[One-shot] I'm Sorry but I Love You
Title: I’m Sorry but I Love You
Pairing: Akanishi Jin & Kamenashi Kazuya
Author: DLavenie
Genre: Angst, Romance
Length: One-shot
Warning: Unbeta-ed m (-_-) m
Summary: When you love someone and he loves you too, it doesn’t guarantee you will have a happy ending story. And just like me, I think… I just can watch him from far.
[+++]
It was just yesterday when you confessed your love to me. It was just yesterday when we finally admitted our feelings towards each other. And it was just yesterday when our souls finally became one. When I thought that for once, for once, perhaps we would be able to be together and now, in front of me, you crushed my dream just like that. Just like I was nothing to you, like I was just a toy for you to play.
“What am I to you?” Kazuya tried not to yell at the man who he thought was in love with him.
Jin stood still. He didn’t budge although Kazuya kept hitting him on the chest. Sure he felt pain. He had to admit that. But the pain that he endured right now, he knew, didn’t match what Kazuya felt.
“Why Jin? You told me you love me!” Kazuya broke down. He fell on the floor. He couldn’t believe it at all. Just yesterday they told each other how they felt. And he clearly saw the sincerity in what Jin said but now, why Jin denied it?
“Kazuya” Jin sighed. “It was just a mistake.”
Just a simple answer from Jin was enough to break Kazuya’s fragile heart into smaller, million pieces. Kazuya was dumbfounded for a moment. Mistake? Jin called the night they spent yesterday was a mistake?
“M-mistake?” Kazuya stuttered. He kept his head down as he muttered, “W-was all the things you said to me last night were mistakes? What we did last night has no meaning to you? Not at all?”
“Don’t make it more complex, Kazuya. We both are guys; there are no ways for us to be in love. For hell! Don’t you think it is so absurd, Kazu? Just forget about it, all of it. We...” Jin stopped at the moment when he saw Kazuya’s body trembling. “We are just best friends, band mates Akame… it was just a fan service and it will never ever be true”
“Just forget your feeling towards me, you are just confused”
Absurd? Is his love towards Jin really a silly, idiotic thing? Kazuya looked up. How dare Jin say those things to him? But he couldn’t say anything when his eyes caught the back of Jin’s body. Jin already walked out of the room, which indirectly implying he was out of his life.
Salty. Slowly his finger came in touch with his cheek. He was startled a bit. His tears - he cried. Because of Jin, he shed his tears.
Why Jin did this to him? Why Jinn had to lie to him? Why did Jin has to tell him he love him?
[+++]
Jin strolled lazily. When he was certain that he had walked long enough, long enough from the room he just walked out of, he stopped. He stopped from his track and took a moment to lean his exhausted body against the wall. Slowly, his body descended until his rear was placed on the shiny floor.
He closed his eyes and clenched both his fists into his hair, leaning forward to rest his head against his knees. Why is this happening to him? Why did he have to do those harsh things to Kazuya? It is not fair!
“What is all this about?!” The head of the Johnny Entertainment threw lots of pictures of him and Kazuya as they kissed in front of Kat-tun’s apartment. It was not only that, there were also the pictures when he hugged Kazuya and when they were on their way to do ‘that’ thing.
What the heck?!
“Who did this?” Jin widened his eyes as he picked those pictures up and analyzed all of them. “Where did you get them?”
“That is not the question and I don’t you have to know about it either” He stopped before he slammed both his hands on the table, gave Jin a startle, “But the question is what are you doing?! Don’t you think about the consequence of your action?”
“I-I…” Jin got a tongue-tied. How should he tell him? By looking at his action just now already told Jin, he was not going to approve their relationship - a new relationship that he and Kazuya just made yesterday, “I.. We love each other”
“WHAT?!”
“Kazu and I. We… we really love each other. Please approve our relationship” Jin begged. Was he a selfish person?
“Approve?” The man gave out his mock laugh, “What are you talking about? Do you think it is that easy to say like that? You cannot do those things, Jin. Once you tell the world your abnormal relationship with Kazuya, you’ll be doom. Both of you, no! All of you!”
Jin gulped. The thought of his other band mates made him nervous. He could not do this to them. He knew how passionate his band mates towards music; he knew just how much they wanted to be in this music industry as long as they can. He couldn’t risk their future.
“You have to break off your relationship with Kazuya, by hook or crook, I want it to be done by today! Or else, I’ll have to tell your fans, that Kat-tun is disbanded. And I will make sure; you all will not be able to join any other music company and for sure. Your career will be ended at this spot! Think about it Jin!”
Why can’t they just accept it? What is wrong with them loving each other? They are still Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya. It doesn’t change them. But now… I’ve hurt Kazuya. I hurt him!
Subconsciously, Jin hit his fist onto the floor. It was hurt but the pain couldn’t compare the pain which his heart held, the pain which Kazuya had to suffer. He hated this. He hated himself because he couldn’t protect his band mates, he couldn’t protect his Kat-tun family, he couldn’t protect Kazuya and moreover, he couldn’t protect their love.
Damn him! A tear, without Jin’s consent flew so smooth on his cheek. I’m sorry Kazu. I’m sorry.
[+++]
A lie, it's all a lie;
those words that time will make me forget you are a lie.
The pain from the separation has suppressed my heart a little
but my feelings for you are still the same.
I've never stopped loving you.
My feelings for you have never changed.
No my heart keeps growing like my love for you.
I just try and keep still
the moments when we were happily together.
You had a hard time in my embrace
and it's not until after I've let you go
can I think and see clearly.
But I love you everyday
I'm still waiting for you like I've always done
See you once again, my love
-Unforgettable by DBSK-