A Loser Can Win Whenever He Wants To

[letters_to_god_]

Sometimes I think i fear too much. Like i'm scared of my own happiness...i think i worry more than look forward too. like for example...with my old band...they are doing great...and u know what i think could help them too, i did great with K.O.C. on doing PR....but instead of looking forward to what could happen if they are famous i worry about being around them and being jealous and bitter because im not in the band anymore. another example is with allison. instead of looking forward to what i could have with someone else, i worry that it wont be the same. i think i need to change my outlook on things. u know i have my own things going for me. i mean i worry too much about other people, and i worry way to much about change, i fear the future, i fear the unknown, maybe thats why im always trying to learn as much as i can, so that i have nothing to fear. but i think really i am always going to fear something. i think that i need to stop looking towards the future i mean it isnt here yet. and i know from experience that its a lot easier said than done. but i need to work on it really hard. i think im going to start today. by facing my fears. i have all these pictures of allison up in my room, i fear taking them down, i fear "taking her out of my life" but i need to...those pictures are the past, and this...this is the present....just like the band...it was my past...this is my present..i have to find what IM good at and go with it. i cant be scared to try new things and have fun. i cant be scared to live my life the way i want to. im sure things are going to hurt, but its kinda like going to get a shot or going to the dentist...for the time that ur doing it...it hurts a lot...but after its done...in time..its for the better. i know that im not going to be fine all the time just cuz i realized this...i know i still have a long road ahead of me. i know i still have a lot of recovery to do, i know i still have a long life ahead of me, i know i still have a lot of stregnth and a lot to give to other people. .. im not giving up, im not giving in, im not going down, and im not losing this battle...life has got shit on me...but i have life...

take chances
live with hope
live with fear, not in fear
love
laugh
learn

but mostly..just live

thanks to all of you who have dealt with my whining, my cries for attention , and everything ive put everything through, you mean the most to me