(no subject)
I feel like I'm breathing in thick smoke all the time. Not in a metaphorical way, in a literal way. I ache inside, everything feels constricted. My lungs feel like they're filled with soot.
Tomorrow I am seeing one of my support worker people. My psychiatrist referred me to the Community Support Service at CAHH months and months ago, but it only went through a month ago. I see two support workers, one the first week, the other the second week. At the moment, we've just been chatting in Starbucks about how I feel and about any specific areas I think they could help with.
In the near future I think they're going to help me with strategies to deal with anxiety and my sleep patterns etc. One thing we decided upon was making a journal of my mood and sleep pattern, but to be honest, I've found it very very hard to write in it. I want to rip up every page I write.
I do think that their support is helpful, it is making me explore my feelings more, which must be a positive step (even though it is making me feel worse at the moment by stirring things up). Also, it's pretty embarrassing to be fighting back tears in Starbucks..
I also keep having to suppress feelings that the only thing that seems positive in dealing with my mentalness is run by a charity. I feel like I'm not ill enough for that. That I'm wasting their time.
The support workers are both females and in their 20s too, which has made it easier to talk to them. I find it very hard to speak to my psychiatrist. I actually hate her, I know that sounds over the top, but she really isn't very nice at all. She talks over everything I say...and so having people to talk to every week, who are receptive has been really nice.
This entry seems really rambling to me. I keep deleting bits and rewriting everything. I hate everything I write lately. I'm shaking and my heart is beating so fast right now. I'm fed up of being anxious about stupid things like this.
In other news: My new mobile phone should be delivered today after months of not having one.
Tomorrow I am seeing one of my support worker people. My psychiatrist referred me to the Community Support Service at CAHH months and months ago, but it only went through a month ago. I see two support workers, one the first week, the other the second week. At the moment, we've just been chatting in Starbucks about how I feel and about any specific areas I think they could help with.
In the near future I think they're going to help me with strategies to deal with anxiety and my sleep patterns etc. One thing we decided upon was making a journal of my mood and sleep pattern, but to be honest, I've found it very very hard to write in it. I want to rip up every page I write.
I do think that their support is helpful, it is making me explore my feelings more, which must be a positive step (even though it is making me feel worse at the moment by stirring things up). Also, it's pretty embarrassing to be fighting back tears in Starbucks..
I also keep having to suppress feelings that the only thing that seems positive in dealing with my mentalness is run by a charity. I feel like I'm not ill enough for that. That I'm wasting their time.
The support workers are both females and in their 20s too, which has made it easier to talk to them. I find it very hard to speak to my psychiatrist. I actually hate her, I know that sounds over the top, but she really isn't very nice at all. She talks over everything I say...and so having people to talk to every week, who are receptive has been really nice.
This entry seems really rambling to me. I keep deleting bits and rewriting everything. I hate everything I write lately. I'm shaking and my heart is beating so fast right now. I'm fed up of being anxious about stupid things like this.
In other news: My new mobile phone should be delivered today after months of not having one.