Just when you think you've got it all sussed out.
One of the girls I made friends with over the last couple of weeks here is currently snuggling on the couch with one of my MARRIED classmates. I don't understand people. Why do we even go through the bullshit of committing to one another (as people) if it doesn't mean anything to us. Why are moral people so hard to come by? And don't tell me to go to church, cause we all know that is bullshit. Church is just a place where loose people go to find forgiveness for all the shitty things they've done. (I realize there are exceptions, but they seem few and far between) Over the last few years I have TRIED to surround myself with people that I thought came from good moral stock.I don't mean people that don't have fun, I mean strong people that value honesty, and integrity. But it seems that no matter how well I think I know someone... I don't really know anyone.
All this makes me feel very alone. Like I am the only one that feels this way. I'm sure many people will jump up and say "what about me" but the truth is, I'm not sure anyone measures up anymore. I left town, joined the ARMY, started a completely new life (scared out of my wits) and the majority of my BEST FRIENDS used it as an opportunity to write me out of their lives so they could renew their friendship with the two people that made me want to leave in the first place. I've been trying to put myself back together over the last year, and it feels like I am doing it with missing pieces. But I can't bring it up in conversation, cause that would be rude. then I am the asshole that just needs to learn to forgive. Fuck that. How about if people do the right thing, instead of whatever satisfies their need for comfort?
Man, this isn't even what I wanted to write about today.
I'm so tired of people.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't one.
All this makes me feel very alone. Like I am the only one that feels this way. I'm sure many people will jump up and say "what about me" but the truth is, I'm not sure anyone measures up anymore. I left town, joined the ARMY, started a completely new life (scared out of my wits) and the majority of my BEST FRIENDS used it as an opportunity to write me out of their lives so they could renew their friendship with the two people that made me want to leave in the first place. I've been trying to put myself back together over the last year, and it feels like I am doing it with missing pieces. But I can't bring it up in conversation, cause that would be rude. then I am the asshole that just needs to learn to forgive. Fuck that. How about if people do the right thing, instead of whatever satisfies their need for comfort?
Man, this isn't even what I wanted to write about today.
I'm so tired of people.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't one.