When I'm a Brother In Need
Title: When I'm a Brother In Need
Author: lennoxave
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt and Finn
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,684
Spoilers: Season 1, Slight Season 2 for a character everyone in the fandom knows about anyway
Summary: Written for this prompt over at the glee_fluff_meme . Five Times Finn Was Overprotective Of Kurt, And One Time Kurt Was Overprotective Of Finn. Title comes from the U2 song "The First Time."
When I'm a Brother In Need
1.
Finn was glad that the weirdness between him and Kurt was over. Their parents had gotten back together after the whole red-dress thing (and a whole bunch of tense, awkward conversations), and the Hudsons had once again moved in with the Hummels, Kurt having erected a giant shower curtain to separate the basement space into two rooms. It had still been weird for a while, but by the end of the summer Kurt had casually mentioned that he was officially over his crush for real this time, as any lingering feelings that may have still existed after what he referred to as "The Unpleasantness" had been destroyed by the number of times that summer he had seen Finn wear the same single shirt every day of the week. Finn had maintained that he’d spent most of his summer sitting in air-conditioned houses playing video games, and if you didn’t sweat then you didn’t need to wash your clothes. He had also mentioned that having to get up and move the shower curtain every time he wanted to talk to Kurt had started getting kind of annoying, so could we please get rid of the stupid thing now? Kurt had complied, and that was when Finn marked the official beginning of their almost step-brotherhood.
Finn had always thought it would be cool to have a brother, and even if Kurt wasn’t exactly the type of brother he had always wished he could have, he was still pretty awesome. With school back in session, Finn was determined to be the best brother ever.
"Hey, little bro," Finn gave Kurt a gentle nudge with his elbow as they met in the hallway to walk to Spanish.
"Finn, we’ve been over this before. I’m not your little brother. I’m three months older than you are."
"But I’m taller. It totally counts," Finn grinned and looked away from Kurt to say hi to one of the dudes from the basketball team. That was when he heard the familiar splash of slushie meeting face.
"Welcome back, fag," Dave Karofsky said with a sneer to a dripping wet Kurt Hummel.
Finn’s brain stopped working right at that moment, and his body reacted without thinking. He grabbed Karofsky by the shirt and slammed him hard into the lockers. He got in one good punch before he felt a hand grabbing his arm.
"Finn, stop it!" Kurt said. "He’s not worth it." Finn paused to look at Kurt, which gave Karofsky the opportunity to shove past him and take off down the hall.
"He doesn’t get to treat you like that," Finn growled as he looked down the hallway at Karofsky’s retreating form.
"Because you’re my ‘big brother’ now? Please, Finn. I appreciate it, really, but if you risk a suspension every time I get picked on, you’re not going to last two weeks back here."
Finn scowled. "So, what, I just have to sit here and do nothing?"
"Yes." Kurt wiped the slushie off his face with a handkerchief he had pulled out of one of the many pockets on his coat. "I know how to handle this. I’ve been doing it for years. If it looks like, I don’t know, I’m about to get bashed or something, then go ahead and go all Wolverine on somebody. But please, just let me deal with this my way, okay?"
"I can’t always promise that," Finn said with a frown.
"Well, try. And tell Mr. Schue I’m going to be late for class. I’ve got to get this coat down to the Cheerios’ private laundress before the stains set."
2.
They were just approaching the exit to Lima when Finn felt the Navigator start to violently shake.
"Dammit!" Kurt groaned as he pulled over to the shoulder of the road and put on his hazards.
"What happened? What’s wrong?" Finn asked, trying hard not to panic.
"I’m pretty sure we got a flat tire. The left rear one. I’ll go put on the spare and we can drive it over to the shop." Kurt made to open the door, but Finn stopped him.
"Couldn’t we just call your dad and get him to bring out the tow truck?"
"And wait at least twenty minutes for him to get here when I can have us back on the road in five? No, thank you. The Vampire Diaries are on tonight."
"But there are cars!" Finn blurted out as Kurt put his hand on the door handle. "Whizzing past! Outrageous speeds. You could be hit," he finished lamely.
"I’ll be fine."
"Maybe I could do it? I’m bigger. People would notice me more."
"Finn, you know nothing about cars. You think it’s awesome the way Mr. Schuester’s muffler sends sparks all over the road."
"It’s like a little fireworks display!" Finn defended himself. "Okay, I get your point. Could I just go out there and watch you do it? I can, like, heroically push you out of the way if a car comes or something?"
Kurt looked torn between being touched at Finn’s concern and annoyed at how it had manifested itself. Sighing, he said, "Fine. But stay out of my way."
Both boys got out of the car. Kurt went about setting up the jack while Finn anxiously watched the highway for dangerous vehicles. He maintained his stance until Kurt yelled at him to move.
"I can’t see anything with you blocking the sun!"
3.
Kurt was going to kill his almost-step-big-little brother or whatever the hell Finn had started calling himself in their relationship. He was going to kill him and throw his body into the giant container of meat the lunch ladies used to make sloppy joes, and no one would ever find his body.
Kurt slammed the basement door and ran down the stairs. "How did you get him to follow us?"
Finn looked up nonchalantly from the issue of Rolling Stone he had been reading. "I don’t know what you’re talking about." He looked back down at his magazine, but Kurt snatched it out of his hands.
"I’m talking about how you, somehow, convinced Noah Puckerman to follow Sam and me on our date." Kurt paused. "Did you pay him?"
"Kurt, you’re being paranoid. Maybe Puck just happened to be around? It’s a small town," Finn said, grabbing his magazine back, "not much to do."
"That’s what I thought at first when we saw him at Breadsticks," Kurt said with a huff. "But when he followed us to the movies, I knew something was up. And then he showed up at the ice cream place, too? No way was that a coincidence."
"Puck likes movies and dairy products."
"We went to see Burlesque, Finn. It has Cher in it."
"Puck’s into MILFs." Kurt was impressed by how well Finn was handling the interrogation; he usually bowed to pressure much sooner than this. But Kurt still had a trick up his sleeve.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t have Puck tail us." Finn looked up and met his gaze, but sighed instead of replying.
"Fine, you win. I just wanted to make sure this Sam dude was okay, and I knew you’d know what I was up to right away if I was the one who followed you."
"And?" Kurt asked, suddenly a little nervous. "Did he pass?"
"Puck’s been texting me updates. Apparently, Sam is," Finn opened his phone, "‘Perfect for Hummel. One of those dudes who’s into all that gay shit like chivalry and whatever.’ At least, I think that word’s supposed to be ‘chivalry’. It’s hard to tell with Puck sometimes." Finn paused. "Chivalry’s a good thing, right? Rachel told me about it once, but I stopped listening halfway through."
Kurt grinned. "Yes, it is. And Sam really was a perfect gentleman."
Finn smiled back. "Good. I’m glad. If he hurts you, I’m going knock his teeth out with a brick."
"I’ll let him know Big Brother’s watching him," Kurt laughed. "Seriously, though, how did you convince Puck of all people to spy on us?"
"I didn’t do anything. I just asked him," Finn said, looking back at his Rolling Stone. He smirked. "Your dad paid him twenty bucks, though."
"What? DAD!" Kurt shrieked as he raced up the stairs.
4.
Kurt awkwardly maneuvered himself on his crutches from the nurse’s office to the entrance of the boys’ locker room. Cheerios practice and football practice conveniently ended at the same time, and since Kurt didn’t have to shower after Cheerios (one of the many advantages to being the singer of the group rather than an actual cheerleader), he usually met Finn outside the locker room so they could ride home together. He balanced himself on his crutches and texted Mercedes for a few minutes while he waited for Finn to get out.
"Oh my God, what happened?" he heard Finn say. His almost-step-brother was looking at him with that intensely over-protective look he’d been prone to giving ever since their parents moved back in together.
"Relax. It’s just a slight sprain. Nothing to worry about."
"Who did this?" Finn asked, his face darker than Kurt had ever seen it before. Kurt was confused for a second but realized the conclusion Finn had jumped to.
"Don’t worry, it wasn’t like that. It was Cheerios practice." Finn still had a questioning look on his face, so Kurt explained. "We were doing the routine and Cindy Miller’s arms gave out when she was one of the bases of the pyramid. I was singing right next to the pyramid when they fell, and they took me with them. Hence the sprained ankle."
"You’re sure it wasn’t on purpose?"
"Positive. No one would risk the angry screaming lecture Coach Sylvester gave us just to try to hurt me."
"Okay, then." Finn paused. "So, you were basically stuck at the bottom of a pile of hot girls?"
"Basically."
Finn sighed. "It’s too bad that experience was wasted on you."
"Hey!" Kurt smacked him with one of his crutches. "You wouldn’t have had fun, either, given the searing pain that would have been going through your leg. Also, you have a girlfriend!"
"Yeah," Finn replied, his face still staring off absently. "But a guy can dream, can’t he?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, but smiled, too. "Sure, whatever. Can we go home now?"
"Yeah. Do you need me to help you with anything?"
"No, I think I’ve got it." In truth, it was awkward walking with crutches and carrying his messenger bag. But he wasn’t about to let Finn know that.
They had made it five steps before one of Kurt’s crutches slipped on some water someone must have tracked out of the locker room.
"Whoa, you okay?" Finn asked, grabbing his arm.
"Yes. Fine."
"I’m not sure if this is going to work," Finn said. He stopped and studied Kurt for a moment. A year ago, Kurt would have been over the moon, but now it was just kind of freaking him out.
"Finn, what are you--" Kurt was interrupted when Finn made a sudden lunge at him and scooped him into a fireman’s carry.
"This’ll go faster," Finn grunted and began carrying Kurt down the hall, despite his protestations.
"Finn Hudson, PUT ME DOWN. This is so . . . undignified."
"Well, it was either that or carry you like you were my wife and we were going to our honey moon suite, but I figured that would be a little too weird for us." He helped Kurt find a comfortable position to carry his crutches in and then continued down the hall.
When they finally made it to the Navigator, Finn put Kurt down, but quickly reached into his bag and grabbed his keys.
"What makes you think you get to drive my car?" Kurt asked.
"You can’t drive a car with a sprained ankle," Finn said.
"I sprained my left ankle, Finn. I can drive just fine."
"Dude, Burt’s gonna freak enough when he sees you like this. Just let me handle stuff, all right?"
Kurt sighed. Finn had a point. Resigned, he made his way to the passenger side of the car, hoping that Finn could manage not to crash his car into anything on the ten-minute drive home.
5.
Finn knew something was wrong as soon as he walked down the stairs. Kurt was sitting on the couch in the middle of the room, his arms hugging his knees to his chest. The TV was on but muted. It looked like the channel hadn’t been changed since Finn had checked ESPN that morning. He couldn’t see Kurt’s face, but he suspected that the other boy was crying.
"What’s up?" Finn asked softly as he walked over to the couch, though Kurt still jumped at the sound.
"I--" Kurt started to say, but his voice was shaky. He stopped and took a few deep breaths to gather his composure. "Sam and I broke up today."
Finn put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and squeezed. "I’m sorry, man." He thought for a second. "Did he do something I’m gonna have to kill him for?"
Kurt let out a strangled laugh. "No. It was a mutual split."
"What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?" Finn said as he sat down. "I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it I--"
"No," Kurt sniffled, "it’s fine. Nothing happened, really. We just . . . we both realized that we don’t have very much in common, except for being gay. I think . . . I think maybe we were dating each other mostly out of necessity, because we didn’t have any other options, you know? And that’s not a good enough reason to be in a relationship." He took another deep breath. "That doesn’t really make it hurt less, though."
Finn squeezed his shoulder again. "That sucks. I’m so sorry. Is there, like, anything I can do to make you feel better?" Kurt shook his head.
"Are you sure? I feel like I should still whale on him for breaking you heart."
Kurt smiled. "No, no, no, I told you, it wasn’t that kind of break-up."
"Still, though. He hurt you. I can totally still get out that brick and smash him in the face. Or get Santana to spread a rumor that he has a small--"
"Finn! I assure you, that won’t be necessary." They sat in silence for a few minutes. Finn was not used to this whole comforting thing; he was better with action than with words. Abruptly, he got up from the couch.
"Well," he announced, "I’m going to go get a shovel anyway. Just in case."
"Finn!" Kurt said again, but this time there was a little more laughter in his voice. "Have you been watching my Buffy DVDs again?"
"Hey, Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot, and also: girl-on-girl." Kurt responded by making a face and hitting Finn with a pillow. "Seriously, though," Finn said, "you’re sure I can’t unleash a little brotherly vengeance?"
"I’m sure."
"Okay, well then, you’re going to have to think of something for me to do, because I can’t just not do anything while you’re all hurt and stuff, and I’m just going to be all weird and hover-y if you don’t give me any directions."
"Fine," Kurt sighed. "You can go get me ice cream?"
"Okay, what kind?"
"Ben and Jerry’s, something chocolate, my pear-hips be damned."
Finn grabbed his keys off the table and bounded up the stairs. He stopped near the top, though, and called one last suggestion down the stairs.
"You know, Puck has a set of nunchucks . . ."
"Finn, just go to the store."
1.
Kurt was honestly surprised every time he walked into Sheets ‘n Things and didn’t break into hives. The place was just crawling with big-box, faux-chic, painfully suburban products that were undoubtedly created by a horde of grubby sweatshop children in China. He shivered a little at the thought. No, he only came to Sheets ‘n Things when he needed to talk to Finn about something (or, occasionally, when he and Mercedes wanted to make fun of Puck in a setting that prevented him from retaliating). Today, he was coming in to let Finn know that his dad and Carole were going out to dinner tonight and had left money for them to buy take-out.
To be fair, that was a flimsy excuse for dropping by, but Kurt knew that Finn appreciated the slight break from the drudgery, and if he had to endure ugly pastels and horrid floral prints to provide that, than so be it. It was the least an almost step-brother could do.
He spotted Finn stocking a display of toilet seat covers (oh dear God, were those embroidered?) at the end of an aisle.
"Hey, Fi--" Kurt started to say as he walked over, but stopped when he realized that Finn was with a customer. He ducked back behind the aisle and listened.
"Now, listen here, you two-bit hoodlum." Kurt winced as he heard Sandy Ryerson’s voice. This was not going to go well. "I know you’re just working here to pay off your debt to society, but the least you could do is help a loyal customer!"
"Look, I know you want your fancy blanket thing--" Finn said.
"It’s a duvet!" Mr. Ryerson interjected.
"Whatever. But if it’s not on the shelf, it’s not here. We don’t keep bedding in the back. Something about angry, poison-resistant bedbugs."
"But Terri told me she’d order one . . ."
"We don’t do special orders, Mr. Ryerson. We order things and put them on the shelves." Finn sounded very exasperated. "If we got one, someone else must have bought it."
"Or maybe," Mr. Ryerson was ramping up to a full-on hissy fit, "you just couldn’t find it! Maybe that tiny, walnut-sized jock brain of yours is too stupid to find a simple--"
"That’s enough." Kurt had marched angrily out of his hiding place when he heard Finn being attacked. He now faced Finn and Mr. Ryerson with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. Both men looked rather gobsmacked at the interruption. This had the potential to be very fun.
"It’s interesting that you should choose to harp on poor Finn here’s intelligence when clearly you’re the one who has trouble understanding simple English. So let me put it in the simplest terms possible. They. Do. Not. Have. Your. Duvet. Or would a different language help? No tienen su duvet. Ils n'ont pas votre duvet. No? Then are you mad that you don’t get special treatment in this store? Because, frankly, this is not the type of place I would want to get special treatment from. Although," he smirked, looking at Mr. Ryerson’s ensemble of purple jeans, yellow dress shirt, and pale orange sweater tied around his neck, "judging by your God-awful Mr. Rogers’-Prep-School-meets-Rainbow-Brite attire, we have different taste. In that I have taste and you don’t. So please take your vision-offending business elsewhere, okay?"
Sandy Ryerson just gaped at him for a moment. He snapped out of it, though, and stayed in the store just long enough to huff "I never!" and stomp his way out of it. However, his stomp away was followed by the stomping of another person: Mr. Schue’s crazy ex-wife, Terri.
"Excuse me!" she yelled at Kurt. "What do you think you’re doing, driving away one of our best customers like that? And you letting him!" she shouted at Finn.
"I don’t, I--" Finn stammered.
"Who are you, anyway?" Terri asked Kurt. He made a quick decision about how to handle the situation; a manager yelling at her employee (especially if it was Finn) was not okay with him.
"Oh, I’m sorry, did you not recognize me? I’m in your husband’s--I’m sorry, your ex-husband’s-glee club with Finn." Kurt flashed Terri a deliciously wicked smile as she her face went red with rage. She turned to Finn.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t fire you right now and throw you both out of the store," she said in a dangerously quiet voice. Kurt smiled his most evil smile again.
"Because I’m sure corporate headquarters would just love to hear about the mentally unstable assistant manager of its Lima branch, who has drugged an entire glee club, lied to her husband about being pregnant, and then tried to blackmail a teenage girl into giving up her daughter in order to maintain that charade." Terri looked horrified. "Yes, Quinn and I have become quite good friends recently, and Mr. Schuester has a propensity for overshare. I know everything," Kurt said, which was a lie, but Terri didn’t know that, "and I am more than willing to share it with your superiors."
"Also, Mr. Ryerson’s not one of our best customers." Kurt and Terri both looked surprised at Finn as he spoke, his voice soft and his eyes looking firmly at his feet. "He comes in here all the time, but he only ever buys one tea light candle after he’s spent hours in the store." Although Terri still looked angry, her face softened at this revelation.
"Fine," she sighed. "But you," she said, pointing at Kurt, "will be banned for life if I ever hear you speaking to another customer like that again, understood?"
"Indeed," Kurt replied coolly. As she walked away, he muttered under his breath, "I cannot wait for the day."
"Dude," Finn said, looking at him with a mixture of amazement and gratitude. "I can’t believe how you just smacked down Terri and Ryerson. That was intense! And maybe a little harsh," he added as he stared at the break-room door through which Terri had disappeared.
"Possibly," Kurt said. "But nobody gets to talk to my brother like that."
Finn’s face lit up. "Really? Brother?"
"Yep." Kurt gave Finn the first genuine smile he’d given since he’d entered Sheets ‘n Things. "This doesn’t mean you get to say you’re my older brother, though."
Author: lennoxave
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt and Finn
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,684
Spoilers: Season 1, Slight Season 2 for a character everyone in the fandom knows about anyway
Summary: Written for this prompt over at the glee_fluff_meme . Five Times Finn Was Overprotective Of Kurt, And One Time Kurt Was Overprotective Of Finn. Title comes from the U2 song "The First Time."
When I'm a Brother In Need
1.
Finn was glad that the weirdness between him and Kurt was over. Their parents had gotten back together after the whole red-dress thing (and a whole bunch of tense, awkward conversations), and the Hudsons had once again moved in with the Hummels, Kurt having erected a giant shower curtain to separate the basement space into two rooms. It had still been weird for a while, but by the end of the summer Kurt had casually mentioned that he was officially over his crush for real this time, as any lingering feelings that may have still existed after what he referred to as "The Unpleasantness" had been destroyed by the number of times that summer he had seen Finn wear the same single shirt every day of the week. Finn had maintained that he’d spent most of his summer sitting in air-conditioned houses playing video games, and if you didn’t sweat then you didn’t need to wash your clothes. He had also mentioned that having to get up and move the shower curtain every time he wanted to talk to Kurt had started getting kind of annoying, so could we please get rid of the stupid thing now? Kurt had complied, and that was when Finn marked the official beginning of their almost step-brotherhood.
Finn had always thought it would be cool to have a brother, and even if Kurt wasn’t exactly the type of brother he had always wished he could have, he was still pretty awesome. With school back in session, Finn was determined to be the best brother ever.
"Hey, little bro," Finn gave Kurt a gentle nudge with his elbow as they met in the hallway to walk to Spanish.
"Finn, we’ve been over this before. I’m not your little brother. I’m three months older than you are."
"But I’m taller. It totally counts," Finn grinned and looked away from Kurt to say hi to one of the dudes from the basketball team. That was when he heard the familiar splash of slushie meeting face.
"Welcome back, fag," Dave Karofsky said with a sneer to a dripping wet Kurt Hummel.
Finn’s brain stopped working right at that moment, and his body reacted without thinking. He grabbed Karofsky by the shirt and slammed him hard into the lockers. He got in one good punch before he felt a hand grabbing his arm.
"Finn, stop it!" Kurt said. "He’s not worth it." Finn paused to look at Kurt, which gave Karofsky the opportunity to shove past him and take off down the hall.
"He doesn’t get to treat you like that," Finn growled as he looked down the hallway at Karofsky’s retreating form.
"Because you’re my ‘big brother’ now? Please, Finn. I appreciate it, really, but if you risk a suspension every time I get picked on, you’re not going to last two weeks back here."
Finn scowled. "So, what, I just have to sit here and do nothing?"
"Yes." Kurt wiped the slushie off his face with a handkerchief he had pulled out of one of the many pockets on his coat. "I know how to handle this. I’ve been doing it for years. If it looks like, I don’t know, I’m about to get bashed or something, then go ahead and go all Wolverine on somebody. But please, just let me deal with this my way, okay?"
"I can’t always promise that," Finn said with a frown.
"Well, try. And tell Mr. Schue I’m going to be late for class. I’ve got to get this coat down to the Cheerios’ private laundress before the stains set."
2.
They were just approaching the exit to Lima when Finn felt the Navigator start to violently shake.
"Dammit!" Kurt groaned as he pulled over to the shoulder of the road and put on his hazards.
"What happened? What’s wrong?" Finn asked, trying hard not to panic.
"I’m pretty sure we got a flat tire. The left rear one. I’ll go put on the spare and we can drive it over to the shop." Kurt made to open the door, but Finn stopped him.
"Couldn’t we just call your dad and get him to bring out the tow truck?"
"And wait at least twenty minutes for him to get here when I can have us back on the road in five? No, thank you. The Vampire Diaries are on tonight."
"But there are cars!" Finn blurted out as Kurt put his hand on the door handle. "Whizzing past! Outrageous speeds. You could be hit," he finished lamely.
"I’ll be fine."
"Maybe I could do it? I’m bigger. People would notice me more."
"Finn, you know nothing about cars. You think it’s awesome the way Mr. Schuester’s muffler sends sparks all over the road."
"It’s like a little fireworks display!" Finn defended himself. "Okay, I get your point. Could I just go out there and watch you do it? I can, like, heroically push you out of the way if a car comes or something?"
Kurt looked torn between being touched at Finn’s concern and annoyed at how it had manifested itself. Sighing, he said, "Fine. But stay out of my way."
Both boys got out of the car. Kurt went about setting up the jack while Finn anxiously watched the highway for dangerous vehicles. He maintained his stance until Kurt yelled at him to move.
"I can’t see anything with you blocking the sun!"
3.
Kurt was going to kill his almost-step-big-little brother or whatever the hell Finn had started calling himself in their relationship. He was going to kill him and throw his body into the giant container of meat the lunch ladies used to make sloppy joes, and no one would ever find his body.
Kurt slammed the basement door and ran down the stairs. "How did you get him to follow us?"
Finn looked up nonchalantly from the issue of Rolling Stone he had been reading. "I don’t know what you’re talking about." He looked back down at his magazine, but Kurt snatched it out of his hands.
"I’m talking about how you, somehow, convinced Noah Puckerman to follow Sam and me on our date." Kurt paused. "Did you pay him?"
"Kurt, you’re being paranoid. Maybe Puck just happened to be around? It’s a small town," Finn said, grabbing his magazine back, "not much to do."
"That’s what I thought at first when we saw him at Breadsticks," Kurt said with a huff. "But when he followed us to the movies, I knew something was up. And then he showed up at the ice cream place, too? No way was that a coincidence."
"Puck likes movies and dairy products."
"We went to see Burlesque, Finn. It has Cher in it."
"Puck’s into MILFs." Kurt was impressed by how well Finn was handling the interrogation; he usually bowed to pressure much sooner than this. But Kurt still had a trick up his sleeve.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t have Puck tail us." Finn looked up and met his gaze, but sighed instead of replying.
"Fine, you win. I just wanted to make sure this Sam dude was okay, and I knew you’d know what I was up to right away if I was the one who followed you."
"And?" Kurt asked, suddenly a little nervous. "Did he pass?"
"Puck’s been texting me updates. Apparently, Sam is," Finn opened his phone, "‘Perfect for Hummel. One of those dudes who’s into all that gay shit like chivalry and whatever.’ At least, I think that word’s supposed to be ‘chivalry’. It’s hard to tell with Puck sometimes." Finn paused. "Chivalry’s a good thing, right? Rachel told me about it once, but I stopped listening halfway through."
Kurt grinned. "Yes, it is. And Sam really was a perfect gentleman."
Finn smiled back. "Good. I’m glad. If he hurts you, I’m going knock his teeth out with a brick."
"I’ll let him know Big Brother’s watching him," Kurt laughed. "Seriously, though, how did you convince Puck of all people to spy on us?"
"I didn’t do anything. I just asked him," Finn said, looking back at his Rolling Stone. He smirked. "Your dad paid him twenty bucks, though."
"What? DAD!" Kurt shrieked as he raced up the stairs.
4.
Kurt awkwardly maneuvered himself on his crutches from the nurse’s office to the entrance of the boys’ locker room. Cheerios practice and football practice conveniently ended at the same time, and since Kurt didn’t have to shower after Cheerios (one of the many advantages to being the singer of the group rather than an actual cheerleader), he usually met Finn outside the locker room so they could ride home together. He balanced himself on his crutches and texted Mercedes for a few minutes while he waited for Finn to get out.
"Oh my God, what happened?" he heard Finn say. His almost-step-brother was looking at him with that intensely over-protective look he’d been prone to giving ever since their parents moved back in together.
"Relax. It’s just a slight sprain. Nothing to worry about."
"Who did this?" Finn asked, his face darker than Kurt had ever seen it before. Kurt was confused for a second but realized the conclusion Finn had jumped to.
"Don’t worry, it wasn’t like that. It was Cheerios practice." Finn still had a questioning look on his face, so Kurt explained. "We were doing the routine and Cindy Miller’s arms gave out when she was one of the bases of the pyramid. I was singing right next to the pyramid when they fell, and they took me with them. Hence the sprained ankle."
"You’re sure it wasn’t on purpose?"
"Positive. No one would risk the angry screaming lecture Coach Sylvester gave us just to try to hurt me."
"Okay, then." Finn paused. "So, you were basically stuck at the bottom of a pile of hot girls?"
"Basically."
Finn sighed. "It’s too bad that experience was wasted on you."
"Hey!" Kurt smacked him with one of his crutches. "You wouldn’t have had fun, either, given the searing pain that would have been going through your leg. Also, you have a girlfriend!"
"Yeah," Finn replied, his face still staring off absently. "But a guy can dream, can’t he?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, but smiled, too. "Sure, whatever. Can we go home now?"
"Yeah. Do you need me to help you with anything?"
"No, I think I’ve got it." In truth, it was awkward walking with crutches and carrying his messenger bag. But he wasn’t about to let Finn know that.
They had made it five steps before one of Kurt’s crutches slipped on some water someone must have tracked out of the locker room.
"Whoa, you okay?" Finn asked, grabbing his arm.
"Yes. Fine."
"I’m not sure if this is going to work," Finn said. He stopped and studied Kurt for a moment. A year ago, Kurt would have been over the moon, but now it was just kind of freaking him out.
"Finn, what are you--" Kurt was interrupted when Finn made a sudden lunge at him and scooped him into a fireman’s carry.
"This’ll go faster," Finn grunted and began carrying Kurt down the hall, despite his protestations.
"Finn Hudson, PUT ME DOWN. This is so . . . undignified."
"Well, it was either that or carry you like you were my wife and we were going to our honey moon suite, but I figured that would be a little too weird for us." He helped Kurt find a comfortable position to carry his crutches in and then continued down the hall.
When they finally made it to the Navigator, Finn put Kurt down, but quickly reached into his bag and grabbed his keys.
"What makes you think you get to drive my car?" Kurt asked.
"You can’t drive a car with a sprained ankle," Finn said.
"I sprained my left ankle, Finn. I can drive just fine."
"Dude, Burt’s gonna freak enough when he sees you like this. Just let me handle stuff, all right?"
Kurt sighed. Finn had a point. Resigned, he made his way to the passenger side of the car, hoping that Finn could manage not to crash his car into anything on the ten-minute drive home.
5.
Finn knew something was wrong as soon as he walked down the stairs. Kurt was sitting on the couch in the middle of the room, his arms hugging his knees to his chest. The TV was on but muted. It looked like the channel hadn’t been changed since Finn had checked ESPN that morning. He couldn’t see Kurt’s face, but he suspected that the other boy was crying.
"What’s up?" Finn asked softly as he walked over to the couch, though Kurt still jumped at the sound.
"I--" Kurt started to say, but his voice was shaky. He stopped and took a few deep breaths to gather his composure. "Sam and I broke up today."
Finn put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and squeezed. "I’m sorry, man." He thought for a second. "Did he do something I’m gonna have to kill him for?"
Kurt let out a strangled laugh. "No. It was a mutual split."
"What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?" Finn said as he sat down. "I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it I--"
"No," Kurt sniffled, "it’s fine. Nothing happened, really. We just . . . we both realized that we don’t have very much in common, except for being gay. I think . . . I think maybe we were dating each other mostly out of necessity, because we didn’t have any other options, you know? And that’s not a good enough reason to be in a relationship." He took another deep breath. "That doesn’t really make it hurt less, though."
Finn squeezed his shoulder again. "That sucks. I’m so sorry. Is there, like, anything I can do to make you feel better?" Kurt shook his head.
"Are you sure? I feel like I should still whale on him for breaking you heart."
Kurt smiled. "No, no, no, I told you, it wasn’t that kind of break-up."
"Still, though. He hurt you. I can totally still get out that brick and smash him in the face. Or get Santana to spread a rumor that he has a small--"
"Finn! I assure you, that won’t be necessary." They sat in silence for a few minutes. Finn was not used to this whole comforting thing; he was better with action than with words. Abruptly, he got up from the couch.
"Well," he announced, "I’m going to go get a shovel anyway. Just in case."
"Finn!" Kurt said again, but this time there was a little more laughter in his voice. "Have you been watching my Buffy DVDs again?"
"Hey, Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot, and also: girl-on-girl." Kurt responded by making a face and hitting Finn with a pillow. "Seriously, though," Finn said, "you’re sure I can’t unleash a little brotherly vengeance?"
"I’m sure."
"Okay, well then, you’re going to have to think of something for me to do, because I can’t just not do anything while you’re all hurt and stuff, and I’m just going to be all weird and hover-y if you don’t give me any directions."
"Fine," Kurt sighed. "You can go get me ice cream?"
"Okay, what kind?"
"Ben and Jerry’s, something chocolate, my pear-hips be damned."
Finn grabbed his keys off the table and bounded up the stairs. He stopped near the top, though, and called one last suggestion down the stairs.
"You know, Puck has a set of nunchucks . . ."
"Finn, just go to the store."
1.
Kurt was honestly surprised every time he walked into Sheets ‘n Things and didn’t break into hives. The place was just crawling with big-box, faux-chic, painfully suburban products that were undoubtedly created by a horde of grubby sweatshop children in China. He shivered a little at the thought. No, he only came to Sheets ‘n Things when he needed to talk to Finn about something (or, occasionally, when he and Mercedes wanted to make fun of Puck in a setting that prevented him from retaliating). Today, he was coming in to let Finn know that his dad and Carole were going out to dinner tonight and had left money for them to buy take-out.
To be fair, that was a flimsy excuse for dropping by, but Kurt knew that Finn appreciated the slight break from the drudgery, and if he had to endure ugly pastels and horrid floral prints to provide that, than so be it. It was the least an almost step-brother could do.
He spotted Finn stocking a display of toilet seat covers (oh dear God, were those embroidered?) at the end of an aisle.
"Hey, Fi--" Kurt started to say as he walked over, but stopped when he realized that Finn was with a customer. He ducked back behind the aisle and listened.
"Now, listen here, you two-bit hoodlum." Kurt winced as he heard Sandy Ryerson’s voice. This was not going to go well. "I know you’re just working here to pay off your debt to society, but the least you could do is help a loyal customer!"
"Look, I know you want your fancy blanket thing--" Finn said.
"It’s a duvet!" Mr. Ryerson interjected.
"Whatever. But if it’s not on the shelf, it’s not here. We don’t keep bedding in the back. Something about angry, poison-resistant bedbugs."
"But Terri told me she’d order one . . ."
"We don’t do special orders, Mr. Ryerson. We order things and put them on the shelves." Finn sounded very exasperated. "If we got one, someone else must have bought it."
"Or maybe," Mr. Ryerson was ramping up to a full-on hissy fit, "you just couldn’t find it! Maybe that tiny, walnut-sized jock brain of yours is too stupid to find a simple--"
"That’s enough." Kurt had marched angrily out of his hiding place when he heard Finn being attacked. He now faced Finn and Mr. Ryerson with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. Both men looked rather gobsmacked at the interruption. This had the potential to be very fun.
"It’s interesting that you should choose to harp on poor Finn here’s intelligence when clearly you’re the one who has trouble understanding simple English. So let me put it in the simplest terms possible. They. Do. Not. Have. Your. Duvet. Or would a different language help? No tienen su duvet. Ils n'ont pas votre duvet. No? Then are you mad that you don’t get special treatment in this store? Because, frankly, this is not the type of place I would want to get special treatment from. Although," he smirked, looking at Mr. Ryerson’s ensemble of purple jeans, yellow dress shirt, and pale orange sweater tied around his neck, "judging by your God-awful Mr. Rogers’-Prep-School-meets-Rainbow-Brite attire, we have different taste. In that I have taste and you don’t. So please take your vision-offending business elsewhere, okay?"
Sandy Ryerson just gaped at him for a moment. He snapped out of it, though, and stayed in the store just long enough to huff "I never!" and stomp his way out of it. However, his stomp away was followed by the stomping of another person: Mr. Schue’s crazy ex-wife, Terri.
"Excuse me!" she yelled at Kurt. "What do you think you’re doing, driving away one of our best customers like that? And you letting him!" she shouted at Finn.
"I don’t, I--" Finn stammered.
"Who are you, anyway?" Terri asked Kurt. He made a quick decision about how to handle the situation; a manager yelling at her employee (especially if it was Finn) was not okay with him.
"Oh, I’m sorry, did you not recognize me? I’m in your husband’s--I’m sorry, your ex-husband’s-glee club with Finn." Kurt flashed Terri a deliciously wicked smile as she her face went red with rage. She turned to Finn.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t fire you right now and throw you both out of the store," she said in a dangerously quiet voice. Kurt smiled his most evil smile again.
"Because I’m sure corporate headquarters would just love to hear about the mentally unstable assistant manager of its Lima branch, who has drugged an entire glee club, lied to her husband about being pregnant, and then tried to blackmail a teenage girl into giving up her daughter in order to maintain that charade." Terri looked horrified. "Yes, Quinn and I have become quite good friends recently, and Mr. Schuester has a propensity for overshare. I know everything," Kurt said, which was a lie, but Terri didn’t know that, "and I am more than willing to share it with your superiors."
"Also, Mr. Ryerson’s not one of our best customers." Kurt and Terri both looked surprised at Finn as he spoke, his voice soft and his eyes looking firmly at his feet. "He comes in here all the time, but he only ever buys one tea light candle after he’s spent hours in the store." Although Terri still looked angry, her face softened at this revelation.
"Fine," she sighed. "But you," she said, pointing at Kurt, "will be banned for life if I ever hear you speaking to another customer like that again, understood?"
"Indeed," Kurt replied coolly. As she walked away, he muttered under his breath, "I cannot wait for the day."
"Dude," Finn said, looking at him with a mixture of amazement and gratitude. "I can’t believe how you just smacked down Terri and Ryerson. That was intense! And maybe a little harsh," he added as he stared at the break-room door through which Terri had disappeared.
"Possibly," Kurt said. "But nobody gets to talk to my brother like that."
Finn’s face lit up. "Really? Brother?"
"Yep." Kurt gave Finn the first genuine smile he’d given since he’d entered Sheets ‘n Things. "This doesn’t mean you get to say you’re my older brother, though."