But In The End, It Doesn't Even Matter
Now that the summer is coming to an end and school is right around the corner about to start again I realize how much i've actually learned this summer. I feel like i've learned more about myself, about the world, and about the people around me more this summer than I have in an entire lifetime. Back in the beginning of April, right before school started A lot of things happened. I got dumped, I learned that my store was closing and I wouldn't have a job much longer, I got kicked out of my band, my dad had just had surgery and was for the most part immobile, I found out my mom's company might be moving to mexico and she might be out of a job, and my bills...our bills were piling up. It took me down into a deep deep depression. All of this together...I couldn't understand...why me? I tried to live my life as good as possible, helping those lower and having a harder time than me, having the greatest aspirations to help the world, wanting to learn everything as much as possible. I didn't drink, I attempted to stay loyal to those who I cared about by shoving off finding more/new friends, and keeping myself from going away to college to stay near those whom I love.
But depression struck me hard, to the point where I wasn't sure what I was here for, why I should get out of bed, and why I should keep fighting. I can remember two weeks straight everyday that I went to church not while it was open, but while it was closed. I felt like if I was going to get something back I might as well start at the base. And the base for me is faith. If I could find faith in anything than there was hope for me. It did help bring some faith back to me that it was worth the fight, and it did help bring more peace to me in a world that was bringing me so much pain and angst.
I took being at my lowest as an oppurtunity, an oppurtunity to try new things. I figured I had nothing to lose. I started meeting new people, joined a dating site in an attempt to leave my past behind...move on...be happy again. I started going to some bars with some friends to catch up. I wrote a lot of poems, a lot of lyrics and started playing a lot of music. I found another job, passed my classes with straight A's and discovered my future career.
Since then I have been working at the preschool substitute teaching. It's not the greatest paying job in the world but after I graduate It'll give me the connections and experience that I need to start my career, I could never find a job that makes me any happier, except maybe being a rock star. I've recently made peace with the fact that it wasn't that I wasn't a good enough drummer to be in duxbury but more that I wasn't a HxC drummer. I've just recently gotten into a new band that I play guitar in. A nameless band that plays street punk, and I am so happy and grateful for that. I've been on many dates and have come very close to dating but things just didn't work out...It didn't bring me down at all, i've accepted it and moved on. The most recent thing I have done is met this girl Maria. From what i've seen so far she's pretty much amazing. She's absolutely beautiful, she's smart, and she has class. I've always looked for another nerd to hang out with, I just hope she see's it the same way and can get over my slight immaturity level. I feel I have class too, its just that I have another kind of class. I've gotten a lot better at guitar lately and i'm excited to see where all this takes me.
Anyways it's getting a little late, and I have to be up at 3 am for work so goodnight peoples.
Peace
Love
Hope
-Craig
But depression struck me hard, to the point where I wasn't sure what I was here for, why I should get out of bed, and why I should keep fighting. I can remember two weeks straight everyday that I went to church not while it was open, but while it was closed. I felt like if I was going to get something back I might as well start at the base. And the base for me is faith. If I could find faith in anything than there was hope for me. It did help bring some faith back to me that it was worth the fight, and it did help bring more peace to me in a world that was bringing me so much pain and angst.
I took being at my lowest as an oppurtunity, an oppurtunity to try new things. I figured I had nothing to lose. I started meeting new people, joined a dating site in an attempt to leave my past behind...move on...be happy again. I started going to some bars with some friends to catch up. I wrote a lot of poems, a lot of lyrics and started playing a lot of music. I found another job, passed my classes with straight A's and discovered my future career.
Since then I have been working at the preschool substitute teaching. It's not the greatest paying job in the world but after I graduate It'll give me the connections and experience that I need to start my career, I could never find a job that makes me any happier, except maybe being a rock star. I've recently made peace with the fact that it wasn't that I wasn't a good enough drummer to be in duxbury but more that I wasn't a HxC drummer. I've just recently gotten into a new band that I play guitar in. A nameless band that plays street punk, and I am so happy and grateful for that. I've been on many dates and have come very close to dating but things just didn't work out...It didn't bring me down at all, i've accepted it and moved on. The most recent thing I have done is met this girl Maria. From what i've seen so far she's pretty much amazing. She's absolutely beautiful, she's smart, and she has class. I've always looked for another nerd to hang out with, I just hope she see's it the same way and can get over my slight immaturity level. I feel I have class too, its just that I have another kind of class. I've gotten a lot better at guitar lately and i'm excited to see where all this takes me.
Anyways it's getting a little late, and I have to be up at 3 am for work so goodnight peoples.
Peace
Love
Hope
-Craig