Life's Not a Song (4/6) (Glee/Buffy Crossover)
Title: Life's Not a Song (4/6)
Author: lennoxave
Pairing,Character(s): BtVS: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles; Glee: Kurt, Tina, cameos from Mercedes and Karofsky
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,162
Spoilers: Glee: Through 2.06, "Never Been Kissed"; BtVS: The whole series, and very vague ones for the set-up of the Season 8 comics, but they're vague because I've only read the first trade of Season 8 :) (And the story has nothing to do with the plot of the comics)
Summary: The Scoobies get called from the U.K. to Lima, Ohio to search for a missing book on raising the dead. In what is surely a coincidence, Kurt misses his mother more than ever.
Author's Note: Takes place after Glee episode 2.05, but before episode 2.06 (however, it brings up some things that occur in 2.06). As for the Buffy timeline, uh . . . sometime after the series ended, but before the comics started? Probably not too long before the start of the comics. But, yeah, the Buffy timeline's not going to make any sense, but that's okay. :D
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Kurt had almost been impressed when the police guy went after Karofsky. But previous experiences had taught him that the people in charge had no idea what they were doing, so he slunk off before he could get roped into the situation and give Karofsky even more of a reason to go after him.
“You okay?” Mercedes asked him at lunch.
“Fine,” he lied. He pulled out his phone and texted Tina.
We're still on for tonight, right?
He got an answer back in short order.
Of course.
That made him feel better enough to gossip with Mercedes about whether Mr. Schue would try to hook up with that new science teacher who reminded them of a much more confidant Ms. Pillsbury.
* * *
“What's your name, kid?” Xander asked, shoving the jock into the other chair in his office. He was probably being a little rough, but after his own school experience, he had no patience for bullies.
The jock mumbled something.
“Say that again?” Xander glared.
“Dave. David. David Karofsky,” the jock said.
“All right, Dave. Can you explain to me what just happened in the hall?”
Dave looked straight ahead. Xander sat down to try to force the kid to make eye contact. Dave turned his head away.
“That wasn't a rhetorical question,” Xander said.
“I ran into him,” Dave finally mumbled.
“Ah, see, that's not what I saw.” Xander put on his best faux-friendly demeanor. “What I saw was a bully pushing a smaller kid into the lockers on purpose. And I want to know why.”
“He's freak, okay?” The words burst out of Dave with enough force that Xander was taken aback. “He's a freak, and a nerd, and a fag, and he walks around like that's okay, and he needs to be put in his place!”
The bully's mind was not something Xander had ever really understood. But he remembered high school, and the importance of status and popularity, and now that he was a few years away from it, he could recognize how the adolescent cesspool of puberty and insecurity could breed the mindset that the kid sitting in front of him had.
Of course, he had no idea how to communicate to this teenager what age had taught him.
“But why?” Xander finally said. “Why does he have to be put in his place?”
Dave looked confused. “Because!” he said. “Because that's the way it is!”
“Is it?” Xander asked. “Or is it because you want to make yourself feel better? You want to feel superior to someone else? Because there's something about you that you don't--”
“SHUT UP!” Dave shouted. He made a move like he was going to bolt for the door, but his eyes rested on the badge on Xander's uniform and he sunk back into his chair.
“Just shut up,” he whispered.
Xander sat quietly and studied Dave. Something about the guy stirred a memory in his mind, like he was being reminded of someone he hadn't thought about in--
Oh.
Of course.
Larry. Bully Larry, Skeevy Larry, who eventually became Secretly Gay Larry, then Openly Gay Larry, and finally just Larry for a little while before he ended up as Dead Larry.
But this kid was Larry 2.0. And it hit Xander, suddenly, why Dave would have chosen to slam an effeminate, fashion-conscious dude into the lockers.
“Look,” he said, and he spoke with a lot more kindness than he had twenty seconds ago, “I know.”
“Know what?” Dave asked, and he tried his best to throw a snarl into his voice, but his eyes had widened with fear.
“Let me tell you a story,” Xander said, leaning back in his chair. “When I was in high school, there was this guy named Larry. Huge jock, football player, big popular guy. He was also the biggest jerk I have ever met in my entire life. He beat up other kids, made fun of everybody, sexually harassed all the girls . . . he was a bully, pure and simple. And one day, I confronted him about it. I hinted that there was maybe something about himself he didn't want other people to know. And he broke down and admitted to me that he was gay.”
Xander paused for effect. Dave, who had been staring at the floor during his entire speech, looked up and asked, “What did you do?”
In retrospect, Xander realized that he had maybe had a little bit of a gay panic. But he was older now, more self-assured, and kids these days were better about these types of things, too. He'd like to think that, if he were seventeen now, he would have handled it more the way he was going to tell Dave he had handled it.
“Nothing,” he said. “Why would I care who he was into?”
Dave looked thoughtful. “What happened to him?”
“He came out and . . . nobody really cared that much,” Xander said. “I mean, granted, we lived in California and not . . . here, but it worked out for him.” He decided to leave out the part where Larry got eaten by the demon-snake incarnation of the town mayor; there wasn't really any need to go into that.
“And, he stopped bullying people,” Xander added. “Even when he wasn't out to everybody. But he had accepted that thing about himself he didn't like, and he didn't have to be such a douche anymore.”
Dave shook his head. “I don't think . . . I'm not that strong.”
“I get it; this place sucks, even worse than my high school did.” Which, given the vampires, demons, etc., was saying something. “But what you might want to do is at least stop treating the one person who understands what you're going through like crap.”
Dave swallowed hard and nodded. And then, like he couldn't contain all of the emotions their conversation had stirred up in him, he started to sob. He doubled over and rested his head on his knees, his hands over the back of his head like he was in the duck-and-cover position.
Xander glanced at his desk and realized he didn't have any Kleenex, so he reached over and squeezed Dave's arm until he stopped crying.
“Do I need to write you a pass to class?” Xander asked.
“Yeah,” Dave sniffed.
Xander filled out a slip. “Here, I wrote the time for ten minutes from now, so . . .”
Dave looked at him gratefully. “Thank you,” he said.
“You don't have to be a hero,” Xander said. “Just don't be the bad guy.”
* * *
After Dave left, Xander searched through his files until he found Tina Cohen-Chang's. He thought he'd heard that name somewhere.
He had just finished reading it when Buffy and Willow knocked on his door.
“We checked her locker,” Buffy said. “And it looks like she's the Wicked Witch of the Western half of Ohio.”
“To be fair,” Willow pointed out, “we only know for sure that she practices magic.”
“In this supernatural desert? C'mon, Will.”
Xander looked at Willow. “You really don't think it's her?”
“I don't get that vibe from her. And let's be real, I know from evil witches.”
“True.” Xander opened Tina Cohen-Chang's file again. “But the girl's got motive. She was busted by the principal for 'demonic dress-code violations'.”
Buffy just shot Willow a glance at that.
“And I guess she's part of the glee club,” he went on, “which has been written up a few times, too.”
“Wait, were those the people who were singing a full-chorus arrangement of 'Keep on Loving You'?” Buffy asked.
“I can't imagine who else would be doing that.”
“A couple of those kids were the ones who got hit with slushies today. So was the guy who got pushed into the lockers. If she's friends with those people . . .”
“. . . she could be out for revenge,” Willow finished. “I'll admit, it's a possibility.”
“Here's the problem, though,” Xander said. “If she's a powerful enough witch to raise the dead, she's got to be used to hiding her extracurriculars, and she won't break character under pressure. But if she really is just a sweet and shy Wiccan, she'll read exactly the same under interrogation.”
They fell silent in thought.
Suddenly, Willow snapped her fingers. “May I propose a plan of action?”
“Proceed,” Xander nodded.
“We tail Tina Cohen-Chang tonight. These types of spells are usually very ritualistic. If we keep an eye on her, we should be able to stop anything before it starts.”
“Why do you think it will happen tonight?” Buffy asked.
“It's the ritualistic thing. A lot of old, powerful magicks can only be tapped during certain phases of the lunar cycle, and tonight's a full moon.”
“Okay,” Xander said. “So, we follow her after school today and get prepared for a stakeout. I'll go buy supplies; I don't really have anything to do here, anyway. Buffy, you want to be the one to follow her through the school? You're the most inconspicuous.”
“Sure thing,” Buffy said. “I'll text when she's on the move?”
“I could just set up a telepathic link,” Willow said. “It would be no trouble at all.”
“I'd rather use my phone.” When Willow raised an eyebrow at her, Buffy sighed. “Willow, I hate telepathy.”
“Why?”
“You get all up inside my head! It's an invasion of privacy! What if I get bored and start thinking about how hot James Franco is?”
“Well, it's not like that'll be a distraction for the rest of us,” Willow smirked.
“I don't love the telepathic link thing, either,” Xander interrupted, “but it'll attract less attention than a cell phone, and it won't leave a trail. Go ahead and set it up.”
Willow smiled triumphantly at Buffy, who rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I'm going to be imagining Bradley Cooper naked just to spite you all.”
* * *
After the last bell rang, Buffy made sure to make her way to Tina Cohen-Chang's locker. She got there just as the girl was slamming the door shut and leaving with some tall Asian guy.
“She's on the move,” Buffy projected her thought, feeling totally stupid.
“We're on our way to the car,” Willow thought back at her. “Follow her and let us know where she's headed.”
Buffy pushed her little mop cart along, using it like a blocker in football to follow Tina and her apparent (given how much touching they were doing) boyfriend.
Right to the choir room.
“Jesus, how much time do they spend here?” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Buff? What's up?” Xander's voice entered Buffy's head.
“I think they have a rehearsal or something.”
She could literally hear Xander's exasperated sigh from wherever he was. “Okay. Let us know when they're done.”
An hour later, the majority of which she spent writing on the wall with a marker and cleaning it off again just to look busy, Buffy finally heard the choir director tell the kids they could go.
“They're leaving,” Buffy thought, catching sight of Tina. “The girl's making her way toward the east exit, by the tennis courts.”
“Copy that,” Willow replied, like this was totally normal and they were on a radio instead of inside each other's minds. “We'll meet you over there.”
Buffy followed Tina to the exit, keeping a safe distance at all times. She ditched her mop and bucket in a nearby classroom when Tina went through the door, and waited ten seconds before following her target outside. Xander and Willow were pulled up to the curb waiting for her.
“She's walking to the student lot,” Willow said, still using telepathy.
“I'm right here,” Buffy sassed as she climbed into the backseat of Xander's rented station wagon. “We don't have to be all stealthy anymore.”
“Sorry. Force of habit.”
“We'll wait here until she gets in her car,” Xander said, “and then follow her out. Don't want her to get too suspicious.”
“Yeah, 'cause nothing we've done today has been at all stalker-ish,” Buffy mused.
A minute later, Tina reached her car, a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle. Once she had backed out of her parking space, Xander put the car in drive. They carefully pulled up behind her as she was turning onto the street.
“I hope she doesn't notice us,” Xander muttered.
Author: lennoxave
Pairing,Character(s): BtVS: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles; Glee: Kurt, Tina, cameos from Mercedes and Karofsky
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,162
Spoilers: Glee: Through 2.06, "Never Been Kissed"; BtVS: The whole series, and very vague ones for the set-up of the Season 8 comics, but they're vague because I've only read the first trade of Season 8 :) (And the story has nothing to do with the plot of the comics)
Summary: The Scoobies get called from the U.K. to Lima, Ohio to search for a missing book on raising the dead. In what is surely a coincidence, Kurt misses his mother more than ever.
Author's Note: Takes place after Glee episode 2.05, but before episode 2.06 (however, it brings up some things that occur in 2.06). As for the Buffy timeline, uh . . . sometime after the series ended, but before the comics started? Probably not too long before the start of the comics. But, yeah, the Buffy timeline's not going to make any sense, but that's okay. :D
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Kurt had almost been impressed when the police guy went after Karofsky. But previous experiences had taught him that the people in charge had no idea what they were doing, so he slunk off before he could get roped into the situation and give Karofsky even more of a reason to go after him.
“You okay?” Mercedes asked him at lunch.
“Fine,” he lied. He pulled out his phone and texted Tina.
We're still on for tonight, right?
He got an answer back in short order.
Of course.
That made him feel better enough to gossip with Mercedes about whether Mr. Schue would try to hook up with that new science teacher who reminded them of a much more confidant Ms. Pillsbury.
* * *
“What's your name, kid?” Xander asked, shoving the jock into the other chair in his office. He was probably being a little rough, but after his own school experience, he had no patience for bullies.
The jock mumbled something.
“Say that again?” Xander glared.
“Dave. David. David Karofsky,” the jock said.
“All right, Dave. Can you explain to me what just happened in the hall?”
Dave looked straight ahead. Xander sat down to try to force the kid to make eye contact. Dave turned his head away.
“That wasn't a rhetorical question,” Xander said.
“I ran into him,” Dave finally mumbled.
“Ah, see, that's not what I saw.” Xander put on his best faux-friendly demeanor. “What I saw was a bully pushing a smaller kid into the lockers on purpose. And I want to know why.”
“He's freak, okay?” The words burst out of Dave with enough force that Xander was taken aback. “He's a freak, and a nerd, and a fag, and he walks around like that's okay, and he needs to be put in his place!”
The bully's mind was not something Xander had ever really understood. But he remembered high school, and the importance of status and popularity, and now that he was a few years away from it, he could recognize how the adolescent cesspool of puberty and insecurity could breed the mindset that the kid sitting in front of him had.
Of course, he had no idea how to communicate to this teenager what age had taught him.
“But why?” Xander finally said. “Why does he have to be put in his place?”
Dave looked confused. “Because!” he said. “Because that's the way it is!”
“Is it?” Xander asked. “Or is it because you want to make yourself feel better? You want to feel superior to someone else? Because there's something about you that you don't--”
“SHUT UP!” Dave shouted. He made a move like he was going to bolt for the door, but his eyes rested on the badge on Xander's uniform and he sunk back into his chair.
“Just shut up,” he whispered.
Xander sat quietly and studied Dave. Something about the guy stirred a memory in his mind, like he was being reminded of someone he hadn't thought about in--
Oh.
Of course.
Larry. Bully Larry, Skeevy Larry, who eventually became Secretly Gay Larry, then Openly Gay Larry, and finally just Larry for a little while before he ended up as Dead Larry.
But this kid was Larry 2.0. And it hit Xander, suddenly, why Dave would have chosen to slam an effeminate, fashion-conscious dude into the lockers.
“Look,” he said, and he spoke with a lot more kindness than he had twenty seconds ago, “I know.”
“Know what?” Dave asked, and he tried his best to throw a snarl into his voice, but his eyes had widened with fear.
“Let me tell you a story,” Xander said, leaning back in his chair. “When I was in high school, there was this guy named Larry. Huge jock, football player, big popular guy. He was also the biggest jerk I have ever met in my entire life. He beat up other kids, made fun of everybody, sexually harassed all the girls . . . he was a bully, pure and simple. And one day, I confronted him about it. I hinted that there was maybe something about himself he didn't want other people to know. And he broke down and admitted to me that he was gay.”
Xander paused for effect. Dave, who had been staring at the floor during his entire speech, looked up and asked, “What did you do?”
In retrospect, Xander realized that he had maybe had a little bit of a gay panic. But he was older now, more self-assured, and kids these days were better about these types of things, too. He'd like to think that, if he were seventeen now, he would have handled it more the way he was going to tell Dave he had handled it.
“Nothing,” he said. “Why would I care who he was into?”
Dave looked thoughtful. “What happened to him?”
“He came out and . . . nobody really cared that much,” Xander said. “I mean, granted, we lived in California and not . . . here, but it worked out for him.” He decided to leave out the part where Larry got eaten by the demon-snake incarnation of the town mayor; there wasn't really any need to go into that.
“And, he stopped bullying people,” Xander added. “Even when he wasn't out to everybody. But he had accepted that thing about himself he didn't like, and he didn't have to be such a douche anymore.”
Dave shook his head. “I don't think . . . I'm not that strong.”
“I get it; this place sucks, even worse than my high school did.” Which, given the vampires, demons, etc., was saying something. “But what you might want to do is at least stop treating the one person who understands what you're going through like crap.”
Dave swallowed hard and nodded. And then, like he couldn't contain all of the emotions their conversation had stirred up in him, he started to sob. He doubled over and rested his head on his knees, his hands over the back of his head like he was in the duck-and-cover position.
Xander glanced at his desk and realized he didn't have any Kleenex, so he reached over and squeezed Dave's arm until he stopped crying.
“Do I need to write you a pass to class?” Xander asked.
“Yeah,” Dave sniffed.
Xander filled out a slip. “Here, I wrote the time for ten minutes from now, so . . .”
Dave looked at him gratefully. “Thank you,” he said.
“You don't have to be a hero,” Xander said. “Just don't be the bad guy.”
* * *
After Dave left, Xander searched through his files until he found Tina Cohen-Chang's. He thought he'd heard that name somewhere.
He had just finished reading it when Buffy and Willow knocked on his door.
“We checked her locker,” Buffy said. “And it looks like she's the Wicked Witch of the Western half of Ohio.”
“To be fair,” Willow pointed out, “we only know for sure that she practices magic.”
“In this supernatural desert? C'mon, Will.”
Xander looked at Willow. “You really don't think it's her?”
“I don't get that vibe from her. And let's be real, I know from evil witches.”
“True.” Xander opened Tina Cohen-Chang's file again. “But the girl's got motive. She was busted by the principal for 'demonic dress-code violations'.”
Buffy just shot Willow a glance at that.
“And I guess she's part of the glee club,” he went on, “which has been written up a few times, too.”
“Wait, were those the people who were singing a full-chorus arrangement of 'Keep on Loving You'?” Buffy asked.
“I can't imagine who else would be doing that.”
“A couple of those kids were the ones who got hit with slushies today. So was the guy who got pushed into the lockers. If she's friends with those people . . .”
“. . . she could be out for revenge,” Willow finished. “I'll admit, it's a possibility.”
“Here's the problem, though,” Xander said. “If she's a powerful enough witch to raise the dead, she's got to be used to hiding her extracurriculars, and she won't break character under pressure. But if she really is just a sweet and shy Wiccan, she'll read exactly the same under interrogation.”
They fell silent in thought.
Suddenly, Willow snapped her fingers. “May I propose a plan of action?”
“Proceed,” Xander nodded.
“We tail Tina Cohen-Chang tonight. These types of spells are usually very ritualistic. If we keep an eye on her, we should be able to stop anything before it starts.”
“Why do you think it will happen tonight?” Buffy asked.
“It's the ritualistic thing. A lot of old, powerful magicks can only be tapped during certain phases of the lunar cycle, and tonight's a full moon.”
“Okay,” Xander said. “So, we follow her after school today and get prepared for a stakeout. I'll go buy supplies; I don't really have anything to do here, anyway. Buffy, you want to be the one to follow her through the school? You're the most inconspicuous.”
“Sure thing,” Buffy said. “I'll text when she's on the move?”
“I could just set up a telepathic link,” Willow said. “It would be no trouble at all.”
“I'd rather use my phone.” When Willow raised an eyebrow at her, Buffy sighed. “Willow, I hate telepathy.”
“Why?”
“You get all up inside my head! It's an invasion of privacy! What if I get bored and start thinking about how hot James Franco is?”
“Well, it's not like that'll be a distraction for the rest of us,” Willow smirked.
“I don't love the telepathic link thing, either,” Xander interrupted, “but it'll attract less attention than a cell phone, and it won't leave a trail. Go ahead and set it up.”
Willow smiled triumphantly at Buffy, who rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I'm going to be imagining Bradley Cooper naked just to spite you all.”
* * *
After the last bell rang, Buffy made sure to make her way to Tina Cohen-Chang's locker. She got there just as the girl was slamming the door shut and leaving with some tall Asian guy.
“She's on the move,” Buffy projected her thought, feeling totally stupid.
“We're on our way to the car,” Willow thought back at her. “Follow her and let us know where she's headed.”
Buffy pushed her little mop cart along, using it like a blocker in football to follow Tina and her apparent (given how much touching they were doing) boyfriend.
Right to the choir room.
“Jesus, how much time do they spend here?” Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Buff? What's up?” Xander's voice entered Buffy's head.
“I think they have a rehearsal or something.”
She could literally hear Xander's exasperated sigh from wherever he was. “Okay. Let us know when they're done.”
An hour later, the majority of which she spent writing on the wall with a marker and cleaning it off again just to look busy, Buffy finally heard the choir director tell the kids they could go.
“They're leaving,” Buffy thought, catching sight of Tina. “The girl's making her way toward the east exit, by the tennis courts.”
“Copy that,” Willow replied, like this was totally normal and they were on a radio instead of inside each other's minds. “We'll meet you over there.”
Buffy followed Tina to the exit, keeping a safe distance at all times. She ditched her mop and bucket in a nearby classroom when Tina went through the door, and waited ten seconds before following her target outside. Xander and Willow were pulled up to the curb waiting for her.
“She's walking to the student lot,” Willow said, still using telepathy.
“I'm right here,” Buffy sassed as she climbed into the backseat of Xander's rented station wagon. “We don't have to be all stealthy anymore.”
“Sorry. Force of habit.”
“We'll wait here until she gets in her car,” Xander said, “and then follow her out. Don't want her to get too suspicious.”
“Yeah, 'cause nothing we've done today has been at all stalker-ish,” Buffy mused.
A minute later, Tina reached her car, a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle. Once she had backed out of her parking space, Xander put the car in drive. They carefully pulled up behind her as she was turning onto the street.
“I hope she doesn't notice us,” Xander muttered.