Too in Love to Let it Go, Chapter 10
Title: Too in Love to Let it Go
Author: gingerandfair/lavender_love00
Genre: AU/Married!Klaine/future-fic
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 4600/200,000
Spoilers: none
Chapter summary: In which Abby gets mastitis, Rachel throws a baby shower, Burt falls head-over-heels in love and you might wanna have your tissues handy...
Prologue (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 1 (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 2 (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 3 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 4 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 5 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 6 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 7 ( LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) - Chapter 8 on (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C) Chapter 9 (LJ/AO3/Tumblr/S&C)
Read Chapter 10 on AO3/Tumblr/S&C
Chapter 10
Friday, June 23rd, 2023
Abby was curled in a ball on the cold tiles of her bathroom, sobbing as her mother wiped her forehead with a cool, damp cloth.
"Shhh, honey, you're okay," she soothed.
"I am not!" Abby exclaimed shrilly. "What about this even remotely looks okay?"
"Sweetheart, you just need to give the antibiotics another day or two to work -"
"Shut up! You have no idea - this wouldn't even be happening in the first place if she was with me! Oh, god -" Abby wrenched herself upright, heaving into the toilet. Her whole body ached with fever, and the nausea, god, if the nausea would just go away …
"Abby, that's not necessarily true - I got mastitis when you were born, too, and I was nursing you," Holly said, smoothing Abby's hair back from her face. "I'm sorry you feel so terrible, but I promise, it'll go away."
Abby fell back as that wave of nausea passed, resting her head against the bathtub. It felt good against her skin, cold, like a balm. "This might - the puking and the sore boobs and the feeling like shit - I feel like shit, Mom - but the hole in my heart isn't ever going to leave." Her voice shrunk. "I miss her. I want her back."
Her mother froze above her in mid-movement, her hand still on Abby's head, then sat back on her heels. "Abby - what exactly are you saying?" she asked slowly. "You want her back in an abstract way, you wish she could be here, or you actually want to reinstate your parental rights?"
"I don't know. I don't know, Mom, all I know is that I'm miserable. She was with me for almost 40 weeks and now she's not and I want her back." Her heart felt dark, black, like she was drowning in the middle of the ocean at night with no light to find her.
"Abby …"
"What if I made a mistake, Mom? What if it was a terrible mistake?" she asked, sitting up, her eyes growing wider by the second. "Oh my god - I should've kept her. I shouldn't have given her away - how could I give my own baby away?"
"Honey, calm down -"
It was sheer panic, buzzing through her limbs and eating away at her insides and oh god what had she done?"I can't. Oh god, I can't - I need her back. Now. Mom, we have to call Karen, it's not too late. I have thirty days to change my mind, the lawyer said so. I want - you'll help me right?”
"Abby …"
"Please," she begged, the tears coming now, the tears never wanted to stop anymore, would she ever stop crying? "Please, please, please. I don’t - Mom, she was inside me. I grew her. I grew a baby and now she’s gone and I don’t know what to do and god, I just miss her so much - how am I supposed to do this? I just want her back, Mama …"
"Abby."
She was stunned into silence as her mom's hands closed in a firm grasp on her cheeks.
"Listen to me, sweetie," Holly said, forcing her to look her in the eye. "This decision is yours. It's always been yours. But you decided to let Kurt and Blaine raise her. That's what you've thought was best up until now."
"Well what if I'm un-deciding?" Abby said heatedly. "What if I don't want Kurt and Blaine to raise her? They - they just wanted me for my uterus, because neither one of them have one. They used me - they never cared about me in the first place!"
Holly shook her head. "Abby, they've sent you a dozen pictures already. They've done everything they said they'd do."
"Well - but -" Abby sputtered. "I could send them updates. And pictures. How's that any different than what they're doing for me?"
"Because," her mom said gently, and god did it make her mad, "they have no choice in the matter. And unless you say she is, Violet isn't their child. They have no right to her, no claim on her. All they have is you."
"Well all I have is her!"
"That isn't true and you know it," her mother said sternly. "Listen sweetie, I'm not telling you that you can't do this. I've told you that I'd support any decision you've made throughout this entire process, and I mean that. You're first and always my daughter, no matter what you decide, and I love you. But I don't know how rationally you're thinking right now. You're sick and you have a fever. Why don't we wait for you to start feeling better, and maybe talk to one of the counselors at the agency before you make a decision?"
"But I -"
"I know what you want, Abby, but this decision doesn't just affect you. You might think about talking with Micah, at least, before you decide anything."
Abby's gaze fell to the floor as she thought about Micah, how excited he was for college, how eager he was to go to Columbia in the fall. How a baby could never fit into his plans.
"I don't care what he thinks," she said, barely above a whisper.
"What?" Holly asked.
"I don't care what he thinks," Abby said louder. "If he wants to help, that's great. But I don't need him. I don't need anybody except her."
"Abby -" her mom said, sounding suddenly exhausted.
"I'll think about it," Abby told her, feeling suddenly better, feeling defiant. "But I don't think I'm going to change my mind."
* * *
Sunday, June 25th, 2023
"Rachel Berry, I swear, you are made of magic," Kurt said, beaming when she met them at the entrance to the tea room. "You are the only person I know who could book Lady Mendl's in June for an afternoon baby shower with only five days' notice."
"Well, a little name-dropping never hurts - between me, you, and Blaine, somebody's bound to recognize one of us, at least," she said, laughing as she threw her arms around his neck. "And it probably doesn't hurt that the owner saw me in Funny Girl two weeks ago and loved it."
"So who's coming? You never gave us a guest list or anything," Blaine said as he shifted the baby carrier to his other arm, Finn, Burt, and Carole all coming up behind him.
"You'll just have to wait and see, now won't you?" she said with a grin. "Come on, everyone's inside."
They stepped out of the sun into the elegant tea room, Finn and Burt both looking around warily, worried that one misstep would send every teapot in the place crashing to the ground.
Their heads both jerked forward, though, when Kurt let out a high-pitched squeal. "'Cedes!" he exclaimed, dropping Blaine's hand and running forward to where she was seated. "Oh my god - how did you -"
"Made of magic, remember?" Rachel said, a sly smile on her face.
Blaine was on the other side of the room, Violet still in tow, a grin splitting his face in half as he launched himself into suited arms.
"Wes Montgomery, never in a million years did I expect to see you here -"
"And why not? Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?" Wes said, smiling down at the sleeping baby in the carrier. "Oh, and I picked up a couple stragglers on my way here, too - I hope you don't mind," he said, gesturing behind him to where Nick and Jeff sat, grinning, at a table.
"Congratulations from the Chicago contingent!" Nick said happily, waving at him.
The room was abuzz with chatter and laughter, happy reunions and new introductions popping up everywhere as Kurt and Blaine's past and present collided for one momentous occasion.
Kurt felt like it was his wedding day all over again.
The room only quieted when Rachel, armed with a glass of champagne and five feet, two inches of stage presence stood at the front of the room and cleared her throat.
"Thank you all for coming to Blaine and Kurt's little soiree on such short notice!" she said, her fingers coyly playing with her glass. "Some of you traveled hundreds of miles to be here and some of you just had to take the subway, but no matter where you came from, or what part of Blaine's or Kurt's lives you were a part of, we're all here for the same reason - to celebrate. A toast," she said, lifting her glass into the air. "To Blaine and Kurt: Congratulations! I think you've finally won. We've been through an awful lot together over the years, good and bad, but I think this even outshines my numerous and impressive accomplishments."
Everyone laughed.
"Take good care of her and love her like I know you will, and if you ever need a break or a date night, just bring her over to Auntie Rachel's for ballet lessons or voice lessons or any other preparation I deem necessary for when she becomes my protégé."
"I know you have the best of intentions, but maybe wait till she can walk?" Kurt called, grinning from his table.
"Well, if you insist," Rachel said, her eyes shining. She paused to take a deep breath. "All joking aside - I'm so happy for both of you. I know how long you've waited for this, and I wish you all the best."
She turned her gaze to the still-sleeping baby now resting in Kurt's arms.
"And to Violet: you have been blessed with the two best dads anybody could ever ask for - they're my very best friends, and I was raised by two dads of my own, so I'm your best source on the matter. They've only known you a few days, and they love you so much - their world already revolves around you. Remember that when you're sixteen and angry because Kurt won't let you out of the house in ripped jeans - or a sweater with a poodle on it, whichever - and Blaine won't let you go to that party you've been dying to go to. Remember that when you're yelling at them because you don't want to clean your room, or they're yelling at you because you stayed out past curfew. Remember that the first time either of them embarrasses you in front of your friends. Because you, more than anyone else in this world, have the power to shatter their hearts. Please don't."
Blaine's hand slipped into Kurt's at her words, and Kurt squeezed back tightly.
"All they'll ever want is for you to love them back. Well - that's not entirely true; Kurt will want you to go shopping with him, compare fashion notes when you get older, and Blaine will want you to go on magical imaginary adventures with him, and they'll both want you to sing - but no matter what you do, they'll be so proud of you." She sighed, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with her handkerchief. "I love you so much already, sweetheart. I can't wait to watch you grow up."
Rachel looked up at her captivated audience. "Cheers!" she grinned, raising her champagne flute high, then tipping it into her parted lips with a flourish.
"Cheers!" the entire room rang out.
* * *
It was dusk before they arrived back home, arms full of baby carrier and gifts, joined by an entourage made up of Burt, Carole, Finn, Rachel, Mercedes, Wes, and Annie, Blaine's good friend from college.
Kurt eyed Blaine, slightly panicked, as they all streamed inside.
"Surely they don't all think they're staying," he murmured, soft in Blaine's ear as he bent over Violet's carrier.
"God, I hope not," Blaine whispered back. "I don't even think we have enough room for them to stand …"
"Alright," Rachel said, clapping twice and sounding very much like a kindergarten teacher. "Kurt, Blaine, you take Violet and go sit down on the couch. And stay there." They looked up, blinking at her. "Well? Go."
Blaine, never one to defy an on-task Rachel Berry, went and sat, and Kurt smirked at her a little before following his husband.
"Now. Burt, Finn? You guys take the swing, the pack-and-play and the play mat and put them together. Mercedes? Take all the clothes and hang them in Violet's closet -"
Kurt frantically interrupted. "They go in size order from smallest to largest, left to right, organized by type, color, and -"
"Kurt, I know. I've seen your closet before," Mercedes laughed. "I won't destroy your system, I promise."
"Wes, you and Annie organize the things they'll need now by type and room, and Carole and I will put the things they won't need for several months in storage - you guys are number eight in the basement storage spaces, right Kurt?"
"Your memory is better than I thought. Rachel?" he asked. "Thank you."
"Anything for my favorite boys," she smiled, walking to the couch to drop a kiss on the top of both their heads. "Just take care of that baby, and we'll handle the rest."
Kurt curled his feet up on the couch beside him as he leaned into Blaine, gazing at their baby.
"She's pretty spectacular, isn't she?" Blaine murmured, pressing his cheek to Kurt's head.
"She is. And we're pretty lucky - I can't believe all this," Kurt said, gesturing to the room in general, where a flurry of activity was happening around them.
"I know - I can't wait to try out that ring sling that Carole got us. And I bet Vi will love her swing," he cooed, his pitch lilting as he talked to her.
"And her baby food maker, when she's old enough to eat solids," Kurt grinned. "I've already been perusing homemade baby food blogs."
Blaine slipped his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Can you believe we've had her home for five days already?"
"I really can't," Kurt sighed. "I don't want to go back to work, Blaine."
Blaine laughed. "We've still got seven weeks before that has to happen. Don't start fretting yet."
"But I'm just going to get so spoiled being home with you and her. I wish I could just design from home."
Blaine was quiet for a moment. "Maybe someday you can. But I think that's a conversation for another day, Kurt."
"I didn't mean -" Kurt rushed to answer.
"I know what you didn't mean, but I also know what you want, and it's just a matter of being patient enough to get there," Blaine said. "You're good enough. You just need experience."
Kurt felt his skin go pink all the way to his collarbones and marveled that this was what his life had become - married to his best friend, a baby in their arms, talk of a future design firm all his own. Far, far, far in the future, he reminded himself.
He smiled at Blaine. "I think I'm actually okay with what I've got right now."
Blaine smiled back. "Good. So am I."
It was another hour before everyone but Burt, Carole, and Finn had cleared out, and they stood in the living room awkwardly.
"So I think we'll see about that hotel," Burt said. "You guys seem tired - we'll get out of your hair. You think we can find a place somewhere nearby this late?"
"Of course you can. I'll make a couple phone calls. Do you want one or two rooms?" Blaine asked, handing Violet to Kurt and heading to their bedroom to retrieve his phone.
"One is fine, sweetie, thank you," Carole told him.
"I know I've said this about a hundred times already, but I'm real proud of you and Blaine, Kurt," Burt said, crouching to lightly stroke Violet's cheek with his finger.
"Thanks, Dad."
"You're gonna be an amazing father."
"If I am, it's only because I learned from the best," Kurt said, smiling softly.
"I love you, kiddo."
"I love you too, Dad."
Burt squeezed his shoulder. "You know this'll be hard for Blaine," he continued, soft but serious. "Maybe not now, but one day it's going to hit him, all the things that his dad should have done but didn't. Be patient with him when it happens, okay?"
"Yeah, Dad, I will."
* * *
"Shh, Vi, I know, shh, it's been a big day, hasn't it?" Blaine cooed to their baby as he stood beside Kurt in the nursery. Violet was screaming, naked, laid out on a soft, fluffy towel on her changing table as they bathed her.
"I can't wait till her cord falls off," Kurt said, washing carefully between each of her toes as she thrashed under his firm but gentle grip. "I think I hate these sponge baths as much as she does."
"Yeah," Blaine said, handing Kurt a dry towel and pulling his phone from his pocket to snap a quick picture, "but she loves having her hair washed, don't you, baby girl?"
"It's just 'cause your scalp massages are practically sacred," Kurt told him, wrapping his child in the towel and passing her to Blaine with a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Anyone would love getting their hair washed if you were doing it."
"Well, lucky for you two, I save that only for the most extra-special of people. Come on, Vi, let's go show Papa how it's done."
* * *
"Why do I get the feeling that this is a bad habit to get into?" Kurt asked, snuggled against Blaine and the baby in their bed, a stack of storybooks nestled in the covers.
"I have no idea, Kurt, because you know that infants who are read to consistently tend to have a love of reading as they get older," Blaine said. "I want her to love books, so I'm exposing her to books."
"Yeah, but five a night? Every night? When she's not even a week old, yet?"
"Are you saying that you don't like spending time with Violet and me, Kurt? That you don't like hearing me read out loud?" Blaine teased, bumping Kurt's shoulder with his own.
Kurt pretended to consider this. "Yep, that must be it," he finally decided with a grin. "Your voice is just too croaky for me, and that baby? I mean, why would I want to even hang out with her - they're all just smelly and messy and loud, right?"
Violet chose that moment to open her eyes and spit up on her sleeper.
"Oh no, you've already got Papa's perfect comedic timing," Blaine groaned, reaching for the stack of burp cloths they'd taken to keeping on the nightstand.
"We really are spoiling her," Kurt murmured once she was cleaned up, re-dressed, and back in her Daddy's arms for storytime.
"Don't care," Blaine sighed happily, leaning back against their headboard with a well-worn copy of The Giving Tree, Violet lying on his chest. He looked over at Kurt as he opened to the first page. "She's stolen my heart already. If I do nothing else for the rest of my life besides make the two of you happy - no more books, no more tours, no more publicity - I think I'd still die the happiest, most fulfilled man ever to live."
Tears burned the back of Kurt's eyes. "How do you do that?" he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Ninety-five percent of the time you are the biggest goofball, but then you come out with these lines, and -" he cut himself off, placing his hand over his heart. "Right here. You get me right here, every time."
"Just wait till she starts doing it," Blaine said softly, gazing down at the sleeping lump of blankets on his chest. "I mean, just think, Kurt - the first time she says 'I love you?' I'll just melt. You'll have to mop me off the floor."
Kurt laughed. "Auntie Rachel will have to come over and mop both of us up, more likely." He scooted down in the bed, tipping his head to the side to rest it on Blaine's shoulder, right next to Violet. "I'm so glad we did this, Blaine. Crying fits and explosive diapers and spit-up aside - I feel like there's this hole in us that's been filled up. I just - family is so -"
"I know, Kurt," Blaine said, holding the baby closer and pressing a kiss to the top of his husband's head. "I know. It means a lot to me too - like I'm getting a second chance at family. I wasn't fortunate enough to grow up in a loving one, so I get to make one instead."
Kurt looked up into Blaine's eyes and laughed and their mirrored, misty-eyed expressions. "Okay," he said, "enough emoting - we have books to read, and it's getting late."
"Right you are," Blaine said with a watery smile, and turned back to the first page of the book. "Once, there was a tree," he read, "and she loved a little boy …"
* * *
Tuesday, June 27th, 2023
Blaine loved when life was boring.
He and Violet were sitting in the bedroom, Blaine on the bed and Violet in her swing watching the mobile, while Blaine folded laundry. He was singing softly to himself, smiling at the sight of Violet's onesies in the same basket as his polo shirts and jeans.
"It would probably be wrong to ravish you in front of our daughter, right?"
Blaine's head jerked up, and he dropped the sleeper he was holding in surprise.
"Kurt!"
"I just find domesticity so sexy these days - no idea why," he said, sauntering over to Blaine and kissing him deeply.
"Mmmm," Blaine hummed into his mouth. "Wait till she goes to sleep - it shouldn't be long."
"Right," Kurt said, pulling back. "I got stuff to make Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie at the farmer's market - I thought I'd make a going-away dinner for Dad, Carole, and Finn tonight."
"Sounds fantastic," Blaine smiled. "I hate that they have to leave tomorrow."
"Me too," Kurt said sadly. "It's been nice having them close. So - what did you guys do while I was gone?"
"Oh, you missed so much excitement, baby," Blaine grinned. "We washed the dishes and did some laundry and sang some songs. I really, really love that sling Carole gave us. So does Vi, don't you, sweetie?"
They looked up to see Violet asleep in her swing.
Blaine dropped his voice to a whisper. "I'll put her in her crib."
"If you wake her up, and sex doesn't happen, there will be dire consequences," Kurt hissed back.
"Duly noted," Blaine said, easing their baby out of her swing and carefully carrying her to the nursery.
"Does it make me a total perv," he asked, shucking his shirt as he walked back in moments later, "to have a hard-on for you while putting our baby to bed?"
"Can't be helped," Kurt said, wiggling out of his tight pants, "no sex for seven days will kind of do that to a guy. God, I'm starving for you."
"I can see that," Blaine said, grinning wickedly. "I'm a little hungry myself. But we'll have to be quick …"
"Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem, honey. Now get over here."
* * *
"Abby, this is - unexpected," Karen said slowly.
Abby smoothed her skirt, attempting a deep breath even though the Spanx she was wearing under her clothes severely restricted any movement, breathing included.
"I know," she said, trying to sound mature, older than her seventeen years. This had to work. "I feel bad. But - I realized that by the end, I wasn't doing this for the good of Violet, I was doing it for the good of Kurt and Blaine, because I didn't want to hurt them. It's just - not a good enough reason anymore."
She felt a squeeze on her knee under the table, and she knew she could never adequately express her gratitude for her mother's presence.
"You do understand -" Karen started.
"I have brought," Abby interrupted firmly, desperate to power through it, "an Excel spreadsheet indicating exactly how I will manage my school schedule and childcare this fall. I have support from my family, and also Micah. He won't be able to help as much as he'd like, since his family is opposed to - well, me, at the moment - but we've worked it out fine."
Karen raised her eyebrows as she took the sheet from Abby's hand.
"I know that I am young," Abby continued, holding back a gasp as she shifted and her sore breast pressed too hard against her own arm, "and I know that I have some rather time-consuming plans, but - she's more important than anything. I'm smart and I'm resourceful and I won't be the first teenage mom to ever make this work."
Karen pressed her lips together in a thin line for a moment, then looked up at Mrs. Roberts. "How do you feel about this decision?"
"I - honestly, I tried to talk her out of it," Holly answered with a sigh. "I can't imagine - but Abby's my daughter. I've told her through the entire pregnancy that this is her baby and it's her decision and whatever one she makes, I'll support fully."
Karen nodded. "Alright - Abby, we'd like you to speak with one of our counselors first, but if you still feel the same - I'll call Mr. Powell back in to draw up the papers."
Abby suddenly felt her heart jump to her throat. "Do I - will I have to meet with Kurt and Blaine?"
"No, but it might be nice to provide them with some explanation -" Karen sighed before Abby interrupted her again.
"I don't owe them anything," she said fiercely.
"Abby, honey …" Holly warned, placing a hand on the back of her shoulder.
Abby took another deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm still a little hormonal," she said. "I know I'm hurting them, and I really am sorry for that, but I have to put Violet over anybody else, and I think she'd be better off with me."
"Why don't we see how you feel after you talk to a counselor - you've met with Lindsay before, haven't you?"
Abby allowed them to lead her into another office, her still-swollen feet aching in her heels, but she was determined. No one - no therapist, no lawyer, no one - could change her mind now.
Chapter 11