of my life. I think it's not because I've been considering it for some while, and I've always wanted to go into television/productions somehow ever since I was little and saw a behind-the-scenes Wishbone special about Foley Artists.
While thinking about all that, I've also been thinking on doing something I've been considering for years now, and that's take a roadtrip around America by myself. I really want to just jump in my car and go driving, and this semester seems like a prime time to do it. Once again, I told my mom and she was the most against it that I've ever seen her against anything, to the point where just thinking about it made her nearly hyperventilate from anxiety.
And I understand where she's coming from, I really do. Being out there all alone, possibly hundreds of miles from anyone I know to be able to help me if I need it... it's scary. But then I think of the adventures I could have and the things I could see.
I've been running everything over in my head. Trying to decide on a route, (maybe go west on route 80 until I hit "the highest point west of the Mississippi" and then south til I hit route 40 aka route 66 and come back east on that) trying to figure out where I would stop and what I could do to experience each place I stopped at, what I would be leaving behind and for how long. Where would I put my cats? How would I pay my rent and my bills? If I waited until August, where would I put all my stuff while I was gone because I wouldn't have an apartment? What if I got homesick? What if I got lonely? What if I couldn't drive for that long?
For my cats, I could either Kennel them (boo), leave before August and have my roommate look after them for a month or two (double boo), or I could take them with me (yay!). But if I took them with me, how would I care for them in the car? Where could I sleep at as there arn't many cat friendly hotels? What if they got hurt? And how would I train them to come when I called and walk on a leash?
There are just so many questions right now that it's looking like it's not going to be very feasible for a while. Which makes me sad. But I think I'm going to map out a route anyway, just so in the future I can always look back and muse on the Roadtrip That Was. And maybe someday I'll accomplish it.
Or maybe I'll just run for Chapter Field Representative for my Fraternity. But I think you need a degree... dammit.
So guess what? It's that time of year again when I get all stressed out, depressed, and doubtful and end up dropping all my classes and considering dropping out of college! Woohoo!
This year, there's a new twist. I'm actually not so guilty about it this time because I had promised myself after last semester that I was going to take this one to re-evaluate my life and figure things out, and taking a full course load with challenging classes doesn't really enable me to do that. Plus I realized that being out of school, I'll use the same amount of money a semester (maybe less) than if I was actually in school, so there's not much money guilt issue.
My mom was pissed but I'm to the point where I need to start worrying about what I want instead of what my mom wants, and though I value her opinion greatly, there's a time where I have to sit and decide for myself.
The biggest problem I have is my foreign language requirement. I need 14 hours worth of classtime to fulfill it, which means I need to take a total of 4 classes. Beginning 1 and 2, and then Intermediate 1 and 2. I managed to take and pass Beginning Latin 1 with a B in Fall of 2005, but instead of continuing with it the next semester, I dropped it. I tried taking Beginning Latin 2 this semester and I started off so far behind that I failed 2 quizzes, getting less than 50% on both, and went to a Tutor for help. She helped me on a homework assignment that when I turned it in and got it back graded, I only got a B on it. So with the help of a tutor, I got a B. Without the help of a tutor, I got less than an F. And we're just reviewing! So I've come to the ultimate conclusion that I'm no good in Latin and there's not much hope of me being able to catch up.
It makes me sad though because I LOVE the language. It's just the memorization that I can't do. I can translate and read pretty accurately, it just takes me a while and I need a dictionary. So when she only gives us 2 minutes on our quizzes, I fail because 1) I don't know the vocab and 2) I don't have enough time to search my brain and really think about it.
So I've come to an impass. Do I continue striving for my requirement with another language that probably won't be much different in the memorization area, or do I change my major?
This is something that I've been thinking long and hard about, mostly because I don't know what I want to do with my major if I get it. I love history, but I don't want to teach, I don't want to go into politics or law, and I don't really want to go into archiving. I've been considering museum work but it doesn't REALLY appeal all that much, just a little more than the other things.
So I've been thinking about other things I like doing, am interested in, and could possibly make a career of, and I keep coming back to theatre. Though I love acting, I'm not very good at it, so I'm not thinking of going that route. Instead I've been revisiting my love of making things and thinking maybe I should go into Technology and Design. I enjoy setting stages and setting things up, I've worked on stage crews for a very long time, I've always loved creating things with my own hands, and I love theatre, plus I'm sure there has to be a demand for theatre grunts somewhere. And I even have an ultimate goal of going to Hollywood and working for high budget movies or television. A little far off, sure, but it's good to have ultimate goals.
Now there's just trying to decide how feasible this plan is, and whether it's something I really want to do, or if it's just a passing fancy, like the rest of my life. I think it's not because I've been considering it for some while, and I've always wanted to go into television/productions somehow ever since I was little and saw a behind-the-scenes Wishbone special about Foley Artists.
While thinking about all that, I've also been thinking on doing something I've been considering for years now, and that's take a roadtrip around America by myself. I really want to just jump in my car and go driving, and this semester seems like a prime time to do it. Once again, I told my mom and she was the most against it that I've ever seen her against anything, to the point where just thinking about it made her nearly hyperventilate from anxiety.
And I understand where she's coming from, I really do. Being out there all alone, possibly hundreds of miles from anyone I know to be able to help me if I need it... it's scary. But then I think of the adventures I could have and the things I could see.
I've been running everything over in my head. Trying to decide on a route, (maybe go west on route 80 until I hit "the highest point west of the Mississippi" and then south til I hit route 40 aka route 66 and come back east on that) trying to figure out where I would stop and what I could do to experience each place I stopped at, what I would be leaving behind and for how long. Where would I put my cats? How would I pay my rent and my bills? If I waited until August, where would I put all my stuff while I was gone because I wouldn't have an apartment? What if I got homesick? What if I got lonely? What if I couldn't drive for that long?
For my cats, I could either Kennel them (boo), leave before August and have my roommate look after them for a month or two (double boo), or I could take them with me (yay!). But if I took them with me, how would I care for them in the car? Where could I sleep at as there arn't many cat friendly hotels? What if they got hurt? And how would I train them to come when I called and walk on a leash?
There are just so many questions right now that it's looking like it's not going to be very feasible for a while. Which makes me sad. But I think I'm going to map out a route anyway, just so in the future I can always look back and muse on the Roadtrip That Was. And maybe someday I'll accomplish it.
Or maybe I'll just run for Chapter Field Representative for my Fraternity. But I think you need a degree... dammit.