(no subject)
I've been going through a lot of things in my private journal lately because I've felt like too much of an emotional blob to put everything on display. I almost went home this week, but Southwest stopped me at the last minute, which was quite sad.
What goes into changing yourself--it's a lot, I know. But I don't want to be the same as I am now for much longer.
So I think the Dostoevsky piece we read for HUM was right; some things can't be mitigated, can't be forgiven, and you really can't move on. The hardest thing for me to accept about Christianity right now (and I'm sure this applies to others, but Christianity is what I grew up believing) is that I'm supposed to trust in a system that forgives by shedding blood of innocent people. Innocent things shouldn't face the atrocities they do, and I refuse to forgive those that tortured them, even if it's for the sake of something perfect. I'm not sure if I'm returning my ticket yet, but I'll think about it.
Even so, you just can't get around massive amounts of beauty and goodness that still persists.
The love for for my dad and lauren and chris mom, even, is much more clear to me than usual.
What goes into changing yourself--it's a lot, I know. But I don't want to be the same as I am now for much longer.
So I think the Dostoevsky piece we read for HUM was right; some things can't be mitigated, can't be forgiven, and you really can't move on. The hardest thing for me to accept about Christianity right now (and I'm sure this applies to others, but Christianity is what I grew up believing) is that I'm supposed to trust in a system that forgives by shedding blood of innocent people. Innocent things shouldn't face the atrocities they do, and I refuse to forgive those that tortured them, even if it's for the sake of something perfect. I'm not sure if I'm returning my ticket yet, but I'll think about it.
Even so, you just can't get around massive amounts of beauty and goodness that still persists.
The love for for my dad and lauren and chris mom, even, is much more clear to me than usual.