Too In Love to Let it Go, Chapter 9
Title: Too in Love to Let it Go
Author: gingerandfair/lavender_love00
Genre: AU/Married!Klaine/future-fic
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 4300/200,000
Spoilers: none
Chapter summary: In which Kurt and Blaine meet their baby for the first time, Abby's heart breaks and Burt, Carole and Finn come to New York for a visit.
Prologue (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 1 (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 2 (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 3 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 4 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 5 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 6 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 7 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 8 on (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C)
Read Chapter 9 on AO3/Tumblr/S&C
Chapter 9
Monday, June 19th, 2023
Blaine took a deep breath as he and Kurt stood outside room LDR 12. He was juggling a coffee carrier and a box of petit fours, and Kurt had their camera case slung over one shoulder.
"Well … here we go."
"Here we go," Kurt repeated nervously, knocking on the door with his free hand.
"Come in!" they heard someone call, and he eased open the door.
"Hey, Abby! We come bearing coffee and pastries," Kurt sang, and her eyes lit up.
"Oh my god, you guys are my heroes!Mom and Micah went to lunch, and they've been gone a while - let me at the caffeine," she said, making grabby-hands in Blaine's direction. He laughed and set his load on the one table in the room.
"We got iced, since it's so hot outside already," he explained. "There are options - there's an iced mocha, an iced French vanilla latte, and iced caramel latte, and an iced café Americano. Take your pick."
"Mocha," she said quickly. "Mocha-mocha-mocha and is there chocolate in that other box?"
"I thought the cravings were supposed to end once the baby was born," he teased good-naturedly, opening the petit fours.
"Speaking of the baby …" Kurt said, craning his neck to look in the crib on the other side of the bed.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed after taking a gulp of her drink. "I almost forgot - how could I forget?" She set her coffee down and leaned over to the crib. "Come here, sweetheart," she cooed, cradling the baby in her arms. "Come see your dads."
Blaine and Kurt inched forward, hands clasped together.
"Please tell me that you guys are naming her today, because it's killing me not knowing what to call her …" Abby trailed off, a hint of desperation in her voice.
"Well, we'd like to," Kurt said, then gasped as he caught a glimpse of the baby. " Oh my god," he whispered reverently, "Can I -"
She nodded. "Here," she said, holding the baby out to him. Blaine could see tears in her eyes, but it didn't really register as he watched Kurt with their baby girl.
He gawked at them, awestruck at the first sight of Kurt as not just a husband but a dad, his fingers tingling to reach out and take, but no, this was Kurt's moment and he could have his own in due time. Kurt walked over to the vinyl couch, perching on the edge of the seat, and unwrapped the pink blanket. The baby immediately drew her knees up and brought her hands to her mouth, sucking on her finger and scrunching her nose up. Kurt fingered the fuzzy pink socks on her feet and pulled the just-too-big hat off her head revealing wispy, soft dark brown hair.
Kurt looked up at Abby. "I think she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said, a tear dripping down one cheek.
Abby seemed unable to hold her own tears back. She nodded, a hand covering her mouth, and blinked rapidly. "I know," she said, her voice thick. "She's perfect."
Blaine's feet carried him forward of their own volition. "Kurt -"
"Here," he said, "Here, honey, here, take her. You have to see …"
Blaine did see. He stared, fascinated with her long eyelashes and soft skin and rosebud lips. And then she opened her eyes, and big gray-blue orbs stared back at them, blinking in the light.
"Kurt." Blaine looked up. "Abby."
"I know," she said, not even trying to hide her tears anymore. "I know."
* * *
Abby could feel herself going crazy.
Her baby was crying and someone else was holding her. (Her parents were holding her.)
Her arms, her fingers, her chest ached with the sound of it - she wanted to reach out and comfort; that's what moms do. (Her parents were already comforting her.)
Her baby. (Their baby.)
You can still change your mind, a small voice whispered in the back of her head, immediately countered by a more insistent No. You can't. You promised. You'd break their hearts.
Abby felt like she might throw up.
"Abby? Are you okay?"
She opened her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm sorry, it's just - it's hard, you know?" she said, her voice cracking. "But I'm fine."
She could tell by Blaine's expression that he didn't quite believe her, and added "acting lessons" to the long to-do list she'd started in hopes of making herself too busy to feel the loss of her (their) child.
* * *
"Okay. Names. God, I can't stop staring at her," Blaine said after a while, a stupid grin plastered his face. He'd been a dad for all of twenty minutes - technically he wasn't even a dad yet - and already it was the happiest he'd ever been, ever. Already he could barely remember life before this precious tiny thing. Oh, how he loved her. He loved her. She'd not even been alive for a day yet and she'd rocked his entire world; how was it even possible?
"Names," Kurt agreed, his head resting on Blaine's shoulder. "Would you like a say in this?" he asked Abby, who was looking restless in bed, wringing her hands together. "You can have one, you know."
She looked taken aback. "N-no," she stammered, surprised. "No, she's yours. I mean - she's - she'll be yours."
"She's also yours," Blaine reminded her gently. "Always. We'll never take that away from you - you'll always be her mom."
Abby nodded, blinking back the tears that never seemed to stop flowing. "Thank you," she said softly. "But, no - I - you can pick. But - maybe I can have veto power? If I hate it?" Her eyes widened at her own words. "No- not that I would hate it; I'm sure it'll be perfect -"
"Abby?" Blaine said, passing the baby to Kurt. He walked over to her hospital bed, feeling very much like he was approaching a wounded animal. "It's okay for this to be hard. And -" he paused, searching for the right words. "It's okay if you're mad at us, or whatever else you might be feeling - it's all okay."
"No, I could never - of course I'm not mad at you!" The words tumbled out of her mouth easily, but Blaine could see her hands clenched in the sheets.
"Okay - but if you are, we understand. Do you - would you like us to call Karen? Do you need to talk to her about anything, or one of the counselors from the agency?"
"No!" Abby exclaimed, too loud, too forceful. "No - I'm fine. Just - will you guys please just give her a name?"
Blaine sighed and rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "Of course we will."
He turned, giving Kurt a worried look on his short trek back to the couch.
Kurt unwrapped her from the blanket again, this time holding her out in his lap so they could see her better.
"She's so pretty," he murmured as Blaine leaned into his side.
"Kind of like a flower?" Blaine hinted.
Kurt beamed at him. "Thank you," he said just as the door swung open and Micah and Holly walked in.
"Oh, hey guys! I didn't know you were here!" Micah said, dropping a kiss on Abby's cheek before flopping beside them on the couch. "She's kind of awesome, isn't she?"
"Abby, or the baby?" Kurt asked.
"Both," Micah said decidedly.
"Mmm, good answer, honey," Holly said from the other side of the room. "What's this?" she asked, gesturing to the box on the table.
"Oh, we brought coffee and petit fours - you're welcome to them, although the coffee might be a bit watered-down by now," Kurt answered.
"Thank you - we didn't mean to be gone so long, but I got distracted and wanted to pick up a few more things for her to wear while she's here in the hospital - I hope that's not overstepping," Abby's mom said.
"Of course not," Blaine said.
"Well, either way, I couldn't help myself - look," she said, digging through one of her bags and holding up a lightweight cotton sleeper, white with tiny red rosebuds printed on it, and red booties to match.
Blaine and Kurt cooed at it, and Abby grinned. "Thanks, Mom," she said, reaching to give her a hug. "Kurt and Blaine were just about to name her."
"Oh …" Holly breathed, her hand moving over her mouth. "I'm so glad we could make it back in time." She perched on Abby's bed with her, wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulders and taking a bite of one of the petit fours.
A nervous tingle ran down Blaine's back and arms - they hadn't talked about doing this with an audience. But when he gazed at Kurt, at the baby, he felt grounded, and tried to remind himself that all the people in the room, Abby, Micah, and Holly included, were part of a new kind of family. There was no reason to be nervous.
"Okay, so - you said you liked Rose and Lily and Violet, yeah?" Blaine asked.
"She doesn't look like a Lily to me for some reason," Kurt said. "But - Violet. That - I like that, I think."
"Violet," Blaine repeated, rolling the name around in his mouth. He tipped his head to one side. "Violet?"
The baby opened her eyes and looked at him.
Well, Blaine was sure she didn't actually look at him, because he'd read in the What to Expect book that newborn babies can't really see more than about eight inches in front of their face, but she turned her head. And that was enough.
"Violet," Kurt whispered.
The corners of Blaine's mouth turned up as he reached his hand out for her, placing his finger in the palm of her hand, and she gripped it tightly. "Vi."
Kurt looked up, and Blaine could tell he was staving off tears. "Abby? What do you think?"
"It's perfect," she said, clinging to her mom, clutching a tissue in her hand. "Are you - is she gonna have a middle name?"
"Yeah," Kurt said, turning back to Blaine. "One of yours."
"Olivia," Blaine said. "It's the only one that fits. Violet Olivia - how does that sound?" he asked the baby.
"Oh, that's beautiful," Holly said, pressing a kiss to Abby's head.
"Micah?" Blaine said.
The boy was staring, awestruck at the baby in Kurt's arms. "Yeah," he said, his voice thick. "Yeah. Vi- … yeah, that's good with me, man."
"Well, then, I guess that's settled," Kurt said, carefully wrapping the blanket back around her.
An awkward silence followed, and Blaine broke it by standing. "Well - I guess we'll leave you guys with her for now. Just - um - the paperwork? I guess - Karen will call us when you're ready to sign everything?"
Abby nodded. "I was planning on doing it tomorrow morning, before we get discharged," she said softly.
"Whenever you're ready," Kurt said firmly. "Thank you for letting us see her today."
"She's yours," Abby said with a shrug.
"Abby -" Blaine said, stopping himself from sounding exasperated. He took a deep breath and tried to make his voice gentler. "She isn't ours until you say she is."
Abby's eyes met his, tears threatening to spill over again. "She's been yours since the day we met you."
* * *
Tuesday, June 20th, 2023
The next afternoon, it was done. Abby signed a stack of papers that she could barely see for her tears, Micah right behind her, and Violet Olivia became the child of Kurt and Blaine.
Abby cried as she dressed the baby. She cried as she placed her in the infant carrier that Kurt and Blaine had brought, cried as she carefully strapped her in. She cried in the wheelchair as they all rode down the elevator, and Kurt and Blaine cried with her as she stood and placed the carrier in Blaine's waiting arms.
"We'll send pictures," Kurt promised, rifling through the diaper bag on his shoulder to produce a travel-sized pack of Kleenexes. "We'll email you and let you know that she's okay - I promise, we will love her and take care of her and -"
"Stop," Abby said almost viciously, grabbing the tissue from his hand. "You're just making it worse."
"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered. "Do - do you not want the emails?"
"Of course I want the damn emails," she said, angrily wiping her eyes. "But you don't have to keep badgering me, I know -"
"That's enough, Abby," Holly spoke up from behind her, soft but firm. "Let's go home."
"Okay. Home. Okay," she repeated. Her eyes darted up to Kurt and Blaine's worried faces. "I'm sorry," she said helplessly, "This is harder than I thought it'd be. I - I'm not sure what home is without her. You'll send the pictures, right?"
"Of course we will," Blaine said gently.
"Okay," she said, glued to the spot. Micah stepped in front of her, held her cheeks in his hands.
"Abby, you trust me, yeah?" he said. She nodded pitifully. "Then trust me when I say that this is going to be okay. I know this is like super intense right now and you have crazy hormones swimming around from just having her. But we've been talking about this for months now, and we like them and they'll take good care of her. We just - we have to get through this first part."
"I know," she whispered.
"But the only way we're gonna be able to do that is if we go home. We can't stand here forever, and neither can Kurt and Blaine."
"Okay," she whispered again. She walked past Micah, straight to her baby, bent, and gave her a kiss. "I love you," she said, soft but fierce. "I love you, I love you, I love you, and I wish I could take you home, but I can't -" Her voice caught, and she stopped and tried again. "I can't. But Kurt and Blaine can. And they love you too." She stopped again, her mouth unable to form the words she wanted to say. "Bye, Violet," she eventually managed, bursting into tears as she walked back to Micah.
Her mom hailed a cab and as it drove away, she couldn't help feeling that she'd never get her heart back again.
* * *
"Kurt?" Blaine asked once they were home, safe and sound, Violet still sleeping in her carrier on the kitchen table.
"Hmm?"
"What the hell do we do now?"
"I have no idea."
* * *
Thursday, June 22nd, 2023
"Ooomph," Kurt grunted, nearly knocked to the ground with the force of the impact of his overly excited, overly tall brother running to hug him at baggage claim.
"It's so good to see you, little bro - it's been forever!" Finn exclaimed, squeezing all the air out of Kurt's lungs. "I can't believe you're a dad."
"I won't be one for much longer if you keep stealing my oxygen," Kurt gasped, smacking him repeatedly on the back.
"Oh. Sorry - I was just happy to see you."
"It's okay," Kurt said, smiling. "It's good to see you, too."
"You look good, kid - have you guys been getting any sleep?" Burt appeared at Finn's side, accompanied by Carole, and wrapped Kurt up in a fond hug.
"Thanks, Dad," Kurt said, pressing his face into his father's shoulder for a moment. "We've been doing alright - we're taking shifts. It's only been two days, but so far we've both managed to get at least like five hours at a time."
"Oh, that's not bad at all," Carole said. "I was up every two hours with Finn when he first came home."
"Yeah, she's been a really good baby," Kurt grinned.
"What's the puppy think of her?" Finn asked.
"I think he'll be fine," Kurt said. "He's a little jealous - he whines a little more than normal, but he seems to like her. He brought her a toy the other day while she was sitting in her carrier - it was adorable."
Carole cooed at the thought, pressing her hand to her chest.
"You guys wanna get this show on the road?" Burt asked. "I've got a grandbaby that I'm kinda itching to see."
"Yeah, we should probably go - I'm afraid Blaine might be freaking out right now. This is the first time either of us has kept her by ourselves, and we still haven't quite figured out what to do with her yet."
"Just love her, honey," Carole said, patting him affectionately on the arm. "The rest will take care of itself."
* * *
"Kurt." Burt gripped his son's arm as they walked inside, hard enough for a little zing of fear to course through Kurt's veins.
"Dad?"
"Kurt," Burt repeated, choking back a sob.
Blaine sat on the couch grinning proudly, holding their daughter as he softly hummed the melody of Lavender Blue. "Hey, guys," he said, interrupting himself. "Somebody wants to meet you."
Kurt smiled and went to him, bending to drop a kiss on his cheek and another on the top of Violet's head. "May I?" he asked.
Blaine acquiesced, and Kurt took the little bundle of baby and blankets to his family. "This," he said, unable to keep from beaming, "is Violet."
Burt took her first, his hands shaking. "It's been a while since I've done this," he said in a thick voice, but soon cradled her close. His eyes shone with tears as he murmured something to her that no one could hear, and then handed her to Carole and wrapped Kurt in a tight bear hug.
"I have never been so happy for you or so proud of you," he said. "I never thought -"
"It's okay, Dad, you can say it," Kurt said gently once he'd been released from Burt's death-grip. "You never thought I'd have this. You never thought you'd get to see my wedding; you never thought you'd have a grandchild. It's okay. I didn't either. But that was before him."
Both their gazes turned toward Blaine, still sitting on the couch, uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny while Carole and Finn cooed over the baby in the background.
"C'mere, kid," Burt said, his voice still thick, and gave his son-in-law an equally tight hug when he stood up. "Blaine, if I could ever make you understand all you've done -"
"All I've ever done," Blaine interrupted, "was love your son the best way I know how. He saved me too, you know. So did you."
Burt's hand came up to grip the back of Blaine's neck, and he squeezed tight and pressed their foreheads together. "I'm sorry I had to. I'm sorry your parents aren't here for this."
"I'm glad you are."
Burt gave him one last squeeze and cleared his throat gruffly. "Now, what do you boys need? Finn, you wanna help me blow up the air mattress?"
* * *
"I still think you and Carole would be more comfortable in our bed," Kurt grumbled later that night in the crowded living room. They were all piled wherever they could find a seat, talking and snacking on the hummus and crudités that Blaine had whipped together while Kurt was meeting his family at the airport.
"That's been settled, Kurt," Burt said, not even looking at him. "Now hush, I'm playing with my grandbaby."
"She doesn't … do much yet, does she?" Finn observed from the floor, cocking his head to one side while he watched his niece squirm in Burt's lap.
"Such astute observations, Finn. Genius, really," Kurt said drily. Finn threw a throw pillow at him.
"She does plenty," Blaine said, teasing Romeo with a carrot, showing Carole how they'd taught him to beg.
Finn shot him a dubious look.
"She does!" Blaine insisted. "She's already got these adorable little habits - like, she always sits with her feet crossed, like she's trying to be all prim and proper. She's doing it now, see?"
Finn glanced over to Burt's lap again and, sure enough, Violet's dainty socked feet were primly crossed over each other. "Huh," he said.
"That's not all, though," Kurt chimed in. "She has this look - I don't know whether it's gas, or whether she's stretching or what, but she'll kind of roll her eyes up and raise her eyebrows just a little -"
"- And it ends up looking like a perfect impression of the Kurt Hummel Bitch-face," Blaine finished for him with a grin. "It's the best thing; I laughed so hard when she did it the first time."
"And she always keeps her hands tucked right over her cheeks, just like she did in her ultrasounds," Kurt added.
"And sometimes she sneezes," Blaine said dreamily, gazing over at his daughter, "and I swear it's the cutest sound I've ever heard."
Carole laughed. "I think you boys are smitten. First girl either of you have ever fallen for, and you sure have fallen hard."
"Well it would be hard not to," Kurt clucked, hopping out of the chair and stealing the baby from Burt's lap, "when she's just so damn adorable!" He held his daughter at eye level, bouncing her gently, and grinned at her.
"You'd better watch yourself, baby," Blaine warned from the couch. "She spit up in my mouth when I was doing that yesterday morning …"
"Yes, I'm aware - and I think all our neighbors probably are as well," Kurt said. "Another milestone, marked off the list - Violet's first introduction to four-letter words."
Burt and Carole laughed heartily at Blaine's flushed cheeks.
"Don't worry, Blaine - at least she's not old enough to remember it yet," Burt said good-naturedly. "When Kurt was four -"
"Dad, no, God, no, we've managed to make it thirteen years without Blaine knowing this story -"
"Oh my god, a new little-Kurt story? You have to tell me. Burt. You have to tell!" Blaine exclaimed, his eyes shining bright as he dropped the carrot on the floor for Romeo, their game quickly forgotten at the prospect of learning new things about Kurt.
"Dad -" Kurt warned.
"Sorry, Kurt, it's about time this story got told. It's too good to hold in any longer," Burt said with a grin as Blaine and Finn practically bounced in their seats. Kurt groaned and closed his eyes as he held Violet close.
"Don't listen to a word he says, sweetie," he whispered. "Lies, all of them."
"Okay, so when Kurt was four, he got this awful stomach bug. He was pitiful, puking everywhere for like two solid days - thank god Elizabeth was around then, because there's no way I could've handled it by myself …" Burt shuddered at the memory. "Anyway, I was holding him on the couch one night because he was just whimpering -"
"Thanks, Dad, make me sound like even more of a weakling."
"You were sick, Kurt - stop ruining my story. Anyway - we were watching The Sound of Music for like the fifth time that day, and all of a sudden he looks at me with these big eyes, and I knew he was going to puke. But instead of running to the bathroom like we'd been telling him to do, he reaches up and pulls my favorite hat off my head."
Blaine's hands were clamped over his mouth, shoulders shaking, as he tried to hold back his laughter.
"So I'm sure I let out a fricking stream of curse words - I don't even remember exactly what I said now - but he leans over and throws up right in my hat. And then of course he looks back up at me and just bursts into tears."
Blaine was laughing out loud by then, and Finn looked like he'd won the lottery because Kurt had done something absolutely disgusting, but Burt shook his head. "No, just wait, it gets better. Fast forward two weeks - I walk by Kurt's room where he's having a tea party with a couple Transformers, some G. I. Joes, and a Barbie doll, and the only thing I hear him say in this really high pitched voice - that was always his Barbie voice - is, "Fucking hell, Optimus Prime, that's a lovely apron you're wearing today!" Burt's voice rose two octaves in pitch as he tried to imitate it, and as soon as the phrase left his lips, he lost it, laughing loudly. Kurt buried his head in the side of the chair.
"I cannot believe this is happening," he said, his voice muffled by the linen slipcover.
Finn and Blaine were laughing so hard that they were clinging to each other.
"I'm sorry, baby," Blaine choked out, clutching his stomach, "I'm so sorry, you were only four, but it's just so funny …"
"It was his new favorite thing to say," Burt said, still chuckling. "He'd say it everywhere - at the grocery store, when he was playing at the neighbor's house - the guys at the shop loved it. 'Fucking hell, I want to play with Anna,' he'd say. 'Fucking hell, I want a lollipop, Daddy.' 'Fucking hell, there's lots of cars at your work today!' It was bad - it took weeks to get him to stop, because we couldn't ever stop laughing when he said it."
"Man, I can't believe you said that stuff," Finn coughed out around his laughter, still hanging onto Blaine's shoulder. "I wish I could've been there to hear it …"
"Fucking hell, Optimus Prime," Blaine parroted in a squeaky voice, "that's a lovely apron you're wearing today!"
"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" Kurt asked, finally starting to laugh himself.
Blaine shook his head back and forth. "Never. Never, never - Burt, this is the best ammo you've ever given me."
"Use it wisely, son, use it wisely," he said with a smile. "Now can I have my grandbaby back, or what?"
Chapter 10