(no subject)
I;m so stressed I don't even know where to turn.
I'm in love with ash, but this whole thing with work is fucking me and her sideways. I fucked up today big time. She told me she was going to a dyke bar and I don't even care, I trust her. But of course I asked questions as always. It's the damn questioning that gets me in trouble. I didn't ask her because I didn't trust her, I asked her because I wanted to hear it.. I hate myself for that.
so now I'm freaking out thinking she's pissed at me and we just got back together, did I fuck this up?? I can't handle it if i did....
I'm stressed because of work. Tuesday is my interview for the Shop Manager position at my current shop. There is so much at stake here, it scares me. My whole heart is put into this job, and I know that my chances of getting are slim but I am putting my fucking ALL INTO THIS . I have been working on plans and getting myself trained and the schedule and putting together a business plan and I am just constantly working even when I'm not at work for some way some how to see my potential. I've been typing my business plan since monday when aimee gave her notice, so for its 15 pages long. I'm sure it hasn't ended considering I still have a whopping 4 days before the interview. Fuck I really just want to make the numbers, I NEED TO MAKE THE NUMBERS!!!!
I've been calling clients trying to drive business that way, and lease lining, and handing out samples to people who work in the mall, in the mall office, security, maintence, the mall walkers. I have a corporate gifting event lined up for february 12, I am constantly trying and here I am feeling like a big fucking failure and I haven't even had the damn interview yet.. hahahahahaha.
I am confident, I really am. I have been positive all week until today. I think today is just an off day. Just one of those days you wish you could skip but you can't.
Look at ME! I FUCK EVERYTHING UP IN MY PATH!! IM 19 and a WALKING,... no.. RUNNING DISASTER.
i am successful, I really am and I am so grateful I have made it even this far.. but sometimes i just want to give up, but then i think of the pain i feel now.. and know it would be SO MUCH GREATER if i gave up.
Aspects I am successful in:
I'm 19 and I am the Sales Manager/ Assistant at the Body Shop in Burlington (FULLTIME)
I'm also full time in school.
I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I love
I have a home to live in with a family that doesn't bother me.. too much haha.
Aspects I feel like I'm drowning in:
I have an opportunity to move up, but I'm terrified they'll stereotype my age
I'm afraid of giving up in school.
I constantly fuck up with ash and make her think i dont trust her when i swear i do.
i don't pay attention to my family.
WHY IS LIFE SUCH A FUCKIN WALKING CONTRADICTION @WIRJAKLSJFKSJDFSKJDF;LA
oh and i have a crush on someone... great.
I'm in love with ash, but this whole thing with work is fucking me and her sideways. I fucked up today big time. She told me she was going to a dyke bar and I don't even care, I trust her. But of course I asked questions as always. It's the damn questioning that gets me in trouble. I didn't ask her because I didn't trust her, I asked her because I wanted to hear it.. I hate myself for that.
so now I'm freaking out thinking she's pissed at me and we just got back together, did I fuck this up?? I can't handle it if i did....
I'm stressed because of work. Tuesday is my interview for the Shop Manager position at my current shop. There is so much at stake here, it scares me. My whole heart is put into this job, and I know that my chances of getting are slim but I am putting my fucking ALL INTO THIS . I have been working on plans and getting myself trained and the schedule and putting together a business plan and I am just constantly working even when I'm not at work for some way some how to see my potential. I've been typing my business plan since monday when aimee gave her notice, so for its 15 pages long. I'm sure it hasn't ended considering I still have a whopping 4 days before the interview. Fuck I really just want to make the numbers, I NEED TO MAKE THE NUMBERS!!!!
I've been calling clients trying to drive business that way, and lease lining, and handing out samples to people who work in the mall, in the mall office, security, maintence, the mall walkers. I have a corporate gifting event lined up for february 12, I am constantly trying and here I am feeling like a big fucking failure and I haven't even had the damn interview yet.. hahahahahaha.
I am confident, I really am. I have been positive all week until today. I think today is just an off day. Just one of those days you wish you could skip but you can't.
Look at ME! I FUCK EVERYTHING UP IN MY PATH!! IM 19 and a WALKING,... no.. RUNNING DISASTER.
i am successful, I really am and I am so grateful I have made it even this far.. but sometimes i just want to give up, but then i think of the pain i feel now.. and know it would be SO MUCH GREATER if i gave up.
Aspects I am successful in:
I'm 19 and I am the Sales Manager/ Assistant at the Body Shop in Burlington (FULLTIME)
I'm also full time in school.
I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I love
I have a home to live in with a family that doesn't bother me.. too much haha.
Aspects I feel like I'm drowning in:
I have an opportunity to move up, but I'm terrified they'll stereotype my age
I'm afraid of giving up in school.
I constantly fuck up with ash and make her think i dont trust her when i swear i do.
i don't pay attention to my family.
WHY IS LIFE SUCH A FUCKIN WALKING CONTRADICTION @WIRJAKLSJFKSJDFSKJDF;LA
oh and i have a crush on someone... great.