lolzyay
Title: A Fairy Godmother’s Revenge
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: This...chapter is horrendously long. Just a warning. XD Also, if it goes the way we’ve planned it at this point, this is the chapter before the one before the last. ^o^ Thank you all for your support!
“Hey...I just realized something very strange...” Shoon began and stopped walking.
The entire group halted as well, and they looked at the short adult.
“Taguchi-sempai’s been quiet the entire time! Shouldn’t he have been singing along with Akanishi-sempai? He’s drunk, after all!”
Tegoshi held Yamada’s hand. “Ryosuke-chan! Don’t leave my side!”
Worried, Koki called, “Yuto-kun?”
“Yes, Tou-san?” the boy replied.
It set off a chain reaction.
“Yabu?” Shoon asked.
Yabu responded, “I’m here. Taiyou?”
“Here, as well. Hikaru?” the abnormally tall teenager questioned.
Hikaru answered, “Present!”
Jin pouted. “Aw~ how come no one mentions my name?”
Kame smacked him. “Bakanishi.”
“Itaaaai! Popcorn! Oh, popcorn! POPCORN! WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER?! NOO!! I forgot the popcorn! I feel so lonely now!” Jin cried out.
Kame, overwhelmed by a feeling of sympathy for the hotel-roommate, hugged him. “It’s okay, Jin, I’m here for you!”
Through sniffles, Jin managed to get out, “Kazuya...you mean it?”
“Yes, I do!”
Proceed to Jin doing naughty, naughty things to the K of the group. At least, he was, before the two youngest Juniors began to scream.
“EWW!”
Hikaru only smiled and nudged Yuto’s arm with his elbow. When the younger boy looked at him, he winked. “That’s going to be you two in a few years.”
Taken over by horror and shock, Yuto quickly stammered, “N-no way!”
Hikaru shrugged. “Hey, I’m just speaking out what I think; I was like you guys three years ago, too!”
Yamada looked like he just swallowed a frog-whole. He looked up at the sky, and spoke. “Kami-sama, please don’t let me end up like Yaotome!”
“Oh, come on~! If you end up like me, you’ll have tons of fun!” Hikaru pouted. Then he turned to the giant in his unit and grinned. “Aren’t I right, Taiyou?”
He tensed up and turned red. “How am I supposed to know that, Hikaru?!”
The older boy huffed. “You’re no fun, Taiyou~”
Randomly, Ryo decided to whine. “I wish I had a red apple right about now...”
And to everyone's surprise, said red apple appeared in his hand!
“Uwah! How cool~!” Ryo exclaimed, then began to munch on the apple.
“YUICHIIIIIII!!!” Koki cried out in anguish. “WHY, NISHIKIDO, WHY?! WHY MUST YOU KILL YUICHI BY EATING HIM?!”
Ryo glared. “Idiot! I'm not stupid! Besides, sharpie tastes nasty.”
“How can you not be stupid and know what sharpie tastes like?” Jin asked, playing another one of his word games.
“Jin,” Ueda spoke, “Stop your damned word games! I'm not in the mood to put up with your stupidity. I'd rather smell shit!”
“Chotto! If Ryo-kun's not eating Yuichi...” Koki reasoned. “Just where is that apple?”
---
Junno managed to walk to the room where the orgy was appointed, “Min~na~sa~n?” A pause as he looked around the room. “Aww~ did you start the orgy without me?!” Junno looked around to find an empty room, with an apple in the floor. “Na~ni?!” He walked to the apple and looked under it. “Are you hiding from me?”
'No, Taguchi-kun! They went to Fairy Land without us!' Maru stopped realizing he wouldn't understand. 'It's no use...'
Taguchi picked up the apple and gave it a closer look, “You're an u~gly a~pple! Hasn't a~nyone told you tha~t?"”
Yucchi gave his bandmate a dirty stare. 'It's not my fault I look like this! It's your precious one's fault!'
“E~h? But he said he wouldn't do anything to you~” Junno retorted.
Maru's ‘eyes’ grew wide. 'EH?! You can understand me?!'
“Of course I can, silly! You're talking to me in Japanese, after all~!”
'Guess he's drunk enough...'
“I'M NOT DRUNK.”
'Sure you aren't! You stink of sake!'
“AND YOU'RE A NOT-SO-TASTY LOOKING APPLE. YOU SMELL LIKE SHARPIE.”
'Blame the ProDai fairy! He's the one who gave Yamashita-kun the sharpie!'
“E~h? Yamashita-kun? Why would he give a Junior a sharpie~?”
'WRONG YAMASHITA-KUN, STUPID! Yamashita Tomohisa, not Shoon!'
Junno giggled, “Ringo-san~~”
'Junno! I'm not Ringo-san! I'm Maru!'
“Rin~go~sa~n!”
Maru sighed. 'I guess there's no talking sense into a drunk.'
“I'M NOT DRUNK. Wow. Wow.” Junno ran out of the room while hitting nearby objects because of flapping his arms Akira-style. “HANG-O~VER~”
---
“Shit,” Ueda thought aloud. “I think I left Junno in the bathroom...”
Koki responded, “Well, then, don't you think Yuichi might be back at the hotel room, too?”
“You left Taguchi and Nakamaru alone?!” Kazuya thought after Koki. “Isn't that dangerous?! Taguchi might try to eat him!”
Yuto and Koki gasped; Jin, on the other hand, laughed madly. “It might be Taguchi-kun's turn to eat the precious red apple!”
“STUPID!” the rest scolded. “WE NEED TO GO BACK NOW.”
“Demo...” Taiyou spoke calmly, “isn't Taguchi-sempai drunk enough to be unable to walk...?”
Ueda nodded. “That's true. Though, since we left him there with Nakamaru, I think that we should at least try to rescue him. Leave Junno's drunken self there, you know?”
“So. How do we get back?” Yamapi questioned.
“We have to...” Ueda took a dramatic pause. “Go kon-kon.”
“Kon-kon? Like when Yamapi played Akira in Nobuta?” Kame asked.
“Exactly.”
Yamapi began to twitch violently. “YOU FAIRIES TAKE ALL THE DORAMA STUFF.”
Ueda snarled. “WE WERE HERE BEFORE ANY OF THE DORAMA!”
“Let's settle this for once and for all,” Jin exclaimed. “FAIRIES AND DORAMA ARE GAY!”
Both Tomohisa and Tatsuya yelled at Bakanishi, “AND SO ARE YOU!”
“Oi! That's unfair! You're not supposed to retort!”
“BUT WE DID.”
Yamada shouted, “OKAY! EVERYONE! STOP FIGHTING! DO WE WANT TO SAVE NAKAMARU-SEMPAI OR NOT?!”
Everyone turned to stare at the shortest and smartest of the group so far.
Taking a deep breath, the shy Junior continued, “Fighting will solve nothing. So, let's just get back to the hotel and hope Taguchi-sempai hasn't eaten Nakamaru-sempai yet.”
“Or thrown up on him!” Tegoshi added to his son's statement.
“Then...” Ueda began, “let's go!”
“3!” Shige began.
Koyama continued, “2!”
“1!” Ryo shouted.
“Kon-kon!”
And there was a bright flash of light.
---
Upon their arrival, Yucchi exclaimed happily to the drunk acrobat in the bathroom, 'They're back!!'
“Na~ni~? They've returned from Fairyland, you say~?” he slurred. Junno managed to crawl back to the apple-Maru, and sat down next to him.
'Really! They're right there!' the apple cheered.
Junno looked at the group and clapped. “Welcome back~! I thought you forgot about us~~”
Ueda stared at him quizzically. Not even he could speak to apples! “Junno? Since when could you talk to apples? ...oh, I know! You're drunk, aren't you?”
Rebutting, the taller pouted. “I'M NOT DRUNK! I talk to apples daily! Well, Japanese apples, anyway.” He smiled and grabbed a red ball while reaching for his transformed bandmate. “What's your name~?” Junno's face turned melancholy. “Ringo-sa~n? Why don't you speak to me?”
Ueda groaned and put his face in his hands.
Yamada walked up to his senior and tapped him on the shoulder. “Taguchi-sempai?”
“Yes?”
“That's a red ball, not the apple that Ueda-sempai turned Nakamaru-sempai into.”
Laughing, Junno put down the red ball and picked up Maru. “I see~! Sorry for the mistake, Ringo-sa~n!”
'Taguchi-kun. Stop calling me Ringo-san!'
“Why~?”
Koki looked at the apple and then at the male holding Ringo-san, “What did he say?”
“He told me to stop calling him Ringo-san~! Which I don't understand because he is a Ringo-sa~n!”
“You probably make him feel fat and red...” the gangstah said.
“But he is fat and red~! He's a Ringo-sa~n after all~~!!”
Maru growled. 'It's Ueda's fault that I'm fat and red! I miss my old body, dammit!'
Junno handed the apple to the nearest person and shouted, “HA~NG~O~VE~R!” He ran to the bathroom while flailing his arms like Akira.
“Oi! Don't you copy my characters, too!” Yamapi scolded.
“Ne...since we have Kaa-san back, shouldn't we be going back to Fairy Land now? Taguchi-sempai included?” Yuto pointed out, staring at all of his sempai.
Yamada frowned, “I wonder if Taguchi-sempai is tricking us or making this up...”
“Shouldn't we bring him with us...just in case?” Yuto reasoned.
Ueda replied, "We should. That way, even if he can't really talk to Maru, we can keep an eye on him. Who knows, he might run around the hotel naked and get suspended by Johnny-san for tainting the name of the Jimusho!"
“You're right. He might yell at us for not keeping an eye on him! We don't need anymore drinking stories!” Shige cried, remembering the fates of his former bandmates.
“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! BEFORE WE GO...MY POPCORN!” Jin protested, and then proceeded to put a bag of popcorn in the microwave.
Everyone groaned.
“Akanishi. You can wish for popcorn at Fairy Land, you know?!” Ueda reminded the popcorn-lover.
“...eheheh...I knew that...” Jin laughed nervously, putting the popcorn back.
Ueda rolled his eyes before turning to everyone else. “So, shall we return to our quest for the Fairy Queen now?”
“Shouldn't we go get Taguchi-sempai?” Yabu stared.
‘Taguchi-kun. We can't leave for Fairy Land without you!’ Maru yelled.
Taguchi came back, flapping his arms. “Hai, Ringo-sa~n~!”
‘Stop calling me Ringo-san!’
“And stop copying my dorama characters!” Yamapi frowned.
Yamada quickly interrupted, “Let's argue over that later.”
“Yes! We can't let Kaa-san rot!” Yuto added.
Ryo began the counting. “3...”
“2...” Koyama continued.
“JIN!” I think who shouted that is quite self-explanatory.
Kame muttered, “...idiot.”
“Okay, let's try again!” Yuto exclaimed, hopeful.
Shige started, “3...”
“CHAAK EE OU!” Junno blurted.
Jin corrected, “No, no! It's more like ‘check... it... out.’ Try it, Taguchi-kun!”
“Cheek ee ow?”
“No. ‘Check... it ... out!’ C'mon!”
“JIN, DON'T TRY TO TEACH THE DRUNK!” Kazuya scolded.
Jin began the countdown this time. “Okay, fine, fine! 3!”
“2!” Yamada said.
Koki spoke, “1!”
“HALLELUJAH CHANCE!”
Jin shouted, “WRONG PLOT, PI.”
“YAMASHITA, YOU IDIOT! NOT 'HALLELUJAH,' BUT 'FAIRY'!” Ueda frowned.
Tomohisa explained, “Sorry, sorry, too used to it!”
“Oi!” Shoon exclaimed, “I didn't make the mistake!”
“I was talking to the other Yamashita, not you!” the fairy defended.
“Sumimasen!”
‘I want my old body already!’ Maru whined.
Junno replied, “Ringo-sa~n~ be patient! this is fun!”
‘No, it isn't! Just hurry up and get to Fairy Land already, dammit!’
“Okay~ whatever you say, Ringo-sa~n! 3!”
“2~” Koki carried on.
Ueda called out, “1!”
And with that, everyone shouted “FAIRY CHANCE!” and struck a pose.
“POOF~” Jin flailed.
Junno cried out, “NOOOOOOO~~!”
“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP COPYING MY DORAMA CHARACTERS!” Yamapi protested.
Taguchi rebutted, “BUTBUTBUT, THE LIG~HT! IT WAS SO SCARY~!”
“WE LOST YABU! YABU, COOOOOOME BAAAAAAAACK!” Shoon cried out, looking around.
“I SAID, STOP COPYING MY DORAMA.”
“BUT HE'S REALLY GONE! YAABUUUU!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!”
From atop a tree branch, Yabu replied, “BAKA, I'M RIGHT HERE!”
Shoon looked up. “O~h~ sugoi~! How did ya get there?”
“...I don't know.”
“Why don't you come down here?”
“...I don't know.”
“You don't know?”
“I don't know!”
“JUNNO SHOCK!” Junnosuke gasped.
Twitching, Yamapi growled, “STOP. IT.”
“Yabu, if you don't know why you're up there, then just come down,” Shoon commanded.
With a “Yes, ma'am,” Yabu proceeded to obey.
Indignant, the older boy stamped his foot. “HEY, I MAY BE UKE, BUT I'M NOT A WOMAN!”
Yuto whispered to his friend, “What's an uke, Yama-chan?”
“I don't know...Mama, what's an uke?” Yamada asked, looking up at Tegoshi.
“HIKARU-CHAN!” he called.
Shocked, Hikaru cried out, “WHAT?! I DID NOTHING!”
“No, no, Hikaru-chan, I’m not going to scold you; teach the boys here what an uke is!”
---
Back at the Akame hotel room, the ProDai fairy showed up because Yamapi called out “Hallelujah chance!” before actually leaving for Fairy Land.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW?!” Silence. “Yamashita-san?” More silence. “Minna-san? Hello?” No reply. “Oh, fuck this. I'm going home.” Poof.
---
“OKAY,” Hikaru smiled, clapping his hands, “Nakajima-kun, Yamada-kun, you see, when two guys like each other a LOT, they try to make babies! Unfortunately, it's impossible to make babies when both of you have penises, but it's the thought that counts, right?”
“Hikaru, you'd make a bad teacher,” Taiyou criticized.
“Then how did I teach you how to-”
“DON’T SAY IT!” he interrupted, flustered.
Hikaru replied, poking the tall bandmate of his, “Taiyou~ you know that there are no secrets in the Jimusho, right?”
“I DON'T CARE.”
Turning back to the two chibi-Juniors, Hikaru continued, “Say, Taiyou and I really like each other and want a chibi Hikaru! What should we do?”
“Adopt?” both of them said in unison.
“WRONG! Allow me to demonstrate what we should do!” With that, Hikaru pounced on top of Taiyou, proceeding to grope him.
“... Hikaru...don't touch me there...no, really...Hikaru, GET OFF ME!”
“Aw~ then, do you want to get on top of me?” the older of the two asked, climbing off of him.
“NO!”
‘NOT IN FRONT OF MY BABY~~’
“Ne, Ringo-sa~n says not in front of his baby~!” Junno translated.
The shorter Ya-ya-yah member objected, “Demo~! How will they ever learn if you keep it a secret from them?”
‘WORDS! USE YOUR WORDS, STUPID!’
“Ringo-sa~n says use words~!”
“THANK YOU, NAKAMARU-SEMPAI!” Taiyou cried out in gratitude.
Ueda shouted, “We still need to reach the Fairy Castle!”
“Ne,” Jin asked, pondering, “are there any gay fairies at the Fairy Castle?”
“No,” the fairy replied.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“MAJI DE?” Jin asked, eyes wide.
Ueda nodded, “Yup.”
“I don't believe you,” he crossed his arms.
Arms outstretched, Ueda proclaimed, “Well, of course there aren't gay fairies! Just look at me!”
“But you're gay, Ueda!”
“THAT'S THE POINT.”
Ignoring the two KAT-TUN members, Hikaru sighed. “The sempai are right; we don’t have the time to be teaching you. Nakajima-kun, Yamada-kun, maybe we'll educate you guys about what seme and uke are after all of this is over!”
“HIKARU-CHAN!” Tegoshi shouted.
Shocked again, the second-youngest of the Ya-ya-yah quartet answered, “WHAT IS IT NOW?!”
“I now appoint you to teach Ryosuke-chan about sex.”
“MAMA!” Yamada protested.
Hikaru grinned happily. “Ha~~i! You wouldn’t mind if I had Taiyou as an assistant, would you?”
“PLEASE, GOD NO. HIKARU, DON'T MAKE ME HELP YOU!” the giant screamed.
Tegoshi replied, “I don't see why not.”
“YAY~~! WE'LL HAVE CHIBI HIKARU~~~!” Hikaru clapped.
“KAMI-SAMA, TASUKETE!!”
“Guys, I think we should actually start walking towards the Fairy Castle now,” Yabu pointed out.
Shoon agreed, “Yeah, we should...”
“WAIT, ONE LAST THING! I WISH I HAD A BOWL OF POPCORN!”
’Now that you have your bowl of popcorn, can we please start going to the Fairy Castle? I don’t want to rot!’ Yucchi griped.
Junno spoke for him.
END OF CHAPTER THREE.
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: This...chapter is horrendously long. Just a warning. XD Also, if it goes the way we’ve planned it at this point, this is the chapter before the one before the last. ^o^ Thank you all for your support!
“Hey...I just realized something very strange...” Shoon began and stopped walking.
The entire group halted as well, and they looked at the short adult.
“Taguchi-sempai’s been quiet the entire time! Shouldn’t he have been singing along with Akanishi-sempai? He’s drunk, after all!”
Tegoshi held Yamada’s hand. “Ryosuke-chan! Don’t leave my side!”
Worried, Koki called, “Yuto-kun?”
“Yes, Tou-san?” the boy replied.
It set off a chain reaction.
“Yabu?” Shoon asked.
Yabu responded, “I’m here. Taiyou?”
“Here, as well. Hikaru?” the abnormally tall teenager questioned.
Hikaru answered, “Present!”
Jin pouted. “Aw~ how come no one mentions my name?”
Kame smacked him. “Bakanishi.”
“Itaaaai! Popcorn! Oh, popcorn! POPCORN! WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER?! NOO!! I forgot the popcorn! I feel so lonely now!” Jin cried out.
Kame, overwhelmed by a feeling of sympathy for the hotel-roommate, hugged him. “It’s okay, Jin, I’m here for you!”
Through sniffles, Jin managed to get out, “Kazuya...you mean it?”
“Yes, I do!”
Proceed to Jin doing naughty, naughty things to the K of the group. At least, he was, before the two youngest Juniors began to scream.
“EWW!”
Hikaru only smiled and nudged Yuto’s arm with his elbow. When the younger boy looked at him, he winked. “That’s going to be you two in a few years.”
Taken over by horror and shock, Yuto quickly stammered, “N-no way!”
Hikaru shrugged. “Hey, I’m just speaking out what I think; I was like you guys three years ago, too!”
Yamada looked like he just swallowed a frog-whole. He looked up at the sky, and spoke. “Kami-sama, please don’t let me end up like Yaotome!”
“Oh, come on~! If you end up like me, you’ll have tons of fun!” Hikaru pouted. Then he turned to the giant in his unit and grinned. “Aren’t I right, Taiyou?”
He tensed up and turned red. “How am I supposed to know that, Hikaru?!”
The older boy huffed. “You’re no fun, Taiyou~”
Randomly, Ryo decided to whine. “I wish I had a red apple right about now...”
And to everyone's surprise, said red apple appeared in his hand!
“Uwah! How cool~!” Ryo exclaimed, then began to munch on the apple.
“YUICHIIIIIII!!!” Koki cried out in anguish. “WHY, NISHIKIDO, WHY?! WHY MUST YOU KILL YUICHI BY EATING HIM?!”
Ryo glared. “Idiot! I'm not stupid! Besides, sharpie tastes nasty.”
“How can you not be stupid and know what sharpie tastes like?” Jin asked, playing another one of his word games.
“Jin,” Ueda spoke, “Stop your damned word games! I'm not in the mood to put up with your stupidity. I'd rather smell shit!”
“Chotto! If Ryo-kun's not eating Yuichi...” Koki reasoned. “Just where is that apple?”
---
Junno managed to walk to the room where the orgy was appointed, “Min~na~sa~n?” A pause as he looked around the room. “Aww~ did you start the orgy without me?!” Junno looked around to find an empty room, with an apple in the floor. “Na~ni?!” He walked to the apple and looked under it. “Are you hiding from me?”
'No, Taguchi-kun! They went to Fairy Land without us!' Maru stopped realizing he wouldn't understand. 'It's no use...'
Taguchi picked up the apple and gave it a closer look, “You're an u~gly a~pple! Hasn't a~nyone told you tha~t?"”
Yucchi gave his bandmate a dirty stare. 'It's not my fault I look like this! It's your precious one's fault!'
“E~h? But he said he wouldn't do anything to you~” Junno retorted.
Maru's ‘eyes’ grew wide. 'EH?! You can understand me?!'
“Of course I can, silly! You're talking to me in Japanese, after all~!”
'Guess he's drunk enough...'
“I'M NOT DRUNK.”
'Sure you aren't! You stink of sake!'
“AND YOU'RE A NOT-SO-TASTY LOOKING APPLE. YOU SMELL LIKE SHARPIE.”
'Blame the ProDai fairy! He's the one who gave Yamashita-kun the sharpie!'
“E~h? Yamashita-kun? Why would he give a Junior a sharpie~?”
'WRONG YAMASHITA-KUN, STUPID! Yamashita Tomohisa, not Shoon!'
Junno giggled, “Ringo-san~~”
'Junno! I'm not Ringo-san! I'm Maru!'
“Rin~go~sa~n!”
Maru sighed. 'I guess there's no talking sense into a drunk.'
“I'M NOT DRUNK. Wow. Wow.” Junno ran out of the room while hitting nearby objects because of flapping his arms Akira-style. “HANG-O~VER~”
---
“Shit,” Ueda thought aloud. “I think I left Junno in the bathroom...”
Koki responded, “Well, then, don't you think Yuichi might be back at the hotel room, too?”
“You left Taguchi and Nakamaru alone?!” Kazuya thought after Koki. “Isn't that dangerous?! Taguchi might try to eat him!”
Yuto and Koki gasped; Jin, on the other hand, laughed madly. “It might be Taguchi-kun's turn to eat the precious red apple!”
“STUPID!” the rest scolded. “WE NEED TO GO BACK NOW.”
“Demo...” Taiyou spoke calmly, “isn't Taguchi-sempai drunk enough to be unable to walk...?”
Ueda nodded. “That's true. Though, since we left him there with Nakamaru, I think that we should at least try to rescue him. Leave Junno's drunken self there, you know?”
“So. How do we get back?” Yamapi questioned.
“We have to...” Ueda took a dramatic pause. “Go kon-kon.”
“Kon-kon? Like when Yamapi played Akira in Nobuta?” Kame asked.
“Exactly.”
Yamapi began to twitch violently. “YOU FAIRIES TAKE ALL THE DORAMA STUFF.”
Ueda snarled. “WE WERE HERE BEFORE ANY OF THE DORAMA!”
“Let's settle this for once and for all,” Jin exclaimed. “FAIRIES AND DORAMA ARE GAY!”
Both Tomohisa and Tatsuya yelled at Bakanishi, “AND SO ARE YOU!”
“Oi! That's unfair! You're not supposed to retort!”
“BUT WE DID.”
Yamada shouted, “OKAY! EVERYONE! STOP FIGHTING! DO WE WANT TO SAVE NAKAMARU-SEMPAI OR NOT?!”
Everyone turned to stare at the shortest and smartest of the group so far.
Taking a deep breath, the shy Junior continued, “Fighting will solve nothing. So, let's just get back to the hotel and hope Taguchi-sempai hasn't eaten Nakamaru-sempai yet.”
“Or thrown up on him!” Tegoshi added to his son's statement.
“Then...” Ueda began, “let's go!”
“3!” Shige began.
Koyama continued, “2!”
“1!” Ryo shouted.
“Kon-kon!”
And there was a bright flash of light.
---
Upon their arrival, Yucchi exclaimed happily to the drunk acrobat in the bathroom, 'They're back!!'
“Na~ni~? They've returned from Fairyland, you say~?” he slurred. Junno managed to crawl back to the apple-Maru, and sat down next to him.
'Really! They're right there!' the apple cheered.
Junno looked at the group and clapped. “Welcome back~! I thought you forgot about us~~”
Ueda stared at him quizzically. Not even he could speak to apples! “Junno? Since when could you talk to apples? ...oh, I know! You're drunk, aren't you?”
Rebutting, the taller pouted. “I'M NOT DRUNK! I talk to apples daily! Well, Japanese apples, anyway.” He smiled and grabbed a red ball while reaching for his transformed bandmate. “What's your name~?” Junno's face turned melancholy. “Ringo-sa~n? Why don't you speak to me?”
Ueda groaned and put his face in his hands.
Yamada walked up to his senior and tapped him on the shoulder. “Taguchi-sempai?”
“Yes?”
“That's a red ball, not the apple that Ueda-sempai turned Nakamaru-sempai into.”
Laughing, Junno put down the red ball and picked up Maru. “I see~! Sorry for the mistake, Ringo-sa~n!”
'Taguchi-kun. Stop calling me Ringo-san!'
“Why~?”
Koki looked at the apple and then at the male holding Ringo-san, “What did he say?”
“He told me to stop calling him Ringo-san~! Which I don't understand because he is a Ringo-sa~n!”
“You probably make him feel fat and red...” the gangstah said.
“But he is fat and red~! He's a Ringo-sa~n after all~~!!”
Maru growled. 'It's Ueda's fault that I'm fat and red! I miss my old body, dammit!'
Junno handed the apple to the nearest person and shouted, “HA~NG~O~VE~R!” He ran to the bathroom while flailing his arms like Akira.
“Oi! Don't you copy my characters, too!” Yamapi scolded.
“Ne...since we have Kaa-san back, shouldn't we be going back to Fairy Land now? Taguchi-sempai included?” Yuto pointed out, staring at all of his sempai.
Yamada frowned, “I wonder if Taguchi-sempai is tricking us or making this up...”
“Shouldn't we bring him with us...just in case?” Yuto reasoned.
Ueda replied, "We should. That way, even if he can't really talk to Maru, we can keep an eye on him. Who knows, he might run around the hotel naked and get suspended by Johnny-san for tainting the name of the Jimusho!"
“You're right. He might yell at us for not keeping an eye on him! We don't need anymore drinking stories!” Shige cried, remembering the fates of his former bandmates.
“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! BEFORE WE GO...MY POPCORN!” Jin protested, and then proceeded to put a bag of popcorn in the microwave.
Everyone groaned.
“Akanishi. You can wish for popcorn at Fairy Land, you know?!” Ueda reminded the popcorn-lover.
“...eheheh...I knew that...” Jin laughed nervously, putting the popcorn back.
Ueda rolled his eyes before turning to everyone else. “So, shall we return to our quest for the Fairy Queen now?”
“Shouldn't we go get Taguchi-sempai?” Yabu stared.
‘Taguchi-kun. We can't leave for Fairy Land without you!’ Maru yelled.
Taguchi came back, flapping his arms. “Hai, Ringo-sa~n~!”
‘Stop calling me Ringo-san!’
“And stop copying my dorama characters!” Yamapi frowned.
Yamada quickly interrupted, “Let's argue over that later.”
“Yes! We can't let Kaa-san rot!” Yuto added.
Ryo began the counting. “3...”
“2...” Koyama continued.
“JIN!” I think who shouted that is quite self-explanatory.
Kame muttered, “...idiot.”
“Okay, let's try again!” Yuto exclaimed, hopeful.
Shige started, “3...”
“CHAAK EE OU!” Junno blurted.
Jin corrected, “No, no! It's more like ‘check... it... out.’ Try it, Taguchi-kun!”
“Cheek ee ow?”
“No. ‘Check... it ... out!’ C'mon!”
“JIN, DON'T TRY TO TEACH THE DRUNK!” Kazuya scolded.
Jin began the countdown this time. “Okay, fine, fine! 3!”
“2!” Yamada said.
Koki spoke, “1!”
“HALLELUJAH CHANCE!”
Jin shouted, “WRONG PLOT, PI.”
“YAMASHITA, YOU IDIOT! NOT 'HALLELUJAH,' BUT 'FAIRY'!” Ueda frowned.
Tomohisa explained, “Sorry, sorry, too used to it!”
“Oi!” Shoon exclaimed, “I didn't make the mistake!”
“I was talking to the other Yamashita, not you!” the fairy defended.
“Sumimasen!”
‘I want my old body already!’ Maru whined.
Junno replied, “Ringo-sa~n~ be patient! this is fun!”
‘No, it isn't! Just hurry up and get to Fairy Land already, dammit!’
“Okay~ whatever you say, Ringo-sa~n! 3!”
“2~” Koki carried on.
Ueda called out, “1!”
And with that, everyone shouted “FAIRY CHANCE!” and struck a pose.
“POOF~” Jin flailed.
Junno cried out, “NOOOOOOO~~!”
“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP COPYING MY DORAMA CHARACTERS!” Yamapi protested.
Taguchi rebutted, “BUTBUTBUT, THE LIG~HT! IT WAS SO SCARY~!”
“WE LOST YABU! YABU, COOOOOOME BAAAAAAAACK!” Shoon cried out, looking around.
“I SAID, STOP COPYING MY DORAMA.”
“BUT HE'S REALLY GONE! YAABUUUU!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!”
From atop a tree branch, Yabu replied, “BAKA, I'M RIGHT HERE!”
Shoon looked up. “O~h~ sugoi~! How did ya get there?”
“...I don't know.”
“Why don't you come down here?”
“...I don't know.”
“You don't know?”
“I don't know!”
“JUNNO SHOCK!” Junnosuke gasped.
Twitching, Yamapi growled, “STOP. IT.”
“Yabu, if you don't know why you're up there, then just come down,” Shoon commanded.
With a “Yes, ma'am,” Yabu proceeded to obey.
Indignant, the older boy stamped his foot. “HEY, I MAY BE UKE, BUT I'M NOT A WOMAN!”
Yuto whispered to his friend, “What's an uke, Yama-chan?”
“I don't know...Mama, what's an uke?” Yamada asked, looking up at Tegoshi.
“HIKARU-CHAN!” he called.
Shocked, Hikaru cried out, “WHAT?! I DID NOTHING!”
“No, no, Hikaru-chan, I’m not going to scold you; teach the boys here what an uke is!”
---
Back at the Akame hotel room, the ProDai fairy showed up because Yamapi called out “Hallelujah chance!” before actually leaving for Fairy Land.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW?!” Silence. “Yamashita-san?” More silence. “Minna-san? Hello?” No reply. “Oh, fuck this. I'm going home.” Poof.
---
“OKAY,” Hikaru smiled, clapping his hands, “Nakajima-kun, Yamada-kun, you see, when two guys like each other a LOT, they try to make babies! Unfortunately, it's impossible to make babies when both of you have penises, but it's the thought that counts, right?”
“Hikaru, you'd make a bad teacher,” Taiyou criticized.
“Then how did I teach you how to-”
“DON’T SAY IT!” he interrupted, flustered.
Hikaru replied, poking the tall bandmate of his, “Taiyou~ you know that there are no secrets in the Jimusho, right?”
“I DON'T CARE.”
Turning back to the two chibi-Juniors, Hikaru continued, “Say, Taiyou and I really like each other and want a chibi Hikaru! What should we do?”
“Adopt?” both of them said in unison.
“WRONG! Allow me to demonstrate what we should do!” With that, Hikaru pounced on top of Taiyou, proceeding to grope him.
“... Hikaru...don't touch me there...no, really...Hikaru, GET OFF ME!”
“Aw~ then, do you want to get on top of me?” the older of the two asked, climbing off of him.
“NO!”
‘NOT IN FRONT OF MY BABY~~’
“Ne, Ringo-sa~n says not in front of his baby~!” Junno translated.
The shorter Ya-ya-yah member objected, “Demo~! How will they ever learn if you keep it a secret from them?”
‘WORDS! USE YOUR WORDS, STUPID!’
“Ringo-sa~n says use words~!”
“THANK YOU, NAKAMARU-SEMPAI!” Taiyou cried out in gratitude.
Ueda shouted, “We still need to reach the Fairy Castle!”
“Ne,” Jin asked, pondering, “are there any gay fairies at the Fairy Castle?”
“No,” the fairy replied.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“MAJI DE?” Jin asked, eyes wide.
Ueda nodded, “Yup.”
“I don't believe you,” he crossed his arms.
Arms outstretched, Ueda proclaimed, “Well, of course there aren't gay fairies! Just look at me!”
“But you're gay, Ueda!”
“THAT'S THE POINT.”
Ignoring the two KAT-TUN members, Hikaru sighed. “The sempai are right; we don’t have the time to be teaching you. Nakajima-kun, Yamada-kun, maybe we'll educate you guys about what seme and uke are after all of this is over!”
“HIKARU-CHAN!” Tegoshi shouted.
Shocked again, the second-youngest of the Ya-ya-yah quartet answered, “WHAT IS IT NOW?!”
“I now appoint you to teach Ryosuke-chan about sex.”
“MAMA!” Yamada protested.
Hikaru grinned happily. “Ha~~i! You wouldn’t mind if I had Taiyou as an assistant, would you?”
“PLEASE, GOD NO. HIKARU, DON'T MAKE ME HELP YOU!” the giant screamed.
Tegoshi replied, “I don't see why not.”
“YAY~~! WE'LL HAVE CHIBI HIKARU~~~!” Hikaru clapped.
“KAMI-SAMA, TASUKETE!!”
“Guys, I think we should actually start walking towards the Fairy Castle now,” Yabu pointed out.
Shoon agreed, “Yeah, we should...”
“WAIT, ONE LAST THING! I WISH I HAD A BOWL OF POPCORN!”
’Now that you have your bowl of popcorn, can we please start going to the Fairy Castle? I don’t want to rot!’ Yucchi griped.
Junno spoke for him.
END OF CHAPTER THREE.