we were both young when i first saw you..
and no matter how much i would like to lie to myself, make myself believe something that's not true,
it's always going to be you, always. and i'm not sure why that is, but it is what it is. maybe i shouldn't have taken out my old phones, made a cemetery of them on my bed, and looked through them. but of course i did because all i do in my life is hoard hoard hoard and reminisce. why am i not making new memories? why do i do this every damn time i'm home? well i do, and i read everything from you. all your "i just wanted you to know"'s and your "i just had to tell you that i love you"'s. "i just wanted you to know noone will ever take your place in my heart," "i just had to tell you that i love you and i always will". why is young love so foolish? or why did i ever believe you? the last time i was home i stumbled across something you told me sophomore year of college when you found that girl who replaced my place in your heart. "i loved you. i still love you. i'll always love you, and i told you that in 10th grade." and it still makes me cry, and i don't know why. i've gone on. i've loved another person who broke my heart all over again, but it's you and you and you that's there and there and there and there. and there's been so many signs the past few days, but maybe i'm just looking for them becuase there haven't been any responses from you. and i know you are sick of this and so am i, but i just don't know why it's hitting me this hard. it's been so long, far too long, so why do i feel this way? maybe because you are finally letting go, finally, finally, finally, we are growing up and realizing the best thing is nothing for us. and God how that hurts. letting go of the ones that are still holding on and holding on to the ones that have already let us go. and nothing is ever good when you're in it, only when you look at it differently out of it. but i can remember some good in the moments with you. and now i guess that's all i'll have and i guess i should be grateful for them. but somedays i just want that impossible, imperceivable, not ever going to work out, happy ending with you. and why why why why is that? still after all these long, tiring, maturing, sad, happy, sad, happy, running back, running away, going to, going by years that sometimes i still want that?
it's always going to be you, always. and i'm not sure why that is, but it is what it is. maybe i shouldn't have taken out my old phones, made a cemetery of them on my bed, and looked through them. but of course i did because all i do in my life is hoard hoard hoard and reminisce. why am i not making new memories? why do i do this every damn time i'm home? well i do, and i read everything from you. all your "i just wanted you to know"'s and your "i just had to tell you that i love you"'s. "i just wanted you to know noone will ever take your place in my heart," "i just had to tell you that i love you and i always will". why is young love so foolish? or why did i ever believe you? the last time i was home i stumbled across something you told me sophomore year of college when you found that girl who replaced my place in your heart. "i loved you. i still love you. i'll always love you, and i told you that in 10th grade." and it still makes me cry, and i don't know why. i've gone on. i've loved another person who broke my heart all over again, but it's you and you and you that's there and there and there and there. and there's been so many signs the past few days, but maybe i'm just looking for them becuase there haven't been any responses from you. and i know you are sick of this and so am i, but i just don't know why it's hitting me this hard. it's been so long, far too long, so why do i feel this way? maybe because you are finally letting go, finally, finally, finally, we are growing up and realizing the best thing is nothing for us. and God how that hurts. letting go of the ones that are still holding on and holding on to the ones that have already let us go. and nothing is ever good when you're in it, only when you look at it differently out of it. but i can remember some good in the moments with you. and now i guess that's all i'll have and i guess i should be grateful for them. but somedays i just want that impossible, imperceivable, not ever going to work out, happy ending with you. and why why why why is that? still after all these long, tiring, maturing, sad, happy, sad, happy, running back, running away, going to, going by years that sometimes i still want that?