(no subject)
this weekend was really stressful.
richard came to hang out. and i knew that this was the time he was going to kiss me.
i did not want it to happen.
but it did.
we spent like all day saturday together, and idk i just got really frustrated because lately i dont like hanging with people i have to entertain. i like just being myself and doing whatever.
but all day i spent with him. and i knew the kiss was going to happen so i was really weird all day. and it didnt happen.
sam showed up at phoenix when we were there. i wanted to spend more time with her.
i hated the mood i was in all weekend.
i was tired sick and really nervous. and it sucks that it was the weekend that she came to the heights.
but anyways
then richard spent the night, yeah my parents actaully let this happen. weird i know
sunday morning i had to leave at 11:45 to go to heathers sisters soccer game so he had to leave
and when we walked to our cars, he just grabbed me and kissed me.
part of me was relieved it finally happened.
but everytime i kiss a guy, just reminds me of tony.
and how nothing is ever going to feel the same, and nothing is ever going to feel right again.
i hate it.
and another thing. i TRUELY do not want a boyfriend right now. like honestly. i love not having to worry about boyfriend stuff.
i dont need that right now.
i just want to remain friends with richard. and i know he wants more.
i didnt hate the kiss, i am not going to lie.
its just the fact that once again, it wasnt tony.
i need to give him that letter.
i cant move on till i do.
richard came to hang out. and i knew that this was the time he was going to kiss me.
i did not want it to happen.
but it did.
we spent like all day saturday together, and idk i just got really frustrated because lately i dont like hanging with people i have to entertain. i like just being myself and doing whatever.
but all day i spent with him. and i knew the kiss was going to happen so i was really weird all day. and it didnt happen.
sam showed up at phoenix when we were there. i wanted to spend more time with her.
i hated the mood i was in all weekend.
i was tired sick and really nervous. and it sucks that it was the weekend that she came to the heights.
but anyways
then richard spent the night, yeah my parents actaully let this happen. weird i know
sunday morning i had to leave at 11:45 to go to heathers sisters soccer game so he had to leave
and when we walked to our cars, he just grabbed me and kissed me.
part of me was relieved it finally happened.
but everytime i kiss a guy, just reminds me of tony.
and how nothing is ever going to feel the same, and nothing is ever going to feel right again.
i hate it.
and another thing. i TRUELY do not want a boyfriend right now. like honestly. i love not having to worry about boyfriend stuff.
i dont need that right now.
i just want to remain friends with richard. and i know he wants more.
i didnt hate the kiss, i am not going to lie.
its just the fact that once again, it wasnt tony.
i need to give him that letter.
i cant move on till i do.