Patience Patience
For one reason or another today I am very....bla. People ask me how I'm doing I say "alright". Nothing exceptional one way or the other. People always perceive this as me being pissy. They can perceive it to be whatever they choose I guess. I"m not pissed. I'm just not anything. Isn't that alright? Isn't it okay to not always have a specific "mood"? I guess I'm in a relatively bla mood in part to my special special boy. Nothing happened. No long talks or anything like that. I didn't even see him at all yesterday...and that's not the issue either. Talked to him for about 10 seconds when he got home from work at 2:30 am. I guess when I'm left to my own little mind I tend to start thinking about things and the reality of the entire situation. Where am I really at in this relationship....what am I willing to give up..what have I given up already. What would it be like if i were still single. That's the thing....I love dan to death, but I still miss being able to just do whatever I want to do without having to think about another person...selfish I know, but it's the truth. I miss being able to determine how my day will go all on my own..instead now my day can be completely changed by someone else's mood..that makes me uncomfortable. Ugg...it's true..what they say. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. I guess I just wish that things with us would just become "normal" I want a routine..I want to know that he'll be around if/when I need him. I don't like determining day to day whether or not I"m going to see him..when I"ll see him...how long I"ll see him. Barf. I don't really know what my deal is right now. There's a big fat negative cloud surrounding my head and for some reason I'm on the brink of tears...no idea why...or maybe I do know. Maybe I know that I'm really not completely happy....maybe I feel like I'm giving so much and just not being given that much in return. So do I actually feel this way or is it just because I haven't seen him in 2 days and I"m bitter because he hasn't even mentioned seeing me tonight...he said he'll call after work...whatever. That is the word of the day. Whenever I talk about "us" I end up saying.."whatever". That's not good is it? Who knows anymore....some days I"m completely smitten then some days, like today I try to detach myself completely. WHATEVER.
On an up note...I call Vin Diesel and Luke Wilson last night....thank you Paris Hilton and the thief who stole her phone and posted her entire phone book on the web!!
Now I have to go to class...could this day get much better??
Bla.
On an up note...I call Vin Diesel and Luke Wilson last night....thank you Paris Hilton and the thief who stole her phone and posted her entire phone book on the web!!
Now I have to go to class...could this day get much better??
Bla.