Positivity
Several people I know have stated they are trying to change their outlook to a more positive one. A worldview overhaul is hardly an easy thing to accomplish and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. It can be a long frustrating journey. I definitely applaud those who take responsibility to create their own positive attitude; they are helping make the world a better place. J
I often still see myself in the negative, even though there are many people who think of me as very positive. It’s taken years to get to the point I am at currently, and I have still a long way to go. But I can say with certainty that I feel much better about myself and my situation and the world around me than I did even just 5 years ago.
One of the ideas someone brought up was the “Fake it till you make it” approach to a positive outlook. It’s easy to see the word “fake” there and decide this is not a legitimate way to move forward, but take the whole sentence and you find its worth. I think the easiest example is a smile. Yeah, we can usually tell when a smile is fake, but even a fake smile is better than a scowl. Probably only those who know you well will be able to tell. Smiling at a stranger in the grocery store or on the bus or on the street can brighten their day, and honestly, it brightens yours also. Typically, when you smile first, you get a smile in return. There were many times I didn’t feel like smiling, but those around me didn’t have to know.
Though it sounds callous and cold, on the surface, the truth is that many of those we encounter in our day to day lives don’t care about us. They don’t know us, so how can they really care? Our lives don’t intersect or interact in theirs in any meaningful way so there is nothing to build care on. Our scope of meaningful relationships is only so large. However, while I don’t know or need to know the details of someone’s life, how does it hurt me to spread a little cheer and good will? :D And if you spread a little positivity with such a small action as a smile, I bet anything that they will pay it forward. (Maybe I have dumb blind faith, but I believe this to be true because it helps me get through the bad days).
To one of my friends who mentioned he is on a quest for more positivity in his life, I made the suggestion of smiling at people, and if feeling particularly bold, paying a stranger a compliment. Obviously pay attention to your “audience” but I don’t think it hurts to appreciate someone’s cool video game/cartoon/movie/nerdy t-shirt, and it most likely makes them feel good because they love their cool t-shirt (that’s why they got it!).
I suppose there is a fine line between “faking it till you make it” and lying. And we also run into that fun grey area of the social necessity for little white lies. Honesty is good, brutal honesty can just be harmful for no reason. After Owain Phyfe passed away ( http://leo9.livejournal.com/356612.html) I was upset. I would cry between calls some at work. I pulled it together when the phone rang, but sometimes there is a little time to think here between customer interactions. I got up to take a break, and my boss asked me how I was doing. Just your generic, daily, “How are you today?” type greeting. I answered, “…… fine.” I kept walking, even though I could tell she very much didn’t believe me. I couldn’t hide my emotions, but it was not an appropriate time to unload my true feelings either. At the end of the day, I went to her office and explained what was happening, and that I hadn’t meant to be rude or brush her off, but at the same time, I knew she had just been asking a friendly greeting question and wasn’t trying to plumb the depths of my soul just then. She understood, and appreciated that I had circled back around to say something, else she would have checked in with me anyway. But she’s a really cool, caring boss who puts a lot into her employees. Not everyone does, or even can have that much capacity to care. And that’s okay. J
Part of being able to be more positive is learning your own limits and not holding others accountable for your feelings. Also, realizing that others have limits that are different from yours, and being able to accept that. Graciously accepting what they offer, instead of expecting something they don’t have to give. That’s a recipe for disappointment. I think once I was able to really grasp that I wasn’t so disappointed in everyone and everything all the time. I didn’t offer energy I didn’t have to give, and didn’t feel hurt or drained when it wasn’t reciprocated. It’s not an easy path to walk, but it’s been pretty worth it. I feel better about myself; I feel better about my relationships with my friends and family; I feel better about my interactions with the people around me, whether I know them or not.
I could probably go on about this for longer, but I think you get the idea.. so I will leave off for now. Maybe I will pick this subject up again at a later date…
I often still see myself in the negative, even though there are many people who think of me as very positive. It’s taken years to get to the point I am at currently, and I have still a long way to go. But I can say with certainty that I feel much better about myself and my situation and the world around me than I did even just 5 years ago.
One of the ideas someone brought up was the “Fake it till you make it” approach to a positive outlook. It’s easy to see the word “fake” there and decide this is not a legitimate way to move forward, but take the whole sentence and you find its worth. I think the easiest example is a smile. Yeah, we can usually tell when a smile is fake, but even a fake smile is better than a scowl. Probably only those who know you well will be able to tell. Smiling at a stranger in the grocery store or on the bus or on the street can brighten their day, and honestly, it brightens yours also. Typically, when you smile first, you get a smile in return. There were many times I didn’t feel like smiling, but those around me didn’t have to know.
Though it sounds callous and cold, on the surface, the truth is that many of those we encounter in our day to day lives don’t care about us. They don’t know us, so how can they really care? Our lives don’t intersect or interact in theirs in any meaningful way so there is nothing to build care on. Our scope of meaningful relationships is only so large. However, while I don’t know or need to know the details of someone’s life, how does it hurt me to spread a little cheer and good will? :D And if you spread a little positivity with such a small action as a smile, I bet anything that they will pay it forward. (Maybe I have dumb blind faith, but I believe this to be true because it helps me get through the bad days).
To one of my friends who mentioned he is on a quest for more positivity in his life, I made the suggestion of smiling at people, and if feeling particularly bold, paying a stranger a compliment. Obviously pay attention to your “audience” but I don’t think it hurts to appreciate someone’s cool video game/cartoon/movie/nerdy t-shirt, and it most likely makes them feel good because they love their cool t-shirt (that’s why they got it!).
I suppose there is a fine line between “faking it till you make it” and lying. And we also run into that fun grey area of the social necessity for little white lies. Honesty is good, brutal honesty can just be harmful for no reason. After Owain Phyfe passed away ( http://leo9.livejournal.com/356612.html) I was upset. I would cry between calls some at work. I pulled it together when the phone rang, but sometimes there is a little time to think here between customer interactions. I got up to take a break, and my boss asked me how I was doing. Just your generic, daily, “How are you today?” type greeting. I answered, “…… fine.” I kept walking, even though I could tell she very much didn’t believe me. I couldn’t hide my emotions, but it was not an appropriate time to unload my true feelings either. At the end of the day, I went to her office and explained what was happening, and that I hadn’t meant to be rude or brush her off, but at the same time, I knew she had just been asking a friendly greeting question and wasn’t trying to plumb the depths of my soul just then. She understood, and appreciated that I had circled back around to say something, else she would have checked in with me anyway. But she’s a really cool, caring boss who puts a lot into her employees. Not everyone does, or even can have that much capacity to care. And that’s okay. J
Part of being able to be more positive is learning your own limits and not holding others accountable for your feelings. Also, realizing that others have limits that are different from yours, and being able to accept that. Graciously accepting what they offer, instead of expecting something they don’t have to give. That’s a recipe for disappointment. I think once I was able to really grasp that I wasn’t so disappointed in everyone and everything all the time. I didn’t offer energy I didn’t have to give, and didn’t feel hurt or drained when it wasn’t reciprocated. It’s not an easy path to walk, but it’s been pretty worth it. I feel better about myself; I feel better about my relationships with my friends and family; I feel better about my interactions with the people around me, whether I know them or not.
I could probably go on about this for longer, but I think you get the idea.. so I will leave off for now. Maybe I will pick this subject up again at a later date…