state of the Lauren
On a macroscopic level, I am happier than I've been in forever. I am done with grad school (or at least the thesis -- I'm still getting paid to finish papers through the end of August). I am moving to California. I am starting and/or resuming so many projects and activities that I am super excited about but had been putting off due to the thesis. I am seeing lots of people who make my life awesome and who I didn't get to see nearly enough for a long time. I'm reading books and getting my hair cut and dyed and taking walks in the sun, and just enjoying myself in all sorts of ways which I delayed during my thesis. And I'm daydreaming and making plans about all the things that I might do next -- whereas for a long time I'd been dreading figuring that out. My future is full of exciting possibilities, and I am filled with confidence that awesome things are to come, and that I can do all sorts of wonderful stuff (defending and turning in my thesis helped a lot with restoring lost self-confidence).
On a day-to-day level, though, I'm extremely stressed. Very differently so than during the thesis. But I need to be finishing some research and writing up academic papers, and that feels like it's barely happening at all. I also need to be sorting and packing/selling all the stuff in our house, and I actually have been making progress there -- but it's occupying all my time and energy and wearing me out. I should be looking for jobs, but I don't really have time. I am working on a possible Really Big Project which I'll post more about soon -- a *gulp* startup. That's super exciting but also stressful, especially in thinking about how it interacts with everything else. I am also doing social things at least once a day almost every single day, which is way more than I can usually handle. And a lot of that is seeing people for the Very Last Time before I move. I'm planning to be back a lot, but it's still sad and hard and weird.
Life is basically amazingly good, yet hard. This summer is full of so much change that I can't remember the last time there was so much chaos. Possibly when I was moving out here from California to start grad school. I must say that I am really pleased that my time here is going to be bookended by driving across the country between Boston and the Bay Area with close friends (I drove out with my previous roommate, A., and am driving back with contessagrrl). I'm very much looking forward to the trip back.
On a day-to-day level, though, I'm extremely stressed. Very differently so than during the thesis. But I need to be finishing some research and writing up academic papers, and that feels like it's barely happening at all. I also need to be sorting and packing/selling all the stuff in our house, and I actually have been making progress there -- but it's occupying all my time and energy and wearing me out. I should be looking for jobs, but I don't really have time. I am working on a possible Really Big Project which I'll post more about soon -- a *gulp* startup. That's super exciting but also stressful, especially in thinking about how it interacts with everything else. I am also doing social things at least once a day almost every single day, which is way more than I can usually handle. And a lot of that is seeing people for the Very Last Time before I move. I'm planning to be back a lot, but it's still sad and hard and weird.
Life is basically amazingly good, yet hard. This summer is full of so much change that I can't remember the last time there was so much chaos. Possibly when I was moving out here from California to start grad school. I must say that I am really pleased that my time here is going to be bookended by driving across the country between Boston and the Bay Area with close friends (I drove out with my previous roommate, A., and am driving back with contessagrrl). I'm very much looking forward to the trip back.