Twisted Hearts
Title: Twisted Hearts
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 13
The sound of cold rain colliding against the window stirred me from my sleep several hours later. For a moment, I forgot where I was, and felt a chill shiver throughout my entire body. I quickly realized the protective warmth of Jack was missing beside me.
The headboard hit the wall as I sat up and looked around the room. "Jack?" My voice cracked, trying to keep the panic out of my tone. I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed the car keys still on the nightstand.
Jack walked out of the bathroom moments later. He was fully dressed in jeans and a tattered blue sweatshirt, his cellphone clutched tightly in his hand. Our eyes locked, but instead of looking at me, he was looking right through me-it was a look I knew all too well. My heart leaped into my throat.
Jack began pacing around the room, cheeks flushed, hands shaking. I crawled to the end of the bed, and as he walked by me, I grabbed one of the loops on the waist of his jeans, stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at me with struggling, frightened eyes.
"Give me the phone, Jack..."
He tried to pull away, but I wasn't having it. I got out bed and met his gaze. "Give me the phone, Jack. You've been sober for ten fucking years." Jack shook his head sharply. "Give me the Goddamn phone." I reached for his hand. Just when I thought I would have to wrestle it away from him, he dropped it to his side, head bent down towards the floor like he was too tired to use his neck.
I took a step forward and leaned a trusting hand on his shoulder."Jack...I can make you feel just as good...I can take you there," I whispered hot against his ear. Jack sucked his breath in hard and his body surged up against mine, liquid eyes opened wide.
"Take me, Jack..." I moved in closer and pressed my hardening dick onto his thigh.
Wide mouthed and wet, we went at it, kissing like that was all there was and all we ever needed. Hand’s pulled hair, fingers into scalps to tear and hold. Pulling back, coming together. Jack stripped the shirt from his back one-handed and lost his jeans. I pulled my underwear down, my penis bounced straight out, wet and ready. "Jack..." It came out animalistic and breathless.
Backed with urgency, Jack tackled me onto the bed. Instinctually, I turned onto my stomach and raised my hips.
"Fuck..."
"What? What's wrong?" I asked, looking over my shoulder.
"Lube...I don't have any..."
"Spit, Jack, Christ just do it."
"Ennis...no..."
"Come on, Jack...please..." I knew it was going to hurt like hell, but I didn't give a damn. Jack needed this, I needed this.
"Aw, hell...," Jack groaned. He spit in his hand, coated his length and pushed in. I gasped and winced into my pillow.
Pain soon subsided into pleasure as Jack drove into me, steadily, yet gently. He reached for my penis and brought me off with just two strokes. I felt his liquid rush fill my insides just seconds later.
Jack collapsed on top of me, breathing hard and heavy. I loved the feel of the weight of his body on top of mine. We stayed like that for several minutes before Jack rolled off of me, settling beside me, arms wrapped around each other, nose to nose on one pillow.
I brushed a dark sweep of hair off his forehead and said, "Jack...tell me what happened."
Jack swallowed his emotions and pulled the blankets over our shoulders. "She barely recognized me." He moved closer, needing my warmth to continue. "My dad asked me to leave. No surprise there."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing, nothing at all. I didn't even look at him. I just pretended he wasn't even in the room."
"I'm sorry, Jack." I nudged my nose to his cheek, encouraging him to continue.
"I...I just told her that I loved her."
I could see the tears about to spill over in his eyes.
"But instead of saying it back, she...she asked me if I was still sick."
He wiped the wetness from cheeks. "I had a feeling my dad was going to shut me off when I came out, but I always thought my mom would be on my side. Maybe not at first, but I always thought she'd come around. I honestly didn't think she bought into all that Catholic, religious bullshit, but I was obviously wrong. Even on her death bed, right to the bitter end, she stood true to that nonsense."
I leaned forward and kissed his lips, just to let him know I loved him, that he was safe.
"You’re not sick, Jack. We're not sick, we can't help who we are."
Jack nodded slightly. "What did your parents say when you came out?"
I honestly couldn't help but laugh a little. "Jack, please, my parents don't even know I'm alive, remember? I never said anything, because it didn't matter to them, nothing about me matters." I didn't want this to be another "Ennis pity-party" so I turned the conversation back to where it was needed most. "What did you say when she asked you if you were still sick?"
Jack cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling our lower halves closer together. "I honestly debated over lying to her. A part of me didn't want my mother to die knowing that her son was truly gay. I wanted to give her peace. She always blamed herself for my "illness"."
"You didn't lie though, did you?"
"No. As I stood there above her, the last ten years of my life flashed before my eyes. All the horror that my mother, my parents, put me through all came flooding back to me. When I looked into her eyes, I didn't see the mom I knew when I was little, instead I saw a hypocrite that destroyed me." He paused and started making small circles on the bed with his index finger. "What kind of "good", Catholic mother does that to their own son? Shit, if my kid was born gay, straight, blue or green, whatever, I'd love them just the same."
"She was scared, Jack."
"Scared?"
"Yeah. Think about it. Religion can be a great thing in someone's life, if they understand what it's truly all about. But I do believe when people fear death so much, they tend to lose sight of everything...even the things that matter most."
Jack scratched his chin and a tiny smile raised the corners of his mouth. He reached for my face and rubbed my cheek. "You never cease to amaze me, you know that?"
I could feel myself blush a little.
"I mean that, Ennis. Underneath all the baggage you carry around with you, you really do understand the way the world works, don't you?"
"Sometimes," I grinned. "I never had anyone to talk to, never had anyone who listened."
Jack took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "You have me now. You know that."
"Yeah. I know. Thank God, or whatever that dude calls himself up above. Maybe he does know what he's doin, huh? I mean, he brought us together, right?"
Jack chuckled. "Who the hell knows. If that's the case, he sure had a shitty way of goin about it."
It was so nice to actually be able to laugh with someone about how fucked up our lives were, not that it was literally funny, but the way mine and Jack's lives had turned out, thus far, was so horrible, it had to be a joke."
"So, how did you leave it with your mom?"
Jack blinked away a few lingering tears. "I just...I said I was sorry and that was it...I left."
"Jack..."
'It's okay. I'm glad I went. It didn't turn out how I would have wanted it to, but it is what it is."
I looked up into Jack's eyes. "Jack...what the hell were you thinking about...making that phone call? Were you seriously considering using?"
"Yeah...I mean, no...I don't know, Ennis. If you hadn't been here...I don't know what would have happened. Like they say, once an addict, always an addict, I guess."
"I can understand that. I thought about using a few times since I've been at the facility, when I thought maybe you wanted nothing to do with me. I know how lonely it can get, Jack."
Jack held out his pinkie finger. "Let's pinkie swear-never again, okay? We don't need that shit in our lives. It's caused enough problems as it is."
I nodded and hooked my finger onto his. "We have each other, it's better than any drug, Jack."
"Yeah, yeah it is."
**************
We had the hotel room until ten o'clock the next morning, but Jack was anxious to get back, as was I. Jack said that Dr. Lambertus was at the other facility until Monday, so he wasn't too overly concerned about having had taken me with him, but I could tell he was still nervous. I just followed his lead and tried to play it cool. I would think that Dr. Lambertus would understand, to some extent, Jack needing a friend to be with him in his hour of need, but the fact of the matter was, we broke "the rules". Jack told me time and time again that it was a big no-no to cross that patient-counselor line, friends or otherwise, didn't matter. I just kept my fingers crossed that we would manage to get back without anyone realizing that we were together.
**********
I slept most the ride back. Jack nudged me from my sleep when we arrived a little diner.
"Where are we?"
"Ruby's dinner. I used to come here a lot. We're still about forty five minutes from home, but I needed a break," Jack replied, getting out of the car. "You must be hungry," he added.
"I'm starved."
"Two please," Jack said to the old, gray haired waitress.
"Right this way."
We slid into the booth and started thumbing through the menu.
"Can I get you boys somethin to drink?" the waitress asked. I couldn't help but notice the lack of teeth in her head. Jack grinned and kicked me under the table to stop me from staring.
"Ah, yeah, I'll have a Coke please, lots of ice," I replied.
"Me, too," Jack added.
"Alright. Be right back."
Jack chuckled and kicked me under the table again. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?"
"What?" I said through a smile. "Come on, Jack. She's only got about two teeth, and I think they're green."
"Stop it," Jack laughed. "We're back in Vermont, what the hell do you expect?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "So you used to come here a lot?" I asked.
Jack nodded and pulled out a small pill bottle from his pocket. "Here, take your meds," he said, sliding my 300 milligram tablet of Welbutrin in my direction.
"Aw, Jack, how romantic. We're even on the same dosage."
Jack laughed, spitting his soda out across the table. "It sure is, ain't it?"
Jack suddenly looked over my shoulder, and I saw the blue in his eyes turn to a slate gray, a swift color change that I also knew all too well about my Jack.
A lanky, thin man approached the table. He had to be in his late forties. His hair was long and stringy, pulled back in a lose ponytail and from the smell of him, I could tell the clothes on his back had been there for at least a week.
"Well, if it isn't Jack Twist."
Rating: R
Genre: au!au
Disclaimer: Ennis and Jack belong to Annie Proulx. No disrespect intended.
Summary: Under cut
*This is a story told from Ennis's POV. He's an eighteen year old drug addict that winds up in a sober living facility. Jack is the residential counselor/adviser. As Jack helps Ennis with his sobriety, Ennis replaces his old addiction for a new one-Jack. Jack, a recovering addict himself, finds himself spiraling back into addiction, except this time his drug of choice is Ennis. Their love for one another becomes possessive, twisted, but pure and forgiving. Can they find a normal balance? What is "normal" anyway...
Links to previous chapters can be found here: lavender-snow.livejournal.com/
Chapter 13
The sound of cold rain colliding against the window stirred me from my sleep several hours later. For a moment, I forgot where I was, and felt a chill shiver throughout my entire body. I quickly realized the protective warmth of Jack was missing beside me.
The headboard hit the wall as I sat up and looked around the room. "Jack?" My voice cracked, trying to keep the panic out of my tone. I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed the car keys still on the nightstand.
Jack walked out of the bathroom moments later. He was fully dressed in jeans and a tattered blue sweatshirt, his cellphone clutched tightly in his hand. Our eyes locked, but instead of looking at me, he was looking right through me-it was a look I knew all too well. My heart leaped into my throat.
Jack began pacing around the room, cheeks flushed, hands shaking. I crawled to the end of the bed, and as he walked by me, I grabbed one of the loops on the waist of his jeans, stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at me with struggling, frightened eyes.
"Give me the phone, Jack..."
He tried to pull away, but I wasn't having it. I got out bed and met his gaze. "Give me the phone, Jack. You've been sober for ten fucking years." Jack shook his head sharply. "Give me the Goddamn phone." I reached for his hand. Just when I thought I would have to wrestle it away from him, he dropped it to his side, head bent down towards the floor like he was too tired to use his neck.
I took a step forward and leaned a trusting hand on his shoulder."Jack...I can make you feel just as good...I can take you there," I whispered hot against his ear. Jack sucked his breath in hard and his body surged up against mine, liquid eyes opened wide.
"Take me, Jack..." I moved in closer and pressed my hardening dick onto his thigh.
Wide mouthed and wet, we went at it, kissing like that was all there was and all we ever needed. Hand’s pulled hair, fingers into scalps to tear and hold. Pulling back, coming together. Jack stripped the shirt from his back one-handed and lost his jeans. I pulled my underwear down, my penis bounced straight out, wet and ready. "Jack..." It came out animalistic and breathless.
Backed with urgency, Jack tackled me onto the bed. Instinctually, I turned onto my stomach and raised my hips.
"Fuck..."
"What? What's wrong?" I asked, looking over my shoulder.
"Lube...I don't have any..."
"Spit, Jack, Christ just do it."
"Ennis...no..."
"Come on, Jack...please..." I knew it was going to hurt like hell, but I didn't give a damn. Jack needed this, I needed this.
"Aw, hell...," Jack groaned. He spit in his hand, coated his length and pushed in. I gasped and winced into my pillow.
Pain soon subsided into pleasure as Jack drove into me, steadily, yet gently. He reached for my penis and brought me off with just two strokes. I felt his liquid rush fill my insides just seconds later.
Jack collapsed on top of me, breathing hard and heavy. I loved the feel of the weight of his body on top of mine. We stayed like that for several minutes before Jack rolled off of me, settling beside me, arms wrapped around each other, nose to nose on one pillow.
I brushed a dark sweep of hair off his forehead and said, "Jack...tell me what happened."
Jack swallowed his emotions and pulled the blankets over our shoulders. "She barely recognized me." He moved closer, needing my warmth to continue. "My dad asked me to leave. No surprise there."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing, nothing at all. I didn't even look at him. I just pretended he wasn't even in the room."
"I'm sorry, Jack." I nudged my nose to his cheek, encouraging him to continue.
"I...I just told her that I loved her."
I could see the tears about to spill over in his eyes.
"But instead of saying it back, she...she asked me if I was still sick."
He wiped the wetness from cheeks. "I had a feeling my dad was going to shut me off when I came out, but I always thought my mom would be on my side. Maybe not at first, but I always thought she'd come around. I honestly didn't think she bought into all that Catholic, religious bullshit, but I was obviously wrong. Even on her death bed, right to the bitter end, she stood true to that nonsense."
I leaned forward and kissed his lips, just to let him know I loved him, that he was safe.
"You’re not sick, Jack. We're not sick, we can't help who we are."
Jack nodded slightly. "What did your parents say when you came out?"
I honestly couldn't help but laugh a little. "Jack, please, my parents don't even know I'm alive, remember? I never said anything, because it didn't matter to them, nothing about me matters." I didn't want this to be another "Ennis pity-party" so I turned the conversation back to where it was needed most. "What did you say when she asked you if you were still sick?"
Jack cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling our lower halves closer together. "I honestly debated over lying to her. A part of me didn't want my mother to die knowing that her son was truly gay. I wanted to give her peace. She always blamed herself for my "illness"."
"You didn't lie though, did you?"
"No. As I stood there above her, the last ten years of my life flashed before my eyes. All the horror that my mother, my parents, put me through all came flooding back to me. When I looked into her eyes, I didn't see the mom I knew when I was little, instead I saw a hypocrite that destroyed me." He paused and started making small circles on the bed with his index finger. "What kind of "good", Catholic mother does that to their own son? Shit, if my kid was born gay, straight, blue or green, whatever, I'd love them just the same."
"She was scared, Jack."
"Scared?"
"Yeah. Think about it. Religion can be a great thing in someone's life, if they understand what it's truly all about. But I do believe when people fear death so much, they tend to lose sight of everything...even the things that matter most."
Jack scratched his chin and a tiny smile raised the corners of his mouth. He reached for my face and rubbed my cheek. "You never cease to amaze me, you know that?"
I could feel myself blush a little.
"I mean that, Ennis. Underneath all the baggage you carry around with you, you really do understand the way the world works, don't you?"
"Sometimes," I grinned. "I never had anyone to talk to, never had anyone who listened."
Jack took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "You have me now. You know that."
"Yeah. I know. Thank God, or whatever that dude calls himself up above. Maybe he does know what he's doin, huh? I mean, he brought us together, right?"
Jack chuckled. "Who the hell knows. If that's the case, he sure had a shitty way of goin about it."
It was so nice to actually be able to laugh with someone about how fucked up our lives were, not that it was literally funny, but the way mine and Jack's lives had turned out, thus far, was so horrible, it had to be a joke."
"So, how did you leave it with your mom?"
Jack blinked away a few lingering tears. "I just...I said I was sorry and that was it...I left."
"Jack..."
'It's okay. I'm glad I went. It didn't turn out how I would have wanted it to, but it is what it is."
I looked up into Jack's eyes. "Jack...what the hell were you thinking about...making that phone call? Were you seriously considering using?"
"Yeah...I mean, no...I don't know, Ennis. If you hadn't been here...I don't know what would have happened. Like they say, once an addict, always an addict, I guess."
"I can understand that. I thought about using a few times since I've been at the facility, when I thought maybe you wanted nothing to do with me. I know how lonely it can get, Jack."
Jack held out his pinkie finger. "Let's pinkie swear-never again, okay? We don't need that shit in our lives. It's caused enough problems as it is."
I nodded and hooked my finger onto his. "We have each other, it's better than any drug, Jack."
"Yeah, yeah it is."
**************
We had the hotel room until ten o'clock the next morning, but Jack was anxious to get back, as was I. Jack said that Dr. Lambertus was at the other facility until Monday, so he wasn't too overly concerned about having had taken me with him, but I could tell he was still nervous. I just followed his lead and tried to play it cool. I would think that Dr. Lambertus would understand, to some extent, Jack needing a friend to be with him in his hour of need, but the fact of the matter was, we broke "the rules". Jack told me time and time again that it was a big no-no to cross that patient-counselor line, friends or otherwise, didn't matter. I just kept my fingers crossed that we would manage to get back without anyone realizing that we were together.
**********
I slept most the ride back. Jack nudged me from my sleep when we arrived a little diner.
"Where are we?"
"Ruby's dinner. I used to come here a lot. We're still about forty five minutes from home, but I needed a break," Jack replied, getting out of the car. "You must be hungry," he added.
"I'm starved."
"Two please," Jack said to the old, gray haired waitress.
"Right this way."
We slid into the booth and started thumbing through the menu.
"Can I get you boys somethin to drink?" the waitress asked. I couldn't help but notice the lack of teeth in her head. Jack grinned and kicked me under the table to stop me from staring.
"Ah, yeah, I'll have a Coke please, lots of ice," I replied.
"Me, too," Jack added.
"Alright. Be right back."
Jack chuckled and kicked me under the table again. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?"
"What?" I said through a smile. "Come on, Jack. She's only got about two teeth, and I think they're green."
"Stop it," Jack laughed. "We're back in Vermont, what the hell do you expect?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "So you used to come here a lot?" I asked.
Jack nodded and pulled out a small pill bottle from his pocket. "Here, take your meds," he said, sliding my 300 milligram tablet of Welbutrin in my direction.
"Aw, Jack, how romantic. We're even on the same dosage."
Jack laughed, spitting his soda out across the table. "It sure is, ain't it?"
Jack suddenly looked over my shoulder, and I saw the blue in his eyes turn to a slate gray, a swift color change that I also knew all too well about my Jack.
A lanky, thin man approached the table. He had to be in his late forties. His hair was long and stringy, pulled back in a lose ponytail and from the smell of him, I could tell the clothes on his back had been there for at least a week.
"Well, if it isn't Jack Twist."