If you can't handle the truth, don't read this.
And now, for all of you who didn't see me all weekend, I have for you a post about the past three days.
Friday was Eric's birthday party, which went oddly. He turned red a lot, and at one point later in the evening drove off angrily and dangerously. And I keep having these dreams that he is dead. This scares me immensely.
On the subject of dreams, last night I dreamed about M'issa. I have never dreamed about M'issa before, and seeing her there was a sort of pleasant but confusing surprise, like if I saw her singing in the Glee Club or something. She was sitting by a waterfall with some people I didn't know, and offered me a piece of watermelon. I declined, as I was not in a watermelon eating mood.
Yesterday, the forecast was cold and windy. Somehow, I refused to believe it and wore a gorgeous but impractical dress to the Rennaissance Festival--where, Athene, I selected your birthday present. My apologies for its lateness.
Liz came over extra-super-late, like 7:20 instead of 6:50, and when we got back to her place, Oochie had not taken a shower, so we were all extra-super cranky. But then none of us had eaten, the sun was in Liz's eyes, and everybody was SOOO sleepy, so I guess we're all excused. Everyone yelled at each other, and then I decided it was silly, and said, Chris, guess what? I love you anyway. And then it was all better. Liz and Oochie went to the bowl dance the night before till 3:15, and I went to bed at the early hour of two am.
But eventually we got onto the road, and eventually we found Brian, whose mom was waiting very patiently for us for about a half hour. Probably longer. And eventually we got to the festival, at which Liz and I failed at throwing axes, Christine and I were cold, Gino walked around with a sign reading, "Prince Charming for Sale (slightly used)."
And Brian was there.
Okay, here is my spiel on Brian. We kind of sort of dated each other in high school, after I decided Rob was not the faithful type, and then there was a weird falling out my firstyear, during which my roommate started a fight with him via computer, and i cried for about a week, and everyone in my house (including my future girlfriend) came in and sat on my bed and sympathized with me. And then there was Liz, who was the only one I chose to tell the whole story to, and therefore didn't feel bad for me at all. But then Liz has always been very blunt. Which is fine you know, except when she expects me to be kind and sympathetic when SHE has problems.
Okay, that was part A of my spiel. Here is part B.
So Brian came up to visit me this weekend, and spent a lot of time and money and effort doing so, and was really fabulous and everything. But it was so weird, you know, because I have dated ONLY girls for two and a half years, and my only contact with boys is my brother, and my customers (who are mostly middle-aged truck drivers), and Anthony. So I had all kinds of walls all around me, because this was so hard for me, and also because I had to spend a lot of my mental effort NOT getting attached. And I succeeded. Barely. It was rather a good thing he didn't stay longer.
So tonight, I was a part of an LBTA panel, during which I got to process this whole idea, and maybe I am not 70/30 in favor of boys anymore, maybe I am 30/70 in favor of girls. And I got to talk about this to a roomful of random Capenites, too. It was a LONG panel. i don't think Kerry anticipated this much discussion, but then there are always TONS of questions for the trans representative. (*laughing* It sounds like the congress of queer people or something)
Today I did not attend church, mainly because I was exhausted and did not want to fall asleep and off the kneeler, which I did a couple weeks ago. But I wanna go to church NOW. Firstyear, there was a 10 PM service at Helen Hills, which I REALLY appreciated. Bring back late-night Mass!
I also have not eaten dinner. But I had some cookies and stuff at the panel because Kerry is THAT cool.
Weekly report, weekly report, I must do my weekly report.
I got to see MOMMY yesterday! I was so pleased. She made us ROAST BEEF and POTATOES and BUTTERNUT SQUASH and EGG NOODLES and I was so happy I wanted to die.
People always say that they want to die when they are miserable, but I really think it would be better to die when you are happy, because you really feel like your life is complete and you can move on. You can keep going. So, I guess that doesn't work so well if you don't believe in an afterlife, but I do.
YAY for Carrot Ears who is always willing to help me procrastinate.
That is all for now.
Friday was Eric's birthday party, which went oddly. He turned red a lot, and at one point later in the evening drove off angrily and dangerously. And I keep having these dreams that he is dead. This scares me immensely.
On the subject of dreams, last night I dreamed about M'issa. I have never dreamed about M'issa before, and seeing her there was a sort of pleasant but confusing surprise, like if I saw her singing in the Glee Club or something. She was sitting by a waterfall with some people I didn't know, and offered me a piece of watermelon. I declined, as I was not in a watermelon eating mood.
Yesterday, the forecast was cold and windy. Somehow, I refused to believe it and wore a gorgeous but impractical dress to the Rennaissance Festival--where, Athene, I selected your birthday present. My apologies for its lateness.
Liz came over extra-super-late, like 7:20 instead of 6:50, and when we got back to her place, Oochie had not taken a shower, so we were all extra-super cranky. But then none of us had eaten, the sun was in Liz's eyes, and everybody was SOOO sleepy, so I guess we're all excused. Everyone yelled at each other, and then I decided it was silly, and said, Chris, guess what? I love you anyway. And then it was all better. Liz and Oochie went to the bowl dance the night before till 3:15, and I went to bed at the early hour of two am.
But eventually we got onto the road, and eventually we found Brian, whose mom was waiting very patiently for us for about a half hour. Probably longer. And eventually we got to the festival, at which Liz and I failed at throwing axes, Christine and I were cold, Gino walked around with a sign reading, "Prince Charming for Sale (slightly used)."
And Brian was there.
Okay, here is my spiel on Brian. We kind of sort of dated each other in high school, after I decided Rob was not the faithful type, and then there was a weird falling out my firstyear, during which my roommate started a fight with him via computer, and i cried for about a week, and everyone in my house (including my future girlfriend) came in and sat on my bed and sympathized with me. And then there was Liz, who was the only one I chose to tell the whole story to, and therefore didn't feel bad for me at all. But then Liz has always been very blunt. Which is fine you know, except when she expects me to be kind and sympathetic when SHE has problems.
Okay, that was part A of my spiel. Here is part B.
So Brian came up to visit me this weekend, and spent a lot of time and money and effort doing so, and was really fabulous and everything. But it was so weird, you know, because I have dated ONLY girls for two and a half years, and my only contact with boys is my brother, and my customers (who are mostly middle-aged truck drivers), and Anthony. So I had all kinds of walls all around me, because this was so hard for me, and also because I had to spend a lot of my mental effort NOT getting attached. And I succeeded. Barely. It was rather a good thing he didn't stay longer.
So tonight, I was a part of an LBTA panel, during which I got to process this whole idea, and maybe I am not 70/30 in favor of boys anymore, maybe I am 30/70 in favor of girls. And I got to talk about this to a roomful of random Capenites, too. It was a LONG panel. i don't think Kerry anticipated this much discussion, but then there are always TONS of questions for the trans representative. (*laughing* It sounds like the congress of queer people or something)
Today I did not attend church, mainly because I was exhausted and did not want to fall asleep and off the kneeler, which I did a couple weeks ago. But I wanna go to church NOW. Firstyear, there was a 10 PM service at Helen Hills, which I REALLY appreciated. Bring back late-night Mass!
I also have not eaten dinner. But I had some cookies and stuff at the panel because Kerry is THAT cool.
Weekly report, weekly report, I must do my weekly report.
I got to see MOMMY yesterday! I was so pleased. She made us ROAST BEEF and POTATOES and BUTTERNUT SQUASH and EGG NOODLES and I was so happy I wanted to die.
People always say that they want to die when they are miserable, but I really think it would be better to die when you are happy, because you really feel like your life is complete and you can move on. You can keep going. So, I guess that doesn't work so well if you don't believe in an afterlife, but I do.
YAY for Carrot Ears who is always willing to help me procrastinate.
That is all for now.