Twisted Hearts
Title: Twisted Hearts
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 14
"Well, if it ain't Jack Twist."
Jack quickly got to his feet. It was apparent this person was someone from Jack's past, a past he'd spent the last several years trying to put behind him. "I don't want any trouble, Rich," Jack said sternly.
The man took a step closer to Jack, and I saw Jack's right hand form a tight fist behind his back. I tried to remain as calm as possible, but from the look in Jack's eyes, I could tell shit was about to go down. My body tensed as I mentally prepared myself for anything that may, or may not, happen. I subtly slid to the end of the booth.
"Not causin any trouble, Jack. Just wanted to come over and say 'hi' to an old friend," the man said through a sarcastic grin.
"You forget my name, you hear me?" Jack warned in a harsh whisper, trying not to draw any unwanted attention in our direction.
"Forget? Oh come on, now, Jack, how could I forget you?"
Jack glanced around the diner and then back at the man. "I'm not asking you to forget, I'm telling you."
"Oh relax, Twist," the man said calmly, his eyes meeting mine. "Who's your little friend?" he asked with an antagonizing smile. "He's a little young fer ya, don't you think, Jack?" The man's hand extended to touch my shoulder. The seconds that followed were a complete blur.
Ever see something happen so fast, it almost looks like it's in slow motion? Well, that's what this was like.
Jack shouted, "Get your hands off him!" The next thing I remember was Jack taking a swing, and the man stumbling backwards onto the table next to us. I saw his hand clench into a fist, but before he could get to his feet, I flew out of the booth and clocked the fucker square in the face. Jack pulled me back, shouting a slew of obscenities, then grabbed the collar of my shirt and shoved me behind him.
"You always did like them young firecracker types, Jack," the man said, wiping the blood from his nose.
The owner of the diner started shouting at us to get hell out of his place. The restaurant-goers began crowding around the commotion with their mouths hanging open.
"Fuck you, Rich. Come on, baby." Jack took my hand, and led me through the sea of onlookers, out the front door.
"Get in the car!" Jack shouted as soon as we hit the pavement.
I suddenly heard the owner of the restaurant holler, "There, that's them!"
Jack and I turned our heads simultaneously and saw two police officers jogging in our direction. Only our luck would have it that two officers were in the diner having lunch.
"Fuck!" Jack hissed.
"Let's go, Jack!" I exclaimed, opening the passenger side door.
"No...no, Ennis. It's too late, we're not running from the fucking cops."
"You, get over here!" one of the officers ordered, looking at Jack.
Jack lowered his head and surrendered. A throng of people gathered outside.
"It was him, he started it! I saw him take the first swing," one of the witnesses announced.
The officers approached Jack and I. My heart was racing a million miles a minute. Jack's "friend" followed, holding a napkin to his bloody nose.
"Are these the men that assaulted you, sir?" the officer asked.
"Yes, that's them, alright, came out of nowhere. I was just saying a friendly 'hello' and the next thing I knew, they was both comin right at me."
"You son of a bitch!" Jack shouted, lunging forward.
"Jack!" I flung my left arm around his midsection, holding him back.
"Alright you two, turn around and put your hands behind your backs. You're under arrest."
**************
I had never been in jail before, ever. I had a few run-in's with the cops, but had never actually been in jail. Jack, on the other hand, was a veteran.
It all felt like a dream until they made me roll my thumb into the black ink and then onto my official record. It all then became very real.
I tried my best to put on a tough front. I had seen enough TV shows to know what happens to a man when he appears weak in a place like this. But the truth was, I was so scared, I thought I might shit myself. I wanted Jack to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright, but hell, I knew if I as much as glanced at him in that way, I was dead meat. As petrified as I was, I wasn't completely undone. Just having Jack by my side was enough reassurance to keep me hanging on.
The only blessing was, the joint was so packed, they stuffed Jack and I together in the same cell until we could make our one phone call, and hopefully, get bailed the hell out of there.
The place was disgusting. There was one dirty toilet with no seat between two beds that looked more like two slabs of cement with a sheet on top. Jack sat on one of the beds and buried his face in his hands. I approached him and crouched between his knees, parting them slightly. "Jack," I whimpered.
Jack quickly removed his hands from his face and snapped his knees shut. "Ennis, not here, you can't be near me like this in here, go sit," he warned quietly, nodding to the direction of the other bed.
"Okay." I slowly got to my feet and slumped onto my bed, never once taking my eyes off Jack. Some man started shouting, "Fuck you, pigs!," out of nowhere. It startled me, but Jack didn't move, didn't even flinch.
"Jack...," I whispered. "We're gonna get out of here, it's okay." I was trying to be strong, trying to be the man that Jack needed me to be.
"That's not the fuckin point," he whispered back. "I've done nothing but ruin your life, Ennis. Nothing. I was supposed to be your counselor, instead I distracted you and broke every fucking rule there is. I promised to protect you, instead....I got you arrested. I'm no good, Ennis." Jack looked into my now teary eyes. "You don't deserve this...you don't need someone like me in your life..."
I wanted to wrap my arms around him, then I wanted to slap him upside the head. I knew he didn't mean that...he couldn't mean that, I wouldn't let him. "Jack...don't talk like that. You're the best thing, the only thing, in my life worth livin for. I fuckin love you." I looked around just be sure I hadn't been heard.
"Christ, Ennis. How the fuck...how can you love someone like me, huh? How?" Before I could reply, he added, "Don't answer that, not here, not now."
"I just do. I don't need a goddamn reason," I answered, ignoring his request for silence.
"Jack Twist? You want to make that phone call?" an officer suddenly asked, his arms folded across his chest from the outside of our cell.
"Yes, sir." Jack slowly rose to his feet, his head down.
"Jack?" I said, my voice shaking. "Who...who are you gonna call?"
"I have no choice," he replied, not even bothering to look up at me. "If he asks us anything, Ennis, you tell the truth, no lies."
I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. It was one thing to tell Dr. Lambertus that we went to see Jack's dying mother, but how the hell would we explain getting arrested?
***********
Dr. Lambertus arrived several hours later and bailed us out. He made me drive back in his car. Beads of sweat formed along my hairline. I remained silent and refused to talk unless spoken to.
"Ennis, what happened?" Dr. Lambertus asked calmly.
I didn't know if he meant the jail thing, or how I had come to his facility and fallen madly in love with one of his counselors.
"Ennis, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. You are not the one to blame here. I just want you to tell me honestly what's going on between you and Jack."
"Please don't fire Jack," I spit out. I felt the "word vomit" creep up my throat. "He didn't do anything wrong. It was me, it was all me. I was the one who pursued him, I was the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. Believe me, Doc, he followed the rules the best he could, he really did, honestly. I practically threw myself at him. He turned me down several times, I swear...but..."
"But what, Ennis?" he said, trying to keep the intensity out of his tone.
"Doc," I said, touching his shoulder until his eyes met mine. "We...fell for each other." I didn't wait for his response. "Please don't fire him, please don't be angry...we...we were both just two lonely people that happened to find each other at your facility. Please, please don't take Jack away from me...I need him."
You know that painful throb you get right in the middle of your gut when you've puked so much you can't even see straight? That's exactly how I felt right then and there. I knew I had probably revealed too much, but it was truly what I felt inside, and Jack told me not to lie.
"Ennis," he said, returning his eyes to the road. "I must apologize for all that has happened to you. My facility is designed to provide a safe haven for people. A place to get well with no distractions. You were robbed of that."
I looked at Jack in the rear view mirror. I could only imagine what was going through his head.
I took a deep breath to try and keep my emotions in check. I had to prove to Doc that I had changed, that I was in a better place. Yes, maybe this was one screwed up way of getting me there, of getting me to grow up and learn how to be a man, but I had, it worked, I had changed. I felt stronger and more confident than I ever had in my life...as strange as that may sound.
"Doc, listen, I know what we did was wrong-"
"No, Ennis," he interrupted harshly. "What Jack did was wrong."
"I know, but," I paused, trying to soften my voice. "I know what you're saying, and I completely understand how incredibly pissed off you are right now, but we just went to see his dying mother. He needed me, Doc. The shit that happened in the diner...Jack was just trying to protect me from some scumbag that he knew from a long time ago." I studied his face, trying to get a read on him, but all I saw was anger written all over the place.
"Ennis," he said, turning his head to look at me. "We need not talk about this anymore. We'll discuss things when we get back."
**************
We arrived at the Amethyst house about a half hour later. Doctor Lambertus told me to go straight to my room and that he would come get me in a little while to talk.
I looked at my Jack as he walked inside, his head was hanging low and his cheeks were tear-stained. He glanced up, our eyes met for a fleeting moment. I literally felt my heart crack in half.
**************
I collapsed in my bed and began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. I felt like I was going insane, waiting to hear what the hell Doc was going to do with the both of us. I even started to pray to God and begged him to get us through this-together. Jack wasn't a bad person, and it killed me that he thought otherwise. He was my rock. He was my world. I didn't want to exist without him. Was being that dependent on someone totally irrational and unhealthy? According to the "experts" it was. But who the hell is to say what's a "normal" way of loving someone? Who made these fucking rules? Aren't rules made to be broken anyway?
"Ennis?" Doctor Lambertus said, startling me.
I whipped my head up off my pillow, my eyes were almost completely swollen shut. "Yes." It came out weak and barely audible.
"Come downstairs."
*************
I walked into his office, and there was Jack sitting in one of the chairs in front of Dr. Lambertus's desk. He didn't even look up at me. That's when I knew-this was bad...very bad.
"Sit down, Ennis," Dr. Lambertus said, settling in his chair. He closed his eyes, sighed, and folded his hands on top of the desk. I took a seat beside Jack and brushed my knee to his, needing some sort of contact with him.
Doc drew in a short breath. "Guys," he started, shaking his head side to side. "I...I just don't know what to say. I really don't."
The room grew uncomfortably silent.
"I have put all my blood, sweat, and tears into this facility. I worked myself to the bone, trying to establish a reputable sober living home. What you two have done..." He paused and glared at Jack and then at me. "Do you have any idea what your actions could cost me? Do you?" He returned his gaze back to Jack, who was still looking at his lap. "My top counselor, was not only engaging in inappropriate relations with one of my patients, but managed to get him arrested while under my goddamn care! If this gets out to anyone, I am ruined. It's all gone, all my work, all my efforts, right down the drain."
"I'm so sorry, Doc...," Jack cried, lifting his head. "I'm so sorry."
"You bet your ass you are."
"Please, Doc...don't fire him...please," I pleaded, and took Jack's hand in mine.
"Ennis! Stop it!" Jack shouted, trying to shake my hand from of his. I wouldn't let go.
"No, Jack, no," I slammed our clasped hands onto the desk in front of Doctor Lambertus. Jack lowered his head again, he was completely unhinged. "I know what we did was wrong," I said, squeezing Jack's hand. Doctor Lambertus stared at our display of affection atop his desk. "We fucked up-royally. But, Doc, Jack has helped me, he...he's made me a better person, a stronger person. I would probably be dead right now if it weren't for you, this facility, and mostly...Jack." Jack tried to pull his hand away, but again, I wouldn't let go. "Jack, I love you," I whispered in his direction.
"Ennis," Jack choked out.
"Am I supposed to be happy for the two of you?" Dr. Lambertus asked, throwing his hands up in the air. "Am I just supposed to say, well, they're in love, so it's okay? Huh? Is that what you expect me say?"
Jack successfully yanked his hand away from mine. "No, Doc."
Doctor Lambertus flew out of his chair. "Jesus, Jack! You're like a goddamn son to me! What am I supposed to do?! You have managed to put me in the worst situation possible! Do you think I want to fire you?! Do you think I want to be having this conversation?! I'm...I'm shocked, Jack. I'm so shocked...you really, really let me down."
I could see the knife twist a little more in Jack's heart.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never...I never meant for any of this to happen! I'm so sorry I let you down...I'm so fucking sorry...." Jack clutched his stomach and bent toward his knees.
Naturally, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed the side of his face. "Jack, no matter what...no matter what, you're always going to be with me," I murmured into his ear.
Doc mumbled something quietly under his breath, removed his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He redirected his eyes to mine. "Ennis," he said, trying to keep his cool. "I feel I owe you another shot. I would like to offer you the opportunity to start fresh at my new facility in Boston."
"Can't I stay here? What about Jack?" I asked, peeling myself away from Jack's body.
Doctor Lambertus returned to his chair. "If by some miracle, this fiasco remains between just the three of us, I will allow Jack to stay here, under one condition." Jack discretely reached for my hand in front of the desk. I felt a single tear stream down my cheek as our fingers interlaced, waiting to hear the verdict.
"Jack, you will have to complete several weeks of intensive therapy, and then be re-evaluated to be sure you are still fit to work here. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," Jack whispered.
"What about me? Can I stay here?" I pleaded.
Doctor Lambertus sighed and looked in my direction. "No, Ennis. I'm afraid that's not possible. You can either take the opportunity to go to my other facility, or you may return home, the choice is yours. I'm sorry." Doctor Lambertus rose from his seat and abruptly exited the room.
Jack raised his head and we both stared at one another. Jack sniffled and ran his fingers through my hair. "Ennis," he said softly. "You be strong for me. I need you to do that. I want you to go to Boston, please."
"But, Jack...it's so far away, it's so far from here. I can't..."
Jack lifted my chin and kissed my lips. "You can. You will."
"No, Jack. Maybe I'll...maybe I'll just go home. At least I'll be closer to you."
Jack shook his head. "Ennis, you heard what he said, if I want to keep this job, I have to go to therapy. I don't know if he wants to send me away to some nuthouse, or where the hell he wants me to go, but the fact of the matter is, I'm at his mercy. I need this job, Ennis. Christ, I just got arrested-again."
I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his chest. "Jack...but maybe, maybe he won't send you away. If I go home, you can make time to see me outside of this place."
Jack held me tightly, swaying me in his arms. "Doc's going to be watching my every move, Ennis. I can't risk seeing you. You need to go to Boston. It's the only way we can prove to Doc, to ourselves, that this thing we got goin on is...real." Jack lifted my chin again and gazed into my eyes. "We can do this, Ennis...we have no choice."
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 14
"Well, if it ain't Jack Twist."
Jack quickly got to his feet. It was apparent this person was someone from Jack's past, a past he'd spent the last several years trying to put behind him. "I don't want any trouble, Rich," Jack said sternly.
The man took a step closer to Jack, and I saw Jack's right hand form a tight fist behind his back. I tried to remain as calm as possible, but from the look in Jack's eyes, I could tell shit was about to go down. My body tensed as I mentally prepared myself for anything that may, or may not, happen. I subtly slid to the end of the booth.
"Not causin any trouble, Jack. Just wanted to come over and say 'hi' to an old friend," the man said through a sarcastic grin.
"You forget my name, you hear me?" Jack warned in a harsh whisper, trying not to draw any unwanted attention in our direction.
"Forget? Oh come on, now, Jack, how could I forget you?"
Jack glanced around the diner and then back at the man. "I'm not asking you to forget, I'm telling you."
"Oh relax, Twist," the man said calmly, his eyes meeting mine. "Who's your little friend?" he asked with an antagonizing smile. "He's a little young fer ya, don't you think, Jack?" The man's hand extended to touch my shoulder. The seconds that followed were a complete blur.
Ever see something happen so fast, it almost looks like it's in slow motion? Well, that's what this was like.
Jack shouted, "Get your hands off him!" The next thing I remember was Jack taking a swing, and the man stumbling backwards onto the table next to us. I saw his hand clench into a fist, but before he could get to his feet, I flew out of the booth and clocked the fucker square in the face. Jack pulled me back, shouting a slew of obscenities, then grabbed the collar of my shirt and shoved me behind him.
"You always did like them young firecracker types, Jack," the man said, wiping the blood from his nose.
The owner of the diner started shouting at us to get hell out of his place. The restaurant-goers began crowding around the commotion with their mouths hanging open.
"Fuck you, Rich. Come on, baby." Jack took my hand, and led me through the sea of onlookers, out the front door.
"Get in the car!" Jack shouted as soon as we hit the pavement.
I suddenly heard the owner of the restaurant holler, "There, that's them!"
Jack and I turned our heads simultaneously and saw two police officers jogging in our direction. Only our luck would have it that two officers were in the diner having lunch.
"Fuck!" Jack hissed.
"Let's go, Jack!" I exclaimed, opening the passenger side door.
"No...no, Ennis. It's too late, we're not running from the fucking cops."
"You, get over here!" one of the officers ordered, looking at Jack.
Jack lowered his head and surrendered. A throng of people gathered outside.
"It was him, he started it! I saw him take the first swing," one of the witnesses announced.
The officers approached Jack and I. My heart was racing a million miles a minute. Jack's "friend" followed, holding a napkin to his bloody nose.
"Are these the men that assaulted you, sir?" the officer asked.
"Yes, that's them, alright, came out of nowhere. I was just saying a friendly 'hello' and the next thing I knew, they was both comin right at me."
"You son of a bitch!" Jack shouted, lunging forward.
"Jack!" I flung my left arm around his midsection, holding him back.
"Alright you two, turn around and put your hands behind your backs. You're under arrest."
**************
I had never been in jail before, ever. I had a few run-in's with the cops, but had never actually been in jail. Jack, on the other hand, was a veteran.
It all felt like a dream until they made me roll my thumb into the black ink and then onto my official record. It all then became very real.
I tried my best to put on a tough front. I had seen enough TV shows to know what happens to a man when he appears weak in a place like this. But the truth was, I was so scared, I thought I might shit myself. I wanted Jack to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright, but hell, I knew if I as much as glanced at him in that way, I was dead meat. As petrified as I was, I wasn't completely undone. Just having Jack by my side was enough reassurance to keep me hanging on.
The only blessing was, the joint was so packed, they stuffed Jack and I together in the same cell until we could make our one phone call, and hopefully, get bailed the hell out of there.
The place was disgusting. There was one dirty toilet with no seat between two beds that looked more like two slabs of cement with a sheet on top. Jack sat on one of the beds and buried his face in his hands. I approached him and crouched between his knees, parting them slightly. "Jack," I whimpered.
Jack quickly removed his hands from his face and snapped his knees shut. "Ennis, not here, you can't be near me like this in here, go sit," he warned quietly, nodding to the direction of the other bed.
"Okay." I slowly got to my feet and slumped onto my bed, never once taking my eyes off Jack. Some man started shouting, "Fuck you, pigs!," out of nowhere. It startled me, but Jack didn't move, didn't even flinch.
"Jack...," I whispered. "We're gonna get out of here, it's okay." I was trying to be strong, trying to be the man that Jack needed me to be.
"That's not the fuckin point," he whispered back. "I've done nothing but ruin your life, Ennis. Nothing. I was supposed to be your counselor, instead I distracted you and broke every fucking rule there is. I promised to protect you, instead....I got you arrested. I'm no good, Ennis." Jack looked into my now teary eyes. "You don't deserve this...you don't need someone like me in your life..."
I wanted to wrap my arms around him, then I wanted to slap him upside the head. I knew he didn't mean that...he couldn't mean that, I wouldn't let him. "Jack...don't talk like that. You're the best thing, the only thing, in my life worth livin for. I fuckin love you." I looked around just be sure I hadn't been heard.
"Christ, Ennis. How the fuck...how can you love someone like me, huh? How?" Before I could reply, he added, "Don't answer that, not here, not now."
"I just do. I don't need a goddamn reason," I answered, ignoring his request for silence.
"Jack Twist? You want to make that phone call?" an officer suddenly asked, his arms folded across his chest from the outside of our cell.
"Yes, sir." Jack slowly rose to his feet, his head down.
"Jack?" I said, my voice shaking. "Who...who are you gonna call?"
"I have no choice," he replied, not even bothering to look up at me. "If he asks us anything, Ennis, you tell the truth, no lies."
I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. It was one thing to tell Dr. Lambertus that we went to see Jack's dying mother, but how the hell would we explain getting arrested?
***********
Dr. Lambertus arrived several hours later and bailed us out. He made me drive back in his car. Beads of sweat formed along my hairline. I remained silent and refused to talk unless spoken to.
"Ennis, what happened?" Dr. Lambertus asked calmly.
I didn't know if he meant the jail thing, or how I had come to his facility and fallen madly in love with one of his counselors.
"Ennis, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. You are not the one to blame here. I just want you to tell me honestly what's going on between you and Jack."
"Please don't fire Jack," I spit out. I felt the "word vomit" creep up my throat. "He didn't do anything wrong. It was me, it was all me. I was the one who pursued him, I was the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. Believe me, Doc, he followed the rules the best he could, he really did, honestly. I practically threw myself at him. He turned me down several times, I swear...but..."
"But what, Ennis?" he said, trying to keep the intensity out of his tone.
"Doc," I said, touching his shoulder until his eyes met mine. "We...fell for each other." I didn't wait for his response. "Please don't fire him, please don't be angry...we...we were both just two lonely people that happened to find each other at your facility. Please, please don't take Jack away from me...I need him."
You know that painful throb you get right in the middle of your gut when you've puked so much you can't even see straight? That's exactly how I felt right then and there. I knew I had probably revealed too much, but it was truly what I felt inside, and Jack told me not to lie.
"Ennis," he said, returning his eyes to the road. "I must apologize for all that has happened to you. My facility is designed to provide a safe haven for people. A place to get well with no distractions. You were robbed of that."
I looked at Jack in the rear view mirror. I could only imagine what was going through his head.
I took a deep breath to try and keep my emotions in check. I had to prove to Doc that I had changed, that I was in a better place. Yes, maybe this was one screwed up way of getting me there, of getting me to grow up and learn how to be a man, but I had, it worked, I had changed. I felt stronger and more confident than I ever had in my life...as strange as that may sound.
"Doc, listen, I know what we did was wrong-"
"No, Ennis," he interrupted harshly. "What Jack did was wrong."
"I know, but," I paused, trying to soften my voice. "I know what you're saying, and I completely understand how incredibly pissed off you are right now, but we just went to see his dying mother. He needed me, Doc. The shit that happened in the diner...Jack was just trying to protect me from some scumbag that he knew from a long time ago." I studied his face, trying to get a read on him, but all I saw was anger written all over the place.
"Ennis," he said, turning his head to look at me. "We need not talk about this anymore. We'll discuss things when we get back."
**************
We arrived at the Amethyst house about a half hour later. Doctor Lambertus told me to go straight to my room and that he would come get me in a little while to talk.
I looked at my Jack as he walked inside, his head was hanging low and his cheeks were tear-stained. He glanced up, our eyes met for a fleeting moment. I literally felt my heart crack in half.
**************
I collapsed in my bed and began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. I felt like I was going insane, waiting to hear what the hell Doc was going to do with the both of us. I even started to pray to God and begged him to get us through this-together. Jack wasn't a bad person, and it killed me that he thought otherwise. He was my rock. He was my world. I didn't want to exist without him. Was being that dependent on someone totally irrational and unhealthy? According to the "experts" it was. But who the hell is to say what's a "normal" way of loving someone? Who made these fucking rules? Aren't rules made to be broken anyway?
"Ennis?" Doctor Lambertus said, startling me.
I whipped my head up off my pillow, my eyes were almost completely swollen shut. "Yes." It came out weak and barely audible.
"Come downstairs."
*************
I walked into his office, and there was Jack sitting in one of the chairs in front of Dr. Lambertus's desk. He didn't even look up at me. That's when I knew-this was bad...very bad.
"Sit down, Ennis," Dr. Lambertus said, settling in his chair. He closed his eyes, sighed, and folded his hands on top of the desk. I took a seat beside Jack and brushed my knee to his, needing some sort of contact with him.
Doc drew in a short breath. "Guys," he started, shaking his head side to side. "I...I just don't know what to say. I really don't."
The room grew uncomfortably silent.
"I have put all my blood, sweat, and tears into this facility. I worked myself to the bone, trying to establish a reputable sober living home. What you two have done..." He paused and glared at Jack and then at me. "Do you have any idea what your actions could cost me? Do you?" He returned his gaze back to Jack, who was still looking at his lap. "My top counselor, was not only engaging in inappropriate relations with one of my patients, but managed to get him arrested while under my goddamn care! If this gets out to anyone, I am ruined. It's all gone, all my work, all my efforts, right down the drain."
"I'm so sorry, Doc...," Jack cried, lifting his head. "I'm so sorry."
"You bet your ass you are."
"Please, Doc...don't fire him...please," I pleaded, and took Jack's hand in mine.
"Ennis! Stop it!" Jack shouted, trying to shake my hand from of his. I wouldn't let go.
"No, Jack, no," I slammed our clasped hands onto the desk in front of Doctor Lambertus. Jack lowered his head again, he was completely unhinged. "I know what we did was wrong," I said, squeezing Jack's hand. Doctor Lambertus stared at our display of affection atop his desk. "We fucked up-royally. But, Doc, Jack has helped me, he...he's made me a better person, a stronger person. I would probably be dead right now if it weren't for you, this facility, and mostly...Jack." Jack tried to pull his hand away, but again, I wouldn't let go. "Jack, I love you," I whispered in his direction.
"Ennis," Jack choked out.
"Am I supposed to be happy for the two of you?" Dr. Lambertus asked, throwing his hands up in the air. "Am I just supposed to say, well, they're in love, so it's okay? Huh? Is that what you expect me say?"
Jack successfully yanked his hand away from mine. "No, Doc."
Doctor Lambertus flew out of his chair. "Jesus, Jack! You're like a goddamn son to me! What am I supposed to do?! You have managed to put me in the worst situation possible! Do you think I want to fire you?! Do you think I want to be having this conversation?! I'm...I'm shocked, Jack. I'm so shocked...you really, really let me down."
I could see the knife twist a little more in Jack's heart.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never...I never meant for any of this to happen! I'm so sorry I let you down...I'm so fucking sorry...." Jack clutched his stomach and bent toward his knees.
Naturally, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed the side of his face. "Jack, no matter what...no matter what, you're always going to be with me," I murmured into his ear.
Doc mumbled something quietly under his breath, removed his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He redirected his eyes to mine. "Ennis," he said, trying to keep his cool. "I feel I owe you another shot. I would like to offer you the opportunity to start fresh at my new facility in Boston."
"Can't I stay here? What about Jack?" I asked, peeling myself away from Jack's body.
Doctor Lambertus returned to his chair. "If by some miracle, this fiasco remains between just the three of us, I will allow Jack to stay here, under one condition." Jack discretely reached for my hand in front of the desk. I felt a single tear stream down my cheek as our fingers interlaced, waiting to hear the verdict.
"Jack, you will have to complete several weeks of intensive therapy, and then be re-evaluated to be sure you are still fit to work here. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," Jack whispered.
"What about me? Can I stay here?" I pleaded.
Doctor Lambertus sighed and looked in my direction. "No, Ennis. I'm afraid that's not possible. You can either take the opportunity to go to my other facility, or you may return home, the choice is yours. I'm sorry." Doctor Lambertus rose from his seat and abruptly exited the room.
Jack raised his head and we both stared at one another. Jack sniffled and ran his fingers through my hair. "Ennis," he said softly. "You be strong for me. I need you to do that. I want you to go to Boston, please."
"But, Jack...it's so far away, it's so far from here. I can't..."
Jack lifted my chin and kissed my lips. "You can. You will."
"No, Jack. Maybe I'll...maybe I'll just go home. At least I'll be closer to you."
Jack shook his head. "Ennis, you heard what he said, if I want to keep this job, I have to go to therapy. I don't know if he wants to send me away to some nuthouse, or where the hell he wants me to go, but the fact of the matter is, I'm at his mercy. I need this job, Ennis. Christ, I just got arrested-again."
I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in his chest. "Jack...but maybe, maybe he won't send you away. If I go home, you can make time to see me outside of this place."
Jack held me tightly, swaying me in his arms. "Doc's going to be watching my every move, Ennis. I can't risk seeing you. You need to go to Boston. It's the only way we can prove to Doc, to ourselves, that this thing we got goin on is...real." Jack lifted my chin again and gazed into my eyes. "We can do this, Ennis...we have no choice."