Alive
Title: Alive
Pairing: JaeChun
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R
Length: Drabble
Disclaimer: I don't own DBSK :(
Warning: Smut
30.01.11 | Alive
I feel like shit.
I fee like shit all the time; but maybe that’s life, until you find a meaning out of it.
I don’t feel pain anymore, wait, I never did. Or maybe I denied that feeling of pain a long time ago.
How do you feel when the one you love is so close but you can’t feel him?
My world revolves around him, but he has his own life and he needs to continue living it. I don’t have my own; he is my life.
I can’t feel the warmth of his lips against mine, the flush of his skin against mine.
I was frustrated and I asked God, why? Why me? Why!
He said he doesn’t mind. I do mind, I told him; he deserves a better life, a better partner.
I bit my lips hard, and couldn’t feel anything even as blood dripped from it.
I sighed and wiped the blood, not caring if it stains the white bedspread.
He stirred beside me, snuggled closer to me. It made me smile but not being able to feel his heat around me frustrates me.
I got up, careful not to wake him up, and walked to the balcony. I didn’t bother putting a jacket on because I wouldn’t be able to feel the chill of the night wind anyway.
What is life without pain?
I broke my leg when I was in grade school, and I only know it broke because then I couldn’t stand up. It didn’t hurt, and the numbness was what made me realize I was different.
People said they envy me, saying I wouldn’t feel pain even if they beat me up with a baseball bat. Little did they know that their words pained me the most.
I couldn’t feel the arms that suddenly wrapped around my middle from behind, or his warm breath that supposed to fall on my neck. I saw him move behind me, and I felt miserable. Tears started falling and I couldn’t hold it back. I couldn’t feel the wetness of my cheeks and it made me cry harder.
“Yoochun-ah,” he whispered as I sobbed in his shoulder. I couldn’t feel the hand rubbing on my back; I couldn’t feel the kisses he planted on my cheeks.
I cried harder, my fingers clawing on his bare back. He might have winced from the pain, but I wouldn’t know because I never know how painful it is having nails dug into your skin.
He led me back inside and laid me on the bed. He kissed my tear-stained cheeks, my lips, my neck, and I couldn’t feel any of them. They said the feel of his skin against mine supposed to burn, it supposed to be the best feeling in the world. I hate them for saying that.
You have no idea how I envied those who can get hurt, those who would cry when they scrapped their knee and scream in pain when they broke their leg. I envied them the most because then they would be able to feel Jaejoong all over their skin, feel the sweetness of his lips, feel the burn of his touch…
“Yoochun, it’s okay…” he kissed my tear-swelled eyes. “I’d still love you no matter what, don’t be sad. I love you.”
And I was thankful I could at least still feel his hand wrapped around my erection. I was thankful I could feel pleasure swallowed my body as he stroked and pink lips wrapped around my crown.
“I love you, I love you, I love you…” he whispered it to me repeatedly and I was thankful I could still hear his sweet vanilla voice. I was thankful I could still smell the scent of his shampoo as his smooth hair brushed my cheeks.
He pushed his lubed finger into me and I was thankful I could still feel its brush on my prostate. I was thankful I could still see him pounding into me, see how sweat made his skin glistened under the moonlight. When he settled next to me at the end, breath harsh, I was thankful my heart could still feel.
His heartbeat sounded calming.
His arms around me were soothing.
His brown eyes boring right into my soul were prepossessing.
Suddenly I feel perfect, I was thankful I’m alive.
“Thank you, Jaejoong.” I pressed my lips on his and it tasted sweet.
Pairing: JaeChun
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R
Length: Drabble
Disclaimer: I don't own DBSK :(
Warning: Smut
30.01.11 | Alive
I feel like shit.
I fee like shit all the time; but maybe that’s life, until you find a meaning out of it.
I don’t feel pain anymore, wait, I never did. Or maybe I denied that feeling of pain a long time ago.
How do you feel when the one you love is so close but you can’t feel him?
My world revolves around him, but he has his own life and he needs to continue living it. I don’t have my own; he is my life.
I can’t feel the warmth of his lips against mine, the flush of his skin against mine.
I was frustrated and I asked God, why? Why me? Why!
He said he doesn’t mind. I do mind, I told him; he deserves a better life, a better partner.
I bit my lips hard, and couldn’t feel anything even as blood dripped from it.
I sighed and wiped the blood, not caring if it stains the white bedspread.
He stirred beside me, snuggled closer to me. It made me smile but not being able to feel his heat around me frustrates me.
I got up, careful not to wake him up, and walked to the balcony. I didn’t bother putting a jacket on because I wouldn’t be able to feel the chill of the night wind anyway.
What is life without pain?
I broke my leg when I was in grade school, and I only know it broke because then I couldn’t stand up. It didn’t hurt, and the numbness was what made me realize I was different.
People said they envy me, saying I wouldn’t feel pain even if they beat me up with a baseball bat. Little did they know that their words pained me the most.
I couldn’t feel the arms that suddenly wrapped around my middle from behind, or his warm breath that supposed to fall on my neck. I saw him move behind me, and I felt miserable. Tears started falling and I couldn’t hold it back. I couldn’t feel the wetness of my cheeks and it made me cry harder.
“Yoochun-ah,” he whispered as I sobbed in his shoulder. I couldn’t feel the hand rubbing on my back; I couldn’t feel the kisses he planted on my cheeks.
I cried harder, my fingers clawing on his bare back. He might have winced from the pain, but I wouldn’t know because I never know how painful it is having nails dug into your skin.
He led me back inside and laid me on the bed. He kissed my tear-stained cheeks, my lips, my neck, and I couldn’t feel any of them. They said the feel of his skin against mine supposed to burn, it supposed to be the best feeling in the world. I hate them for saying that.
You have no idea how I envied those who can get hurt, those who would cry when they scrapped their knee and scream in pain when they broke their leg. I envied them the most because then they would be able to feel Jaejoong all over their skin, feel the sweetness of his lips, feel the burn of his touch…
“Yoochun, it’s okay…” he kissed my tear-swelled eyes. “I’d still love you no matter what, don’t be sad. I love you.”
And I was thankful I could at least still feel his hand wrapped around my erection. I was thankful I could feel pleasure swallowed my body as he stroked and pink lips wrapped around my crown.
“I love you, I love you, I love you…” he whispered it to me repeatedly and I was thankful I could still hear his sweet vanilla voice. I was thankful I could still smell the scent of his shampoo as his smooth hair brushed my cheeks.
He pushed his lubed finger into me and I was thankful I could still feel its brush on my prostate. I was thankful I could still see him pounding into me, see how sweat made his skin glistened under the moonlight. When he settled next to me at the end, breath harsh, I was thankful my heart could still feel.
His heartbeat sounded calming.
His arms around me were soothing.
His brown eyes boring right into my soul were prepossessing.
Suddenly I feel perfect, I was thankful I’m alive.
“Thank you, Jaejoong.” I pressed my lips on his and it tasted sweet.