[One-shot] I'm Sorry but I Love You
Title: I’m Sorry but I Love You
Pairing: Park Yoochun & Shim Changmin
Author: DLavenie
Genre: Angst, Romance
Length: One-shot
Warning: Unbeta-ed m (-_-) m
Summary: When you love someone and he loves you too, it doesn’t guarantee you will have a happy ending story. And just like me, I think… I just can watch him from far.
Note: I wrote this for all the pairing that I love, so yeah, it is just the same. Gomen!
[+++]
It was just yesterday when you confessed your love to me. It was just yesterday when we finally admitted our feelings towards each other. And it was just yesterday when our souls finally became one. When I thought that for once, for once, perhaps we would be able to be together and now, in front of me, you crushed my dream just like that. Just like I was nothing to you, like I was just a toy for you to play.
“What am I to you?” Changmin tried not to yell at the man who he thought was in love with him.
Yoochun stood still. He didn’t budge although Changmin kept hitting him on the chest. Sure he felt pain. He had to admit that. But the pain that he endured right now, he knew, didn’t match what Changmin felt.
“Why Yoochun? You told me you love me!” Changmin broke down. He fell on the floor. He couldn’t believe it at all. Just yesterday they told each other how they felt. And he clearly saw the sincerity in what Yoochun said but now why Yoochun denied it?
“Changmin” Yoochun sighed. “It was just a mistake.”
Just a simple answer from Yoochun was enough to break Changmin’s fragile heart into smaller, million pieces. Changmin was dumbfounded for a moment. Mistake? Yoochun called the night they spent yesterday was a mistake?
“M-mistake?” Changmin stuttered. He kept his head down as he muttered, “W-was all the things you said to me last night were mistakes? What we did last night has no meaning to you? Not at all?”
“Don’t make it more complex, Changmin. We both are guys; there are no ways for us to be in love. For hell! Don’t you think it is so absurd, Changmin? Just forget about it, all of it. We...” Yoochun stopped at the moment when he saw Changmin’s body trembling. “We are just best friends, band mates YooMin… it was just a fan service and it will never ever be true”
“Just forget your feeling towards me, you are just confused”
Absurd? Is his love towards Yoochun really a silly, idiotic thing? Changmin looked up. How dare Yoochun say those things to him? But he couldn’t say anything when his eyes caught the back of Yoochun’s body. Yoochun already walked out of the room, which indirectly implying he was out of his life.
Salty. Slowly his finger came in touch with his cheek. He was startled a bit. His tears - he cried. Because of Yoochun, he shed his tears.
Why Yoochun did this to him? Why Yoochun had to lie to him? Why did Yoochun has to tell him he love him?
[+++]
Yoochun strolled lazily. When he was certain that he had walked long enough, long enough from the room he just walked out of, he stopped. He stopped from his track and took a moment to lean his exhausted body against the wall. Slowly, his body descended until his rear was placed on the shiny floor.
He closed his eyes and clenched both his fists into his hair, leaning forward to rest his head against his knees. Why is this happening to him? Why did he have to do those harsh things to Changmin? It is not fair!
“What is all this about?!” The head of the Avex Company threw lots of pictures of him and Changmin as they kissed in front of Tohoshinki’s apartment. It was not only that, there were also the pictures when he hugged Changmin and when they were on their way to do ‘that’ thing.
What the heck?!
“Who did this?” Yoochun widened his eyes as he picked those pictures up and analyzed all of them. “Where did you get them?”
“That is not the question and I don’t you have to know about it either” He stopped before he slammed both his hands on the table, gave Yoochun a startle, “But the question is what are you doing?! Don’t you think about the consequence of your action?”
“I-I…” Yoochun got a tongue-tied. How should he tell him? By looking at his action just now already told Yoochun, he was not going to approve their relationship - a new relationship that he and Changmin just made yesterday, “I.. We love each other”
“WHAT?!”
“Changmin and I. We… we really love each other. Please approve our relationship” Yoochun begged. Was he a selfish person?
“Approve?” The man gave out his mock laugh, “What are you talking about? Do you think it is that easy to say like that? You cannot do those things, Yoochun. Once you tell the world your abnormal relationship with Changmin, you’ll be doom. Both of you, no! All of you!”
Yoochun gulped. The thought of his other band mates made him nervous. He could not do this to them. He knew how passionate his band mates towards music, he knew just how much they wanted to be in this music industry as long as they can. He couldn’t risk their future.
“You have to break off your relationship with Changmin, by hook or crook, I want it to be done by today! Or else, I’ll have to tell your fans, that Tohoshinki is disbanded. And I will make sure; you all will not be able to join any other music company and for sure, your brother is not going to succeed in this industry too. Your career will be ended at this spot! Think about it Yoochun!”
Why can’t they just accept it? What is wrong with them loving each other? They are still Park Yoochun and Shim Changmin. It doesn’t change them. But now… I’ve hurt Changmin. I hurt him!
Subconsciously, Yoochun hit his fist onto the floor. It was hurt but the pain couldn’t compare the pain which his heart held, the pain which Changmin had to suffer. He hated this. He hated himself because he couldn’t protect his band mates, he couldn’t protect his Dong Bang family, he couldn’t protect Changmin and moreover, he couldn’t protect their love.
Damn him! A tear, without Yoochun’s consent flew so smooth on his cheek. I’m sorry Changmin. I’m sorry.
[+++]
A lie, it's all a lie;
those words that time will make me forget you are a lie.
The pain from the separation has suppressed my heart a little
but my feelings for you are still the same.
I've never stopped loving you.
My feelings for you have never changed.
No my heart keeps growing like my love for you.
I just try and keep still
the moments when we were happily together.
You had a hard time in my embrace
and it's not until after I've let you go
can I think and see clearly.
But I love you everyday
I'm still waiting for you like I've always done
See you once again, my love
-Unforgettable by DBSK-