(no subject)
I am consuming a red hot chili pepper.
Before that I ate dinner with Erika, and we talked about who we would talk to if we were miraculously found pregnant with the child of God. We decided on our moms and each other. Few else would understand.
Betsy was there too, and I considered the fact that Besty is the person I thought I would grow up to be. Her look, her voice, her being, to some extent. She is a lovely person. Yet, I think that I would rather be who I am. All the decisions I have made, every place I have visited, every word I have spoken, every thought I have contemplated, has sculpted me as I am. And when i sculpt, it may not come out perfectly, but it will come out the way I want it to be. Beautiful in its own slightly skewed, eccentric way.
Like the dresser Liz bought today. It is greenish black, and matches liz and her red-and-black room perfectly. Ugly, but beautifully ugly.
Before that was class. We drew corners. I do not like straight lines. And I do not like reality. My mind and the hand that draws want to create sunshine, trees, fairies.
Discovered that I have been very angry lately, about everything. I don't know why. I have not taken it out on anyone, I don't think, but whenever I do my reading or post in my journal, irritation about all kinds of things spills forth. I am hoping to dam the river. Maybe i should get a counseling appointment. I can't bring this to the surface. I just can't.
I had a lovely breakfast. There were all kinds of Shrewsbury people at breakfast, which was ridiculous. There were six of us.
While waiting at the bus stop, I had a chat with a marvelous UMass professor. I hope she waits at the bus stop again. I liked her.
Before that I left out my little sister's gifts.
Before that, my sister gave me a wakeup call. She was ten minutes late.
Before that, I lay in my nice warm clean bed and dreamed.
Before that I ate dinner with Erika, and we talked about who we would talk to if we were miraculously found pregnant with the child of God. We decided on our moms and each other. Few else would understand.
Betsy was there too, and I considered the fact that Besty is the person I thought I would grow up to be. Her look, her voice, her being, to some extent. She is a lovely person. Yet, I think that I would rather be who I am. All the decisions I have made, every place I have visited, every word I have spoken, every thought I have contemplated, has sculpted me as I am. And when i sculpt, it may not come out perfectly, but it will come out the way I want it to be. Beautiful in its own slightly skewed, eccentric way.
Like the dresser Liz bought today. It is greenish black, and matches liz and her red-and-black room perfectly. Ugly, but beautifully ugly.
Before that was class. We drew corners. I do not like straight lines. And I do not like reality. My mind and the hand that draws want to create sunshine, trees, fairies.
Discovered that I have been very angry lately, about everything. I don't know why. I have not taken it out on anyone, I don't think, but whenever I do my reading or post in my journal, irritation about all kinds of things spills forth. I am hoping to dam the river. Maybe i should get a counseling appointment. I can't bring this to the surface. I just can't.
I had a lovely breakfast. There were all kinds of Shrewsbury people at breakfast, which was ridiculous. There were six of us.
While waiting at the bus stop, I had a chat with a marvelous UMass professor. I hope she waits at the bus stop again. I liked her.
Before that I left out my little sister's gifts.
Before that, my sister gave me a wakeup call. She was ten minutes late.
Before that, I lay in my nice warm clean bed and dreamed.