(no subject)
I know it's been too long...I"m just terrible at sitting down and doing this. I guess it's overwhelming to me sometimes....although whenever I post in here I always feel much better afterward. It's nice to get my feelings out onto the "cyber-page" instead of keeping them milling around inside my little distorted mind.
Things are good with me I guess. Work is work, life is life....nothing ever really changes. I wonder how many times I've written that in here. I feel like I write it every time. Does that mean that I have a boring life? Perhaps..although I prefer to think that it just means that I limit the drama in my life and as such, but my life tends to remain relatively constant.
Note that I said that MY life is constant and predictable, but I am coming to learn that when I decide to merge my life into someone elses.....it's not always that easy for that person! My life is easy for me to understand. Easy for me to manage and predict. However, when another individual attempts to make sense of it...not too good for them. It makes me realize how very complex I am afterall. People have told me that in the past. Both people I have dated and just people I have been friends with. They always tell me that although I don't say much they can tell that I have a lot going on in my head. That does tend to be true. I try to be very selective with what I say in some situations and it is at those times that I would appear to be "analyzing" or judging while in all actuality I certainly am not. I"m just thinking one step ahead to what I am going to say...how it could be perceived...how people could react, etc etc. Well this tends to make it difficult at times for Dan. We've been having a few issues lately I guess you could say. Never anything serious, but they just seem to escalate into these LONNNNGG talks. Not really fights I wouldn't say, but certainly arguments. The minute I bring anything up to him he gets IMMEDIATELY defensive..which then sends me into a defensive mode and then we all know that nothing gets accomplished then. It is in those situation with him that I can not..for the life of me..keep my freaking mouth shut. Like I previously mentioned typically I am careful about what I say, but when I get fired up things just start coming out of my mouth like word-vomit. It's terrible. In hindsight I can always see where I went wrong.....I can hear myself saying the things I never should have said..certainly not in the context that I did. We don't yell and scream...we don't say mean terrible things to the other person....but we just talk ourselves in big fat, terrible circles. Ugg.
Enough for now. Time to go eat.