AFGR chapter 4 ftw
Title: A Fairy Godmother’s Revenge
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: Omigosh, we can’t believe this chapter ended up this long. >< Regardless, we hope the length doesn’t bug anyone! There’s also an excessive amount of Taikaru (Taiyou/Hikaru, from Ya-Ya-Yah), just to warn you guys. XD
Orgy-tachi and the chibi Juniors began to walk through the not-so-fairy-like Fairy Land after Jin got his bowl of popcorn. They kept walking and walking, silently, until Pi began to complain.
“Seriously, guys. I just don't know why everyone copies my dorama! It's so annoying!”
“Pi, shut up,” Ueda stated bluntly.
Junno blurted, “KON!”
“OI!” Pi scolded.
“Junno, you shut up, too. We only want you to speak when Maru speaks,” Ueda commanded.
Junno protested, “Nan~de? It's fu~n to spe~ak!”
“Just. Shut. Up.”
“PMS much, Ueda-chan?” Jin teased.
“I know!" Hikaru yelled, "Let's sing Neko Funjatta!”
“NOOO! NOT NEKO FUNJATTA!” Kame screamed, remembering that crazy lady who made him do cat noises.
“YES!” Bakanishi agreed. “Let's make Kazuya go ‘Nya~!’”
Kame frowned, “You already make me do that!”
Everyone gasped.
“Why would Kamenashi-sempai do that for Akanishi-sempai?” Yuto asked.
“I'LL EXPLAIN TO YOU!” Hikaru winked.
“OH, NO,” Taiyou shouted, deciding to hide behind one of the sempai, “don't let him get near me!”
Yabu whispered to his bandmate, “You realize you're taller than everyone else here, right?”
“Your point?” Taiyou glared.
“It's impossible to hide from Hikaru.”
“Just....don't let him touch me.”
“E~h?! Why not?” Hikaru asked. “You enjoy it!”
“Shut up, Hikaru! Shut up!”
Hikaru sniffed, “Taiyou~ you hurt my feelings~”
Taiyou cringed. “A-ah...gomen...” he smiled slightly, walking over to him and hugging him. “Here's a hug to cheer you up!”
More sniffling from the older Ya3 member...then came the groping.
“NO, STOP. HIKARU, GET OFF ME.”
“EWWW!” both Yuto and Yamada yelped.
“Wh~y? You never minded before~”
‘Could you please move on?!’ Maru yelled, indignant.
Junno translated, “Ringo-sa~n says that he wants us to move on~~”
“Fine...Taiyou~ can I sleep over at your house tonight?” Hikaru asked, smiling sweetly at him.
Taiyou glared, “...no.”
“Then, come to mine~~”
“...NO.”
“HOHOHOH!” Jin laughed hysterically, while stuffing his mouth with popcorn. “BITCHFIGHT! TAIYOU-KUN, SLAP HIM!”
“...uh, again, no.”
“If you don't want to slap him, then, I can share a popcorn for you to throw at him!”
“... no.”
“... At least have some popcorn? They always make me feel better.”
“I don't like popcorn,” Taiyou shrugged.
Incredulous, Jin asked, “Then just what do you like?”
“SEX WITH ME!” Hikaru beamed.
Taiyou shouted, “HIKARU, SHUT UP!”
“I'll shut up if you give me a piggyback ride!” Hikaru grinned.
Yamada laughed nervously. “Piggyback ride in exchange for keeping your secrets secret, Ayukawa, I think that's a good trade...”
“Yamada,” Taiyou twitched, “you don't know what he's planning.”
“Eh? What's so bad about a piggyback ride?” Yuto stared.
“Silly Yuto-kun! Hikaru-kun obviously wants to ride Taiyou-kun's back like a piggy!”
“YOU! NEWLYWEDS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR SEXUAL TENSION RESOLVED, OR GO BACK! YOU, AKANISHI! SHUT UP, PERIOD. I DID NOT WASTE MY TIME BRINGING YOU GUYS TO FAIRY LAND TO LET YOU ALL RUN AROUND SCREAMING LIKE LITTLE KIDS!” Ueda screamed.
Yamada replied, defending himself and Yuto, “But we are little kids!”
“Yamada, you're special.”
“How can we stop the sexual tension while fucking?” Jin asked, playing another word game.
Ueda growled, “AKANISHI, YOU WANT TO BECOME A PILE OF SHIT THAT BADLY, DON'T YOU?”
“NO PREASE,” Jin whimpered.
“THEN TAKE MY ADVICE AND SHUT UP! One last warning: Jin, if you don't shut up with the stupid word games until we reach the castle, you're going to become shit!”
“E~H?!”
“Just shut up!”
“I bet 5000 yen... he's so becoming shit!” Ryo took out his wallet.
Yuto piped up, “I bet 5000 yen against you, Nishikido-sempai!”
“Such a cute kid,” Ryo sneered, ruffling his hair.
He pouted in reply, “I'm serious! I have faith in Akanishi-sempai!”
Jin hugged Yuto again. “Thank you Yuto-kun! I knew you'd come through for me!”
'I feel so fat, ugly, and red! Honestly, Koki, if only you could've restrained yourself from raping Junno so much!' Yuichi criticized.
“Ringo-sa~n says he feels fat, ugly, red! He's also complaining about Koki's restraint to stop ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“The hell?” Ryo raised an eyebrow, looking in the direction of where the ringtone played.
Yamapi apologized, “Ahh, sorry, Papa texted me!”
“What'd sempai say?” Jin asked, curious.
“...he's asking if the orgy's still on.”
“Whatever you do, don't tell him that Ueda's a fairy who turned Nakamaru into an apple and that we're in Fairy Land right now.,” Kame warned.
After some thinking, Tomohisa responded, “...fine, I'll tell him...that the orgy's canceled because we ran out of condoms.”
“EWWW!!” the chibis screeched.
“C'mon, kids,” Hikaru said, looking at Yamada and Yuto, “condoms are your friends!”
“Tsk, tsk, Hikaru...and you're the one who says you want a chibi Hikaru...” Shoon shook his head. “Don't you know that to get chibi Hikaru, you need lube and not a condom?”
“DEMO-”
“JUST SHUT UP. HIKARU!” Taiyou quickly interrupted.
“DEMO, THAT'S ALL TAIYOU HA-”
“I SAID SHUT UP!”
Shoon put an arm around his fellow short-person's shoulders. “Hikaru, don't you know? Improvise! Yabu and I do it all the time!”
“Does it work?”
“Of course!”
“What about all those times I find condom wrappers in your pocket?”
“...shut up.”
“Yamashita-kun doesn't want little baby Shoon-kuns running around, you know?” Yabu butted in.
Yamapi scolded, “OI. I'M YOUR SEMPAI! SHOW RESPECT!”
“...I said Shoon,” Kota defended.
“...Eh? Shoon? Never mind... gomen.”
“OKAY. STOP THE STUPIDITY.” Ueda looked at the group. “We're almost there!”
Everyone, scared that the fairy would explode on them again, decided to be quiet. ...that is, until Jin got impatient.
“Are we there yet?”
“Almost.”
“How about...nnnnnnnow?”
“We're almost there.”
“Aww~ I ran out of popcorn! I WISH I HAD POPCORN!” A bowl of popcorn appeared in front of Bakanishi. “Are we there yet?”
“Not yet. Almost.”
Five minutes passed by.
“A~re we the~re ye~t?”
“NO. Do you see a castle nearby?! EH? EH?!” Ueda yelled.
“DEMO! You said we were almost there a few seconds ago,” Jin argued.
Yamada looked up at Akanishi-sempai. How could an adult be more impatient than a kid?
A few more minutes of silenced passed by.
“Are we-”
“NO.”
“Are-”
“AKANISHI, SHUT UP!” came the cry from everyone but him, Ueda, and Yuto.
“NEKO FUNJATTA~!” Hikaru sang.
Kame exclaimed, “Nya~!”
“What the fuck?” Ryo questioned, once again.
Kazuya answered, “...habit.”
“Oh.”
“Are we there yet?” Jin asked.
Ueda responded, “Maybe.”
“LOOK! LOOK! I SEE A GIANT THING IN THE DISTANCE!” Jin shouted, pointing at a giant shadow. “IS THAT THE FAIRY CASTLE?!”
“...stupid, that's a tree.”
“But fairies live in trees, right?”
“Not now. Too many bugs.”
“There are bugs in Fairy Land?” Masuda whimpered.
“Yes.”
“Hey,” Jin exclaimed, “that giant thing in the distance is starting to move!”
They all stared at the slowly approaching moving object, until it came into view and everyone could tell exactly what it was.
“That's no tree...it's a fuckin' snail!!” Koki yelled. “HIDE YUICHI! IT MIGHT EAT HIM!!”
Massu, on the other hand, fainted from fright.
“Papa!” Yamada cried out.
“Why does it seem to look bigger and bigger?” Yuto squinted, cocking his head to the side.
Yamada shouted, “STUPID, IT'S COMING CLOSER, THAT'S WHY!”
“YAMA-CHAN, SAVE ME!” Yuto cried, squeezing his friend tightly.
“Uweh~! Katatsumuri-san! Can I ride you~?!” Jin grinned from ear to ear.
“Uwaaa~~h!” Junno looked at the snail, “Can I poke it?!”
“YUTO-KUN, GET OFF ME, I CAN'T BREATHE!” Ryosuke squirmed, trying to release himself from the grip of the taller teen.
Yuto defended his actions, “BUT THE SNAIL'S SO SCARYYYY!”
“Taiyou, look, Yamada-kun sounds like you,” Hikaru pointed out.
Ayukawa growled, “AT LEAST THEY'RE INNOCENT, IDIOT.”
“DE~MO~ HE STILL SOUNDS LIKE YOU~~!”
“NOOOOOOOOO~ MY POP~CORN~!” Jin cried, finding that he dropped his bowl of popcorn.
Junno moved closer to the giant snail, poking it, realizing it was too hard... deciding something that a sober person wouldn't do: yelling “SAMURAI*LOVE*ATTACK!!” as he kicked and punching it with whatever strength a drunk person has.
Then, the snail began to die! No, no, don't blame Junno for killing Katatsumuri-san, rather, blame Jin's popcorn! You see, the salt from the popcorn that fell landed on the poor snail, and it started to dissolve!
“"I'M MELTIIIIIIING~!” Katatsumuri-san groaned.
Ryo stared at the dying snail in bewilderment. “...what the hell? Since when do snails talk?”
“This is Fairy Land, remember that. Nothing's normal here,” Ueda said.
Jin asked, “Even the popcorn?”
“You wished for earth popcorn. So, no.”
“Aww~ damn!”
While all of this was going on, Tegoshi kept trying to wake his husband up. “Masuda! Ma~ssu!! Get up!” he shouted, shaking the other half of TegoMass. “I know! I'll perform CPR!”
The chibi Juniors merely stared at Yamada's parents. Eventually, Masuda did wake up. Didn't pry Tegoshi off him, though...
“Like I said before, that's going to be you two in a few years!” Hikaru grinned, poking both Yamada and Yuto in the shoulder. They shivered in response.
Ueda glared at them. “Oi, lovebirds, stop eating each other's faces. We really have to begin to head to the castle now.” He pried TegoMass off each other, and walked away. The others got the hint to follow him.
Again, the beginning of the trip was silent before Jin got impatient.
“Are we there yet?”
“Not yet. Almost.”
Ten minutes passed by.
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
Five more minutes passed by.
“Are we-” This time, Jin interrupted himself. “OHMIGOSH, is that...giant popcorn?!” He pointed at the giant mass of whitish-yellow with excitement and stopped the entire group. “CAN I KEEP IT?!”
Everyone else (except Yuto) stared at him with a look that spoke the words that went through all of their heads: “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“KAKKOI!” Yuto cried out, looking at the giant popcorn in awe.
“Pleasepleasepleaaaase? I’ll take care of it!” Jin pleaded.
Ueda leered, “You’ll eat it. You can’t eat a Fairy Land creature; too many negative side effects.”
“I promise I won't eat it! For real!”
“Yeah, and I'm Fairy Queen,” Ueda retorted sarcastically.
“EH~? REALLY?”
“YOU LIED TO US,” Yuto cried out, offended.
“BAKA! Haven't you heard of sarcasm? Honestly, Yuto-kun, sometimes I wonder if you really are only three months younger than me,” Yamada sighed.
“Kids,” Jin said maturely, “stop it.” Then that moment of maturity ended. “Can I please keep it?!”
“NO! And that’s final!”
Jin began to cry. Kame, being the sensitive sap he was, decided to help.
“C'mon, Tat-chan, let Jin keep it!”
“No.”
“Ueda-ba-san... please?” Yuto pleaded.
Tatsuya twitched. “FINE! Just remember not to eat it.”
Jin smiled happily, “YAY! I'll name it Bob-san!”
“How did you know my name is Bob?!” the popcorn asked, looking at Jin.
“Eh? You speak?”
“It's Fairy Land, stupid,” Ueda insulted.
“True, true...”
“So, Bob-san wants to come with us?” Yuto asked the popcorn.
Bob-san implored, “Please! I'm homeless and it's almost popcorn mating season!”
“EH?! So, tell me, Bob-san, are you gay?” Hikaru questioned, patting the popcorn on its back.
Taiyou reprimanded, “Stupid, you don't ask someone that right after you meet him!”
“Uwaaah~ you're jealous!” Hikaru gasped.
The taller crossed his arms, giving Hikaru an angry look. “I am not jealous!”
“Really? Then can I just go and...?”
“NO!”
“Hee~ Taiyou-kun's jeaalouuuus~” Jin laughed.
Ueda commanded, “Everyone, shut up! Popcorn don't have genders! All of them are capable of having babies, okay?!”
“...what?” Jin stared at the fairy.
“IT MEANS POPCORN CAN'T BE GAY!”
“Ohhh.”
“I want a chibi Hikaru!” Hikaru said randomly. “I WISH I WAS A-”
Taiyou yelled at him again, “Oi! Don't wish for that!”
“But I really want a chibi Hikaru!”
“We'll talk about that later!”
“Are you really...?”
“I said we'll talk about it later.”
“So, where are you all headed?” Bob-san asked.
Jin replied, “Fairy Castle.”
“Ahhh. The popcorn mating grounds are close by! What are you visiting the Fairy Castle for?”
“Our resident fairy over here turned our friend into an apple,” Kame answered, pointing at the apple that Koki was holding.
“Ohhh~~ Ringo-san!”
‘Oi! Don't call me that!’
“Ringo-sa~n says not to call him Ringo-sa~n!”
‘Oh, shut up, Taguchi!’
“I don't wa~nna!”
‘You don't want a bitchy apple, do you?’
“No, please.”
‘Then shut up!’
“You're sounding like Tat-chan...” Junno pouted.
‘It's his fault, anyways! So deal with it!’
"Fiiiiiine."
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
Everyone stared at Yamapi again as he took out his keitei.
“Ahh~ it's Papa!”
“What does he want this time?”
“He wants to send us condoms!”
“Tell him to! But he needs to wait until we return from Fairy Land! We just need to bring Nakamaru-kun back!”
“DON'T BE STUPID. He shouldn't know!”
“Right! He'll think we're all drunk!”
“...aren't we?”
“I thought you said you weren't drunk, Junno.”
“... But after smelling the sharpie...”
‘See? This is all your fault, Koki! You raped Junno and I had to get a sharpie-d-on-face!’
“Ringo-sa~n says that this is all Koki’s fault because you ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“Who is it now?” Ryo groaned.
Yamapi replied, “Mama. He’s asking if Papa and he can join the orgy.”
“What should we do?” Kame looked around, worried.
Masuda suggested, “Tell them they have to wait until we return from the grocery store!”
“Butbutbut, what are we buying?” Pi asked.
Ueda replied, “WHATEVER.”
“Whatever as in fruits... meat or what?”
“Just whatever!”
“But he'll ask!”
“Then tell him we bought chips!” Keiichiro said.
“What brand?”
Ueda threw his arms up in exasperation. “OH. FUCK THIS.”
“AND,” Hikaru added, “we're also buying the condoms.”
“What ki-“
“DOES IT MATTER?” Ueda interrupted.
“OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? Stop arguing! Just tell Imai-sempai that you're buying food for Yuto-kun and I because we're hungry!” Yamada shouted.
“What kind of food?”
“LIKE THEY'D ASK!”
“I-I-I just can't do it! Not to Mama!”
“Then I'll do it!” Ueda snatched the phone from Yamapi and texted Tsubasa.
Then orgy-tachi was on their way again. Of course, the brief silence was again broken by Bakanishi.
“Are we there yet?”
“Not yet, Akanishi-san. So, why don't we talk until we get there?” Bob-san proposed.
“OH, YES!”
“Say, what's your favorite food?”
“Popcorn.”
“...are you trying to eat me?”
“No! I promised I wouldn't eat you!”
“Oh, good. Then I do get to have children, after all,” Bob-san said, letting out a sigh of relief.
Yaotome whined, “I want a chibi Hikaru~”
“Hikaru, shut up,” Taiyou immediately replied.
“Speaking of children, look! It's the popcorn mating grounds! ...AND HOT DAMN, IS THAT ONE FINE POPCORN!” Bob exclaimed, eyes wide.
With Bob-san ogling the popcorn walking a few feet away from it (none of the Johnnys could quite understand how popcorn could be more attractive than other popcorn), it jumped away from the chibi Juniors and orgy-tachi, beginning its courtship dance.
“...is that...Venus?!” Koyama asked, shocked. He turned around and saw the Juniors beginning to dance along.
“Atsuku VENUS!” Yabu sang.
Hikaru continued, “Moete VENUS!”
“Kimi no m-AHHH!!” Yamada yelped, getting jumped by popcorn.
Yuto frowned and hugged Yamada protectively, smacking the popcorn off the both of them.
“Finally! Chibi Hikaru!” Hikaru giggled.
Taiyou, on the other hand, glared at Hikaru. “I WILL NOT BE JEALOUS OF POPCORN. I WILL NOT BE JEALOUS OF POPCORN.” He paused for a while, still seething, before coming to terms with his denial. “...OKAY, I'M JEALOUS OF POPCORN. GET OFF HIKARU, YOU STUPID GIANT POPCORN!”
Getting the hint that Hikaru succeeded in making Taiyou jealous, he decided to play the uke. “Help me, Taiyou! Oh, no! They got me! They won't reach me...if you give me a piggyback ride!”
The giant obeyed and carried Hikaru, much to the elder’s joy. Placed on his back, Hikaru smiled while putting his head on Taiyou’s shoulder.
“This is why I’m glad you’re a giraffe~” Hikaru teased.
After a few moments, Hikaru’s hands began to wander, and Taiyou wasn’t pleased. Well, he sort of was, but only angry because it was in public.
“...Hikaru, stop it, or I'm dropping you,” Taiyou warned.
Hikaru let out a groan of disproval, but put his arms back in the rightful place of helping support his weight on Taiyou’s body.
Yuto stared at the two and said, “...Yama-chan, Hikaru-kun scares me...”
“He scares me, too...” Yamada replied.
“You'll be like this in no time, boys...” Hikaru gave them a smirk.
“Bo-bo-Bob-san!” Jin exclaimed, watching the scene unfold before him.
Shige was just as shocked. “Are...they...mating?!”
"... Bob-san will have a chibi Bob... and I won't have a chibi Hikaru!" the second-youngest of Ya-ya-yah complained.
Taiyou rolled his eyes. "I told you already! We'll talk about it later!"
"Bo-bo-bo-Bon-san! DON'T LEAVE US!” Jin cried.
Silence.
Ueda scolded, “WRONG NAME, STUPID!”
“... I said it right!”
“Bon-san is not the same as Bob-san!”
“BUBUBUBUT. BOB-SAN DUN LEAVE.”
“LEAVE IT BE!” Kame cried, dragging Jin away from the popcorn. Everyone else began to follow them. “Bob-san will be happy!”
“And he'll have chibi Bob!” Hikaru noted, poking Taiyou’s ear.
Taiyou retorted, “I SAID, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.”
“Butbutbut, the chibiness!”
‘Hikaru-chan, the chibiness is not worth having a baby over.’
The dorky tap dancer translated for the apple.
“Hai, he’s right. Yuichi wanted a baby for the chibiness at first, too,” Koki nodded.
‘Koki, don't ruin my lectures!’
“But it's the truth!”
‘Shut up!’
Koyama stared at the gangster and the apple in awe, as orgy-tachi continued their journey to the Fairy Castle. “It's incredible, isn't it? Even when Nakamaru-kun's an apple... they have random fights...wait a minute, Taguchi-kun hasn’t said a word so far, has he?”
“Nope!” Junno grinned.
“How amazing being married is...”
‘Taguchi, go SAMURAI*LOVE*ATTACK ON KOKI. HE ISN'T LISTENING TO ME.’
“But~ why should I~? Koki is Koki~ he doesn't listen to everyone~” Taguchi pouted.
‘Just hit him already! Because it's Ueda's fault, I can't!’
“Gomen, Koki, demo, Maru told me to~” the tall bandmate apologized, then smacked Koki upside the head.
‘It's his fault anyway! He shouldn't have raped you in first place!’
When Junno began to translate, Yuto interrupted. “SUGOI~! Ne, ne, Ueda-ba-san, is that the castle?!”
“Yes,” Ueda stated.
“AKANISHI. SAY SOMETHING STUPID BEFORE WE ENTER THE CASTLE,” Ryo commanded, not wanting to lose 5000 yen to some stupid little fourteen-year-old.
Jin looked at Ryo sternly and said, “No. I want Yuto to win the bet.”
Orgy-tachi and the two chibis, excited that Yucchi would finally be turned back to normal, ran as fast as they could to the front gate of Fairy Castle. Unfortunately for them, two large, tough-looking gummy worms stood in their ways!
“Password?” they grunted.
Just as Ueda opened his mouth to say it, Taguchi beamed and exclaimed, “Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu!”
“BAKA! SHIT, NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET IN!!” the fairy growled.
Jin advised, “Well, let's try again!”
“Deguchi, iriguchi, Taguchi desu?” Junno said.
Ueda glared. “I thought I said... we don't have another chance...”
“...uh...oops...?” Jin laughed nervously.
---
“So unfair!” Tackey looked at his wife. “Why didn't he invite us?”
“I know! I bet someone became a fruit and they're trying to save him!” Tsubasa suggested.
“Nah~”
“I was joking, you know.”
...wait a minute, WRONG SCENE. Oops~ GOMEN NASAI FOR THE POST-PRODUCTION ERROR~! (kyoto_no_hikari and togechan bow in apology)
---
“Ah~ so bored~” a voice sighed, staring out the window.
The other person in the room with him looked up from a book and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Nothing; just staring at this group of people getting beat up by the gummy-guards.”
“Really? I wanna watch too!” the second voice piped up, walking over to the window.
After a while, the first person asked, “...did I just see Ryo?”
“Ne, isn't that Pi running for his life?” the other squinted.
“...holy crap, that's NewS, KAT-TUN, and the Juniors!” both of them exclaimed. Then they looked at each other. “LET'S SAVE THEM!”
And so, with their awesome fairy powers, the two very familiar people got to the castle gates as quickly as they could.
“Gummy-guards! Cease attack!” one of the two other fairies shouted.
A gummy replied, “But, sir, they didn't have the right password!”
“It's fine! We know these people,” the other fairy smiled.
The second gummy protested, “They still have to tell us the password! That's the rules!”
“FAIRY POWER ENTER!” Ueda quickly shouted.
Pi was not happy. “YOU FUCKING FAIRIES. STOP. COPYING. MY. DORAMA.”
“How many times do I have to spell it out for you?! WE WERE HERE BEFORE YOUR DORAMA!”
‘Release your anger on Koki!’
Junno translated, “Ringo-sa~n says to release your anger on Koki!”
“Eh?! What did I do now?!” Koki shouted.
‘Get me stuck like this! If you hadn't raped Junno, I wouldn't be here!’
“Ringo-sa~n says that if you hadn't ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
Pi took out his cell phone and read the text message. “Papa asks if we can have an orgy tomorrow~~”
“Come on, you guys had orgies?! Without us?! How cruel!” one of the new fairies exclaimed.
“We’re very sorry, Uchi, but yeah, we had orgies without you or Kusano because you two were gone,” Shige explained. Then he thought about what he just said. “Wait a second... Uchi? Kusano? Is this why we haven't heard of you?”
END CHAPTER FOUR.
(Yes, we are very much aware that we have, indeed, heard about Uchi and Kusano in recent days. It’s just that it was announced during our planning stages, and we’re just too lazy to change our plot. :D Also, in case anyone was wondering, 5000 yen is about $41 USD.)
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: Omigosh, we can’t believe this chapter ended up this long. >< Regardless, we hope the length doesn’t bug anyone! There’s also an excessive amount of Taikaru (Taiyou/Hikaru, from Ya-Ya-Yah), just to warn you guys. XD
Orgy-tachi and the chibi Juniors began to walk through the not-so-fairy-like Fairy Land after Jin got his bowl of popcorn. They kept walking and walking, silently, until Pi began to complain.
“Seriously, guys. I just don't know why everyone copies my dorama! It's so annoying!”
“Pi, shut up,” Ueda stated bluntly.
Junno blurted, “KON!”
“OI!” Pi scolded.
“Junno, you shut up, too. We only want you to speak when Maru speaks,” Ueda commanded.
Junno protested, “Nan~de? It's fu~n to spe~ak!”
“Just. Shut. Up.”
“PMS much, Ueda-chan?” Jin teased.
“I know!" Hikaru yelled, "Let's sing Neko Funjatta!”
“NOOO! NOT NEKO FUNJATTA!” Kame screamed, remembering that crazy lady who made him do cat noises.
“YES!” Bakanishi agreed. “Let's make Kazuya go ‘Nya~!’”
Kame frowned, “You already make me do that!”
Everyone gasped.
“Why would Kamenashi-sempai do that for Akanishi-sempai?” Yuto asked.
“I'LL EXPLAIN TO YOU!” Hikaru winked.
“OH, NO,” Taiyou shouted, deciding to hide behind one of the sempai, “don't let him get near me!”
Yabu whispered to his bandmate, “You realize you're taller than everyone else here, right?”
“Your point?” Taiyou glared.
“It's impossible to hide from Hikaru.”
“Just....don't let him touch me.”
“E~h?! Why not?” Hikaru asked. “You enjoy it!”
“Shut up, Hikaru! Shut up!”
Hikaru sniffed, “Taiyou~ you hurt my feelings~”
Taiyou cringed. “A-ah...gomen...” he smiled slightly, walking over to him and hugging him. “Here's a hug to cheer you up!”
More sniffling from the older Ya3 member...then came the groping.
“NO, STOP. HIKARU, GET OFF ME.”
“EWWW!” both Yuto and Yamada yelped.
“Wh~y? You never minded before~”
‘Could you please move on?!’ Maru yelled, indignant.
Junno translated, “Ringo-sa~n says that he wants us to move on~~”
“Fine...Taiyou~ can I sleep over at your house tonight?” Hikaru asked, smiling sweetly at him.
Taiyou glared, “...no.”
“Then, come to mine~~”
“...NO.”
“HOHOHOH!” Jin laughed hysterically, while stuffing his mouth with popcorn. “BITCHFIGHT! TAIYOU-KUN, SLAP HIM!”
“...uh, again, no.”
“If you don't want to slap him, then, I can share a popcorn for you to throw at him!”
“... no.”
“... At least have some popcorn? They always make me feel better.”
“I don't like popcorn,” Taiyou shrugged.
Incredulous, Jin asked, “Then just what do you like?”
“SEX WITH ME!” Hikaru beamed.
Taiyou shouted, “HIKARU, SHUT UP!”
“I'll shut up if you give me a piggyback ride!” Hikaru grinned.
Yamada laughed nervously. “Piggyback ride in exchange for keeping your secrets secret, Ayukawa, I think that's a good trade...”
“Yamada,” Taiyou twitched, “you don't know what he's planning.”
“Eh? What's so bad about a piggyback ride?” Yuto stared.
“Silly Yuto-kun! Hikaru-kun obviously wants to ride Taiyou-kun's back like a piggy!”
“YOU! NEWLYWEDS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR SEXUAL TENSION RESOLVED, OR GO BACK! YOU, AKANISHI! SHUT UP, PERIOD. I DID NOT WASTE MY TIME BRINGING YOU GUYS TO FAIRY LAND TO LET YOU ALL RUN AROUND SCREAMING LIKE LITTLE KIDS!” Ueda screamed.
Yamada replied, defending himself and Yuto, “But we are little kids!”
“Yamada, you're special.”
“How can we stop the sexual tension while fucking?” Jin asked, playing another word game.
Ueda growled, “AKANISHI, YOU WANT TO BECOME A PILE OF SHIT THAT BADLY, DON'T YOU?”
“NO PREASE,” Jin whimpered.
“THEN TAKE MY ADVICE AND SHUT UP! One last warning: Jin, if you don't shut up with the stupid word games until we reach the castle, you're going to become shit!”
“E~H?!”
“Just shut up!”
“I bet 5000 yen... he's so becoming shit!” Ryo took out his wallet.
Yuto piped up, “I bet 5000 yen against you, Nishikido-sempai!”
“Such a cute kid,” Ryo sneered, ruffling his hair.
He pouted in reply, “I'm serious! I have faith in Akanishi-sempai!”
Jin hugged Yuto again. “Thank you Yuto-kun! I knew you'd come through for me!”
'I feel so fat, ugly, and red! Honestly, Koki, if only you could've restrained yourself from raping Junno so much!' Yuichi criticized.
“Ringo-sa~n says he feels fat, ugly, red! He's also complaining about Koki's restraint to stop ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“The hell?” Ryo raised an eyebrow, looking in the direction of where the ringtone played.
Yamapi apologized, “Ahh, sorry, Papa texted me!”
“What'd sempai say?” Jin asked, curious.
“...he's asking if the orgy's still on.”
“Whatever you do, don't tell him that Ueda's a fairy who turned Nakamaru into an apple and that we're in Fairy Land right now.,” Kame warned.
After some thinking, Tomohisa responded, “...fine, I'll tell him...that the orgy's canceled because we ran out of condoms.”
“EWWW!!” the chibis screeched.
“C'mon, kids,” Hikaru said, looking at Yamada and Yuto, “condoms are your friends!”
“Tsk, tsk, Hikaru...and you're the one who says you want a chibi Hikaru...” Shoon shook his head. “Don't you know that to get chibi Hikaru, you need lube and not a condom?”
“DEMO-”
“JUST SHUT UP. HIKARU!” Taiyou quickly interrupted.
“DEMO, THAT'S ALL TAIYOU HA-”
“I SAID SHUT UP!”
Shoon put an arm around his fellow short-person's shoulders. “Hikaru, don't you know? Improvise! Yabu and I do it all the time!”
“Does it work?”
“Of course!”
“What about all those times I find condom wrappers in your pocket?”
“...shut up.”
“Yamashita-kun doesn't want little baby Shoon-kuns running around, you know?” Yabu butted in.
Yamapi scolded, “OI. I'M YOUR SEMPAI! SHOW RESPECT!”
“...I said Shoon,” Kota defended.
“...Eh? Shoon? Never mind... gomen.”
“OKAY. STOP THE STUPIDITY.” Ueda looked at the group. “We're almost there!”
Everyone, scared that the fairy would explode on them again, decided to be quiet. ...that is, until Jin got impatient.
“Are we there yet?”
“Almost.”
“How about...nnnnnnnow?”
“We're almost there.”
“Aww~ I ran out of popcorn! I WISH I HAD POPCORN!” A bowl of popcorn appeared in front of Bakanishi. “Are we there yet?”
“Not yet. Almost.”
Five minutes passed by.
“A~re we the~re ye~t?”
“NO. Do you see a castle nearby?! EH? EH?!” Ueda yelled.
“DEMO! You said we were almost there a few seconds ago,” Jin argued.
Yamada looked up at Akanishi-sempai. How could an adult be more impatient than a kid?
A few more minutes of silenced passed by.
“Are we-”
“NO.”
“Are-”
“AKANISHI, SHUT UP!” came the cry from everyone but him, Ueda, and Yuto.
“NEKO FUNJATTA~!” Hikaru sang.
Kame exclaimed, “Nya~!”
“What the fuck?” Ryo questioned, once again.
Kazuya answered, “...habit.”
“Oh.”
“Are we there yet?” Jin asked.
Ueda responded, “Maybe.”
“LOOK! LOOK! I SEE A GIANT THING IN THE DISTANCE!” Jin shouted, pointing at a giant shadow. “IS THAT THE FAIRY CASTLE?!”
“...stupid, that's a tree.”
“But fairies live in trees, right?”
“Not now. Too many bugs.”
“There are bugs in Fairy Land?” Masuda whimpered.
“Yes.”
“Hey,” Jin exclaimed, “that giant thing in the distance is starting to move!”
They all stared at the slowly approaching moving object, until it came into view and everyone could tell exactly what it was.
“That's no tree...it's a fuckin' snail!!” Koki yelled. “HIDE YUICHI! IT MIGHT EAT HIM!!”
Massu, on the other hand, fainted from fright.
“Papa!” Yamada cried out.
“Why does it seem to look bigger and bigger?” Yuto squinted, cocking his head to the side.
Yamada shouted, “STUPID, IT'S COMING CLOSER, THAT'S WHY!”
“YAMA-CHAN, SAVE ME!” Yuto cried, squeezing his friend tightly.
“Uweh~! Katatsumuri-san! Can I ride you~?!” Jin grinned from ear to ear.
“Uwaaa~~h!” Junno looked at the snail, “Can I poke it?!”
“YUTO-KUN, GET OFF ME, I CAN'T BREATHE!” Ryosuke squirmed, trying to release himself from the grip of the taller teen.
Yuto defended his actions, “BUT THE SNAIL'S SO SCARYYYY!”
“Taiyou, look, Yamada-kun sounds like you,” Hikaru pointed out.
Ayukawa growled, “AT LEAST THEY'RE INNOCENT, IDIOT.”
“DE~MO~ HE STILL SOUNDS LIKE YOU~~!”
“NOOOOOOOOO~ MY POP~CORN~!” Jin cried, finding that he dropped his bowl of popcorn.
Junno moved closer to the giant snail, poking it, realizing it was too hard... deciding something that a sober person wouldn't do: yelling “SAMURAI*LOVE*ATTACK!!” as he kicked and punching it with whatever strength a drunk person has.
Then, the snail began to die! No, no, don't blame Junno for killing Katatsumuri-san, rather, blame Jin's popcorn! You see, the salt from the popcorn that fell landed on the poor snail, and it started to dissolve!
“"I'M MELTIIIIIIING~!” Katatsumuri-san groaned.
Ryo stared at the dying snail in bewilderment. “...what the hell? Since when do snails talk?”
“This is Fairy Land, remember that. Nothing's normal here,” Ueda said.
Jin asked, “Even the popcorn?”
“You wished for earth popcorn. So, no.”
“Aww~ damn!”
While all of this was going on, Tegoshi kept trying to wake his husband up. “Masuda! Ma~ssu!! Get up!” he shouted, shaking the other half of TegoMass. “I know! I'll perform CPR!”
The chibi Juniors merely stared at Yamada's parents. Eventually, Masuda did wake up. Didn't pry Tegoshi off him, though...
“Like I said before, that's going to be you two in a few years!” Hikaru grinned, poking both Yamada and Yuto in the shoulder. They shivered in response.
Ueda glared at them. “Oi, lovebirds, stop eating each other's faces. We really have to begin to head to the castle now.” He pried TegoMass off each other, and walked away. The others got the hint to follow him.
Again, the beginning of the trip was silent before Jin got impatient.
“Are we there yet?”
“Not yet. Almost.”
Ten minutes passed by.
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
Five more minutes passed by.
“Are we-” This time, Jin interrupted himself. “OHMIGOSH, is that...giant popcorn?!” He pointed at the giant mass of whitish-yellow with excitement and stopped the entire group. “CAN I KEEP IT?!”
Everyone else (except Yuto) stared at him with a look that spoke the words that went through all of their heads: “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“KAKKOI!” Yuto cried out, looking at the giant popcorn in awe.
“Pleasepleasepleaaaase? I’ll take care of it!” Jin pleaded.
Ueda leered, “You’ll eat it. You can’t eat a Fairy Land creature; too many negative side effects.”
“I promise I won't eat it! For real!”
“Yeah, and I'm Fairy Queen,” Ueda retorted sarcastically.
“EH~? REALLY?”
“YOU LIED TO US,” Yuto cried out, offended.
“BAKA! Haven't you heard of sarcasm? Honestly, Yuto-kun, sometimes I wonder if you really are only three months younger than me,” Yamada sighed.
“Kids,” Jin said maturely, “stop it.” Then that moment of maturity ended. “Can I please keep it?!”
“NO! And that’s final!”
Jin began to cry. Kame, being the sensitive sap he was, decided to help.
“C'mon, Tat-chan, let Jin keep it!”
“No.”
“Ueda-ba-san... please?” Yuto pleaded.
Tatsuya twitched. “FINE! Just remember not to eat it.”
Jin smiled happily, “YAY! I'll name it Bob-san!”
“How did you know my name is Bob?!” the popcorn asked, looking at Jin.
“Eh? You speak?”
“It's Fairy Land, stupid,” Ueda insulted.
“True, true...”
“So, Bob-san wants to come with us?” Yuto asked the popcorn.
Bob-san implored, “Please! I'm homeless and it's almost popcorn mating season!”
“EH?! So, tell me, Bob-san, are you gay?” Hikaru questioned, patting the popcorn on its back.
Taiyou reprimanded, “Stupid, you don't ask someone that right after you meet him!”
“Uwaaah~ you're jealous!” Hikaru gasped.
The taller crossed his arms, giving Hikaru an angry look. “I am not jealous!”
“Really? Then can I just go and...?”
“NO!”
“Hee~ Taiyou-kun's jeaalouuuus~” Jin laughed.
Ueda commanded, “Everyone, shut up! Popcorn don't have genders! All of them are capable of having babies, okay?!”
“...what?” Jin stared at the fairy.
“IT MEANS POPCORN CAN'T BE GAY!”
“Ohhh.”
“I want a chibi Hikaru!” Hikaru said randomly. “I WISH I WAS A-”
Taiyou yelled at him again, “Oi! Don't wish for that!”
“But I really want a chibi Hikaru!”
“We'll talk about that later!”
“Are you really...?”
“I said we'll talk about it later.”
“So, where are you all headed?” Bob-san asked.
Jin replied, “Fairy Castle.”
“Ahhh. The popcorn mating grounds are close by! What are you visiting the Fairy Castle for?”
“Our resident fairy over here turned our friend into an apple,” Kame answered, pointing at the apple that Koki was holding.
“Ohhh~~ Ringo-san!”
‘Oi! Don't call me that!’
“Ringo-sa~n says not to call him Ringo-sa~n!”
‘Oh, shut up, Taguchi!’
“I don't wa~nna!”
‘You don't want a bitchy apple, do you?’
“No, please.”
‘Then shut up!’
“You're sounding like Tat-chan...” Junno pouted.
‘It's his fault, anyways! So deal with it!’
"Fiiiiiine."
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
Everyone stared at Yamapi again as he took out his keitei.
“Ahh~ it's Papa!”
“What does he want this time?”
“He wants to send us condoms!”
“Tell him to! But he needs to wait until we return from Fairy Land! We just need to bring Nakamaru-kun back!”
“DON'T BE STUPID. He shouldn't know!”
“Right! He'll think we're all drunk!”
“...aren't we?”
“I thought you said you weren't drunk, Junno.”
“... But after smelling the sharpie...”
‘See? This is all your fault, Koki! You raped Junno and I had to get a sharpie-d-on-face!’
“Ringo-sa~n says that this is all Koki’s fault because you ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“Who is it now?” Ryo groaned.
Yamapi replied, “Mama. He’s asking if Papa and he can join the orgy.”
“What should we do?” Kame looked around, worried.
Masuda suggested, “Tell them they have to wait until we return from the grocery store!”
“Butbutbut, what are we buying?” Pi asked.
Ueda replied, “WHATEVER.”
“Whatever as in fruits... meat or what?”
“Just whatever!”
“But he'll ask!”
“Then tell him we bought chips!” Keiichiro said.
“What brand?”
Ueda threw his arms up in exasperation. “OH. FUCK THIS.”
“AND,” Hikaru added, “we're also buying the condoms.”
“What ki-“
“DOES IT MATTER?” Ueda interrupted.
“OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? Stop arguing! Just tell Imai-sempai that you're buying food for Yuto-kun and I because we're hungry!” Yamada shouted.
“What kind of food?”
“LIKE THEY'D ASK!”
“I-I-I just can't do it! Not to Mama!”
“Then I'll do it!” Ueda snatched the phone from Yamapi and texted Tsubasa.
Then orgy-tachi was on their way again. Of course, the brief silence was again broken by Bakanishi.
“Are we there yet?”
“Not yet, Akanishi-san. So, why don't we talk until we get there?” Bob-san proposed.
“OH, YES!”
“Say, what's your favorite food?”
“Popcorn.”
“...are you trying to eat me?”
“No! I promised I wouldn't eat you!”
“Oh, good. Then I do get to have children, after all,” Bob-san said, letting out a sigh of relief.
Yaotome whined, “I want a chibi Hikaru~”
“Hikaru, shut up,” Taiyou immediately replied.
“Speaking of children, look! It's the popcorn mating grounds! ...AND HOT DAMN, IS THAT ONE FINE POPCORN!” Bob exclaimed, eyes wide.
With Bob-san ogling the popcorn walking a few feet away from it (none of the Johnnys could quite understand how popcorn could be more attractive than other popcorn), it jumped away from the chibi Juniors and orgy-tachi, beginning its courtship dance.
“...is that...Venus?!” Koyama asked, shocked. He turned around and saw the Juniors beginning to dance along.
“Atsuku VENUS!” Yabu sang.
Hikaru continued, “Moete VENUS!”
“Kimi no m-AHHH!!” Yamada yelped, getting jumped by popcorn.
Yuto frowned and hugged Yamada protectively, smacking the popcorn off the both of them.
“Finally! Chibi Hikaru!” Hikaru giggled.
Taiyou, on the other hand, glared at Hikaru. “I WILL NOT BE JEALOUS OF POPCORN. I WILL NOT BE JEALOUS OF POPCORN.” He paused for a while, still seething, before coming to terms with his denial. “...OKAY, I'M JEALOUS OF POPCORN. GET OFF HIKARU, YOU STUPID GIANT POPCORN!”
Getting the hint that Hikaru succeeded in making Taiyou jealous, he decided to play the uke. “Help me, Taiyou! Oh, no! They got me! They won't reach me...if you give me a piggyback ride!”
The giant obeyed and carried Hikaru, much to the elder’s joy. Placed on his back, Hikaru smiled while putting his head on Taiyou’s shoulder.
“This is why I’m glad you’re a giraffe~” Hikaru teased.
After a few moments, Hikaru’s hands began to wander, and Taiyou wasn’t pleased. Well, he sort of was, but only angry because it was in public.
“...Hikaru, stop it, or I'm dropping you,” Taiyou warned.
Hikaru let out a groan of disproval, but put his arms back in the rightful place of helping support his weight on Taiyou’s body.
Yuto stared at the two and said, “...Yama-chan, Hikaru-kun scares me...”
“He scares me, too...” Yamada replied.
“You'll be like this in no time, boys...” Hikaru gave them a smirk.
“Bo-bo-Bob-san!” Jin exclaimed, watching the scene unfold before him.
Shige was just as shocked. “Are...they...mating?!”
"... Bob-san will have a chibi Bob... and I won't have a chibi Hikaru!" the second-youngest of Ya-ya-yah complained.
Taiyou rolled his eyes. "I told you already! We'll talk about it later!"
"Bo-bo-bo-Bon-san! DON'T LEAVE US!” Jin cried.
Silence.
Ueda scolded, “WRONG NAME, STUPID!”
“... I said it right!”
“Bon-san is not the same as Bob-san!”
“BUBUBUBUT. BOB-SAN DUN LEAVE.”
“LEAVE IT BE!” Kame cried, dragging Jin away from the popcorn. Everyone else began to follow them. “Bob-san will be happy!”
“And he'll have chibi Bob!” Hikaru noted, poking Taiyou’s ear.
Taiyou retorted, “I SAID, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.”
“Butbutbut, the chibiness!”
‘Hikaru-chan, the chibiness is not worth having a baby over.’
The dorky tap dancer translated for the apple.
“Hai, he’s right. Yuichi wanted a baby for the chibiness at first, too,” Koki nodded.
‘Koki, don't ruin my lectures!’
“But it's the truth!”
‘Shut up!’
Koyama stared at the gangster and the apple in awe, as orgy-tachi continued their journey to the Fairy Castle. “It's incredible, isn't it? Even when Nakamaru-kun's an apple... they have random fights...wait a minute, Taguchi-kun hasn’t said a word so far, has he?”
“Nope!” Junno grinned.
“How amazing being married is...”
‘Taguchi, go SAMURAI*LOVE*ATTACK ON KOKI. HE ISN'T LISTENING TO ME.’
“But~ why should I~? Koki is Koki~ he doesn't listen to everyone~” Taguchi pouted.
‘Just hit him already! Because it's Ueda's fault, I can't!’
“Gomen, Koki, demo, Maru told me to~” the tall bandmate apologized, then smacked Koki upside the head.
‘It's his fault anyway! He shouldn't have raped you in first place!’
When Junno began to translate, Yuto interrupted. “SUGOI~! Ne, ne, Ueda-ba-san, is that the castle?!”
“Yes,” Ueda stated.
“AKANISHI. SAY SOMETHING STUPID BEFORE WE ENTER THE CASTLE,” Ryo commanded, not wanting to lose 5000 yen to some stupid little fourteen-year-old.
Jin looked at Ryo sternly and said, “No. I want Yuto to win the bet.”
Orgy-tachi and the two chibis, excited that Yucchi would finally be turned back to normal, ran as fast as they could to the front gate of Fairy Castle. Unfortunately for them, two large, tough-looking gummy worms stood in their ways!
“Password?” they grunted.
Just as Ueda opened his mouth to say it, Taguchi beamed and exclaimed, “Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu!”
“BAKA! SHIT, NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET IN!!” the fairy growled.
Jin advised, “Well, let's try again!”
“Deguchi, iriguchi, Taguchi desu?” Junno said.
Ueda glared. “I thought I said... we don't have another chance...”
“...uh...oops...?” Jin laughed nervously.
---
“So unfair!” Tackey looked at his wife. “Why didn't he invite us?”
“I know! I bet someone became a fruit and they're trying to save him!” Tsubasa suggested.
“Nah~”
“I was joking, you know.”
...wait a minute, WRONG SCENE. Oops~ GOMEN NASAI FOR THE POST-PRODUCTION ERROR~! (kyoto_no_hikari and togechan bow in apology)
---
“Ah~ so bored~” a voice sighed, staring out the window.
The other person in the room with him looked up from a book and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Nothing; just staring at this group of people getting beat up by the gummy-guards.”
“Really? I wanna watch too!” the second voice piped up, walking over to the window.
After a while, the first person asked, “...did I just see Ryo?”
“Ne, isn't that Pi running for his life?” the other squinted.
“...holy crap, that's NewS, KAT-TUN, and the Juniors!” both of them exclaimed. Then they looked at each other. “LET'S SAVE THEM!”
And so, with their awesome fairy powers, the two very familiar people got to the castle gates as quickly as they could.
“Gummy-guards! Cease attack!” one of the two other fairies shouted.
A gummy replied, “But, sir, they didn't have the right password!”
“It's fine! We know these people,” the other fairy smiled.
The second gummy protested, “They still have to tell us the password! That's the rules!”
“FAIRY POWER ENTER!” Ueda quickly shouted.
Pi was not happy. “YOU FUCKING FAIRIES. STOP. COPYING. MY. DORAMA.”
“How many times do I have to spell it out for you?! WE WERE HERE BEFORE YOUR DORAMA!”
‘Release your anger on Koki!’
Junno translated, “Ringo-sa~n says to release your anger on Koki!”
“Eh?! What did I do now?!” Koki shouted.
‘Get me stuck like this! If you hadn't raped Junno, I wouldn't be here!’
“Ringo-sa~n says that if you hadn't ra-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
Pi took out his cell phone and read the text message. “Papa asks if we can have an orgy tomorrow~~”
“Come on, you guys had orgies?! Without us?! How cruel!” one of the new fairies exclaimed.
“We’re very sorry, Uchi, but yeah, we had orgies without you or Kusano because you two were gone,” Shige explained. Then he thought about what he just said. “Wait a second... Uchi? Kusano? Is this why we haven't heard of you?”
END CHAPTER FOUR.
(Yes, we are very much aware that we have, indeed, heard about Uchi and Kusano in recent days. It’s just that it was announced during our planning stages, and we’re just too lazy to change our plot. :D Also, in case anyone was wondering, 5000 yen is about $41 USD.)